Breathe for Me (15 page)

He slides his lips against my cheek, my brow. I want to pull away, but I'm too afraid to make him mad. He knows he has control—and for that, I'm angry with myself. What happened to my big bravado from earlier, my resolve?

After what feels like centuries, he finally lets me go.

The instant he does so, I step back, my body shaking with fear, disgust, anger. “Why are you doing this to me?”

For the briefest of moments, pain flashes across his face. “Because I want…” He stops, his gaze canvassing the street. “You're different than the others. Those people out there live their mundane lives. They float by in a shell of an existence.” He looks at me, and there's a strange vulnerability there that reminds me of how he was in the sculpture garden. He's sincere in his sentiments. “I watch people live and die, their lives a blink, shooting stars burning out in a flash. They don't understand the burden of living forever. You and I have both fallen, both made deals we didn't understand at first. And now we live with the consequences. In the end, we only have each other.”

If I didn't know better, I'd think he actually has feelings for me. But he's a demon, a soulless bastard who trapped me when I was at my weakest. And he doesn't want to let me go. That makes me a plaything to him, a toy.

“Haven't we been through this long enough?” I ask, letting the raw emotion pour from my voice. I have to make him see. “I'm so tired of this. I don't want this…
gift
anymore. I want to be human again.” I sigh, then turn my gaze back to the people on the street. I want to be like them, innocent and happy and free.

Sitri's quiet for several minutes. I can feel his gaze caressing my face. “But you're not human. You're like me now—immortal. Eternal.” He pauses. “I'll never let you go, Isabel. You're mine.”

chapter eleven

A
FTER
S
ITRI
LEAVES
, I collapse onto the couch, drawing long, deep breaths for several minutes until my pulse returns to normal. My cell buzzes from an incoming text, but I ignore it. Instead, I grab my poetry journal and write; I need to let all the anger and frustration about Sitri pour through my pen onto the paper:

I close the notebook and thrust it and the pen onto the coffee table, drained but slightly less angry. My tolerance for Sitri is disappearing fast, and I don't want to be civil with him anymore, no matter what benefits there are to the curse. It's still binding me, making me his slave.

His words from earlier echo through my mind. I'm supposed to be grateful? He's tried to make me more like him—alone. Bitter. Alienated. But is it really fair for me to completely blame him? It was
my
weakness,
my
hasty decision that put me here in the first place. I shoulder part of that responsibility. And now it's up to me to find my way out.

I lean back on the couch and close my eyes. Imagining what life would be like without him. Having the freedom to hug Samantha without fear of burning her. The freedom to reach out and touch Dominic's face with my bare fingers. To not cover my body just to be in public. To be kissed…

If I can escape this curse—
I have to escape this curse
—I'll never again take my humanity for granted. I'll never again underappreciate the value of life. Its beauty is all the more sweet when allowed to be mysterious. Not knowing when people are going to draw their last breaths would be such a gift.

My phone vibrates again. There are two texts from Samantha:

OMG have to talk to u
.

U there?

I text back,
What's up?

A moment later, she replies,
Have to talk to u!! Can I come over?

My initial thought is to say no, to retreat into my shell and continue to process my feelings by myself. But Samantha is my best friend. Jane would tell me to stop closing up and be a friend to Samantha, who deserves my attention, my time. She probably has some good news about Rick, and I want to share as many of these important moments with her as I can.

If it were up to Sitri, there won't be many more of these.

I shove that thought from my head and text back,
Yes, come over!:-
) Sitri's done with me for the day—he made his point. He'll leave me alone.

Then, I go into the kitchen, grab another soda and try to find my smile again before my best friend arrives.

The next morning goes quickly. It's Friday, and no one at school is thinking about anything other than what to do this weekend.

I'm groggy due to sitting up later than usual talking with Samantha…not that I'm upset about it, of course. As soon as she burst through my door, she excitedly proclaimed that Rick asked her to be his girlfriend—and to go to the homecoming dance. Her enthusiasm was so infectious I couldn't help but be pulled out of my funk and celebrate along with her. It felt good to get my mind off my own concerns, to spend a few hours just being a girl.

In math class, the substitute tells us that Mr. Morris will be on medical leave until after winter break. While I didn't like Mr. Morris, I'm sad he's so sick and needs that much time to recover. The sub tells us to work on the problems in the current chapter we're studying for the rest of class.

Becky and Alexis whisper furiously together. Then Alexis turns toward me. I offer her a small smile.

“Hey, what are you up to tonight?” she asks.

I blink. “Um, not much.”

She twists a lock of hair around her index finger. “I'm having a party tonight. My parents are out of town for the weekend. You should come.”

My first thought is,
this must be a joke
. Not once have I been invited to a party since starting at this school. Not that it's bothered me or anything—I know I'm different. Naturally it's hard for other teens to connect with me.

But Alexis has been really nice to me these last few days, offering a smile or simply a light chat before and after math class. And she's making a sincere effort to include me. I don't want to turn it down.

“I…I'll try,” I finally say. Do I dare? Will Sitri leave me alone long enough?

“I'll make sure no one bothers you, if you're worried about getting sick.” Her eyes are filled with genuine concern and warmth, so much so that it nearly stuns me. “Becky's co-hosting, and everyone's going to be there. Bring a friend if you want. It's going to be epic.” She scribbles down her address and passes it to me.

I nod and slip the paper into my pocket.

She beams and turns back around, bending her head over to work on our assignment.

With a shaky hand, I pick my pencil back up and try to focus on my Algebra problems. But a bubble of excitement wells in my gut. This is my chance to spread my wings a little, get to know people outside of school. Maybe Dominic will come with me. Samantha, too. And for one more evening I can steal my hours away from Sitri, take control of my own life again, enjoy a Friday evening just like a regular teenager.

Class passes painfully slowly. I manage to get my problems done and turn my work in right before the bell rings. After gathering my stuff, I head out the door.

Dominic's standing across the hall. When he sees me, his eyes light up, and he gives a shy smile, swiping that errant lock of hair out of his face. My heart slams in my chest. God, I can't believe he likes me. I can't believe I've told him the truth about me, and he still likes me.

I offer a shy smile in return and make my way toward him.

“How was class?” he asks.

“Not bad.”

We make our way down the hall. Kids shuffle around, but it's like there's a bubble surrounding us. I don't really hear anything or anyone else, just the soft glide of our feet.

He slips his hand into mine. My skin hums at the contact, and I struggle to maintain a look of nonchalance as our fingers weave together. It's the first time we've been a couple in public. He wants to be seen with me. He doesn't think I'm a freak for my curse.

Finally I remember what I wanted to ask him about. “Hey, are you busy tonight? Alexis Rogers from my math class is having a party at her house, and we're invited.”

He glances over at me, his smile growing wider. “I can't imagine you at a party.” A frown mars his face. “But are you sure you'll be okay? You know, with that many people around…”

I swallow, nod. “I'll stay away from the big crowds and keep covered up. But I have to do this. I want to. And I want you to come with me.”

“Wouldn't miss it. Pick you up at…”

“Nine?”

We stop in front of a room.

“Nine should be fine. This is my next class,” he says, regret in his eyes. “See you at lunch? In the courtyard?”

I squeeze his hand. “Wouldn't miss it.”

“So,” Samantha drawls, giving me a wicked grin. She opens her brown paper bag and pulls out a sandwich. “I heard it through the grapevine that you and Dominic were holding hands in the hall earlier.”

I bite my lower lip. “News travels fast,” I finally say, struggling to keep a straight face. But on the inside, I want to scream as loudly as I can that I love him.

“Oh my God, is he your boyfriend now? I'm so mad at you. Why didn't you tell me last night?” While she says it in a joking voice, her eyes do look a little hurt, making me feel guilty about keeping my growing relationship with Dominic a secret.

“I'm sorry.” I pour all the sincerity I can into my voice. “I didn't want to take away from your awesome news. But I promise you, I was going to talk to you about it.”

“I know, but it kinda sucks finding things out about you that way.” She glances up at the sky—not a cloud in sight, though the air is thankfully cooling down a bit. “I can't wait for fall,” she proclaims in an “I'm changing the topic” voice. “I'm sick of being sweaty all the time.”

Not me. The days are slipping through my hands. For the hundredth time, the thousandth time, I feel that sudden, pressing urge to
make
Sitri give me my freedom. Asking him outright didn't work and only made him angry. So I'll have to resort to another idea—a bargain of my own. Some sort of exchange—my life for… what?

I square that away in the back of my mind and tell Samantha about the party tonight. “So, can you come? She said I can invite people.”

Her face scrunches up. “Aw, crap. I would, but I'm having Rick over for dinner this evening. I'm making pasta—he's meeting my parents.” She fidgets with the sandwich, then puts it down on her lap, leaning back a bit. “I hope he likes it.”

“He'll love it,” I say and impulsively squeeze her hand. “Because
you
made it.”

“Oh, and because there's love in every bite—don't forget that part,” she says sardonically as she rolls her eyes and elbows me in the side.

Dominic comes out of nowhere, sliding in beside me and setting his tray of pizza and a soda on the table. My heart beats erratically, as it always does when I see him. He smells amazing. He looks amazing. His pale blue shirt highlights the intense saturation of color in his eyes.

Samantha glances at both of us, smiles widely, then digs back into her sandwich, not saying a word. Her raised eyebrow speaks volumes, though.