Breaking Perfect (39 page)

“Should
you call Mason?” He wasn’t really sure what to do in this type of situation. He
felt like Mason should be made aware of what happened right away, but he didn’t
want to cross Libby. Maybe they should even call her therapist, that Dr. Young.

“No.
Mason’s busy. Please don’t bother him at work with this. I’ll tell him when he
gets home, but there is no need to make him worry while he’s working.”

He
didn’t agree, but he wasn’t going to ignore her wishes. He could sneak away and
call Mase, but he wasn’t really sure he should leave her. He nodded slowly.

“Lunch
is about ready.”

“Okay,
Liberty.”

They
ate in silence. Liberty didn’t even seem to notice how distracted she appeared.
He didn’t stare at her, but he also never took his gaze off of her, always
keeping her in his peripheral.

When
he finished his sandwich he reached for her hand and gave it an affectionate
squeeze. She squeezed back and smiled up at him. Relief set in. There was his
Liberty. “What do you say we go for a swim after this?”

Her
smile bloomed. “That sounds great. Let me just clean up. Why don’t you go get changed?
I’ll meet you up there in a few minutes.”

He
watched her with keen eyes. She seemed genuine. He was reluctant to leave her,
but also didn’t want to make her think he was babysitting. He leaned in and
slowly kissed her. “Maybe we forget the suits.”

She
smiled against his lips. “Okay. Let’s listen to that new Beatles CD Mason got.
Why don’t you go put it on?”

Unable
to come up with another excuse he reluctantly stood and left her to clean up.
As he walked out of the kitchen he paused and watched her for a moment. She
seemed to be going about cleaning up as usual, methodically washing the dishes
and wiping down the counters. He turned and quickly headed up to the
entertainment room.

He
was on his way back downstairs before a single note was sung. British voices
filled the air as he returned to the kitchen. It was already spotless. Liberty
stood before the sink, palms braced against the lip of the basin, a cloud of
billowing steam curling up from the faucet.

As
if in slow motion he watched her arm bend and her hand reach for that scalding
fall of water. “
No!”
he shouted just as her fingers interrupted the flow
and sent a cascade of burning water over her soft skin.

He
grabbed her and jerked her away from the sink, furious that she deceived him.
He shut the sink off and faced her. She was crying, her eyes unfocussed, her
sharp thumbnail pressing into the pink, freshly burned flesh of her hand.

“What
the fuck, Liberty?”

She
didn’t answer or even seem to hear him. She simply stared down at the
immaculate floor, her nail worrying her tender flesh red until a piece of raw
skin peeled away and pinpricks of blood raised to the surface. He grabbed her
hand. His other hand wrapped around her tiny thumb.

“
Stop
it!
Look what you’re doing to yourself!”

She
didn’t look. Her teeth bit into her lip, the pressure turning her soft pink
mouth white and then purple as a bruise took shape right before his eyes. She
was going to draw blood. “God damn it, Liberty, stop!”

Tears
rolled down her cheeks and she began to shake. What the fuck should he do? “I’m
calling Mason,” he said suddenly, not knowing what else to do.

“No!”
she shouted. He froze and she fell apart right before his eyes. He caught her
in his arms as she began to sob.

“Talk
to me, Lib. Tell me what you need.”

Her
entire body shook with the force of her tears. “I need…I need to get it out.”

“Get
what out?” He held her tight, sensing she needed the closeness, needed to feel
secure.

“I
don’t want to hurt myself, but I can’t stop it. It’s like a snake crawling
through my veins.”

“Tell
me what to do to make it stop.”

“There’s
nothing you can do. I just have to wait it out or exorcise it in ways that
aren’t good.”

“You
mean like burning yourself.”

She
turned away as if too ashamed to verbalize it. He wasn’t a psychological person
in any way, shape or form. At least Mason had taken a few psych classes in
college and read up on Liberty’s disorder. Why hadn’t he taken the time to do
that the moment he agreed to move in? She just seemed so well adjusted and
normal, aside from being a clean freak. She made it easy to forget she was
sick.

“Liberty,
are you saying only pain will make it go away?”

“That
or time.”

Fuck!
Fuck this bitch for calling and getting Liberty so upset. He ground his teeth
together and thought for a moment, as he looked down and tensed. The entire
time he had been holding her she had been scraping her nail along her skin
leaving a mark. “
No!”

When
they were kids they called them sissy tests. They used to mark their skin as if
to show how tough they were. Stupid thing to do, being that every single one
ended as a permanent scar.

He
restrained her and she allowed him to do so. She simply looked down and
continued to cry. He couldn’t leave her alone. He reached into his pocket,
pulled his phone behind her back and texted Mase. He didn’t want to worry him,
like Liberty had said. Mason’s job saved lives and someone else may need him
more than them at that moment. Thinking of a fast way to get Mase home with as
little stress as possible he sent him a text.

We miss you. Lib and I wanted to see if you could take a
half day. Y don’t you see if you can get out early? Love ya.

As
he slipped his phone back in his pocket he looked down at Liberty. She wasn’t
doing well. He had an idea, but wasn’t sure if it would backfire on him. He
sighed as he realized he only had one idea to work with. Hopefully when she
came out of this dark place she would forgive him. “Okay, little girl. You’re
coming with me.”

Chapter Sixteen

Liberty
stared numbly at the wall as Sean sat her on the bed. “You with me, Lib?”

She
wanted to say she was here, but she couldn’t answer. Answering required talking
and talking required feeling. If she let herself feel, let her mind out of the
little trap she held her thoughts in, she would shatter. The pain would swallow
her whole until she gave way for it to get out.

Her
mother’s hateful words echoed through her mind accompanied by haunting visions
of her past. Sean kneeled before her, his eyes troubled, and she knew this was
her fault. More sins. His hands pried her fingers apart and kissed the gouge
she had left in her skin. Sighing, he turned and moved to the nightstand. He
returned a second later with a long sash.

“Don’t
hate me, okay?” His voice was ragged.

He
pressed her wrists together, her palms curling against one another, as he wove
the sash tightly around her hands. Her fingers could cross, but she could no
longer scratch herself. He bound her hands until her palms were flattened
together as if she were saying her prayers.

“Lay
back.” He eased her shoulder back and guided her to the bed. His touch was
light and gentle. He was always so careful. She frowned as she felt him undo
her pants and slide them off her legs, followed by her panties. What was he
doing?

He
stood and watched her for a moment. His brow creased as if in deep conflict. He
paced and then came to stand at the foot of the bed again. “Fuck,” he whispered
to himself and paced some more. Finally he seemed to reach some sort of
decision. “God, forgive me.”

He
removed his pants and shirt. His penis was flaccid against the backdrop of his
hard body. Liberty curiously watched him through teary eyes as he approached
her. He reached between her legs and briefly touched her dry folds. His touch
wasn’t sexual, but clinical.

“Good,”
he said on a shaky breath. He fingered the edge of her blouse. “I should have
removed this before I tied your hands.” He was nervous.

He
shut his eyes and took three deep breaths. When he looked down at her again the
tortured creases bracketing his eyes were accompanied by hard lines of
determination. He pressed his hands into his hips. “Liberty, I think I can help
you. So help me God if I make this worse I’ll never forgive myself. I want you
to know I’m only doing this because I love you. When you call my name it’ll all
be over.”

She
told her head to nod so he knew she understood even though she had no idea what
he was talking about.
 
She somehow sensed
he was trying to help her. She forced her muscles to move and could swear her
head moved, but knew she hadn’t budged at all. Sean squeezed his eyes shut and
uttered an oath. Then she was on her belly with her hands over her head. Sean
straddled her thighs, his weight something she craved.

His
palm coasted over her soft flesh as he mapped out her curves. Sharp pain
suddenly lanced through her rear as a crack of flesh hitting flesh rent the
air.

“One,”
Sean said as she cried out in shock.

He
spanked her. She had never been struck like that in her life. Her flesh burned
and her body quivered. Another crack sounded and white hot pain shot through
her other cheek.

“Two.”

What
was he doing? He was hitting her. Fear suddenly trembled through her. Her hands
were tied and he had her pinned. Mason wouldn’t be home for hours. And why was
he waiting so long for the next one. Two wasn’t enough.

“Three.”

Fire
filled her veins and her flesh prickled. A deep throb began in her belly.
Something about that third slap against her ass settled something inside of
her. One thousand invisible needles pricked her skin in the shape of Sean’s
hand.

“One.”
He struck again. This time a little harder or perhaps it was just that he was
now slapping already abused skin.

Her
flesh felt as though it was plumping beneath the surface, feeling larger than
it was. Visions of pink and red filled her mind and something small opened up
inside of her.

“Two.”

She
cried out. She visualized that small hole that had opened up. It was like a
bud, forcing its way open from within the claws of a tightly knit stem.
Glowing, burning shades of gold and amber in a storm of blackness.

“Three.”

The
intense fire that lit along her flesh rushed through her pores, up her spine
and into that small bud. An explosion of graceful vines burst forth in her
mind, coiling around her psyche like arms holding her tightly together.
Squeezing, choking away the hurt. Something was happening to her, something
terrifying, beyond her control, yet just on the cusp of it. She feared this
thing that grabbed hold of her and at the same time feared Sean would stop.

His
thighs slid down her legs and then a fresh patch of pain lanced into her flesh.

“One.”

Ah,
another set of three. She took comfort in the perfect number, its dependable
cycle taking hold of her once more.

“Two.”

Hot.
Burn. Sear. Penetrate. Deep. Encompassing. Craving. Holding. Hijacking.
Dispersing. Throbbing. Aching. Wanting. Comforting. Her mind was a collision of
emotions, so many contradicting feelings yet all of them uniformly right.

The
intricate bud in her mind forced itself out into a radiant flower. It was
something unique and new, something she’d never imagined or thought of before.
Tendrils of sparkling vines twisted and turned within her, pulling her all
together, holding her there so that she wouldn’t come apart. She felt
incredibly safe, warm, and centered.

“Three!”
The crack of Sean’s palm coming down on her flesh split the air.

She
sobbed, much like she would at the peak of a climax. The flower burst into a
thousand stars. Light flickered within her, winking in and out of her vision, a
kaleidoscope of crystallized raindrops pouring over her, marking her with tiny
prisms of light that would create new buds of pleasure. This must be what it
was like when a star burst into a galaxy.

She
was suddenly free, as if she were falling, but at the same time wrapped in a
tight nest of feathers. Her senses awakened and the pain washed away. Her flesh
burned in a way that centered her, made her feel as if she had come full
circle. There was no shame. There was only this incredible, all-encompassing
sense of rightness. A feeling she welcomed. She shut her eyes and dove into the
sensations, letting them swallow her whole.

The
delicious ache enraptured her entire being. Her mind let go. Her fears diluted,
seeming suddenly silly and small. Every part of her was alive, mind, body,
soul. Her heart beat steadily in her ears and she could hear Sean breathing
heavily behind her. Not just Sean. She was panting as well.

His
hand drifted over her baked flesh. Although he was gentle his touch cut right
to her core. She moaned and he again reached between her legs. She was sopping
wet. The barely there touch of his fingers so necessary she practically had an
orgasm then and there, her hollow entrance spasming and weeping for him.

“Sean,”
she moaned his name, begging him to finish this thing he started.

“Fuck,
Liberty, I should walk away now.”

“Please
don’t leave me like this.”

“Did
I hurt you?” She recognized the guilt in his voice.

“No,
but I need you to finish this.
Please!”

His
body began to tremble. “Libby, I can’t, I’m not in a good place right now to
touch you that way. I can’t be gentle.”

“Forget
gentle. Please, Sean, I need you.”

If
he abandoned her now she would die. He brought her to this place. He created
this need inside of her. She was like a bitch in heat wanting nothing more than
for him to fuck her like an animal. This couldn’t be over. A needy sob bubbled
out of her, “Please don’t abandon me. I trust you. Help me.”