Breathe (17 page)

“Speaking of, there's something else in the bag. But it's just for you.”

She reached in and pulled out a small rectangular box. Her heart froze. Surely he didn't feel the need to ply her with gifts after they'd made love. The lemonade soured in her mouth. It was something Stefano had done in the past, given her something from the jewelers when she'd pleased him in some way.

It wasn't that she wanted anything from Jace, she didn't. And she definitely didn't want a lover's token to cheapen what had been between them.

With trembling fingers, she opened it. It was a twisted silver chain with the most gorgeous locket she had ever seen. The heart shape was over an inch high, and stamped in the middle was an orchid. One that looked just like the orchid on the Morelli logo.

It was too much, and her throat clogged, not at the beauty of the piece, but at the gesture. Didn't he realize his welcoming kiss meant just as much? It only proved that she was right in deciding to move on.

“How did you…I mean, where did you find this today? You cannot convince me this piece was in the village. And you haven't had time to travel elsewhere or have anything shipped.”

He came to her and clasped her hand, so that the necklace was held by the two of them. “Of course not. I have had this a long time.”

She didn't understand. “But we have been over for…”

“Forever,” he finished. He pressed the gentlest of kisses on the crest of her cheek. “You don't see, do you?”

She shook her head. When she'd picked up the box she'd been afraid it was a lover's morning-after gift. But now it dawned on her that it was so much more, and her insides twisted with a combination of elation and fear. This made it so much worse.

“I bought this in Vancouver. I had to borrow the money from Alex back then. We were on our way home. I wanted to buy you a ring but knew I couldn't afford it. But this…I wanted to give it to you when I proposed. I thought…”

He broke off, cleared his throat. “Alex didn't know. He thought I was off to buy something for my mom's birthday. But I saw the orchid and thought of you. I knew the story behind your family, you see. How your grandmother was the one with the fortune and your grandfather was the poor boy, but how it was their love that made them strong. I wasn't totally blind, Anna. And I thought you could put a picture of our baby inside.”

When had he become so sentimental?

And didn't he know how much it hurt to receive such a gift now? Now, when any possibility of putting a picture inside was gone?

“Why now?” she whispered, touching the orchid on the front with the tip of her finger.

“I don't know,” he answered softly. “It seemed right. Considering all that happened yesterday. Considering how far we've come.”

But had they come so far? All they'd done was finally have a conversation they should have had—and had avoided—for too many years. And making love had been… Her body flushed all over. It had been incredible. More than incredible. But it had been a reaction, and she was no longer foolish enough to make big decisions based on an emotional reaction. She'd done that before and had ended up married to Stefano.

This time she had to keep her eye on the big picture. And this time it wasn't only her heart at stake. It was the lives of her children. She was too old and wise now to take risks.

“I'm sorry, Jace. I don't think I should accept this.”

She pulled her hand away and put the chain back in the box. But when she moved to hand it back to him, he held up his hands.

“No, Anna. It is yours. It has always been yours. What you choose to do with it, I'll leave to you.”

“I don't want you to think I need presents.”

His chin flattened. She got the impression she'd insulted him, but that hadn't been her intention. She just didn't want him to think there was more to this than there was.

“Perhaps I
wanted
to give it to you.”

She didn't want to fight over it. She didn't want to fight with him at all anymore. Now was as good a time as any to tell him what she'd decided while she was rolling paint today. She took a deep breath, hoping he wouldn't interrupt midstream so she could get it all out. Make him understand, without there being hard feelings. They'd already had enough hard feelings for a lifetime.

“Look, Jace, I'm very glad we talked. We should have a long time ago and it feels…good knowing it is not between us anymore. But yesterday…it was simply a reaction to something we should have resolved and didn't. Closing a chapter, do you see?”

His jaw clenched, and she quailed a little but knew she had to press on. She had to finish this job to put the rest into motion. But it wouldn't do to lead him on.

“I've been thinking. And once everything is delivered and in place next week, the children and I are leaving.”

“Leaving.” A muscle in his jaw ticked, and his eyes darkened. “Where are you going?”

She lifted her chin. She could do this, she could. “I want to branch out on my own. The one thing I loved about my home was the ability to decorate it the way I wanted. And I've really enjoyed putting together your guesthouse. I'm going to take some courses and then build my own business as a decorator. I've been doing marketing for Morelli, so the business side will be a breeze. I've really enjoyed the hands-on part here. I can take my time and decide what to do about my house and Morelli. But building something new, it's what's right. For me and for the children.”

“You're running away.”

She shook her head. “No, Jace. Running away was what I did when I came here, and I came here to figure things out. I've come to realize a lot of things. And one is I need to look forward and make a life for me, and Matteo and Aurelia. I'm not running. I just refuse to make huge life decisions based on emotion, which is what I did when I lost the baby.” She took a breath and forged forward. “It was what I did last night. I let my emotions rule my head. From now on, I'm thinking things through.”

She met his eyes and just said the words. “The children and I will be leaving for the Island next Friday.”

A cry sounded from the doorway and they both turned their heads. Matteo stood in the breach, his brown eyes flashing and his lips set in a hateful line.

“No! I do not want to go!” He shouted it right at his mother. “
I hate you!
”

“Matteo!” Anna gasped at the outburst, but Matteo spun and ran out the front door, slamming it behind him. The bang woke Aurelia, who immediately started crying.

Jace gave Anna a withering glare. “You get Aurelia. I'll find Matteo.”

He left her in the kitchen, making her feel like the world's worst parent all over again.

Chapter Ten

Matteo's tiny legs couldn't compete with Jace's long ones. He caught up with the boy when he was only halfway across the yard. Neither were the kicks and furious grunts aimed at him any match for Jace's strength. He simply scooped up the boy and held on until he quieted.

“I'm sorry, Matteo.”

He looked down into the brown eyes, recognizing the confusion and upset reflected there. He meant so much more by the words than Matteo would ever understand. But he was smart enough to know that Matteo was hurting and was at an age where he couldn't possibly make sense of it. Hell, Jace didn't even understand and he had thirty more years of experience.

Matteo stuck out his lip. “Why are
you
sorry?”

Jace refused to look away. “I'm sorry because you lost your papa and now your mama says you are leaving again. That is why you're angry, yes?”

“Put me down. Please.”

The last word was the only reason Jace complied.

“Jace?”

“Yes, Matteo.”

“I am going to miss your boat.”

Jace tried not to laugh. Matteo was so clear, so honest in what he wanted. Growing up complicated things. He took Matteo's hand, the smaller size unfamiliar but not unwelcome in his own. He gripped it tightly, hoping he could reassure the boy. Had it only been a few weeks ago that he'd resisted having the children here? And now he could hardly imagine Two Willows without them. “You are not gone yet. We'll still go for rides. I promise.”

He wished he could convince Anna to stay as easily as he'd gotten through to Matteo. Surely she had to see their mistakes could be righted. This didn't have to mark an ending. It could be a beginning. He could provide for her now. He'd given her the locket as an attempt to begin proving it. But perhaps she needed more incentive. He looked around him as the sun glowed warmly on the exterior of the guesthouse. Two Willows was a wonderful place to raise a family. He could offer her that. She had to see how happy her children were, with the trees and grass and the water surrounding them. He could buy a few horses, show Matteo all those things his father had shown him as a boy. The things he had enjoyed with Anna and Alex as they'd grown. Now he could provide that and so much more.

All he knew was that this time he wasn't going to give up so easily.

“Let me talk to your mama about it,” he said, kneeling before Matteo. “For right now I don't want you to worry. Why don't we go for that swim I promised?”

Matteo's eyes suddenly swam with tears.

“What is wrong now?”

“You said I had to be good for Mama.” A sniffle cut the sentence from the next one. “I wasn't good. I said I hated her.”

Ah. Again Jace bit back a smile. He was beginning to understand why Anna tried so hard. Matteo's soulful eyes stared up at him, seeking some sort of absolution, and Jace meant to give it.

“Did you mean it?”

He shook his head.

“You were angry?”

Matteo shrugged and Jace's heart softened further. “Maybe scared?”

Another shrug.

Anna came out of the guesthouse with Aurelia on her hip. His heart caught, tangled up in wishes that somehow their child could have lived. She was such a good mother, and at first it had surprised him. But not now. Anna had a world of love in her heart, but for right now it was reserved only for her children. What would it take to break down the walls around it, so she could love him too?

Jace stood, holding Matteo's small hand in his. She paused and stared at him, her with the baby in her arms and him with her son holding his hand. He'd be damned if he'd let her get away this time. But he couldn't press his case. Not with the children listening to every word. She'd already said how Matteo had heard her arguing with Stefano. No, this was something they had to do alone. Right now they had to do something to cool the tension simmering.

She came forward and he forced the muscles in his body to relax. “Is she okay?”

“She was just scared.”

Aurelia had her fingers in her mouth, but as Jace reached out and smoothed her curls, she let go and reached out for him. “Up,” she said.

Jace let go of Matteo's hand and took her into his arms. He settled her comfortably, absurdly pleased by the confounded look on Anna's face. “I think Matteo wants to say something,” he prodded. He put his free hand on Matteo's head, encouraging, supporting.

Matteo scuffed the ground with a toe, reverting to the Italian he had learned at home. “
Mi dispiace
. I'm sorry, Mama.
Ti amo
.”

She knelt before him. “And I love you. Always.”

He hugged her then and she turned her eyes up at Jace as Matteo's arms clasped her neck. It was clear to him she wasn't sure how they'd gotten to this point. And no matter what she said, she
was
running scared and making decisions based on that emotion. It was also equally clear to him the cause. His chest swelled as the impact struck, and he knew more than ever that he couldn't give up.

She still loved him. And he loved her. Always had. It had always been between them, an alive, breathing thing, only made dormant in the intervening years. Now, suddenly awakened, it was more powerful than ever. It had been awakened last night and acknowledged during their lovemaking.

He imagined it was a lot for her to process. He wished he could go slowly, take his time to convince her. But he only had a week…and she was prepared to fight him every step of the way. He could tell by the way she kept her hands away from his. Careful not to touch.

“I told Matteo we could go swimming.”

“That's a good idea.”

It surprised him that she agreed, but perhaps they both understood the need for a distraction. “If you'll get them ready—”

“Jace, I—”

“Not now.” His voice was low with warning. He had much to say, but not in front of the children.

“I'll meet you under the willow in ten minutes.” He spoke to Matteo but meant it for Anna.

Anna finished folding the laundry and sighed. It would be so easy to stay, but what then? She put the tiny pajamas on top of the pile and rested her hand on the soft cotton. She wasn't stupid. There was a lot between her and Jace. And she loved him. She loved him perhaps as much as she had as a girl. Maybe even more.

Which meant nothing had changed. And she desperately needed it to change. She needed to break the pattern. Loving Jace had broken her heart and she wasn't sure she could survive that again. It had led to her knee-jerk reaction of marrying Stefano, another huge mistake. She did not regret her children, but she did regret the choices she'd made that had brought them all to this place.

She closed her eyes, trying to drive away the memory of his sheets on her skin, the warmth of him beside her. This had all happened because of a reaction to the past. It was flawed logic and when the fog cleared, who would pay the price? Matteo and Aurelia. Jace would realize he didn't want the family package and they would be left again. Only this time it would be worse. This time there wouldn't be any comfort in blame. She put her hand in her pocket and felt the locket resting there, warm against her skin. What it represented frightened her. She didn't want his promises, not when she was so afraid he'd only break them. The thought of letting herself love him again and possibly losing him made it hard for her to breathe.