Breaking Josephine (22 page)

I scrolled down to
the photo of my mother. Her dark chestnut hair, the same color as mine looked
radiant and luminous falling around her shoulders. Her dress was a pale blue,
not unlike the color of the one I wore just three weeks ago to the same social.
I looked at her face and she didn’t look like a woman grieving the loss of her
parents and her dream restaurant. Her eyebrows were slightly lifted, and she
looked like she would burst into a huge smile if given a reason. My eyes moved
from her face to her hand resting on her stomach. “She’s holding her stomach like
I’ve seen countless pregnant women do,” I thought to myself. The photo
confirmed what Diane had said, that my mother knew she was pregnant at the
social. I looked up at her face again, her face looking so happy and hopeful.

I printed a copy
of the photo in color, lost in thought. If she looked like that in the photo, then
something horrible must have happened just afterwards, horrible enough to make
her fall apart in front of Diane. Something that changed my mom from being
hopeful and happy and anxiously excited to running away from everything and
everyone and lying about the father of her unborn child. What was it?

I looked back at
the picture I’d just printed and my eyes grew round like saucers. I put my hand
up to my neck, and sat there, fingers trembling. What was it Dex asked me after
giving me the Tahitian pearls? If I had ever had a set of pearls like that
before? What did he call it? … A family heirloom passed down….

My pregnant
mother, standing in the doorway to the Daugherty’s house wore a small, yet
beautiful, string of Tahitian pearls around her neck, a string of pearls
looking identical to my own. I felt the hairs on my neck stand up and I
struggled to keep from screaming in the library. I thought about how Eileen
said the Hartleys ate at the diner all the time, for years, and how I saw the
picture of Eileen and Dex at the same social all those years ago. I realized it
was when he saw me at the social, looking so much like my mother all those
years ago, that he lost control, demanded to know my identity, who I really
was. It couldn’t have been a coincidence. Dex must have known. Dex knew my
mother and knew her true identity. He knew and he lied to me like everyone else
in my life.

I drove back to
Cannon Beach in a daze. How could Dex lie to me? After everything, after all we
seemed to mean to each other, how could he lie to me? And how did he even know
my mother or know who I was? I pulled up to the Red Barn just as Sam was
locking up for the day. I shut off the engine and climbed out.

“I was wondering
if you were going to come back or if you’d decided you liked that thing too
much to give it up,” Sam joked. He turned around and saw me, my hair a mess,
face damp with tears. I tried to wipe them away, but he could see the pain on
my face and in my eyes.

“Hey, Jo, are you
okay? What is it? Can I help?” Sam walked toward me and I let him give me a
small hug.

“I’m okay Sam,” I
said. I looked at Sam and wondered if he knew my mother too. “Sam, can I ask
you a question?” I said, trying to pull myself together.

“Of course,
anything.”

“Did you ever hear
of the Coastal Diner, or of Jacob and Lily Kincaid?” I asked as I wiped my
cheeks with my sleeve and pulled my hair off my face and into a messy ponytail.

Sam looked
thoughtful for a moment, then said, “When I got here, a diner had closed a year
or two before and nothing had taken its place. That’s why I picked Cannon Beach
to open my restaurant.” Sam paused, lost in thought. “You know, that might have
been the name of the place. I want to say the owners passed away and that’s why
it closed. The town is so small, there weren’t any locals immediately available
who wanted to take over if I remember right, so it was just boarded up and the
land was sold I think. I want to say it was located where Jack’s is now. Pretty
sure the building was torn down before I moved here.” Sam looked at me and
could see the pain in my eyes. “Why? What has you so concerned about a
twenty-year-old diner?”

I smiled a small,
tight smile. “It’s a long story, and I’m not even sure I know everything yet,
Sam. But it turns out everything I knew about my past might be a lie, and I
might have a lot more connections to Cannon Beach than I ever thought,
including the Coastal Diner.” I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. “I know
you’re going to be mad, but Sam, I need some time off. Is it okay if I’m out
for a few days? Can you find someone to cover for me?” I asked. I dropped my
head and trained my eyes at my feet, not expecting him to agree.

Sam paused for a
moment, saying, “Yeah, sure Jo, of course it is. I’ll find someone to cover for
you.” Sam took hold of my shoulders and held me out an arms-length away from
him. He bent his head down to catch my eyes, which I had kept focused on my
feet, and gave me a small smile. “Hey, look, you let me know if there’s
anything I can do. I’m not just your boss Jo, I’m your friend too. Okay? Don’t
forget that. If you’ve got family stuff to deal with, then take all the time
you need. I’ve got more summer help coming in this week and the Red Barn will
miss you, but we’ll be fine.” I finally looked up at him through my wet lashes
and nodded.

“Thanks Sam,” I
said, wiping my cheek again with my sleeve.

“Can I take you
home?” he asked.

“No, it’s okay,
really. I’d like to walk,” I said.

“Okay,” Sam said,
frowning. “Well … you be careful, Jo. And I mean it, call me if you need
anything. And you take your time coming back, if you need to take more than a
few days off, it’s okay, really.”

“Thanks Sam,” I
said, forcing a small smile.

He let me go and I
watched him climb into his car, back out of the parking space, and drive away. I
stood there, clutching my stomach, unsure what to do and where to go. I looked
up at the sky, the overcast, thin clouds hiding the sun and giving the air a
chill. I decided in that moment, feeling lost, alone, and deceived, that I
would walk to Hartley Manor. Dex said he would be back today. If he was already
home, I’d confront him. If not, I’d just break in and find the answers I
needed. I’d done it before, and I could do it again. I looked down at my
clothes: a long-sleeve ribbed shirt, jeans, and flip-flops. Not exactly
breaking-and-entering attire. But it didn’t matter, I thought to myself as I
started walking toward the beach, I didn’t need to be so careful this time. I
didn’t care if he found me or knew I had been there. I wasn’t the one trying to
hide anything this time.

By the time I’d
walked the few miles to Hartley Manor, my feet ached and my whole body felt
drained and empty. All the anger I felt at Dex had left me, and I felt more
broken and lost than anything. I walked up the road and saw his car in the
driveway. He was home. And now, without the energy, I wasn’t able to face him. I
backtracked and walked back toward the beach. I found my way onto the sandy
beach and walked toward the back of Hartley Manor, meeting the rocks on the
shore. I climbed over them, scraping the top of my foot but not caring. I made
it over the last section of craggy obstacles and looked up at the back of Dex’s
home. It seemed so welcoming from the back side, like a mothering embrace
reaching out to hold you and keep you safe. But I didn’t feel safe at all. I
felt betrayed and wronged by the man lurking somewhere inside that house. And
at that moment I couldn’t face him.

I turned out
toward the ocean and looked at the water, calm without wind in the air. The
dark clouds hung low, covering the sun and reflecting their grey stillness on
the water’s surface. I kicked off my flip-flops and walked toward the water. It
looked almost black without the sun’s rays and the waves lapped onto the sandy
shore like inky fingers reaching out to touch my toes and pull me in. I pulled
off my shirt and jeans, throwing them up onto the sandy beach and walked
further into the water, feeling its cold, inky fingers wrap around my ankles
and my calves. As the water reached my thighs, I paused, standing there,
staring at the waves as they beckoned to me with their endless caress. It would
be so easy I thought. So easy to just make all this turmoil, all this pain and
confusion disappear if I just kept walking and let myself go.

Part of me wanted
to do just that and forget it all, all the lies and the unknown answers, and
let the water have me. But then I thought of my mother. Something happened to
her, to make her change her name, leave her home, and lie to me my whole life
about my identity. But it didn’t break her. She didn’t let anyone or anything
keep her from having me and being the best mother she could. I started to turn
back toward the beach when I felt a hand on my shoulder. I spun in the water
and saw Dex standing in front of me in his boxers, water washing over his legs.

“What are you
doing, Jo? Are you okay?” he asked, appearing genuinely concerned.

I looked at him,
tears instantly welling up in my eyes. “When did you know, Dex?” I asked him. “When
did you know I was Becca Kincaid’s daughter? Why did you lie to me? I thought
you didn’t keep secrets from me. I thought I meant something to you. Why would
you lie if any of that was true?” I backed away from him, going further into
the water.

“Jo, please,” he
said, holding his hand out to me, “the water is freezing, and you’re standing
out here practically naked. Please. Take my hand and come inside where you can
warm up. I promise I’ll tell you everything I know. Please Jo, please come with
me.”

Dex held out his
hand, his eyes pleading with me to join him. I looked down at my white bra and
underwear and at my skin turning faintly blue in the cold. Then I turned,
looking away from Dex and back at the ocean. I felt broken and lost inside, my
emotions battering me like the ocean water. And the last thing I wanted was to
look into Dex’s beautiful blue eyes and see the truth—see that he’d been
lying to me from the beginning. But I knew I needed answers more than I needed
to escape and run away. My mother might have run from Cannon Beach and hid
herself away in Portland, but I was going to confront the past, sort through
the lies and broken pieces of my memories, and find the truth. I took a deep
breath and turned back toward Dex, his arm still stretched out, hand looking
for mine, and walked past him, out of the water and onto the beach. I picked up
my things and climbed the stairs of his deck.

I stood there
shivering at the edge of the deck, waiting for him to follow me and let me into
Hartley Manor to explain all the secrets he’d been keeping from me since we
met.
Dex handed me a towel and I dried myself off at the
doorway, pulling on my shirt and pants. He pulled on a pair of jeans and a
t-shirt he’d discarded at the door and let me in. I let Dex lead me to the couch
in his living room and wrap me up in a cashmere throw. He started the fire and
went to the kitchen while I tried to stop my teeth from chattering. My fingers
were still blue and I felt chilled to the point I could hardly focus. Dex came
back with a giant glass of a dark honey-colored liquor.

“What … i-i-is …
that?” I asked, still chattering as he handed it to me.

“Brandy. Drink it.
It will help you warm up,” he said, sitting down on the opposite couch. He sat
there, elbows resting on his thighs, hands clasped in front of him, waiting for
me.

I took a sip of
the brandy, and after getting over the initial burn, I did actually feel
slightly warmer. I took another sip and waited a few moments, collecting my
thoughts.

“Okay,” I finally
said. “Tell me everything you know about my mother.”

“First of all, Jo,”
Dex began, “I want to be clear, I never really knew whether you were Rebecca
Kincaid’s daughter or not. When I saw you out on the beach that night after you
were here, staring up at the house, it jogged a memory in my mind, but I
couldn’t place it. Then when I saw you at the social it fell into place. You
looked so much like her that night, I thought you had to be her daughter. And I
was so furious, I thought you must have come here to play me, and torment me,
but then when I confronted you, you didn’t seem to know what I was talking
about.”

Dex paused, and I
stared at him. He knew from almost the first moment he saw me that my mother
lived here, grew up here, and he said nothing. “Why didn’t you say anything
then?” I asked.

“I did,” he said,
looking at me, “I asked you who you were. And you told me your last name was
Sinclair, and that you were from Portland. I looked you in the eyes, I could
tell you were telling me the truth. So I left the social more confused than
ever. I couldn’t stop thinking about you Jo, how I felt when I saw you, how I
felt a connection each time we touched. And then when I gave you those pearls,
and you’d never seen them before, never seen anything like them, I knew I must
be crazy, and that you just looked like her, and weren’t related at all.”

“Wait, what?” I
said, feeling my anger rise in my chest. I couldn’t believe Dex would use
something like that as a way of testing me. “Those pearls were a test? You knew
my mother owned pearls like that?”

He looked at me
confused. “Those are Rebecca’s pearls, Jo. She left them with my father when
she left Cannon Beach all those years ago.”

I looked at him,
feeling my heart beat faster and my grip on my control wane. “Dex, I don’t have
the first clue what you’re talking about. How did you know my mother, and how
did you end up with her pearls?”