Breathe (17 page)

(Kathryn)

That night lying in bed when the rest of the house was quiet was when I allowed myself to dwell on the things that happened during the day. Once Taylor and I joined the kids in the kitchen I had pushed all thoughts of the pictures and what they could mean to the back of my mind, refusing to let those thoughts ruin the few days I had with Taylor, Sasha, and Michael. They were still stationed in New Jersey, the same base we were all stationed at when Sean had his accident during his last deployment. Jack, Taylor’s husband was scrapped from that deployment because he broke his leg the week before they all left during a training exercise. Otherwise he would have been two steps away from Sean as always and there would be more than one widow sleeping in this house tonight.

I know that Jack was angry for a very long time because he hadn’t been with Sean and his men when the incident occurred. Then Sasha had come along and her sweetness and love brought him back from the edge. She had her daddy’s heart wrapped around her little fingers just as Lily had. I smiled as I remembered how Sean would come home from a long day at work and lay down on the floor with her, still in his uniform. Lily would crawl up to him, climb up on his chest and pass out. I would walk in to find my soldier passed out cold with his daughter curled up on his chest fast asleep as well, one large protective hand on her tiny back.

I wiped the tears that were now streaming down my face into my hair and pillow. I rolled over, clutching the extra pillow, pulling it against me. The night that I found out Sean wasn’t coming back I was on the phone with Taylor. He was set to be back in a week and I wanted to plan a welcome home BBQ. Tyler was working on something when the doorbell rang. He jumped up and ran to the door, I walked around the corner to see who it was. When I saw Sean’s commander and a chaplain standing on the other side of the door the phone slipped through my fingers, smashing against the hard linoleum floor. I stood in a trance as they told me he was on a mission when insurgents attacked them and then a buried IED went off only a short distance from Sean. I was completely numb as I let them back out of the house, somehow I reassured them enough to leave me alone. I turned to find Tyler sliding down the wall, tears streaming down his face. That was the first of many times I pushed all feelings down deep inside, I had to keep this family from falling apart. I sat on the floor next to him, pulling him onto my lap and into my arms even though he was a lot taller than I was. I held him while he fell apart, crying for the father he would never see again. A few minutes later the front door swung open, and Taylor was there with Lily, Jack and Michael. They all collapsed with us, we all huddled together and I let them cry. I held both my kids against me, wrapping my friends into my arms as much as I could to give them comfort as well. I had lost the love of my life, my kids had lost their father, and Jack had lost his best friend in the whole world. Both families were utterly destroyed with just a few words.

I had survived that; I had walked through that hell alone, standing tall and strong for my kids and my friends. I dealt with all the details and pushed through. What was happening now was nothing compared to that. I would push through this as well. Dante had the files and were working on them with the formidable power of the FBI behind him. If I could survive the death of my husband in the worst possible way, I could handle a little stalker, even if it turned out to be an intestine-eating psycho. I would just have to make sure they regretted trying to eat mine.

With that thought I reminded myself to start going back to kick boxing and drag Lily with me. I had heard the gym was starting Krav Maga classes, maybe we should check those out as well. With thoughts of kicking some fat slobbery psycho’s ass my mind was able to ease me into a light troubled sleep.

(Daniel)

I leaned against the wall, half listening to Cora and Joey discussing natural versus modern parenting with another couple at our table, watching the ballroom entrance for any sign of Kathryn and the kids. It had been two days since I had seen her, three months since I had felt her body, or kissed her lips. It had been agony.

“Hey mate. You know what they say about a watched door don’t you?” I turned my head and glared at Joey, barely holding in a growl.

“She is doing this on purpose. She is driving me out of my mind.”

“Yes. The best kind of woman does that.”

I watched as my friend took the hand he had been holding and raised it to his lips. Cora turned her head quizzically, raising her eyebrow in question. Joey just shook his head, and kissed her hand again. Her face softened into the overwhelmed with love look she always got around Joey or her kids. She shook her head at him then turned back to her conversation.

“Where is your date anyway?”

I did growl that time. Making Joey chuckle and slap his knee. “Oh man you have it bad mate. You couldn’t even talk a woman into spending one evening with you? Isn’t that what she told you to do?”

I turned to say something than ran my hands through my hair in agitation.

“Would you wind your neck in Joey! I don’t want any other woman! I don’t want to even look at any other woman but her. I can’t stop thinking of her, she has me, heart body and soul and she has no idea.” Just then my eyes caught movement at the door. Tyler walked in with Lily bouncing on his arms. I couldn’t help but smile. That girl bounced wherever she went. She was wearing a beautiful dark pink tea length gown with her hair left straight down her back. She looked absolutely adorable. The kids’ lawyer, Alex Hendricks came in right behind them. They talked to Taylor as they were lead to a table near the front. Finally Kathryn walked in on the arm of an older man. I knew it was John Hendricks so didn’t give him a single thought. My whole attention centered on the woman next to him. She had worn her hair up tonight, a few curls already escaping the pins, and she was dressed in a breath taking red dress made with some kind of clingy material that hugged every curve, swishing against those legs I wanted around my hips again right now. I remembered the red dress she had worn in Paris the night I had my first taste of her and my heart beat faster, my cock hardening painfully at the memory.

Joey snorted at the look that had come over my face. “Yep. You have it bad mate.”

I didn’t even turn my head to acknowledge my friend. My dark gaze followed the infuriating woman in the red dress as she walked towards the front to sit next to her children and her friends. I knew she knew I was there but she never looked around. Sitting down elegantly at her table. She called a waiter over, saying something that made the whole table look like she had lost her mind, so I sat back, I would let her ignore me for now but not forever.

(Kathryn)

I felt his eyes on me from across the room as I took my seat with the kids, Taylor, Alex and John Hendricks. I avoided looking in his direction, not wanting to see who he had chosen to come with choosing instead to focus on Lily and Tyler. This was their night, not mine.
Shocker, it is never your night.
Seriously hate my inner voice sometimes. My phone started ringing, and as I looked down, I silently groaned. Speaking of inner voices, my stepmother wasn’t someone I wanted to talk to right now. I pushed decline then quickly silenced my phone. I know I will have to pay for that later so I sigh and gesture for the waiter.

“Can I have a Bay Breeze please? And a rum shot?” Everyone at the table turned and raised their eyebrows at me. I smirked at them and smiled up at the waiter. He nodded and hurried to get me my drinks. John leaned over.

“That the step hag?”

I giggled and put my hand over my mouth as I nodded. He leaned back, and I hated but loved the knowing understanding look he gave me. John had been a rock when I needed it the most. I hadn’t even known I needed anyone so the fact he found me when he did was truly a miracle. When the waiter came back with the drinks John thanked him.

“Keep the Bay Breezes comin’, she is going to need them.”

I knocked back the shot as fast as I could, grimacing as it burned its way to my stomach. “Momma, you okay?” I looked over at Lily and smiled.

“I am fine my love. It’s just been a rough week.” She nodded but her and Tyler kept giving me concerned glances while dinner was being served. We had shown up later on purpose. I hadn’t wanted to chance Daniel being able to come over and try to talk to me. John moved the conversation to more pleasant topics, giving me something else to be thankful for. He knew I hated the attention being on me, so he shifted it to Lily’s new show.

“So how was the first week of filming?” And she was off. Lily was so excited about having even a small part on a new comedy show that she was still gushing about it all. John glanced at me and winked. We had set out to make Lily and Tyler huge stars without the cynicism that normally came with the fame and so far we had accomplished it. Tyler was basically quitting the business after Paris, having accepted an entry-level position in an engineering firm in Manhattan but he was still supporting his sister as she moved ahead. Lily had taken it well. He was more like me, never needing the attention and light on him but Lily thrived on it. She was still the sweet, vivid, wide-eyed girl she had always been. She just now had more confidence and poise, and an intelligence that most people didn’t see because of the rest. She was going to be one hell of a woman to reckon with.

After dinner was cleared, the speech section of the evening began. Tyler stood up and gave a speech about the importance of the work that was being done, that the men and women who were coming home needed support as well as the families welcoming them home, but those families who were never going to have anyone to welcome home needed even more help.

“I watched my mother when she was given the news that our father was never coming home. I was 16 at the time, a surly pain in the ass teenager, not the easy going handsome man I am today.” He paused and winked, making the crowd laugh appreciatively. “I was working on homework at my father’s desk and she was standing there, her hair was pulled back in a ponytail cause she had just cleaned the whole house from top to bottom. Our dad was coming home in a few days and she wanted it perfect. She had also apparently been painting a sign cause she had paint all over her hands and there was a smear of it on her forehead. She is always brushing hair off her face, getting stuff on it all the time.” He wore a sweet smile as he told his story, bringing tears to my eyes.

“She was on the phone with her friend, Taylor, laughing and planning the BBQ they were going to have. The doorbell rang so I answered it. Our entire world shattered in that moment. But she never did. She stood there while the commander, and chaplain spoke to her. She nodded and spoke the words they needed to hear and they left. I expected her to break into a million pieces; I was already sliding down the wall to the floor in a mess, uncontrollable sobs being ripped from my chest. That woman came to me pulled me into her lap, rocking me like I was a newborn, not twice her size. She calmed me down, calmed Lily and Taylor’s family down when they came in, and took care of everyone else who came into that house over the next days, weeks, months.” Here he paused for a few seconds.

“Now I say she never shattered because I never saw it. In my own pain, and my own anger at what was taken from me I never realized what was taken from her. My father was the first man my mother had ever loved, he was her first everything and now he was gone. Ripped from us in such a way that it left a hole so big that it took years before I could breathe again. I didn’t realize the depth and the breadth of the pain she was going through herself. John Hendricks saw the pain the first day he met my mom and became a source and an outlet for her to finally start grieving herself and teaching herself to breathe again as well.

“I am not telling you this story so you feel sorry for us, we made it through okay. I am telling you this story so you understand that even the strongest person you know can shatter when something so unimaginable happens to them. Even if you don’t see their world shattering around them, you need to make sure they get the support, the guidance, and the love they need. The foundation John Hendricks and my mom have set up helps not only those soldiers coming home, not just those left behind waiting, but mostly for those who will never hold their soldier again. This foundation is set up to make sure they get the help they need, not just days and weeks afterwards but months and years afterwards until they can breathe again. Now she hates being the center of attention and I will probably be grounded for this, even at 22, but John and I want to present the first ever Golden Heart Medal to my mother, Kathryn Anne James. The strongest woman I know.”

I gasped, tears streaming down my face as the spotlight swung towards me, everyone standing up and clapping. They were all smiling at the woman they thought my son was talking about. I shook my head, my hand covering my mouth as I tried to control the sobs his story was trying to shake out of me.

“Come on momma, I will come with you.” Lily took my arm and she pulled me to the front where John and Tyler stood. I hugged John tightly, and then moved to Tyler.

“You are very grounded young man. So are you old man.” Tyler and John both grinned at me then Tyler gently pinned a small filigree heart with a rose in the middle, on my dress. I looked down and saw that it was the replica of something Joey had drawn back in Paris. Without meaning to my eyes followed in the direction that I had been feeling the pull from all night. Joey was standing with his wife Cora and they were beaming at me, tears in both their eyes. Joey blew me a kiss and winked. Then my eyes rose to the blue ones I was looking for. Daniel was looking at me with something indefinable in his eyes, and respect. I gave him a watery smile and he inclined his head before I turned back to my son who gestured me to the podium. I gave him a fierce frown but stepped up.

“I don’t know what to say. I wasn’t given time to prepare a speech or anything since my son is right, I don’t like the spotlight. Liking to be a behind the scenes girl instead. John Hendricks found me at a time when I didn’t even realize I was near the edge and he saved me, and through him and this foundation we have helped save many more like me. War widows are forgotten, they are handed their check, a pat on the back and told to make their way out in the world. Sadly a world we aren’t ready for, or equipped for. I was lucky only in the fact that my husband and I had made plans for a situation like that, we had the hard conversations and made the proper plans. So in that way I was set but emotionally that is the most devastating thing a person can live through, finding the love of their lives and then losing them.” I took a deep ragged breath, letting it out slowly. “Sorry, it has been over six years and I still can’t…John and Tyler, and Lily. Thank you. Without you three and my dear friend Taylor, I would never have made it out of the shadow land I was in to breathe again.”

I walked away from the podium quickly before I broke down in front of everyone. I walked past our table, stopping only to give Tyler a huge hug. “I love you more than you will ever know. And I am fine just need a minute.” Then I exited out the large heavy doors we had walked in earlier to the sound of more applause. I waved Josh away who was standing right outside the door. I walked to the side of the large building, to the small garden I knew sat in the courtyard between it and the building beside it. A small piece of quiet and peace in this crazy city. I couldn’t get to central park so this would have to do. I sat down on a bench, and put my hands in my head. The mixture of heat, embarrassment, emotions, and the rum I drank making the world a little hazy as I tried to steady my breathing and steam the tears that were threatening.

(Daniel)

“Breathe my grá.” She swung around staring up at me. I had followed her hasty flight from the ballroom, assuring Josh I would have her back, as he was about to follow her out the door. I was rewarded with her taking a deep breath and as I watched she pulled back all her dignity and control. If I hadn’t seen the devastation on her face a few seconds ago I would never have known what tonight had meant to her. She glanced behind me and frowned.

“You didn’t ditch another date did you? What will the tabloids say?” I growled as I took a seat next to her, choosing to ignore the fact she scooted as far as she could to the other side.

“Ah Kathryn, I didn’t bring anyone else. I couldn’t. This was your night.”

“My night? It wasn’t my night. It was Lily and Tyler’s this foundation is theirs. Well theirs and Mr. Hendricks.” I reached up and touched the rose pinned to her chest.

“No, tonight has always been yours. We just let you believe it was theirs because it makes you happy and easier to handle.” I chuckled at her disgruntled face. “Plus, I haven’t wanted another woman since you.”

Her eyes flew to my face in disbelief and mistrust; I know she was thinking about those pictures again. I took her hand and brought it to my lips remembering the news that Dante had called with earlier.

“Those pictures have been doctored. Dante was able to decipher that much from the originals so far.” I pulled up the email on my phone that he had sent me for proof because I knew she would want it. I passed the phone to her, watching her face as she read what Dante had sent me. She looked at the few pictures he was able to pull the actual information from. Her eyes flew to my face, her hand shaking as it covered her mouth.