Breathe Again (23 page)

He leaned back. “The clinic I was working at was underequipped, but it had the very basics. We weren't supposed to be doing anything fancy. Just basic general practice stuff. Everything else got transferred to Merriden Hospital. But there was this woman who travelled over to us in labor. Twin deliveries. Second twin was a footling breech. Then cord prolapsed.”

Damn. He wouldn’t have been able to handle that. “Oh, Nick. I'm sorry.”

“We tried. Jen and I tried. We just didn't have the equipment. We didn't even have a scan or a monitor. We used a Doppler to listen to the heart rate.”

He went quiet. Neither moved. “We listened as the baby died, as that heart rate slowed.”

Now she understood why he had all of the equipment. It made sense. Having to be there and listen as the baby died. Be helpless. She could say words, but they would mean nothing.

She went to stand behind him and wrapped her arms around him. Their grief was palpable. Nothing was fair. It wasn’t fair that they both had been through so much, yet still they had more to go through. It wasn’t fair.

“We need to leave.” His voice was thick and soft.

When they arrived at the hospital, everything became real. Skylar and Nick stood hand in hand and watched helplessly as everything happened around them.

Maddy was being prepped for surgery. Consent forms were being checked and double-checked. It would be a few hours in surgery. The procedure had been explained.

Skylar traced the pattern around Maddy's little hand, a hand so small and so soft.

“Can you imagine when she grows up and goes to pre-school and makes those finger paintings?”

Nick took her other hand. “I can't wait to teach her things. Like riding a bike.”

“You're going to let her ride a bike?” She thought about the little boy that fell off his bike and came into the emergency room. The Nick who sat with that boy was very different from the Nick sitting here right now.

“What did I tell you? As long as it meets all safety requirements, this little girl can do anything she wants.”

“Promise me,” she said.

Nick’s dark gaze didn’t leave hers. “We're going to be there at her wedding. That I promise you.”

She nodded. “Together.”

 “Always and forever.”

An hour passed and a nurse came out with an update. Maddy was doing well. She was on cardiac bypass. So far, things were going as planned.

Two hours, another nurse. Maddy was stable. But Skylar could sense something wasn't right. “I need to get in there.”

He shook his head, his gaze on the door. “We have to let them do their jobs.”

Following his gaze, she stared at the door. “No, we have to be there for our girl. Something doesn't feel right. Did you see the way the nurse avoided looking at me? Something is not right.”

He tried to reassure her. “If something was wrong, she wouldn't lie. They know who we are. We have one of the best cardiologists in there. Let's just take this one step at a time. She will be fine. I won't accept anything less.”

Skye met his gaze. How could he be so sure? “You keep saying that.”

He took her in his arms. “She’s going to be okay.”

The thought that  Maddy wouldn't be all right was not something she wanted to think about. But Nick was correct. She was seeing things that weren't there. She had to calm down.

The surgery door opened. This time it was the neonatologists. Skylar looked at the clock. It was too soon for the operation to be over. They had explained all that was wrong with Maddy's heart and the procedures they would have to do.

She wrung her hands and swallowed a dry breath. “What is it?”

The neonatologist was still in his theatre clothes. “There are some complications. There is more work to be done than we thought. I wanted to make sure you're aware. We'll keep her on bypass and continue working.”

“Her chances?” Nick grabbed her hand as he asked the question she was too scared to ask.

He looked at Nick. She knew that look but shook her head.
No
.

The man remained calm. “Let's continue working. I'll be out when I have more news.”

“Damn, we don't do easy, do we?” Nick pulled her into his arms.

Her cheeks felt hot and wet. “Don't you dare say it's going to be okay. If you say that, I swear I'll punch you.”

He held her tighter. “You can try.”

 “Why is it so hard for people like you and me?”

“People like you and me?” he asked.

“Look around, Nick. Some people find it so easy to find love. They do the marriage thing and have babies. Everything works out. Is this some sort of payback? It is, isn't it? For the mistakes I made. For wanting it all.”

He held on tighter until she stopped sobbing. He only let go when he was sure she was ready.

She shook her head. He was going to think she was a flake. Her baby was at risk and she was losing it. “I'm sorry. You don't need this.”

He bent down and kissed the top of her head. “You're going to think this is so rich coming from me, but here goes. Skye, do you really think you have it bad?”

“Huh?” she asked.

“Think about it. Really think about it. Look at what we have. Each other. A beautiful baby girl who is going to make it.”

“How can you be so sure?” Her expectant gaze sought his.

“You make me so sure. Before you, I was a man who had a life but didn't know how to live. You showed me how to live. Skye, it’s because of you I can breathe again. You are my breath and my heart. My life and my being.”

“I love you.”

“All that matters now is I love you too. No one is going to take my family away from me.”

“Nick, you can't—”

 His hold on her got tighter. “No one.”

She put her arms around him. Soaked up his strength and his belief. “We’ll be okay.”

“So Doc, she's all right? She passed her checkup with flying colors.”

“Your little girl is doing really well.” Skylar traced the scar on Maddy’s chest. “She's a fighter.”

“Like her mum,” Nick said from across the room.

She couldn't believe it was three months already, and Maddy was having her checkup after her operation.

“So we'll see you next time?”

“If there is a problem. Otherwise I will see you in a couple of months.”

She felt panic snake across her spine. “Maybe one more appointment?”

The doctor leaned back. “It's natural to be worried. But she’s doing really well.”

Skye wasn’t sure. Did he examine her properly? Look at her scar? “She was on bypass for so long.”

Instead of listening to her, he smiled and scribbled on a notepad. “She shows no signs of any effects of that. You two are very lucky. Maddy is doing everything according to her milestones.”

Skye flapped a hand to get Nick’s attention, but he was gazing down at Maddy. Was everyone trying to drive her nuts? She pulled out her diary. “I have some time available in the next few weeks. I am more than happy to swing by.”

The older man gazed up at Skye and then linked his hands together. His tone took on that calm-down-missy one that she used with some of her anxious patients. “Maddy is doing really well. If you have concerns, by all means give me a call. But Skye, she has recovered well. You have nothing to be worried about.”

Nick carried the car seat out of the doctor’s office.

“Did you hear his tone?” Skye asked as she followed Nick out.

His smile was hidden for a second. “Tone, baby? I found him perfectly nice.”

She swept past him. “Umph, you are all alike. Do you think we should get a copy of the milestones chart and hang it on the nursery wall?”

Nick smiled. “Aren’t you being a little obsessive compulsive?”

She gazed outside, looking right and left. Then she used a blanket to shield Maddy from any gusts of wind. “Just saying, might be a good thing to have.”

Nick sighed. “Let's take a walk.”

It was a nice day, and Maddy was snuggled safely in her carry car seat, which met all safety requirements. Sometimes obsessive compulsive had its benefits.

When they passed a popular boutique, Skylar stopped to admire the red dress in the window.

Nick watched her gaze. “Let's go in.”

“Why?” she asked.

“Why not?”

She followed Nick into the shop thinking that this was the first time he had accompanied her dress shopping. It was a married couple thing to do. Normal people did that.

He spoke to the sales lady, who gave her the head–to-toe look and then went into the storeroom and came back with the red dress in her size.

“Why don't you go try it on?” he asked.

She had a repertoire of odd looks to choose from and gave him the perfect one. “But I don't have anywhere to wear something that nice.”

The look in his eyes said, seriously?

She shrugged and went and put on the dress. She couldn't believe how gorgeous she felt in it, as if the years had dropped off. She didn't walk out and do the runway dance for Nick. If she was going to save this for a special occasion, then let him get the full effect later. It was time to start collecting on the promise he made.

Their next stop was the salon. She didn't complain, except to tell him to keep Maddy outside away from the hair and smells in the salon.

He complied. When she walked out with a new cut and color, he promptly whistled, giving her the sizzle effect.

Then it was home and a few hours later, they got a surprise visit from Judie.

“I'd like to say nice surprise, but the look on my husband's face tells me this was all planned.” She liked saying that. Husband.

“I'm your very experienced babysitter. I may have not mentioned this, but I was an awesome PICU nurse in my day.”

Skye folded her arms. “You might have mentioned it only a few hundred times on your visits.”

Judie went straight to Maddy and picked her up. “Well I was hoping for a part-time gig as a babysitter.”

“What, that daytime job not paying you enough?” Nick asked as he came into the room and hugged her.

Skylar couldn't believe the changes in this man. Hugs. Nick was hugging people and smiling. Who knew fatherhood could change a man so much?

Judie beamed from ear to ear. “I'd do this for free.”

Happiness was a bursting bubble inside Skylar. “Glad you said that, because Nick and I were talking the other day, and we were wondering if you would like to be Maddy's godmother?”

Judie hugged Nick again and blew Skylar a kiss. “Hell, yeah!”

Skylar felt a nervous energy wind up inside her as Nick’s gaze grabbed hers. “That's settled then. I better get ready for this surprise date.”

A few hours later, Nick couldn’t stop watching her. She knew that look, and it left her feeling lightheaded with anticipation.

She looked down at the thin straps of her heeled, red sandals and her red painted toenails. The sea breeze from Hawkes Bay was warm on her back, and she lifted her thin wrap across her shoulders.

“Cold?” he asked.

She felt perfect and said so.

He played with her fingers. “Do you think others look at us and think we're one of those couples it comes easy to?”

That nervous energy she felt earlier was growing inside her. There wasn’t a moment when she didn’t love this man. “You're thinking about what I said that day.”

He didn't have to agree. “I told you how I feel. That’s never going to change. Maddy makes us complete, and in time we will have more children.”

Wow. He was thinking of a lifetime. “So you think we’re gonna make it?” she teased.

He smiled. That smile would never get old. Not now. Not when they were ninety and living in some retirement village.