Breaking Even (14 page)

“My pleasure.” She looked up and smiled at
him. “Thank you for everything.”

He smiled at her, and on its own, his hand
drifted toward her, absently rubbing her arm. She eased into his touch and
didn’t pull away. He noticed her failed attempt to suppress a yawn. “You’re
tired. Why don’t you go lie down? I’ll do the dishes.”

She waved away his concerns. “We can do
them together.”

It didn’t take long before they had
everything washed and put away. She had already washed up the pots and pans
while she cooked.

She took his hand and pulled him toward
the master bedroom.

“Now, come cuddle with me. I don’t want to
abandon you in the other room.”

She pulled back the cover, slid in, and
patted the bed beside her.

“Lindsey, I’m trying to be a gentleman
here, but you’re not helping.”

“Maybe I don’t want you to be a gentleman
right now.”

He groaned and sat down. “This isn’t what
you want.”

“I said I wanted to cuddle, remember?”

He let her show him what she wanted. She
kicked off her shorts and climbed into bed with just her panties. Ric followed
her lead and slipped off his lounge pants. He slid in beside her in his t-shirt
and long-line boxer briefs. The heat in the bed increased when he slid under
the cover with her. He offered his arm, and she slid over to rest just under
his chest.

He felt her muscles tense. “I love looking
at you, but would it be easier if we turn off the lights?”

“Maybe.”

He used a remote control to turn off the
lamp.

“That’s handy,” she said, her voice barely
above a whisper.

“This okay?” he asked after a minute.

“Better than okay. This is good.”

After a few minutes, when she didn’t
tense, Ric let himself relax. He thought she had drifted to sleep when she
spoke again.

“I went and talked to a therapist a couple
of weeks ago.”

“Oh?”

“She said I should be patient and get used
to letting you touch me.”

“It could work that way.” He took a deep
breath and waited a heartbeat before he continued. “You know I would never hurt
you.”

“I know. She also said I should tell you
what happened to me my senior year of high school.”

“You know you can tell me anything.”

“I was hurt before. I don’t think that’s
the whole reason why I’m uncomfortable with touching, but it’s a big part of
it.”

“What happened?”

“I told you about my mom’s cancer. Well,
there was more going on than that. Towards the end, she was in the hospital off
and on. The doctors said she wouldn’t make it. As it got closer to the end, she
was in the hospital or gone for treatment more often than she was home. Her
boyfriend lived with us. I mostly ignored him, but some nights we were alone
together.”

She drifted off, caught in the past. Ric
squeezed her shoulders in support after a while she continued. “One night, I
woke up, and he was in my bedroom. On my bed. He usually drank beer, but that
night he smelled different. Maybe he had liquor on his breath, I don’t know. He
lunged across the bed and tried to force himself on me. I started screaming and
pushing against his chest, but he was too strong and he pinned me down with his
arms.

“I was so scared, I wanted to just die,
but then he heard our neighbor banging on the door. He rolled off me, and I
scrambled off the bed. He warned me to not tell anyone.”

Anger rushed through Ric like a lightning
fire in a dry sugar cane field. He took a moment to calm down before he
answered. “He shouldn’t have come after you. That’s the worst kind of man to
take advantage of a young girl in that situation.”

“He probably wouldn’t have stopped if it
weren’t for the neighbor. We lived in a duplex condo that shared a wall with
another unit, and that was the only reason she heard us. If we had been in a
house, I doubt anyone would have heard. She didn’t say anything, except ask if
I wanted to come to her house. I spent the night with her, and when we went
back the next morning, he had packed his things and left. Later, Mom said that
he came to the hospital to tell her good bye. She didn’t say anything else
about him, and I didn’t either. She never said, but she may have suspected.”

“Did you call the police?”

“No. When it came down to it, nothing
really happened.”

Ric turned in the bed and went up on one
elbow so he could see her face. “He assaulted you!”

She shrugged. “He did, sort of, but the
result was nothing happened, and with him gone, he wasn’t a threat.”

“Your sister doesn’t know?”

Lindsey snorted. “Lord, no. She was away
at college at the time. She would have called the police. After he moved out,
she moved back home for a while and started commuting to her classes so she
could help out.”

“I’m glad you told me. I had a feeling
something had happened when you were younger, but I didn’t want to pry. I
appreciate that you trusted me enough to tell me. Maybe this means you are
starting to be more comfortable around me.” He squeezed her shoulders again.

“I believe so. I’m already feeling better.
The therapist said that the more time we spend together, the more comfortable
I’ll be.”

“We will just have to make that happen,
won’t we?”

Lindsey thought for a minute, but she had
to ask. “Why are you so good to me? After everything, I’m more trouble than I’m
worth.”

“You’re special, and don’t you forget it.
I’ve seen a lot of darkness in my life, but you bring nothing but light.”

“I know it’s silly that a girl my age
hasn’t had sex.”

“There’s nothing wrong with waiting. When
we do take that step, I don’t want you to have any regrets.”

“I just don’t know.”

“You’re overthinking everything and you’re
tired. Let’s just rest a while.”

Ric heard her breathing change and knew
the instant she fell asleep. They were making progress. Now at least he knew
why she had panicked when she woke up to feel his weight on her that morning in
Calliope. Sweet Lindsey. All he wanted was to make her happy.

Calliope should
have been the final test. Lindsey had planned to go all the way with Ric, but
it didn
’t
happen that way. They made out some, but every time she thought she would be
ready, something happened.

She didn’t blame Rudy for disappearing,
but by the time they found him, the day was shot.

Lindsey pinned her hopes on the next day,
but Hurricane Marco turned toward Calliope. Ric worried about the weather and
wouldn’t hear of her staying another day. It was only going to get worse, he
said, and then she wouldn’t be able to fly out.

They were both quiet over a breakfast of
scrambled eggs and sausage. Lindsey ate, but paid no attention to the food.

“I hate it that I have to leave,” she
said, a little bit of pout in her voice.

“I know, but I won’t be able to do my job
if you’re here. I would be too worried about you. We’ll see each other soon.”

“What time do I need to leave?”

“There are a few other guests that I’m
flying off at the same time, so just after lunch. I’m afraid I need to put some
time in at the office to make sure the hurricane preparations are underway.”

“On Sunday?” Lindsey asked.

He smiled. “Hurricanes don’t keep normal
business hours. Do you want to wait at the resort with me? We can lunch in the
restaurant.”

Lindsey spent the morning checking email
and surfing the web from Ric's workroom. After lunch, they left for the airport
in his big black SUV. Ric pointed towards the small hilly area of the island.

“The rain will come from that direction.
See that big stripe coming down from the sky? It will be here in about twenty
minutes if not sooner.”

He pulled up to the plane and helped the
pilot load the luggage. The two other couples flying with her boarded first.

“You’re going to get wet,” Ric warned, as
fat drops splashed haphazardly from the sky.

“I don’t care—you have to kiss me
good-bye.”

He leaned down and kissed her, his arms
providing a buttress against the wind. Lindsey wanted to stay in his arms, but
she knew she had to go. Her hair whipped around them.

“I will see you soon,” she said when she
pulled back.

“We will make it happen, I promise. Now,
get in the plane before you get soaked.”

As if on cue, the sky opened up and rain
poured down. She ran the short distance to the jet, squealing as the fat drops
hit her. By the time she climbed the stairs, her clothes were plastered against
her.

Lindsey rushed through the door sopping
wet, a big grin on her face. One of the women caught her eye and smiled.

“So worth it,” Lindsey whispered, getting
a laugh from the woman.

Lindsey wasn’t a nervous flier like her
sister. This trip, with the storm gathering around the island, her heart
wouldn’t stop racing. She did not like the shaking from the turbulence. When
they passed out of the clouds and into blue sky, the flight attendant began
beverage service. She asked her for a glass of white wine, and after a few
sips, started feeling better. She needed to get a grip.

She tried not to dwell on the physical
distance of over a thousand miles between her and Ric. The last time she had
left Calliope, she had worried that she would never see him again. He had said
he would call her, but she didn’t know whether he would or wouldn’t. At least
this time, she had more confidence that Ric wanted a long-distance
relationship.

The plane stopped late afternoon in
Atlanta to drop off the other passengers. When the pilot told her that he
needed a mechanic to check the jet, Lindsey waited in the airport. By the time
they took off for the final leg of the trip, the sun was setting behind them.

#

Lindsey called Ben
to tell him that she would be home early, but his phone went straight to
voicemail. She knew she could call a cab from the Clemson airport, but decided
to text Sarah and ask if she could pick her up. By the time Lindsey landed and
retrieved her luggage, Sarah pulled up in her topless jeep.

After loading her luggage in the back,
Lindsey climbed in the front seat and buckled her seatbelt. “Right on time,”
Sarah said. “I hope you don't mind that I took the top off. It was the first
sunny day we've had all week.”

“No, it’s fine.” Lindsey had put on a
light jacket while she was on the plane, and now she was glad as the air
whipped around them. “Thank you for coming to get me. It has been a crazy day
with all the plane delays, and then Ben wouldn't answer the phone.”

“Wasn't he working?”

“The bar is closed on Sunday, remember? I
thought since he was off today, that he wouldn't mind picking me up, but I guess
he couldn't be bothered. I don’t know what's wrong with him. He has been
distant with me for weeks.”

“Oh come on, you know he’s mad that you
and Ric are dating,” Sarah said with an eyebrow raised.

Lindsey could not believe what Sarah was
saying. She and Ben were just friends. “No, he’s not.”

“Yeah, he is. He told me at The Globe one
night when it was slow.”

Lindsey wondered just how much Sarah was
hanging out at the bar, but she didn’t ask. “I don’t know why. I never acted as
if I had feelings for him. Every weekend, he brings home a different girl. On
top of that, he’s almost engaged to that girl in South Florida, Brittany, so I
know he’s not longing for me.”

Sure, they had shared one kiss two years
ago, but he hadn’t made a move since then. He couldn’t have been holding on to
that.

Sarah shrugged. “Regardless of whether he
has a valid reason, that’s what he said.”

“Great. Just great.”

Lindsey rested her head back against the
seat, tired. “Have you ever made a spur of the moment decision and then you
think back and wonder, what were you thinking?”

Sarah laughed. “Who hasn’t?”

“I never should have moved in with him.
When he asked, I thought why not, but it hasn’t at all been what I expected.”

Sarah glanced over at Lindsey. “Tell him
to find a new place.”

“What?”

“He’s not on your lease. Give him until
December to find a new place. People do that all the time.”

Lindsey hadn’t even thought about that. “I
guess I could do that.”

“And if you need another roommate, I
already told Tanya I was moving out in January.” She threw out the offer
casually.

“It’s that bad?”

Sarah shrugged. “We’re just not
compatible. Why continue to be miserable when there’s a simple solution?”

“Are you sure you wouldn’t be worse off
with me?”

“Maybe. Maybe not. We can deal with that
later. Now, tell me about your trip to the Caribbean. You saw Ric.”

Lindsey blushed. “I did.”

“And are you feeling any better about him?”

Lindsey had confided to Sarah that she had
trouble accepting that Ric just wanted to be with her for herself. He could be
with any supermodel he wanted. Why would he want her?

“He’s so sweet. I’m getting there. I think
we just need more time together. Even this trip, we had to go to a funeral for
a long-time resident on his island, and that took up almost the whole day. Then
a little boy that Ric is close to disappeared.”

“Oh no! Did they find him?”

“Yes, I found him asleep in the back of
Ric’s car. That killed last night, and then the hurricane turned course. Ric
wanted me to leave this morning in case planes were grounded later. I wanted to
stay, but I couldn’t risk missing class if the weather worsened.”

“Look at it this way. When you're done
with your Master’s degree in two years—or less—you can do whatever you want.”

Somehow, Lindsey didn’t think it was that
simple, but she let it ride. When they reached the house, Lindsey frowned at
the cars parked in her driveway and lining the street. Sarah helped her unload
the car and bring her bags to the porch.

“It looks like Ben’s got people over.
Thanks for picking me up. I appreciate it.”

“Are you sure you don’t want me to help?”

Lindsey shook her head. After spending the
day traveling, Lindsey didn’t feel like entertaining. “No, it will be fine.
I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

Lindsey pulled out her keys, thankful to
be home. She unlocked the door and froze when she saw the cloud of smoke
filling the room. She smelled cigarette smoke laced with something else—pot. It
had to be. After she had asked him not to.

The closed blinds darkened the room to the
point that she couldn't see much. She waved at the handful of people on the
couch, most of them staff from the bar. Ben wasn't with that group. On the
coffee table, she saw a rolled up plastic bag that looked like marijuana. She
pulled her suitcase and carry bag back to her bedroom, the only place that
didn’t smell like smoke.

She found Ben in the kitchen, pouring
shots into tiny shot glasses that looked like red plastic cups. She turned on
the overhead light and sucked in a breath when she saw the trash. Pizza boxes,
take-out containers, and empty beer cans littered the kitchen.

“What is going on?” she asked, keeping her
voice low.

“Lindsey, want a shot? We didn’t expect
you back so soon,” he said, tossing his hair back out of his eyes.

“I know I smell marijuana out there. You
promised.”

“It’s just a few friends watching a
marathon of Mystery Science Theater 3000. Don’t worry about it—we’ll clean it
up.”

Lindsey felt like her head was going to
explode. He didn’t even care that pot was illegal. “I told you I don’t want
that here. I saw the bag on the coffee table.”

“Well, you’d feel a lot better if you’d
take a few hits off that bong…”

“Absolutely not!”

Ben shrugged. “Ah, come on, it will be
legal soon. Just wait and see.”

“It’s not legal now, so get rid of it.”
Lindsey didn’t care that her voice sounded shrill, even to her ears.

Ben backed away and held up his hands,
palms facing her. “It’s just a little party. Nothing big. I swear it won’t
happen again.”

“You’re right, it won’t. And you need to
start thinking about somewhere else to live. This isn’t working for me. Go back
home to Fort Lauderdale. I don’t care. It’s not like you’re in school here.”

Ben’s face darkened. “Damn, the guys tried
to talk me out of moving in with you, said you were a stick-in-the-mud. But I
said they were wrong. Guess I was the one who was wrong.”

His words cut, but Lindsey was past
caring. “Are you not going to ask your friends to leave?”

“No, I’m not. The marathon is over at
midnight. I paid rent, and I have as much a right to be here as you do.” He
lined up the shots on the plate and went back out to the den.

Lindsey didn’t know how things between her
and Ben had deteriorated so quickly. All she could do now was continue the path
she had started.

She made a sandwich for dinner with a side
of chips, grabbed a soda, and retreated to her bedroom. She found something to
watch on television, too strung out to do much else. She could still hear the
television in the next room when she finally went to sleep.

#

The next morning, Lindsey emerged from her room with
no idea what to expect. The den was cleaner than before she went to bed, but a
smoky residual hung in the air like a bad aftertaste.

She would need to hire someone to steam
clean the carpets and furniture. She just hoped that they would be able to remove
the smell.

She made grits for her breakfast and sat
down in front of the television for an update on hurricane Marco. One of the
main weather stations promised a report from the resort island of Calliope. The
station switched to a reporter on the beach being pelted with rain and buffeted
by the wind.

“We’re here on the tiny resort island of
Calliope, known for its Las Vegas quality gambling. Guests have left and local
residents have battened down the hatches to ride out the storm. I’m talking
with the resort CEO, Ric Salzana.”

Lindsey held her breath, hoping she would
get to see him. The reporter turned and Lindsey gasped when she saw Ric on
camera. He wore a bright yellow rain slicker and a rain hat pulled down over
his forehead.

“Calliope has seen hurricanes before, and
we will again. We’re used to it, and we take every necessary precaution. Our
last guests evacuated around lunch yesterday. Right now, our power grid is
holding, but if the wind ramps up, I don’t know how much longer it will stay
on.” Lindsey’s heart swelled, and tears pooled in her eyes. That was her Ric.

Then he was gone. The report shifted to
other islands. Lindsey looked down, not even realized she was chewing on her
nails, an old habit from childhood. She had called Ric yesterday when they
landed in Atlanta, but he hadn’t answered. She knew he didn’t have time to talk
to her right now. She just had to trust that he would be okay.