Breathe (23 page)

He"d always associated that position with femininity and submission. As much as

he dreamed of getting fucked, he had never imagined he"d find himself pinned

beneath another man, spreading himself wide open, offering his body to someone.

Lincoln rocked, and his cock slipped between Jay"s ass checks. The next slow

thrust put pressure where Jay wanted it, but he wanted more. He gave Lincoln one

last kiss, lowered his legs, and rolled to his stomach. He stuck his ass in the air, his

elbows on the bed, his head down. Vulnerable. Exposed. Natural. “Is this okay?”

“Jesus.” Lincoln"s breath hitched. “You"re gonna kill me.” He rubbed a hand

along Jay"s spine and reached for the lube on the nightstand. He stroked Jay"s balls

and cock, working the slick lubricant all over Jay. Except the one place they needed

it most.

Every one of Lincoln"s touches had Jay panting harder, writhing more. Lincoln

kissed his lower back and pushed his fingers into him, slowly, gently thrusting. So

new. Foreign. Hot.

The stretch, the fullness didn"t diminish Jay"s desire. It had him wanting

more. Everywhere. His cock. His ass. Pleasure spiked in his balls. “You"re gonna

make me come.”

“No.” Lincoln pulled back. “Not yet. Not until I"m inside you.” He opened a

condom and rolled it on himself, adding more lube. “Last chance.”

“Linc!” Jay startled himself with his own impatient scream. The whimper that

followed didn"t sound like him. When had he gotten so desperate? So wanton? So

turned on by another person he had no thoughts of sex with anyone else? Could

Lincoln see that? See how crazy with need he was?

Lincoln pressed his cock against Jay"s ass. Who knew that pressure would be

so erotic? Such a turn-on? Jay clenched the sheet in his fists, trying to focus on

116

Sloan Parker

breathing. In. Out. Lincoln nudged his cock in, so gradually it had to be killing him,

stopping every other second and waiting a moment before continuing.

Jay dug his fingers into the sheet more and groaned. Despite the care in

Lincoln"s movements, the stretch burned as the head of his cock nestled inside. Jay

panicked, and his body seemed to tighten of its own accord. Then Lincoln"s hand

was on his lower back, caressing, rubbing. Jay could breathe again. He

relaxed…everywhere. Lincoln moved, shifting farther inside, and the burn eased.

“Okay?” Lincoln asked, the one word grunted out.

“Yeah. It"s better now.” So much better than anything he"d felt before.

“It gets even better.” But Lincoln held still, his hands digging into Jay"s hips.

The burn was gone. Jay wanted something, anything. He"d never felt like this

before. Aching. Out of control. Like he"d explode if Lincoln didn"t move.

“Touch yourself,” Lincoln said.

“Huh?”

“Touch your own dick, Jay.”

He did. He wasn"t as hard as in the bathroom, but the slide of his hand on his

lubed cock had him barreling toward release with just a few strokes. Before he

knew what he was doing, he began to rock, his movements timed with his grasp on

his dick. But his own touch wasn"t what thrilled him. It was the slide of Lincoln"s

cock in and out of his ass—no, more like the slide of his body on Lincoln"s cock.

The more he moved, the more he craved.

Fucking Lincoln had been amazing. He understood the appeal of topping, but

now that he"d experienced the flip side…why wasn"t every gay man begging to be on

the catching end of sex? Something about every team needing a pitcher sped

through his mind, but it was gone when Lincoln thrust for the first time. Every

nerve in Jay"s ass felt connected to his own dick, the flesh more sensitive than ever

before.

“Fuck.” He let go of his cock and gripped the sheet again.

Lincoln"s movements halted. He released his firm hold on Jay"s hips and

massaged instead. “Fuck good? Or fuck it hurts?”

“Fuck, would you please fuck me.”

“Yeah. You"re gay.” Lincoln grabbed Jay again and pulled him back with each

thrust, grunting with the drive of their bodies coming together.

Jay clutched a pillow with one fist and his own cock with the other. The slap of

their bodies, the smell of their sweat, the grunts and moans that filled the small

room—it was intense, electric, hotter than any moment they"d shared. Jay loved all

of it. He either never wanted it to end or wanted to repeat it all as soon as humanly

possible. A tingle spread across his lower back. He quickened the erratic movement

of his hand over his cock. “Yes. Yes!”

“Jay.” Lincoln snapped his hips faster, slamming into Jay.

Breathe

117

That was all he needed. Jay fell forward and gave a couple of quick jerks of his

hips, his hand not even moving, and he came against the mattress.

Lincoln pressed Jay to the bed and kept pumping into him.

So this is what it’s like to get fucked into the mattress.

“Jay!” Lincoln shouted. He came, his balls slapping against Jay"s ass as he

jerked and rode out his orgasm. He dropped forward, his entire body covering Jay"s.

“Damn!” Jay had no other words and no breath left to speak with.

“Yeah. Damn.” Lincoln shifted and fell onto the bed, his hand still on Jay"s hip,

his palm gliding over the man"s skin. Jay rolled to his side and ran his fingers over

Lincoln"s tattoo. He traced around the feather first, then the wolf. He loved how the

wolf looked. In motion. Always running. Strong, powerful, like nothing could catch

it.

“You should get one,” Lincoln said.

“What? A tattoo?”

“You"re so fascinated with mine.”

“Nah. I promised—” Jay clamped his mouth shut. They couldn"t talk about her.

Not now
. But no one else eased his thoughts, made it seem okay to remember and

not have it be about pain and heartache. And that was crazy. Not only would it be

weird for him. It"d be a shitty thing to do to Lincoln.

“She didn"t like tats?”

“Nah.”

“Why not?” Lincoln settled his opposite arm behind his head.

“A buddy of mine from college has a ton. She was afraid I"d end up drunk with

him some night and come home with „Mama" tattooed across my chest. She said—”

God, he needed to shut up.

“What?”

“She said they were trashy looking.”

Lincoln laughed. He rolled to his side and faced Jay. “What would she think of

me? If I wasn"t me, just a guy you were seeing, you know?”

Jay stared at Lincoln. Why would he ask that? No one else talked about Katie

like she still existed, like death didn"t mean the end of her. The Shaws were

Christian, active in their church, and they never mentioned Katie"s soul or where

she was. He got off the bed, slipped on his jeans, and stood before the table of

frames. His parents. The Shaws. Katie"s younger cousin. His childhood dog. The last

picture was gone. Tucked away while Lincoln had left for the shower.

Jay cleared his throat as he focused on the empty spot on the table. “She was

the kindest person I"d ever met. She had a smile and a laugh for everyone. She

wanted to be a nurse. The plan was for me to finish college first, and then she was

going to go. She cared about people, and she never got to use that gift.”

He heard Lincoln sit up.

118

Sloan Parker

God, please do something. Anything. Hold me.

No. Too much.

So he kept talking. “She"d want me to go on living.” Another long silence. He

faced Lincoln. “She"d like you. Like that you make me feel good for the first time in

a year.”

Lincoln smiled at him, his dark eyes a little sad, but the smile widened as he

made eye contact with Jay.

“I think…” Jay walked to the bed but didn"t sit. “She"d want me to go back to

school.”

“That"s a good idea. You should get on with your life.”

But how could he do that when everyone else he cared about couldn"t move on?

“Come here.” Lincoln tugged on Jay"s hand until they sat side by side, their

combined hands resting on Lincoln"s knee.

They didn"t say anything more.

Hearing about her had to have hurt Lincoln. Jay had never wanted to ease

someone else"s pain as much as he did right then. It was the first time anyone had

listened to him—really listened. And their hands clasped one in the other on

Lincoln"s knee felt like the first loving embrace Jay"d had since he"d lost her.

* * *

only larger than the one they"d shared at Nancy"s, but was also more comfortable.

The weight of Jay"s arm lounging over his back and the man"s body pressed against

his hip were a welcome reminder of what he and Jay had shared the night before.

He missed the mornings the most. The ease of waking up with someone, lying

in bed, talking, making love, kissing, caressing. Those memories with Paul were

fading. He had hurt him, but the man was moving on. Was it time for Lincoln to do

the same?

He turned to Jay. Sleeping on his side, his mouth partially open, Jay"s eyes

were closed, but scanning side to side. Dreaming?

Twenty-two years old. A widower. He had his whole life ahead of him. He

deserved to be happy. Lincoln wasn"t the right choice. He couldn"t be. He should

leave, and let Jay find someone else. Let Jay move past the accident. Have a lover

who wouldn"t remind him of the pain and loss and heartache every time they were

together. Lincoln rolled to his back and flung an arm over his eyes. He should get

up, get dressed, head out the front door, and never think about Jay Miller again.

He had left Paul to keep him away from the pile of shit his life had turned into.

How could he invite Jay in?

How could he not?

He turned back and ran his thumb along the length of Jay"s nose, over his

parted lips to his chin. He was falling for the man. He"d give almost anything to

Breathe

119

make Jay happy. Even if it meant he had to walk away from the best thing he"d

found in a long time.

Jay slowly opened his eyes and stretched. “I haven"t slept that good in forever.”

“Yeah? Me neither.”

“That could have something to do with the size of this bed. Or maybe it"s the

lack of robots on my sheets.”

Lincoln buried his face in the pillow. “Fuck off,” he mumbled with a laugh. He

faced Jay again. “Maybe I"ll redo that room over the garage.”

Jay smiled and leaned into him. The kiss was slow and sensual and unlike any

kiss they"d shared yet. Less tongue, more lips. Each breathing the other in. Lincoln

slid closer and brought their bodies together, needing to feel more of Jay. They

tightened the embrace, and together they rocked, a slow, steady sway of their

bodies.

A gasp came from the doorway behind Lincoln.

“Jesus.” A male voice. “What the fuck?”

Jay"s eyes widened. “Todd!”

Lincoln flipped over as the fierce close of the bedroom door rattled the walls.

Whoever Todd was, the stomping down the hall said it all. He was not pleased to

find Jay in bed with another man.

Was Jay getting more action than he"d led Lincoln to believe?

Jay shot out of the bed and fumbled for his jeans. “Shit. Shit.”

Lincoln threw back the blankets and sat up. “Todd is?”

“My brother.” Jay fumbled with the zipper on his jeans.

“Ah.”
Thank God
. Lincoln reclined against the headboard and let out the

breath he"d been holding. He didn"t have to consider punching Jay"s lights out—or

Todd"s.

“Shit. What do I say to him?” Jay worked a T-shirt over his head.

“He doesn"t know—”

“That I"m gay?” Jay froze, his hands still clutching the bottom of his shirt. He

sank to the other side of the bed, his back to Lincoln. “Shit. I"m… I mean… I"ve

never said that before.”

“It"s who you are.”

“Yeah. I just… This isn"t where I expected to be. Never expected to have to

explain to my brother, my parents.”

Lincoln shifted to sit beside him.

Jay jumped up. “I have to go talk to Todd. I don"t think he saw who…”

“Who you were kissing?”

“Should I tell him? I don"t know if I can.”

120

Sloan Parker

“Don"t.” Jay looked about ready to fall apart as it was. No need to add to it. “No

one needs to know that part.”

“Okay.” Jay walked to the door. “Thanks, Linc.”

“Hey.” Lincoln went to him and kissed Jay hard, backing him to the door,

unsure what he was doing. Reassuring? Staking claim? “I like that.”

“What?”

“You calling me Linc.” He kissed Jay again and said, “It"s no one"s business but

your own.”

Jay"s gaze drifted to the doorknob and back to Lincoln. He nodded once and left

the room.

Lincoln got dressed and made the bed to keep busy. The screaming didn"t take

long to start.

“You"re a fag? Is that what you"re saying?”

“Don"t say it like that!” Jay yelled.