Breakaway (30 page)

I sit down across from him and begin unbuckling the silver straps wound around my ankles.

“These shoes were not made for dancing,” I say, depositing my heels on the coffee table between us.

Mark shrugs off his tuxedo jacket, lays it across the back of the couch, and rolls up his sleeves. He sits back and spreads his arms. “Now, enough about me. Let’s hear about you.”

We talk about
my
hockey for a change. I manage to stick to the good stuff and the funny stuff. It feels so amazing to have him to myself again and to make him laugh.

“I guess that’s it,” I say after a while, tucking my bare feet underneath me.

He narrows one eye. “So what about Evan?”

I do a masterful job of maintaining my expression. “We broke up.”

“I know
that.”
He raises one blond eyebrow. “I tried to talk to him about it, but he wouldn’t say anything.”

“I just – I mean, I didn’t...” I pause and take a deep breath. “We weren’t – connecting.”

“That’s not surprising, considering he was in Calgary, and you were in Estevan.” He nods knowingly. “But he came back home to be near you.”

I smile at him, hoping he’ll drop the subject.

“And...?”

“And...I realized he was more serious about me than I was about him.”

“Why weren’t you as serious about him?”

I’m amazed he can persist in this line of questioning, considering how droopy his eyelids are.

“I just wasn’t.” I reach for my shoes. “Should we go back to the party?”

“Sit back,” he slurs. “We just got here.”

“You’ve had a lot to drink.”

He leans towards me. “Do you think
she
would mind if you got me another one?” He gestures at the woman behind the reservations desk.

I look over his shoulder. “I think she would.”

He slumps and closes his eyes.

“Maybe you should go up to your room and sleep this off,” I suggest.

He nods.

“Give me your room key. I’ll take you.”

Sometimes you start down a road, with all the best intentions in the world, but if you’re not careful – if you don’t listen to your internal GPS – you can end up totally...

Lost.

– Chapter Forty-two –

M
ark leans against the wall
while I insert the card into the slot. Green light.

“There you go.” I push the door open and putting my back against it, step to the side. “Do you think you’ll be all right?”

As he hobbles by, he grabs my hand and pulls me into the room. The door closes behind us. He tugs me towards the desk and places his cane against it.

“Need help with something,” he mumbles. He leans heavily on my right shoulder as he hops towards the end of the bed and plunks down. He laughs a little, then points at the chair. “Slide that over.”

I set my stuff down on the desk and help him raise his foot onto the chair.

“Is that better?” I ask.

“Better.” He pats the bed beside him. “Come and sit.”

My heart jumps. It’s been racing ever since he pulled me into the room. I always knew this would happen
sometime.

He starts to say something, then stops and shakes his head.

I sit down beside him. “What is it?”

“I want to thank you,” he says slowly. “You’ve always been there for me. No matter what. And I haven’t been fair to you.”

“You don’t have to apologize.”

He puts his arm around my shoulders. “You look beautiful. Did anybody tell you?”

I shake my head.

His hand slips to the nape of my neck, and he gently pulls me towards him. My body follows his impulse, but my little voice starts nattering immediately.

This isn’t right, it says. He’s drunk. He doesn’t know what he’s doing. He’ll regret it tomorrow.

Maybe he will. But I won’t.

Oh yes, you will, the voice says. You know you will.

Okay, but just give me
one
minute, so I can be sure.

I let him kiss me. His breath smells like rye, but I don’t care. I tell myself I’m not betraying Holly if I don’t kiss him back.

My thoughts shift to Liam – and how it felt when he kissed me.

Liam?

What does Liam have to do with anything?

I return the kiss while my fingers explore the top button of Mark’s shirt. He tugs at the zipper on the back of my dress. It gives way a little, but he’s too clumsy to do more. I can help him, or I can tell him to stop.

You know what you should do, my voice says. If the roles were reversed, he’d
never
do this to you. How many more bad decisions do you plan to make this year?

I turn my face away from Mark’s and peer at the red numbers on the clock radio sitting on the nightstand. It’s already midnight.

“Happy New Year,” I tell him.

“New year,” he mumbles against my neck.

I feel his hands on my spine as he lies back on the bed and pulls me down on top of him.

No, my little voice says. This is wrong. You’ll never be able to look yourself in the mirror tomorrow.

I deserve him, I think, fighting back. He was mine before he was Holly’s.

That doesn’t make this right, my voice says. And you know it.

Yes.

I push myself off Mark.

“I have to go.”

He mumbles something and reaches for me, but I waylay his hands and crawl off the bed. His eyes are closed, and his breathing is deep and slow.

I suddenly feel very cold. My hands and feet are like ice. I want more than anything to go back to my room and put on warm clothes.

“I’m leaving now,” I tell him. “Are you going to be all right?”

He mumbles again and rolls over onto his side, wincing. I manipulate his arms until he’s lying in the recovery position, then move the chair to support his injured leg.

“Long live Captain Anal,” I say out loud as I pick up my shawl, clutch and shoes.

A contented smile spreads across his face.

You’ve got no right to muck with his world, my voice says. He’s got enough going on. If you’re meant to be with him, he’s the one who has to make it happen.

That’s where you’re wrong, I think. I’m not meant to be with him. Part of me feels sad, because I always dreamed we’d be together again one day, and it’s hard letting go of a dream once and for all.

But I’m done waiting. And hoping. And praying. I’m done with all of it.

I close the door gently behind me.

– Chapter Forty-three –

I
n the hallway,
I lean against the door and open my clutch, fumbling inside for the little envelope containing my room card. My fingers encounter my phone, and I remove it. It’s been shut off since the wedding ceremony. That was hours ago.

Shit.

I turn it on and start walking fast. The messages from Courtney spill in.

Where r u? Call me now!

My hands are trembling as I choose her from my contacts and speed dial. I feel colder than ever. She picks up on the second ring.

“Why did you shut off your phone?” she shrieks.

“Never mind that. What’s going on?”

“There’s something wrong with Rufus!” She takes a ragged breath. “He’s really sick. He’s jerking and frothing at the mouth.”

“Did he eat something he shouldn’t have?”

“I don’t know. Maybe.”

“Where are you?” I ask. “Are you at home or at Pam’s?”

“At home!” she shouts. “And I want you to come! Right now!”

“Courtney, I’m on my way, but Rufus probably needs a vet. Call one of the neighbours.”

“No,” she says emphatically.

I press the elevator button. “Courtney, why are you at the house? You’re supposed to be at the All-Nighter.”

“Never mind,” she says.

“Where’s Pam?” I ask.

“In the bathroom. Please come home,” she begs.

“Courtney, I’m two hours away. At least.”

“He’s going to die!” Courtney wails.

“I’m going to send someone over who’ll know what to do about Rufus. In the meantime, go next door and see if Mr. Millard is home.”

There’s a noise in the background, like a door opening, and the sound of voices and hip-hop music.

“Who else is there?”

“Gia and some of her friends.”

“How many?”

“Just a few,” she says.

“How many?”

“I don’t know! Six or seven! It wasn’t my idea,” she says angrily. “It was Gia’s.”

The elevator doors open, just as the realization slams me right between the eyes.

Betrayal.

How stupid can a seventeen-year-old and two parents be?

I climb in and press the button for my floor. “Courtney, how could you?!”

She starts sobbing again.

Calm your shit, my little voice says. This isn’t the time. Take control. Be the adult.

“I’m calling my friend, and I’m leaving right now. Tell everyone the party’s over.”

“Okay.”

I quickly call Liam and try to explain the situation.

He doesn’t make it easy for me.

“Maybe I’m busy,” he says. “And here you are, barging into my New Year’s Eve with demands on my time. Assuming I’m not doing anything.”

“I’m not assuming,” I tell him. “Please help us. You said I could call you if I needed you. Well, I need you
now.”

He heaves a sigh. “All right. But those little freaks better clear out before I get there.” I start to give him my address, but he says, “I remember where you live.”

He hangs up.

The doors open, and I run down the hall to my room, where I change and grab the rest of my stuff. I avoid the girl at the reservations desk until after I go outside and start Sunny. She’s frozen solid.

I won’t lie about the ride home. Highway 33 isn’t busy at night, even on New Year’s Eve, so I speed as much as I dare. Now that I’m on my way, I debate whether I should call Mom and Dad.

What are you going to tell them, my little voice says.

I don’t know anything. Would it be better to wait until I get home and see what’s actually happening?

That’s when I realize that in the excitement of Brittni’s Big Day, I forgot to charge my phone. There’s hardly any battery life left, and I don’t have a car charger. I shut the phone off to save what power is left.

I hit fog at Francis and have to slow down to 90 km. As the towns crawl by, I sing along to the radio and my iPod, trying to make time fly. But it doesn’t. I think about the party at our house and what might have gone on there. I think about turning my phone back on and calling the police. I think about kicking Gia’s ass. I think about Mark, and wonder what
he’ll
think about me in the morning. Will he even remember what happened?

The sensible part of me hopes he won’t.

–

It’s nearly three a.m. when I reach Estevan’s city limits. I put on my earbud and call home. No answer. I call Liam but get his voice mail. I try Courtney’s cell next. She picks up on the first ring.

“Where are you?” she sobs.

In the background there’s a telephone ringing and deep male voices.

“Where are
you?”
I reply.

“The police station.”

Too late to hope Mom and Dad don’t know anything about this.

“Liam called the cops when he got to our place.”

I take a second to process this piece of information. “Where’s Rufus?” I ask.

“Liam took him to the vet clinic. I don’t know what’s happening over there.” There’s a brief pause. “What if Rufus is dead?” she cries. “I hate my life.”

“I’ll be there soon,” I promise.

When I get to the station, a number of vehicles are parked on the street. I manage to squeeze Sunny into a snowy spot.

I meet Gia’s mom on the stairs outside. Her eye makeup is runny, and her updo is in shambles. It’s obvious her New Year has not gotten off to a great start. “This is the limit!” she is screaming at Gia, who is right behind her. “The limit, do you hear me?”

As I open the door, I meet Pam and her parents. Her mom pushes past me, not even acknowledging me. Pam quickly averts her eyes. There is the sharp, unmistakable smell of vomit on her clothing.

“Have you seen Courtney?” I ask Pam’s dad.

“She’s inside,” he says.

“Can you tell me what happened?” I ask him.

“This isn’t a good time,” he says. “Can you call me tomorrow?”

Inside the station’s small waiting area, a man and a woman are talking to a young constable behind the counter. Another girl from Courtney’s hockey team is sitting in a chair, her head in her hands.