Break Your Heart (25 page)

             
“It’s ok, babe.” He paused, waiting for her to continue her words. “And?” He looked back to his home and then back to her. They continued their walk towards the school. Neither spoke as Gina took the time to figure out what else she wanted to say.

             
“And, Adam and I split up.” She looked over to find an expressionless Grant.

             
“I am sorry to hear that. What happened?”

             
“I couldn’t tell him I wanted to go through with the wedding I couldn’t tell him I loved him.” She paused, “I don’t know why. I have said it a million times before, but this time,” she trailed off, guilted by her own truth. “I guess this time I just couldn’t lie to myself.”

             
“So he split?”

             
“Yep, he split. I mean, I split. It doesn’t matter. It ended. It’s hard though, he is more crushed than mad at me.  It took him another few days from that conversation to realize I wasn’t going to change.  He told me I broke his heart.  It killed me to hear that.” She took in a deep breath, “It’s strange, that it’s really over.”

             
“Wow. I wasn’t expecting to hear that. You going to be okay?” He asked with an overwhelming energy of genuine concern.

             
“Yeah. The weird thing is I am going to be okay. I know this sounds harsh, but I felt a sigh of relief when we cancelled the wedding. It was like that piece of the puzzle that did not fit in my life got put back in the box giving me the opportunity to find the one that did.” They reached the school at the end of his street and continued onto the playground taking a seat on two swings side-by-side.

             
“That’s a good way to look at it.”

             
“I needed to get away, and my car just pointed itself this way. I am staying at a bed and breakfast north of here.  It’s beautiful here Grant. You’re crazy to move.”

             
“It is beautiful here. But I miss the city.” He paused, “how long have you been here?”

             
“Since yesterday around dinner time.  I spent the day reading, sitting on the beach. It was relaxing. I’m glad I came.”

             
“That’s good, sounds like you needed that,” he paused. “So what brought you
here?
”

             
“You.”

             
“I had a feeling you would say that,” he said, exhaling loudly.

             
“It felt all wrong being with Adam.  But when I was with you, that day at your parents, I felt whole again. It felt right, Grant.”

             
“Yeah, I know the feeling.” He was doing his best to hide the immense emotion that was tearing through his body.

             
“What’s wrong?” She shuffled her feet back and forth in the sand under her swing.

             
“Well, for starters, you’re single and I’m not.”

             
“Ah yes, the fiancée,” she said with a light laugh.

             
“Gina, I can’t just leave her. You know that.”

             
“I know. That’s not why I came here,” she sighed. Her thoughts were lost and chaotic. She had a million things she wanted to say and so many thoughts she wished she could sort out. Part of her wanted to believe she could be the adult she was and needed to portray today. She wanted to take the high road and cut the loss of him. She wanted to find the closure that she so desperately decided she needed to move on with her life.

             
“So, why did you come here?” Grant questioned again trying to feel her out. Gina was and always would be a bit of a loose cannon to him. And he loved that about her.  She would do and say and react on her emotion in a way that was so pure and real that it drove him crazy. Her passion was something he found the most attractive about her from the day they met, and he could tell sitting next to her today, that hadn’t changed a bit.

             
“I’m not sure.” She replied, looking back down at her feet, and then to him again. “Okay, maybe that is why I came here. But not like that.  I…”

             
“You never cease to amaze me Gina.”

             
“Is that a bad thing?” She questioned lightly. “I’m kidding. I just needed to, I don’t know. I need to move on, I think. I need to sort out all of the insanity of my life. I need…” She stopped talking, hoping that he understood her point; she knew she didn’t.

             
“It’s not such a bad thing.  There’s something sweet about you coming all the way out here.” He said, playfully nudging her with his elbow.

             
“Now let’s not get a big head,” she teased.  They began to laugh before settling into an awkward silence. “I’m sorry.”

             
“For what?”

             
“For coming here. I found your address and hopped in my car yesterday and just started driving. I don’t even know if I intended to come see you, I just wanted to get away.”

             
“You don’t ever need to be sorry with me, babe. You know that. I’m glad you came.”

             
“Yeah, I bet Sarah’s thrilled!” She laughed.  “What’d you tell her anyway?”

             
“About?”
“About us, that day at your parents.”

             
“I told her I saw you, I still love you and I know I always will.  I tried to tell her everything, but she didn’t want to hear it.  She asked me if I loved her and I told her I did.”

             
Gina shot him a puzzled look.

             
“I do love her Gina, she’s good to me.  She wants to forget it happened. She accepts that there will always be a place in my heart for you.  There’s something unconditional about that.”

             
“I guess,” she whispered. She shuffled her feet once again in the sand beneath her.  As the bottoms of her soles brushed the ground she pushed hard hurling herself into a fast swing. Gina began to pump her legs sending the swing back and forth and back and forth as she lost herself in the air around her. It made her feel like a kid again. While in that moment she felt free in her childish thoughts loosing the reality that would reach her when her feet hit the ground.

             
She brought her swing to a halt; feeling and looking slightly defeated. “You’re not in love with her Grant,” she pouted. She looked around the empty park, feeling silly for her quick outburst. She hadn’t realized the grasp that anger had taken on her. 

             
“I made a promise to her to make her my wife. I asked her father for her hand in marriage and looked him in the eye and told him I would take care of her. I can’t just walk out on her because you’re single now.”

             
“You can, Grant, but you won’t.” Gina stood up and began walking back in the direction of his house. “And you shouldn’t. God, what is wrong with me. I am crazy for driving all day to tell you this. I should have just picked up the phone.”

             
Grant jumped off his swing and began walking briskly trying to catch up with her. There was a need inside of him to take care of her, to make her feel better; to close this wound he felt like he was responsible for opening. His mind and heart felt split as he thought about Sarah sitting in their home in her own thoughts. Knowing the kind of pain he would cause her once she found out it was Gina who was at the door. 

             
Just as he was about to catch up to her, Gina broke her pace and turned to him. “I mean I came here asking you to leave her! What is wrong with me? I love you Grant.” Tears began spilling down her face. “And that means that I want you to be happy, and if it is with Sarah, then so be it.”

             
“Gina, wait. I love you babe. You know that. But I can’t just...”

             
“No Grant, don’t say that.” She cut him off as she continued her fast walk back down the street to her car.  “It’s okay. You can love Sarah. You can be with Sarah. I am so foolish. I am so foolish to think I can just turn reality upside down and make things the way I want them to be with you. It’s stupid Grant, so stupid.” Her fast paced rolled into a quick jog as she did all she could to make it back to her car. 

             
“Gina, come on.  Wait, just come inside let’s talk.” He said as he stopped in front of his home, unable to cross the tree lawn as if an invisible fence existed keeping him from leaping out of the reality of his life.

             
“Let’s talk?” She said as she turned back walking towards him on the sidewalk. “You want me to come inside the home you share with your fiancée after I just drove all this way to see you, and, and. I. I am living in la la land!” She threw her arms up in the air.  “We both were the day we met at your parents. I’m sorry. I am.” Gina turned around to walk back to her car as Grant reached over pulling her back to him.

             
“I never thought it would come to this. I really didn’t.  You have to understand, I gave her a ring, and I made her a promise. I can’t just go back on it because you’re single.”

             
“I guess you can’t,” she said through the quiver in her voice. She was amazed and embarrassed at her sporadic shift of emotions. There were few instances in life she could recall where she wasn’t able to control her emotions or filter her words. Her complete lack of sanity was becoming so threatening to her self that she felt like the only way to escape this train wreck was to get away as quickly as possible. She stared back to him as her world fell silent to the shallow breaths in her body. She turned from him rushing to her car as fast as her legs would allow, all the while feeling like she was traipsing through glue. A million thoughts had been processed and dismissed by the time she hoped in the car and started her engine. She couldn’t bear to look towards the sound of muffled words that were attempting to sneak in through the slight crack in her window.

             
“Gina! Gina!” His words were no good at this point as they bounced off the back of her car and back to him as she disappeared into the distance. Grant stood at the end of his drive, head dropped into his hands as he hid his face behind his fingers. He shuffled his feet, walking slowly over to the two stairs that sat before his front door and plopped down.

             
“Honey,” Sarah’s voice pierced through the air.  She opened the screen door, taking a step onto the stoop.  “Who was that?” She questioned lightly.

             
“Gina,” he mumbled. 

             
“Who?”

             
Grant stood from his seat keeping his back to her.

             
“Gina.” He said, louder and more clearly than before.  He turned to look at her.

             
“Oh.” Her expression was empty and her words fell in volume. “Are you okay?”

             
He stared through her, not acknowledging her question.  He took a deep breath and turned around, walking down the stairs.

             
“Grant, where are you going?”

             
“I just want to get some air.” He stopped his walk to and turned around briskly moving back to her on the stairs, leaned down, and planted a kiss on her forehead.  “I’m sorry sweetie.  I’m just, I, I want to get some air.”

*****

              The drive back to Lilly’s took less than five minutes, which was half the time it had taken to get to his house from there.  Gina darted up to her room, brushing past everyone she encountered on the way, in an effort to get there as quick as possible. Tears were falling from her eyes at a pace she was unable to control as her sobs became more audible to those around her.  She reached the door, flung it open, and made a quick dash to the bed, flopping down face first, continuing to be hostage to the heavy stream of water coming from her eyes. Five minutes of tears gave way to an urgency to get out of town as quick as possible.  She rushed about the room, collecting her belongings, tossing them into her bag without the least concern for order.  She headed out of
Lilly’s
and into her car where she sped off down the road doing all she could to put North Carolina, and Grant, behind her.

Twenty

             
When he had returned from his walk after Gina’s visit Sarah had told him she simply wasn’t ready to talk about it. She hid herself in mindless television for the night taking no note of Gran’s presences. On Monday she called to let him know she was working late.  Tuesday, it was drinks with her co-workers.  Wednesday she was at the neighbors late into the evening.  When Thursday rolled around and they found themselves home sitting down to dinner, eating in silence until Sarah got up from the table. It was then that she reminded him that she had made a final agreement to relocate to Chicago and to move past his time at his parents with Gina because she loved him and wanted to save what they had.  After making her statement, she nodded her head, and walked up the stairs and to bed without offering any further words.