Breathe Again (20 page)

“You didn’t. Although with your flair for doing things your way, I wouldn’t have been surprised,” he teased.

She looked around. “I’m in the hospital. The biker. Is he okay?”

 “I don’t know, baby, but I am sure they took good care of him. Like they’re taking good care of you.” He stroked her cheek.

“It’s good to see you here. I take it Judie called you?” she asked.

So many mistakes to make up for. Where to start? “No, she didn’t call me. I was here already.” He leaned down and kissed her cheek.

Her eyes brightened. “You came. She didn’t call?”

Nick knew his heart was breaking. “I came.”

Her brow creased. “I feel tired. I’m going to rest now. But you came. You’re not going, right?”

He swallowed. “No, I’m not going. Rest. I’ll be here when you wake up.”

Her eyes closed for a moment and then shot open. “Wait. I can’t sleep. My baby. I have to see her. Make sure she’s okay. I have to see her.”

Nick settled a hand on her shoulder. “It’s okay. She’s in the baby unit being taken care of. You need to rest.”

“No.” She squirmed away from him and tried to sit up but winced. “Ouch, it hurts.”

“You’ve had an operation. You can’t move yet. You’ll see your baby soon.” Nick saw disappointment in her eyes. Guilt pulled him closer to the bed. “Hey, if there was anything to report, I’d tell you.”

She lay back with her eyes closed. “My head is spinning.”

“It’s the medication.” His let his fingers massage her temple. “You’ll feel better when it wears off.

“Did you see her? Is she beautiful?” Skye opened her eyes, and her gaze caught his.

His throat closed. Damn. “I didn’t get a chance. Rest. You’ll see your baby later.”

She let out a soft sound as her eyes closed. “Still
my
baby.”

The words were a kick in the gut. He wished he could say different. But how could he? He watched her sleep. She was the most beautiful thing that had ever happened in his life. How could he explain it to her? How could he when he couldn’t understand any of it himself?

*****

It was official. Skylar Delaney was now a mother. Once the drugs wore off, she couldn’t stop smiling. “I want to see my baby.”

Nick was no help. He gave her the once-over and went to her chart.

“You’re not my doctor. I want to see my baby.” She repeated the question as she lifted herself slowly off the bed. It had been hours since her delivery, and she was making excellent progress. What she didn’t need was Nick’s molly-coddling.

She didn’t need his guilty glances to tell her he hadn’t seen their child. He wouldn’t admit it was their child, but she didn’t use a sperm donor and she sure as hell didn’t have an affair. At some point, he was going to admit that girl was his daughter, and damned if she wasn’t going to be there when he did.

“There’s nothing I’m going to say that’s going to change your mind about this, is there?” he asked.

With her arms folded across her chest, she raised her chin. “I will be seeing my baby today.”

His sigh was broken. “Fine. I have been getting reports about Baby Delaney’s progress and if that’s not good enough for you, then fine. Let’s go down there and see how that girl of yours is doing. I could use a break from this room.”

“I haven’t been holding a gun to your head asking you to stay.” Her words held just the right amount of bite she was aiming for.

He pulled his shoulders straight and with her in a wheelchair, they made their way to the special care baby unit.

Skylar took in the somber mood in the open room. The rows of incubators on each side varied between open and closed. She smiled at some of the parents who sat with their babies in their arms. She was way behind in the cuddling department.

One of the nurses came over to her and showed her the hand-washing facilities. When she was done, the same nurse came over and pointed her to an open incubator that had a pink name tag at the foot of the glass.
Baby Delaney.

Her gaze caught Nick’s but he quickly turned away. The fleeting ache of disappointment was soon replaced by the excitement of meeting her baby.

The nurse wheeled Skye up beside the cot and then she placed her in Skye’s arms.

This was for real. The first time she was meeting her baby. “She's beautiful.” She looked up at the nurse.

“Your husband wanted regular updates to give you, so you know that all the tests we’ve carried out have come back normal. You are lucky. Aside from the smallest little deformity, your daughter is well and healthy.” The nurse stroked the baby’s head.

Skye looked down at her baby. Nick had told her about the little deformity they had found. One part of a digit missing on her toe. They couldn’t find anything else. She didn’t care. She had her baby.

“Thank you, nurse. And thank you for taking care of her for me.”

The nurse smiled before taking off.

Perfect pink skin. Soft. Unlike anything she'd ever felt. She'd touched so many babies before. But this was so special. This special gift that was hers—that she’d created. Slowly she opened the blanket. She knew this child might not be perfect, but nothing mattered because this child was hers. Hers to accept and love as the gift she was.

If there was a way to make Nick understand.

He joined her and sat beside her. He didn’t even look at the baby but he watched her every move. Could he do that? Live with her but not be a part of the baby’s life? He was so sure he could do it. But could he? Was it possible? And could she allow it?

It was the most ridiculous thought and if he thought he would get away with it, he was mad. But he really believed he could get away with it. He really believed it was possible. She shook her head and sighed.

“She's the most perfect gift. Don't you think?” She lifted her gaze to his.

“You will make a great mother, but you look tired. Maybe you should rest. I could take you back. The nurse can put her back.”

“I just got here. I haven’t even seen her. Not properly. Her skin is so soft.” She looked up. He’d already turned away.

“I need to find a name for her too.” Skylar undid her one-piece and took out her feet.

Who knew it was possible to have a person sit next to you and not be there?

“Have you thought of names?” he asked.

“I wanted to wait and see what she looked like. What do you think?” she pushed a little.

It didn’t work. He was drifting away. “Not sure.”

“Mmm, this is the little part of her digit that’s missing. See?” she pushed again.

He jumped as if she sprayed him with hot water. “You don’t want to tire yourself too much.”

“I’m doing really well. I should be okay to go home soon too.” Her sigh was more from awe than tiredness. “She’s a beauty, Nick.”

“Yeah, like her mum.”

He lied of course. He hadn’t seen her, but she was a beauty. She did have a few features that were like hers, but she had her dad’s stubborn chin.

“Do you think she looks like a Maddison?” Skye lifted the baby and pushed her toward Nick.

“Dammit, Skye, what is wrong with you?” He flexed his jaw.

Okay, she shouldn’t have pushed him that far. “Okay, you don’t like Maddison.”

“That’s not it and you know it.” The words were a hushed whisper between them.

Non-plussed, Skye pulled the baby closer. “Maddy. I like it. I’m going to call you Maddison Delaney. Welcome to the world, my baby. I do love you.”

She didn’t need to turn to know he was watching her. “I have a few things to do. I’ll see you later.”

She kissed Maddy’s cheek. “Say bye to daddy. He needs some time to come around. But he will. I know he will.”

A few hours later, Skylar rehearsed what she wanted to say to Nick. The words were there, but it felt wrong to say it. It came down to the same thing. Did he really think he could get away with spending time with her and not involving himself with the baby?

He came in at his usual time, and she patted the bed beside her, unsure of which part of her was going to win this battle. Her heart or her head.

“You look serious.” He leaned down and caressed her lips with his.

Like clockwork, her body sizzled and came alive with his touch. “I’m cleared to go home. Of course, I will need some help. I wasn’t planning on having a Cesarean section.”

He rubbed her shoulder and yielded the appropriate response. She melted. “I’m here to take care of you.”

“Thanks, that means a lot. But it’s not only me that needs taking care of. I will need help with Maddy too.” Her breath froze and refused to take the path out of her lungs as she waited for his answer. This was the make it or break it part of their situation.

His move away from her was expected, so she released her breath.

She knew all his looks, and this one was classic. He was looking for an out.

He paused, scratched his head. “I’ll be back at work.”

So he went with that one. Okay, she’d give him that one. “I know, but as a new mum, I need help too. I need support. All new mothers do. So I was thinking of moving in with Judie. She’s happy to have me, and I won’t be a bother to her.”

He shook his head. “No.”

“Just for a while. Until I can handle Maddy on my own and she gets into a routine.”

She bit her lip so hard it drew blood.

He rubbed his finger against the sensitive part of her lip. “Don’t chew up your lip like that. I know this is hard on you.”

She could see the hell he was going through. Guilt made her sick as the moments stretched.

Finally he met her gaze. “I’ll help,” he whispered.

Nick couldn’t wait for Skye to see the nursery. The old house was ruined, but he’d worked so hard on this room the rental house for her. He knew she’d love it. It was exactly like the one they’d lost. She’d know he was trying.

The room would have been too pink, like the other one, but the blue fairies with glitter all over them made it feel like the best place in the world for her little girl to grow up.

“Do I have to cover my eyes?” She giggled as she walked toward the room.

They had left all the baby things downstairs, and she was carrying Maddy in her arms. She refused to let her go.

He knew she was going to like this surprise.

“You can open them now,” he said.

He watched as she looked around the room. Her mouth slightly open in surprise. Her eyes alight with wonder. She went into the room and touched the walls and turned around and smiled at him. “It’s like the old house. You made it like the old room.”

He felt bubbly. “You didn’t work on the nursery. Your baby needed to be at home, so I helped.” He wasn’t sure why he was sounding like a little boy. It was the oddest thing.

She went to the chair he’s ordered and sat down. It was a rocking chair. She squealed in delight. “This is perfect. I always wanted one of these.” She looked down at the baby in her arms. “Maddy, this is your room.”

“I’m glad you like it.”

Her eyes smiled. “Nick, I love it.”

Nick stood at the door watching Skylar as she rocked Maddison.

“You made this exactly how I wanted it. Why?”

He came and sat next to her. His finger ran along her cheek with a whisper of a touch.

“I thought I lost you. It was the worst moment of my life. Couldn't compare to anything I had experienced. I’m never letting you go again.”

She watched him for the longest moment. “I think I can live with that, Nick Delaney. I don’t know how this all works.” She sighed, looking down at Maddy.

His gut clenched. The baby. He didn’t know how it would work either.

“But we’ll make it work,” she said, letting the tip of her finger run along the baby’s cheek.

He took a painful breath. “So what would you like for dinner?”