Breathe (16 page)

Dancing with her baby girl.

Aurelia's lashes fluttered, then settled on her cheeks again, and Jace felt a wave of love crash over him. His girls. Somehow, in just this short amount of time, they had become his girls. He had loved Anna half his life and had spent a great deal of that time resenting her, or at least convincing himself he should to make his mistakes hurt less. But now she was his. Tonight had proved that. Now he knew the truth, and he could go about making things right. And Aurelia—she was an angel. Holding her in his arms the day she'd been stung had awakened something in him. A protectiveness he hadn't expected. All she had to do was turn her toothy grin on him and he was a goner.

He'd do right by them all. And if that meant trading in his Porsche in return for stepping in and doing what was right for these children, he'd do it gladly. He'd see Two Willows flourish, and he'd provide for them. They would want for nothing.

Her bare feet made tiny circles and his pulse quickened. His Anna. They would put the past behind them and she would see this was where she belonged.

He stepped into the room, and she turned, startled at his sudden presence.

“Is she asleep?” he whispered.

“I think so.” Anna tried to keep her voice steady and failed. He looked so sexy standing there in the gray moonlight, with just his jeans on and no shirt, no shoes. She realized the jeans were unbuttoned and that he wore nothing beneath them and she blushed, turned away and placed Aurelia very gently back in the playpen, covering her with a blanket.

But that didn't work either, for when she turned around again he was still there, and now her hands were unoccupied. She knew exactly where she wanted to put them.

And she knew it would be a big mistake.

She'd heard Aurelia's whimpers and she'd gone to her, tended to her, the moment in the shadows bittersweet as she had thought about the baby she'd never known. She and Jace could not turn back the clock or change what had happened. She closed her eyes briefly. These moments with him were not real. They were a reaction, a reaction that had been long years in coming. She had to keep looking forward. She had to remember her goals. And Jace's way of life still did not fit with what she wanted. What she needed.

But it was so very difficult to remember when he stood before her, warm and sexy and wanting her. Harder still knowing how much she wanted him.

“Come back to bed,” he suggested softly.

The very idea was so seductive she nearly followed him to the door. But she paused. The fire that had burned between them tonight couldn't be sustained in the clear light of day. Emotions were at a peak, but she was smart enough to know they were a reaction to something that had happened nearly a decade before. Tonight had all the earmarks of a huge mistake and she didn't need to make it again.

“I should be here if she wakes up again.”

“My room is just down the hall. You heard her the first time, didn't you?”

His hushed whispers caused the baby to stir and Anna knew they had to talk outside the room. Only that meant they would be one step closer to his bedroom. Damn.

She pulled the door mostly shut behind her. “She's used to sleeping with me, Jace.”

“I can see how she wouldn't want to give that up,” he said, a charming smile quirking the corner of his mouth. He reached out and tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. “In the moonlight just now, in that nightgown, you looked like an angel, Anna.”

She swallowed. She'd picked the plainest cotton thing she could find, hoping to somehow regain her balance. Didn't men like silk and lace? He'd certainly approved of her underwear earlier. “You are all flattery.”

“No,” he responded. His body was close and she backed up, only the wall was behind her and there was no place to go. She could feel the warmth of his chest against her even though they weren't touching. “Tonight is about only truth. And the truth is you're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen. Ever touched. Ever loved.”

He leaned in, putting his hands on the wall on either side of her head. The heat from his body was like a magnet, and everything in her stuttered.

“Come back to bed with me,” he whispered. His breath was in her ear and her whole body shivered in response. She wanted to. If this wasn't real, was there truly any harm in letting it last a few more hours? Maybe that would be enough, for both of them. Perhaps tomorrow was time enough to think clearly. If this was all she would let herself have, shouldn't she have all of it? They were older now. It didn't matter about his intentions. She knew Jace now as a man. He wasn't interested in marriage. And for one night, she wanted to feel like a desirable woman. She hadn't felt like anything beyond a failure for so long.

She wanted to feel loved by the man who knew her best. Maybe it was selfish. She knew the children came first. But she'd spent so many years doing the right thing that this one night she wanted to break her own rules and do something one hundred percent indulgent.

He moved one hand from the wall, and a long finger stroked up her arm, down her collarbone to graze the side of her breast. Her skin fluttered and goose bumps erupted over her body.

“Yes,” she whispered, and he took her hand. And when they reached his room, he shut the door.

Anna left him sleeping and tiptoed to the door. She had to creep into her bedroom and dress before the children were up and demanding breakfast. Already the sun was higher than it normally was when she woke, and it wouldn't do for Matteo to catch her in Jace's room. She was determined to set a better example than his father had. Stefano's affair had changed everything. She did not want to confuse Matteo further.

Today she had to step out into the light and decide what came next. Not just for her. But for all of them. And what had to come first was the happiness of her children.

The day was already hot. Aurelia slept fitfully as Anna pulled on her clothes. She'd wake any time. Aurelia's rising in the middle of the night must have caused her to sleep longer than normal. She dressed in denim capris and a sleeveless top and then checked Matteo's room. He was sitting on his bed with a bag of marbles, arranging them in a circle, with the colored ones on the inside.

“Good morning,” she said lightly, sticking her head in the door. “Are you hungry? Get dressed and I'll make you breakfast.”

“Are we going in the boat today?”

This was the problem with toys. Until the novelty wore off, he would keep nagging to enjoy it.

“Not today. We need to work, both Jace and me. You and Aurelia can come with me and play with your toys at the guesthouse.”

His lips set. Clearly he didn't like that idea.

“Come, Matteo, I'll make Francesca's frittatas. And maybe after our work is done, we can go for a swim.”

“But you don't like swimming.”

She stepped in the room. “I used to swim all the time.” She smiled a little. Indeed. “Did you know that Jace and I used to swim in a stream very close to
Nonno
Roberto's house?” She didn't add that many a time it was without benefit of a swimsuit. They'd been young and foolish and so sure they were bulletproof.

“Will Jace go with us?”

“Go with you where?”

She jumped at the sound of his voice. When she turned she saw he had a very awake, very quiet Aurelia in his arms. The arms that had held her and loved her most of the night. His golf shirt hugged his form, strong and dark against the pale delicateness of the baby's skin.

“Swimming,” Matteo answered, oblivious to anything happening between his mother and Jace.

“What did your mama say?”

“I have to get dressed and have frittata and that you have to work and maybe later.”

Jace laughed, the warm masculine sound sending shivers down the backs of her legs. Oh, this wouldn't do at all.

“That sounds fair to me. I'm going to be out in the vines all day. A swim will feel good tonight, though.”

“Okay.”

Jace nodded. “But you have to be good for your mama, you hear?”

“Yes, sir.” Matteo agreed instantly, respectfully, and Anna stilled.

What had she done?

They had needed to talk. And she was glad the truth was out. But what was said—and done—in the dark last night was very, very different in the clear light of day. He was starting to step in, in small insidious ways. First with the boat and with Aurelia and now giving instructions. She wasn't sure she wanted that. Not that Jace had done anything wrong, but she didn't want Matteo especially to get his feelings pinned on Jace. He'd already lost one male figure, albeit a mediocre-to-poor one. But to let him rely on Jace and take him away again…and take him she knew she must. This was a place to heal and regroup, but not to start over. Their future was not here. She had a house and a job in Victoria. Matteo would be more confused. And hurt.

She hadn't foreseen this happening. And perhaps she should have, but she'd been thinking in crisis mode, and the idea that Matteo and Jace would bond hadn't crossed her mind. Especially after the way they had crossed swords the first night.

“I'll take Aurelia. She needs to be changed. And then I'll make us all breakfast, okay?”

She couldn't meet his eyes. Instead she focused on the baby, forcing a smile where she felt none. Sleeping with Jace had been a mistake. She'd suspected it at the time but had ignored the warnings. Guilt slid through her. Once again, she'd made a choice based on her own wants and not the bigger picture.

It had been beautiful but a mistake nonetheless. It should have been about ending something that had never truly been ended. She wanted to build her own life for herself and for her children. The last thing she'd wanted was to find herself smack dab in the middle of…whatever it was they were. Clearly not over, if Jace's actions were any indication.

Jace stepped back as she took Aurelia from his arms, and she sensed the cautiously confused look on his face. She would explain it later, when the children were occupied.

After breakfast he disappeared, and she determinedly cleaned up the mess and packed up the children. The day was sunny and warm again, and she made sure they were set up with lots of toys before going inside and taping off the living room, preparing it for the paint she'd chosen.

She took frequent breaks to check on Matteo and Aurelia, read them stories and unwrapped snacks. This was what she'd wanted all along. Freedom. She could spend her time the way she wanted, yet inside she was making progress, on her own schedule, and it gave her such a sense of accomplishment. How long since she'd known such freedom? Perhaps never. There had always been some expectation at the Morelli office, or a standard to uphold as Stefano's wife. She was tired of it and had come here wanting to find out how to define herself.

She sighed. She hadn't meant to define herself by attaching herself to Jace again. Wouldn't that be a step backwards? Oh, trying to make sense of it all only confused her more.

“Mama?”

She paused, her paint roller in hand, at Matteo's tiny voice.

“Yes, darling?”

“We're tired.”

“Would you like to sleep on the bed upstairs for a while?”

He nodded, and she smiled softly, putting the roller back in the tray and going over to hug him close. “Lots of playing and fresh air,” she said. “Let's get Aurelia changed.”

She gave Aurelia a bottle and tucked them both under a light blanket, the baby already asleep on the wall side of the bed and Matteo's eyes heavy as he curled up beside her. She wondered briefly what their baby would have looked like, hers and Jace's. Dark hair surely. And brown eyes. And a hint of dimples, like their daddy. Sadness mixed with tenderness as she ran one gentle finger over Matteo's cheek. She'd thought telling Jace would end these feelings, but now wondered if they would ever go away. Or if she wanted them to. In some way, it kept her heart tethered to his.

She left the children there and went to finish the primer coat on the wall. She was washing out the roller at the kitchen sink when Jace came in.

“You planning on staying all day?”

She smiled, trying to push down the sense of excitement she felt just knowing he was close by. He came into the kitchen, a bag in his hands and a grin on his face.

“That was the plan. I'm painting the living room today.”

He held out the bag. “And Matteo and Aurelia?”

“Tired out. Asleep upstairs.”

“So we are alone.”

Her heart tripped as he said exactly what she was thinking. “Yes.”

He flashed a quicksilver smile. “Perfect.” He put the bag on the countertop and stepped forward, pressing a kiss to her surprised lips.

“Jace,” she chided, but he simply laughed, put his arms around her and kissed her again.

And oh, he tasted good. So good she could have kissed him here in the kitchen all afternoon long. For a few moments, she let herself go and kissed him back. But in the end she made herself push away. She couldn't get carried away again. Yesterday had been different. Today had to be about clearer heads.

Her cheeks flushed, she looked at the plastic bag instead of him. “What's in there?”

“Lemonade.” He reached in and pulled out a glass bottle. “It's a hot day. I thought everyone might enjoy it.”

“It's lovely, but you don't have to take care of us, Jace.” She put the bottle on the counter and rinsed a few glasses from the cupboard, just to keep her hands busy.

“I know. I want to.”

Were they still talking about lemonade? She wasn't sure. It was a small gesture and a lovely one, but there was more going on here.

All day she had been thinking about what to do, and she'd come up with a pseudo plan. They couldn't stay here. They would all come to rely on Jace too much. She'd come to regroup and she was doing that. Talking to Jace yesterday had been painful, but it had helped put some of the unresolved issues between them to rest. It had cleared the air of so many of the things they should have talked about sooner. The past was behind them. She needed to move on. And she needed to do it standing on her own two feet, not by jumping into another dependent situation. That's exactly what would happen if she stayed here with Jace.