Breaking Bedrock (Book Two) (13 page)

The questions began as they packed the car and they
hadn’t stopped since. Addie stared out the window and watched as the city gave
way to country, taking her farther and farther away from where she really
wanted to be. Feeling the car closing in around her, she rolled the window down
and inhaled as much air as her lungs could possibly take until she felt as
though she might drown. She held her breath and tried escape the boys’
rapid-fire questions.
I thought you and Daddy were getting divorced? Does
this mean you’re staying together? Why are we going to the lake? What about
school? Where’s Max? Why isn’t he coming with us? It’s too cold to swim! What
are we going to do there?

“ENOUGH with the questions, already!” Addie snapped. Patrick
looked over at her and placed his hand on hers.
Relax.
Everything was
fine,
he’d said
. But everything wasn’t fine.
Addie pulled her hand
away and leaned her head against the cool, smooth glass of the passenger
window. It had only been a few hours, and she missed him desperately already.
How could she get through the next few days, the next few weeks, or quite
possibly the rest of her lifetime without seeing him? Without touching him?
Addie closed her eyes and recalled the words she’d written, unable to get them
out of her mind.

Dear William,

Patrick, the boys, and I have gone up to the lake
house for a bit, until we figure everything out. I’m sure you already know much
of this, but I wanted you to hear the words directly from me, for what it’s
worth.

 I realize that you and I left a lot of things
unsettled, but I want you to know that I love you. I love you so much, William.
And I’m so sorry that life for us has been this complicated. You’re right that
there is an undeniable attraction between the two of us. When I’m with you, I’m
able to feel things that I’m unable to say. You understand what it is I need,
oftentimes, before even I myself know what those things are. Still, this has
been an uphill battle all the way for you and me, mostly, I believe, in part
due to the timing of it all. But it shouldn’t be like this. I know that you
know this too.

I’m hoping that a little time and space will allow
us both to see things a little more clearly. Sure, what we have has been difficult,
but it’s also been more beautiful than I could ever imagine, and that’s what
I’ll take away from it for now. If I’ve learned anything in life, it’s been
that love isn’t always enough. Maybe there’s no happy ending for us, but the
truth is, I realize now that’s okay. It doesn’t stop me from still wanting the
all the beauty that I know life has in store for you. You deserve so much more
than the lies about ourselves that we’ve been led to believe were true, lies
about being unworthy and unlovable and unimportant. If you do nothing else for
me, William, do this: Stop. Please, stop believing the lies. They’re not true,
not one of them. You are capable of love, of loving, and of being loved. I know
it’s easy to escape into the pain when the going gets tough, because that’s
what you know. It’s all you’ve ever known. But don’t. You’re better than that.
You deserve to be with someone who takes you as you are because you’re
beautiful, smart, and generous. You’re everything good that there is in this
life, William, you and all the parts of you. From now on, I pray that you’ll
find and embrace the joy in the pain, in a different, healthier way and that even
in the midst of the pain, you’ll know that you are worthy of more. If you won’t
do it for yourself, then, please, do it for me.

All my love,

Addison

Patrick nudged Addie awake as they started down the
long gravel drive. How she managed to sleep nearly the entire way was beyond
him. Thankfully, it had given him some time to think about what he wanted out
of this time with family. He knew he’d have to tell his wife about the
pregnancy and the fact that he was still seeing Michele. Either he did it or
Michele would do it as she’d continuously threatened. The only reason that she
had even let him get away without first letting the cat out of the bag was
because he promised that he would finally tell Addison the truth. And maybe he
would. He’d have to eventually anyway, he knew that. But on the off chance that
he and his wife still had a shot, he wanted to try. Perhaps it was possible for
them to forget everything they’d both done to hurt one another and move on from
it. If his parents could do it, maybe they could too.

Patrick had begged Michele to have an abortion, knowing the wrath
he’d face due to the pregnancy not only from his wife but also from work and
probably most of all from his parents. She had refused and had clearly decided
she was having this kid with or without him in the picture, which made Patrick
wonder if she’d really been on the pill at all. Either way, the way he saw it,
he was fucked. Addison had already filed for a divorce and moved out, so he
wasn’t holding out a lot of hope there, regardless of what did or didn’t happen
at the lake.

“What time is it? Did I really just sleep the entire way?” Addie
asked groggily, interrupting his thoughts.

“Yeah, it’s after ten. What do ya think? Should we wake ’em or
carry them in?” Patrick asked, pointing towards their sleeping children in the
back.

Addie sighed. “Carry them.”

Once they’d gotten the boys settled in their beds, Addie put on a
pot of coffee and settled things inside the house while Patrick finished
bringing in the rest of their bags. When he returned, he could see that she appeared
to be upset and upon further inspection that she’d been crying.

“Is everything okay?” he asked gently.

Addie rubbed her eyes and headed for the bathroom. “Yeah, I’m
just tired; that’s all.”

“Hey, Addison,” he called.

She stopped and turned. “Yeah?”

Patrick exhaled slowly. “I want to apologize for doubting you
about this Hammons character. I should’ve done more, before. But I promise from
now on I’m going to do everything in my power to make sure that you guys are
safe.”

Addie smiled weakly. “I know.”

“I’m going to get set up in the guest room; you can take the
master.”

Addie turned back towards the bathroom, but what she said next
nearly knocked him to the floor. “Actually, I was thinking that maybe tonight
you could hold me the way you used to.”

“You got it.” Patrick replied as he picked up his suitcase and
headed for the master bedroom, unable to hide the smile in his voice.

Addie quietly closed the bathroom door, turned on the
water and let herself slowly slide to the floor. She sobbed until she could sob
no more and then reached for her phone, opened her email, and read through the
email once again. She read the words once and then again, just to make sure
they were really there.

From: William Hartman

Date: 01/21/13

To: Addison Greyer

Subject: Mercy

Dearest Addison,

I’m happy you’ve left town as I think it’s the best thing for
you and the boys.

After reading your letter, I did some thinking, and as much as
I hate to admit it, you are right. It doesn’t appear that there is a happy
ending for us the way I’d once hoped. I will say that when I heard you’d
planned to leave town with him I was furious, wondering how you could betray me,
or rather betray us, like that. But then the more I thought about it, the more
it started to sink in that you’d made these plans before the incident this
afternoon with your car, and I think I finally realized that it would always be
this way with him. I finally understood that, no matter what, he’ll always come
first in your life, for no other reason than he’s the father of your children.

The more I thought about it, the more I realized that this is
just too much for me. I want you to stay put, Addison. I want you to work it
out with your husband, if that’s what you want to do. Either way, maybe what
happened today was for the best, if nothing else so that we could finally see
how dangerous this relationship is for all of us. Also, for what it’s worth to
you, I want you to know that I do love you, in my own way, I guess. But I would
be lying to the both of us if I tried to keep up the front that one woman would
ever be enough for me. Unfortunately, I’m just not made that way, and while you
say that you’re okay with it, trying any further would have been disastrous to
us both.

William

After a while she stood and washed her face then hopped in the
shower and let the hot water wash over her. She knew she shouldn’t be so upset.
Isn’t this what she’d wanted? For William to walk away? If he was going to
leave her in the end, anyway, didn’t it make more sense for it to happen now?
It was better just to rip the Band-Aid off and get it over with; she got that.
But, if that were the case, then why couldn’t she make herself believe the
words he’d written were true?

Twelve

The next few days went by mostly in a blur. The boys
were having a blast, fishing and running amok on the property. They’d been
blessed with pretty warm weather, which was fairly unusual for January, even in
Texas. Addie immersed herself in work, trying to get caught up on everything
she’d fallen behind on, in addition to the growing number of leads from the
agency. When she wasn’t up to her ears in work, she threw herself into her
family, going on hikes, and spending as much time with the boys as she could.
In the evenings after dark, Patrick would start the fire, and they’d roast
marshmallows, sip hot cocoa, and tell ghost stories until it was past bedtime
for boys. Once the boys were in bed, she read while Patrick worked, and then
they’d sit and talk for a while about everything and nothing. While it was
almost easy to push her incessant thoughts of William out of her mind in the
daytime, it was nearly impossible once the sun went down. But even though Addie
was heartbroken, she couldn’t help but notice how normal it all felt being at
the lake as though if she just tried hard enough, she could pretend everything was
okay.

Patrick cleared his throat, interrupting her reverie. “Coming to
bed?”

“No. I think I’m gonna read for a while.”

Patrick sat down opposite Addie and thought for a moment before
speaking. “Does this, us being here, seem strange to you?

Addie hesitated. “Yeah. A little.”

“Because at times it just seems so normal to me, and then I
remember we’re getting a divorce. We should probably talk about that, don’t you
think?”

“Probably.” Addie admitted then smiled a little.

“What happened between us? How’d we end up here?”

Addie sighed. “I don’t know exactly, but I’d like to think that
we’re equally to blame. I guess we just grew apart. I can’t exactly pinpoint
when it happened, but we started living separate lives, you know?”

Patrick reached for her hand. “Do you really want this, Addison? Do
you really believe there isn’t a chance at all that we could make it work?”

“I think . . . I mean . . . Yes, I do. What we had has been
amazing in a lot of respects. Just look at the three beautiful children we had
together. They’re so smart and so much like each of us in their own ways. But
they are their own people, you know? That’s kind of how I think of us. We were
more alike once, but we’ve changed. We grew up, and became less willing to
compromise what it is we want.”