Breathe (6 page)

And now he'd driven her away because of his stubbornness. Again.

She opened her door and went to slide behind the wheel, and he jogged up the remainder of the dirt path, needing to reach her. Dammit, he'd promised to help her and all he'd done was snip and snarl and drive her away.

“Anna, wait!”

He braced his hands on the open door and glared. “Where do you think you're going?”

Her lips thinned and her eyes sparked. “I beg your pardon?”

“You're leaving? Just like that?”

He stood back as she slid out from behind the wheel and shut the door. “What do you mean, I'm leaving?” She angled her head as her words shot out, sharp as nails. “Do you think I'm a quitter?”

Why was it everything turned into a fight with her?

“I don't know. Are you?” He glared right back at her. Patience and understanding? Maybe he could give them to her if she waited half a minute.

“Keep your voice down. The children are in the car.”

He bit back a sharp retort when he saw the look in her eyes. She was angry with him, but there was something more. A vulnerability, a weakness. Something that looked like guilt. His gaze darted from hers to the backseat and back again as realization dawned.

“You don't want them to see us arguing.”

“No.”

He remembered his parents arguing—loudly—as he'd grown up, but he also remembered he'd never felt insecure about it. They'd always laughed and made up. He'd never felt any fear that an argument would lead to something more permanent. Somehow last night when she'd brought the children down he'd wanted that sense of family again. He missed his parents. Missed their mealtime conversations and teasing.

But that hadn't worked out the way he'd imagined. And all the things Anna was saying—and not saying—told him her life with Stefano had been more difficult than she let on.

“Did they see you argue with Stefano?” He asked it quieter, evenly. His pulse pounded at his temple. With every passing hour it seemed he disliked the man more, if that were possible. Even if he were already dead. He'd done nothing to earn Jace's regard, either before his death or after. He had been an empty suit and all wrong for Anna, who needed someone more…

More like him. Yeah, right.

“At the end. Aurelia is only a baby, but Matteo…” Her voice faded as she turned and waggled her fingers at her son sitting in the car, pasting on a smile for his benefit. “He has big ears.”

“What did he hear?”

Anna turned her head, avoiding him. He could tell by the hard line of her jaw that she was shutting him out. And damn, he deserved it, he knew that. And he wouldn't be the one to bring up the past. But at the same time, he wanted to know. Needed to know. What had Matteo heard?

“Anna.”

“I don't want to get into it. Not now.”

He swallowed, his throat dry with words he couldn't say. “We will talk about it later. When we're alone.”

She glanced into the car again. He got the feeling she almost hoped the children would be distressed so that she could escape. The corners of his mouth twitched as he saw, as she did, Matteo lean over Aurelia's seat. He was making faces at her, and Jace heard the muffled sound of giggles.

“Why?” She asked it wearily. And he knew the exhaustion on her face was exactly why. Because she'd been hurt enough and he couldn't help her if he didn't know the entire truth.

“Because we're friends. We have always been friends, and because you trusted me enough to come here. Why do you think I was so accommodating?”

“Perhaps to prove a point? To rub my nose in it?” She lifted her eyebrows, challenging.

He cursed under his breath. “No, you silly girl. I would never…” A sudden grin lit his face before he sobered once more. “All right, so maybe I would. But not this time. Not about something this important.”

“Something like this?” She wet her lips with her tongue and it caught his gaze, held it for a few seconds. “What is this, exactly?”

“For God's sake, Anna. Your husband died. I know when a woman's had her heart broken.”

For once, he seemed to have rendered her speechless. He took the opportunity to carry on, to attempt to make peace.

“I know things got off to a rough start. I thought I was prepared and I wasn't. I'm used to a bachelor's life. But I don't want you to go.” If nothing else he'd make this much up to her. It was partly his fault things had ended up the way they had.

“It takes more than a bit of broken glass and a few dark looks to get rid of me. I thought you knew that by now.”

She smiled at him. A bit of the old teasing was back in the gleam in her eyes. He'd missed that. He smiled in return. And that slow twisting happened again. The one he hadn't felt since he'd been too young and foolish to know better. When she entered a room and it was like the warmth of the afternoon sun.

He knew better now. He stepped back. Anna didn't want him. He'd once thought she did, but then she'd moved on as if what had been between them was nothing, and all the light had gone out of his days. He needed to remember that.

“Where are you going, then?”

Her hand rested on the door handle again. “It occurred to me that I could help childproof your home a bit during our stay. After last night…some plastic dishes wouldn't be amiss, and a few other items. I was just going to go into town to pick up a few things. I figured once I did that, I could talk to you about what I can do to pull my weight around here. Surely there's something you need help with.”

So this wasn't about his surliness last night. He wasn't sure if he was relieved or annoyed. He might know better than to get involved with her again, but it niggled that she had gotten to him more than he'd gotten to her.

Which was stupid. Her husband had been dead only a few months. Surely the last thing she was thinking about was…

He stopped the thought in its tracks. Trying to reignite an old flame wasn't what he wanted. Anna had done enough damage when they were little more than children, turning his world first upside down and then ripping it in two. She was beautiful, no denying it, and it stood to reason that he should be attracted to her. He had been before. More than attracted. She'd been the center of his universe.

In the space of a moment, a memory surfaced. Of the two of them making love under the sun at the vineyard. The wonder they shared at being together, sharing hearts and bodies after years of being friends. Learning together.

“Good, yes. Thank you.” His mind seemed unable to form sensible words. His mouth was suddenly dry as he tried to chase the memory away. It was impossible to erase completely as his gaze was drawn to the dark cloud of her hair cascading over her shoulders, still so similar to the way it had been then. He swallowed and tried again. “Will you be back for lunch?”

She looked at him rather speculatively and he realized he sounded like an idiot. Great.

“You don't need to take care of me. I intend to do my share. I'm certainly not looking to rely on anyone.”

He stepped back, relieved she was staying but off-balance by how their relationship had changed and shaken by the immediacy of the memory and his reaction to it. He'd known Anna since she had been a little girl in braids. He'd been closer to her than any other person on the planet, at one time. And now she seemed a stranger, yet not.

He'd just have to trust they could find their way to some sort of understanding.

“Why don't you take some time to rest? There's no need for you to earn your keep.”

She dropped her sunglasses down over her eyes, and he didn't like how he couldn't read them any longer. “There's every reason. You don't need to look after me,” she insisted.

Look after her was exactly what he wanted to do. But he sensed a fight brewing and didn't want to argue with her again. They could discuss it later.

“I'll see you later, then. Let me know if you need anything.”

“I won't,” she vowed and got back into the car. Before she could drive away, he turned and went into the house.

Jace was conspicuously absent when Anna returned from town, the trunk of her car laden with items. Despite the isolation of the winery, there was something comforting in the gleam of the natural wood, the coziness of the surrounding evergreens. It was no wonder Jace had been taken with the area. Even though they were far from any big city—it would take the better part of a day to drive to Vancouver—she'd enjoyed the trip into the town.

In time past, she would have been dismayed at the lack of fine stores, but her perspective had shifted. There were things more important than boutiques. The department store here was nothing fancy, but it stocked all she needed for herself and the children. There were two bags full of gadgets for childproofing a bachelor's home. She hadn't been able to resist the ruffled swimsuit for Aurelia either, and she'd picked up a cheap plastic pail and shovel for Matteo.

Despite their upbringing thus far, the past few months had shown Anna the children cared little what things cost. They simply wanted to play and be loved. Anna knew she should have realized this much sooner. She'd felt the same way growing up. It was what had drawn her, and Alex, to Jace's family in the first place. They hadn't had material wealth like the Morellis, but there had always been boundless love. A smile and a kiss, a good-natured scolding and no one worried about spoiling precious clothing. They had each filled a need for the other—Anna and Alex's need for family and Jace's escape from poverty.

She regretted that she'd allowed family expectation to go against her better instincts. It had been the done thing to have a nanny, to attend the endless social functions, to continue to work at Morelli in marketing. That had all changed in light of Stefano's affair and the look on Matteo's face as he'd witnessed her arguing with his father. In that moment, she had taken expectation and dismissed it as she should have long ago. Nothing was more important than her children knowing they were loved and wanted.

Matteo ran around the yard as Anna retrieved the bags and the car seat holding a sleeping Aurelia. Yes, she realized, perhaps the town wasn't the height of society, but how real was that anyway? Here people smiled and chatted, tourists and residents alike, and there was a sense of the unrushed about it.

They'd had a fast-food lunch and then made a trip to the grocery store and the market. It had taken some searching, but she'd come home with the basic ingredients for
polpettone
and
torta di mele
. She had to show Jace she didn't expect him to do anything. She wasn't a natural cook like his mother was. But there were a few things she could make passably. In her house, the cooking traditions continued even though they were second-generation immigrants. It had been the housekeeper who had taught her to make
Polpettone
.

Her purchases were rounded out by home-décor magazines. It had come to her that she could help with the abandoned guesthouse, bring it to life. Perhaps Jace hadn't thought of it, but she knew it could be an extra source of income if he'd consider opening it up to paying guests. Offer wine tours. She could put her marketing expertise to good use and indulge her artistic side with the decorating. She hoped to get some inspiration for the guesthouse within the glossy pages. Visiting the house was top of her list for the afternoon.

“Mama, can we go swimming?”

“Not now, pet.” She hefted the bags, again feeling very alone. There were times that an extra set of hands would definitely come in handy.

“But…”

“I said no, Matteo. I need to put these things away and we need to visit the guesthouse. Mama needs to help Jace.”

“Why?”

“Because he is being kind and letting us stay here and we do not want to take advantage of that.”

But a young boy couldn't be expected to understand, and his lower lip went out. “But that's not fun. He's not fun.”

She sighed, taking the steps slowly with her load. Looking at it through Matteo's eyes, she could understand where he was coming from. Jace had been cool with the children, despite his moment with Matteo and the car. So very different from the impish boy he'd been. And Matteo was mad at being caught out last night, breaking the glass on purpose.

“Maybe we can pack a bag with some snacks and toys, and you can bring them along. I think there's a back patio where you can play while I look around.”

He grumbled more but under his breath, and Anna tried not to sigh. It wasn't going to be easy being mama and working and trying to do it all with a smile. At the funeral, Alex had suggested she hire some help. Her dark look had clamped his mouth shut immediately.

She would not have a nanny. Not ever again.

Aurelia woke and Anna filled a sippy cup with milk while she packed a tote for Matteo. She hooked the bag over her shoulder, settled the baby in the crook of her arm, and with her other hand held by Matteo, they crossed the lawn to the guesthouse.

It was unlocked, which was fine as it was empty and rather dirty. Matteo curled up his nose as the sunlight streaming through the windows illuminated dust motes. To the left was a large living room with a fireplace, and there were stairs directly ahead. She went through the living room to the kitchen, immediately taken with the rich, rustic wood beams throughout. It wasn't as much of a house as a large cabin, and already pictures were flooding her brain of how it would look furnished and polished and ready for guests.

A back door off the kitchen led to a small verandah, constructed of the same wide, reddish gold polished logs. The green space at the back wasn't fenced, but it was bordered by shrubs and trees that formed their own barrier, enclosing a rich green lawn. “Do you want to play here?” She looked down at Matteo, who nodded.

“Go!” Aurelia's tiny voice piped up with one of the few words she managed, probably because it rhymed with “no” and that was her favorite word at the moment. Anna put Aurelia down on the grass and dropped the tote. She took out a small pack but left the rest.