Breaking All the Rules (20 page)

Once again, the
pain fueled the anger, spurring her back into motion.

Because if she
didn’t walk away now, it would only hurt more the longer she lingered.

She was just as
much to blame for not ending things as he was, letting her hormones get the
better of her.

For once when it
came to this man, she was going to do the smart thing.

WHEN BOBBY WOKE,
he felt the warmth of the sunlight coming through the window against his bare
skin—and nothing on the bed beside him. He slowly opened his eyes and turned
his head toward the other side of the mattress.

Empty.

He wasn't
exactly surprised to find himself alone, but that didn't stop him from letting
out a long, slow sigh, disappointment shafting through him like the slash of a
knife.

Pushing himself
upright, he finally spotted the folded piece of paper on the pillow next to
him. Not bothering to get his hopes up, he flipped it open and read the message
scrawled on it.

Thanks for
one last great night. -N

He sat there for
a moment staring at the words, unable to do anything but let them sink in.

Damn
.

He finally
couldn’t look at them anymore. Tossing the note aside, he raked a hand through
his hair. He still saw the words all too clearly in his head. Never had a
kiss-off hurt this much. That was exactly what it was, the sense of finality
unmistakable.

She hadn’t even
signed her name, just leaving that completely impersonal initial. It didn’t get
much colder than that. Somehow it was worse than if she hadn’t signed it at
all.

After everything
that had happened last night, she’d still been able to walk away. It was his
cue to do the same.

Which was
exactly what he knew he couldn’t do.

Because if there
was one thing he was more convinced of than ever, it was that whatever was
between them went way past sex. It was a hell of a lot deeper than that, a hell
of a lot stronger.

Whatever
differences they had could be worked out. They had to be. He’d never been more
certain of anything in his life. Because if they weren’t—

Fear suddenly
gripped him. His chest tightened, cutting off his breath. It felt like he was
suffocating.

Like he was
dying.

Damn
.

No. There had to
be a way. He couldn’t give up until he found it. Determination rushed through
him in a surge of adrenaline.

He’d seen
combat. He’d had people trying to kill him, seen others die before his eyes.

But never had it
felt more like he was fighting for his life.

Chapter Nine

“Hello?”

The greeting
came out as a faint, dry rasp. The mere act of forcing the word out of her
throat sent another agonizing jolt through Nina’s head. She winced, bracing
herself against the kitchen counter as she waited for the throbbing to ease up.
She shouldn’t have answered the phone, but a second ago silencing the painful
trill of its ringing had been all that mattered.

“You sound
terrible.”

The sound of her
mother’s sympathetic voice brought a small smile to Nina’s lips. “I feel even
worse.”

“Then you must
be near death’s door. Have you been to a doctor? Is there anyone with you? I
can fly down if you need me too—”

Nina cut her
off. “I’m going to straight to bed. It’s just the flu. I’ll be fine.”

“Okay, but you
know I can be there in a heartbeat if you need me.”

“I know.” A nice
warmth spread through her chest at her mother’s concern. Or maybe her fever had
gone up. Either way, she couldn’t deny it felt good to be fussed over a little.
“So what’s up? Why are you calling me at home at”—she peered up at the clock on
the wall—"four in the afternoon?”

“I called the
shop and they said you took the day off, so I knew something had to be wrong.
You used to have to be practically comatose to be willing to take a day off
from school.”

“I liked
school,” Nina murmured. She watched the glowing digits on the microwave count
down as the water she’d been heating for tea simmered inside.

“You don’t have
to tell me. I think you would have lived there if you could.”

Nina heard the
wistfulness in her mother’s voice, and felt a pang of regret that she hadn’t
spent more time at home when she was a teenager. She knew her mother had always
been lonely. Moving from place to place over the years thanks to her father’s
career had been harder on her mother than on her. Nina had been able to throw
herself into school wherever they went, but her mother hadn’t found it as easy
to make new friends.

Nina had always
thought her mother was quiet and reserved by nature, but the way she’d
blossomed since moving back to the small town Oregon where she'd grown up
proved that wasn’t the case. Carol had a large group of friends and was always
telling her about day trips she’d taken with them. Nina saw now that her
earlier aloofness had been a defense mechanism, a way of protecting herself
from getting too close to people when she didn’t know how long they’d know each
other. Now that she’d found the stability she’d always craved, she felt free
enough to open up.

“Anyway, I just
wanted to remind you your grandmother’s birthday is in a couple days if you
want to send a card and give her a call.”

“The card went
out yesterday and I’ll call her first thing Friday.”

“I should have
known you’d be on top of things,” her mother said. Nina could hear the smile in
her voice and felt the warmth of it through the line. “Okay, then. I should let
you get some sleep.”

“That’s okay.
I’m making tea.” She shot a glare at the microwave, certain the numbers had
started moving in the wrong direction. “I’ve been meaning to call you. I know
we haven’t had a chance to talk in a while.”

“That’s because
you work too hard.”

It was a
familiar admonishment. “It takes a lot of work to build a business,” Nina
provided her usual reply.

“But a business
can’t be your whole life. You have to find time for other things.”

“I do,” she said
defensively. The microwave finally beeped. She opened the door and pulled out
the cup of hot water.

“Like what? Are
you seeing anyone?”

The denial was
on the tip of her tongue. It was true. She wasn’t seeing anyone the way her
mother meant. What she had with Bobby didn’t count. Not to mention that was
over. It had been a week since their date. He’d called and texted her, leaving
several messages; she hadn’t responded. He’d even dropped by the shop a couple
times, and she’d successfully dodged him. Sooner or later—hopefully sooner, but
she’d take later if she had to—he’d take the hint. He had no choice. They’d had
their last night, and now they were done.

So, no, she
definitely was not seeing anything. But for some reason, she couldn’t get the
word out.

Her mother
didn’t miss the hesitation. Her chuckle echoed in Nina’s ear. “I don’t believe
it. Did you actually manage to make room in your schedule for a man?”

She dropped the
tea bag into the cup. “Something like that.”

“Well, it’s
about time. So how long have you been seeing him?”

Nina cringed, not
sure how honest she wanted to be. She’d never told her mother about her
arrangement with Bobby. They were close, but it wasn’t the kind of thing she
really wanted to talk about with her mother. Discussing the no-strings-attached
sex she’d been having for three years with a man she had no intention of
getting serious with wasn’t her idea of a fun conversation, whether or not her
mother approved.

“Not long,” she
hedged, taking a loud sip of her tea. The hot liquid was soothing going down
her throat and she nearly groaned with relief.

“So tell me
about him. What does he do?”

She took another
sip, as though for courage. “He’s a Marine.”

“Wow. That’s
impressive. So when do I get to meet him?”

To Nina’s
surprise, there was no censure in her mother’s voice. “Is that all you’re going
to say?”

Nina sensed her
mom’s confusion. “What did you think I’d say?”

“I don’t know. I
thought you might not approve.”

“Why wouldn’t I
approve?”

“I know how
unhappy you were with the way dad’s military career moved us around all the
time. I guess I just thought…” She trailed off, unable to complete the thought
with the throbbing in her head.

“That I wouldn’t
want you consigning yourself to a life of that too?” her mother suggested.

“I guess.”

“It’s true it’s
not the life I would have chosen for myself, but we don’t choose who we fall in
love with. It happens all on its own. I just want you to be happy.”

“But you weren’t
happy.”

Her mother was
quiet for a long moment. “Not always,” Carol admitted. “But I loved your
father, and I know I would have been much unhappier without him in my life than
I was with him, even it meant living the life of a Navy wife and dealing with
everything that entailed. That’s what love is. When being without somebody
would be harder than being with them.”

Nina didn’t have
an answer for that. She knew her father had adored her mother, just as much as
she loved him. At an early age she’d recognized they had a closeness most other
people’s parents didn’t. Seeing the way they’d looked at each other or the
little touches they’d shared had always made her feel happy and safe. That
hadn’t changed as she’d grown up, even as she’d started to realize how lonely
her mother was because of their rootless existence and wondered why her father
never seemed to notice, or if Carol was happy enough when he was around that he
didn’t. If he had known, would he have cared?

She heard what
her mother was saying, but she couldn’t claim to understand it. She couldn’t
imagine willingly spending half her life being unhappy just so she could have
the half that made her happy, not to mention setting aside her own goals and
dreams for the sake of her husband’s career just so she could be with him. That
didn't seem like any way to live. At the very least, it wasn’t any way she
wanted to live.

“It must be
pretty serious if you’re thinking about things like this,” her mother said.

“It’s not,” Nina
said automatically. “It’s strictly casual.”

“Because you
don’t want to get serious with someone in the military?”

“That’s enough
of a reason.”

“Oh, sweetie,”
her mom said, her voice heavy with what sounded suspiciously like pity. “I hope
you don’t cost yourself a chance at something good just because of that.”

“Or I could be
saving myself a lifetime of misery.”

“I don’t think
so. You’re stronger than I was. I know you’ll be better equipped to cope than I
did.”

“I don’t want to
spend the rest of my life coping. I don’t want there to be any regrets in any
area of my relationship.”

As the words
left her mouth, a sharp pain shot through her skull and the room weaved in
front of her. She sagged against the kitchen counter and lowered the almost
empty cup on top of it to avoid dropping it. Thinking about the tangled issues
surrounding her involvement with Bobby gave her a headache under normal
circumstances. Now her head felt like it was seconds away from exploding.

She must have
made an involuntary sound, because her mother said, “Listen to me go on. I’m
sorry, honey. You should be in bed. I’ll let you go.”

“That’s probably
a good idea,” Nina murmured, the words coming on their own with no conscious
effort on her part. It was almost as though someone else was saying them. “I’ll
talk to you later.”

“Okay. Take care
of yourself and get better.”

Nina made a
muffled sound of agreement and set down the phone, which suddenly felt
unbearably heavy. The chills the tea had momentarily overwhelmed came back with
a vengeance. A cold blast rocketed through her insides, and she trembled from
head to foot.

Bed
. The
lone thought filled her mind, the image calling to her. She had pillows there.
And warm blankets. And she didn’t have to stand up anymore. Like a missile
acquiring its target, she stumbled out of the room in search of that haven.

She made it two
feet out of the kitchen when a knock sounded on the front door.

“Go away,” she
muttered. She shuffled toward the bedroom, planning to ignore the summons.

She must not
have been moving very fast, because it seemed like she’d barely made it a few
more feet when the knock came again, louder this time. She absorbed each tap
like a sledgehammer to the head and wavered on her feet. “Damn it.” She stopped
to steady herself. Before she knew it, there was another knock. Whoever it was,
damn them to hell, was not giving up.

The knock came
again. And again.

Raw fury
propelled her across the room. She threw open the door and yelled. “
What?!?
”

It took a second
for her eyes to focus on Bobby, standing on the doorstep with his hand raised.
He lowered it before she could reach up and snap every bone in his hand. She
might not be at her strongest, but she had a feeling she could do it.

“I guess you
really are sick,” he said, sounding surprised.

“Obviously,” she
growled.

“The way you’ve
been ducking my calls, I figured this might be your latest attempt to avoid
me.”

She opened her
mouth to say something cutting, but couldn’t seem to think of anything. She
couldn’t seem to think, period. His image blurred in front of her, until there
were two of him, then four, then two again, then endless more Bobbys staring
down at her, brow furrowed in concern. The Bobbys lurched around in front of
her, and she wondered what was wrong with them.

It was her last
conscious thought before she pitched forward and collapsed in his arms.