Breathless (11 page)

“Sure.” She
took a sip of wine and set the glass down. “Don’t you?”

“All the
time.”

“What would you
do if you could rewrite history?” she asked, smiling.

“I would have
asked you to marry me right out of high school.” Jamie smiled. He
knew she thought he was kidding, but he wasn’t. They may have been
young and inexperienced, but they were in love. “Would you have
said yes?”

“No, I’m afraid
not.” She set her napkin on the table and leaned forward. “Not
because I didn’t love you. I still had so much growing up to do, E.
I had to live and make mistakes before I realized you were the best
thing that ever happened to me.”

Eli couldn’t
breathe by the time the waiter returned. Adding the tip and
scribbling his name at the bottom of the bill was a blur. For all
he knew, he could have tipped the guy a month’s salary. It didn’t
matter. All that mattered was Jamie’s words echoing in his
head.

Eli couldn’t
even believe what he was about to propose. “I don’t want you to
take this the wrong way, but I don’t want this night to end.”

“What does that
mean?” Her small smile told him she was open to suggestions.

“Why don’t we
grab a room upstairs? Just to talk…”

Before he could
explain, she was standing. “What are you waiting for?”

He was waiting
for his heart to start pounding again. They hadn’t made love in
years. Not since the night she turned to him because her
relationship with Brent was falling apart. Was that what she was
doing? Was she still feeling bad about Brent’s engagement and she
wanted to use Eli to take the edge off the pain? He didn’t want to
overanalyze, but he couldn’t afford to be her rebound guy, not
again.

Jamie waited in
an armchair near the reception desk, admiring the stunning
architecture, while Eli got a room key. Eli knew he should question
her motives, but his mouth wouldn’t form the words. That’s how much
he wanted her. Tomorrow would take care of itself. For that night,
she was all his.

They rode the
elevator in silence, standing close enough to touch, but he was
afraid to bridge the gap. With any other woman, he wouldn’t have
hesitated, but he had to tread lightly with Jamie. He followed her
down the hall, silently cursing as he watched the gentle sway of
her hips. A voice in his head screamed for him to take her up
against the wall, but the other part of him, the part that had let
himself hope too many times, couldn’t take the risk.

When they were
inside the room, she stepped out of her high heels and faced him.
“I’m so glad I came tonight.” She placed her hands on the lapels of
his jacket and tipped her head back.

Her dress was
strapless and her hair was secured in a loose twist, baring her
neck and shoulders. Taking what he wanted, what his body craved
would be so easy, but he wouldn’t until she’d promised it wouldn’t
be the last time.

“Would you like
me to order another bottle of wine?” He let his hands rest on her
hips. He knew his tension was obvious. Hiding it from her seemed
impossible.

“I don’t need
another drink,” she whispered, looping her arms around his
neck.

Her breasts
crushed against his chest, and his tie suddenly felt as if it was
choking him. “So… Brent and Ava are getting married, huh?” What the
hell was he thinking bringing
him
up?

“They are.”
Jamie stepped out of his arms and walked to the foot of the bed.
“I’ve offered them both my congratulations. I’m happy for them. I
think they’re perfect for each other.”

He looked for a
hint of regret or sadness in her eyes, but he couldn’t see any.
“Yeah, I think they’re great together too.”

“She’s so much
better for him than I ever was.” Jamie lowered her eyes before
bringing them back up to meet his. “I can see that now.”

“You can?” Eli
wanted to believe her, but not that long ago, he’d found her at
Jimmy’s drowning her sorrows over Brent’s impending marriage.

“Yes.” She sat
down on the edge of the bed. “Sometimes we have to lose something
before we realize we can’t live without it.”

Eli loosened
his tie and the top button of his shirt when he feared they were
cutting off his oxygen supply. Years he’d waited for that moment,
and it had finally come. He couldn’t believe it was real.

“I can’t live
without you, E.” Her eyes flooded with tears when she looked at
him. “I don’t want to lose you.”

He wanted to
say something, to tell her she’d had his heart forever and she
always would, but he couldn’t get the words out. He simply stood
there staring, waiting for her to continue talking, praying she was
finally ready to love him the way he needed her to.

“You’ve been
the person I turned to for so long, I guess I took our relationship
for granted. I hate that I did that to you. I’m so ashamed of
myself for treating you that way.” Her voice broke when she asked,
“Can you forgive me?”

His first
impulse was to drop to his knees and tell her he could forgive her
for almost anything. But he didn’t do that. “It killed me to watch
you fall in love with him,” Eli said when the silence was
deafening. “I hated you. I hated him. I hated my life.” Admitting
that was painful. He’d deserved better, and he needed to know that
she realized that before he could give her his heart again.

“I’m sorry.”
She looked down at the sapphire and diamond ring Eli had given her
for her twenty-fifth birthday. “I’m so sorry.”

The ring was
sparkly and expensive. He’d wanted to give her something that said
what he couldn’t: he loved her. “Why?” A thousand times he’d wanted
to ask her why she’d fallen in love with Brent when he’d been right
there, waiting for her to realize they belonged together. “Why did
you choose him?”

“I guess I was
afraid,” she said quietly. “My parents got married right out of
high school. Neither one of them had ever dated anyone else.”

“So? Is that so
terrible?” He sat beside her, reaching for her hand.

“I thought so
at the time.” She sighed. “Come on, Eli. As teenagers, ending up
like our parents seems like a fate worse than death. It’s not until
we get older that we appreciate that kind of stability.”

He couldn’t
argue with that. Jamie was a bit of a wild child. She’d wanted to
live in a big city, see her face splashed across glossy magazine
covers, and make her mark in the world. “Is that why you chose
Brent? You thought he could give you the glamorous lifestyle I
couldn’t?” Eli didn’t live like a pauper, most people considered
his life privileged, but he’d never aspired to Brent’s level of
wealth.

“No, it was
never about that.” She let go of his hand and walked toward the
window. Pushing the sheers aside, she admired the bustling city.
“It had nothing to do with money or power. Brent represented the
unknown, and I guess that seemed exciting.”

“And I
represented the same-old, same-old, huh?”

“Please don’t
say it like that.” She faced him. “I was just a kid then. I made
mistakes.”

“You’re not a
kid anymore. And neither am I.” He stared at her, knowing it was
their moment of truth. Either they moved forward together or apart.
“I can’t go on loving a woman who can’t be my everything.”

“Your
everything?” she whispered. “What does that mean?”

They hadn’t
dated for years. Even suggesting forever would seem ludicrous if he
hadn’t known her more than half his life. “I want you to be my best
friend, my lover…”

“I already am
your best friend… I hope. And I do want to be your lover
again.”

“That’s not
enough for me, sweetheart. I may have been satisfied with that
before, but I’m not that guy anymore.” Pushing her back to the wall
was risky, but there was no other alternative. It was all or
nothing. “If you can’t see yourself being my wife someday, the
mother of my babies, you need to let me go.”

Jamie sucked in
a sharp breath as tears slid down her cheeks. “I thought you’d
never ask.”

Everything had come
into sharp focus for Jamie in the past weeks. Sacrificing her pride
didn’t seem a big price to pay. She lay down on the bed, hoping Eli
would join her.

“What are you
doing?” he asked, still sitting on the bed, facing the wall instead
of her.

“What does it
look like I’m doing?”

“This isn’t
about sex. It’s so much more than that.”

Jamie knew
barriers between them would have to crumble before they could come
together again sexually. Earning his trust, making him believe she
was finally ready to see him as her anchor, even when her fears
threatened to carry her away, would take time.

She slid
forward and rested her hand on his back. “I don’t blame you for
having doubts about me.”

“It’s not you
I’m questioning, Jamie. It’s us. What if we’re--”

“Sssh.” She
pushed him back and straddled him. That was one sure-fire way to
get his attention. “You thought we were right for each other once.”
She pulled the pins out of her hair and tossed them on the bedside
table. “What can I say or do to convince you you were right? I was
wrong.”

“It’s not a
question of who’s right or wrong, baby.” He stroked her face. “I’m
scared, Jamie. I’ve always stared down my fears and fought ‘til I
was literally bloody and battered. But this is different. We’re not
talking about waking up with a broken hand tomorrow. We’re talking
about waking up with a broken heart, and that’s a hell of a lot
harder to recover from.”

“You’re right.”
She got up, but before she could step away from the bed, he reached
for her hand.

“Jesus, baby,
don’t go.” He closed his eyes and held tighter.

Jamie realized
what she had to do. She could think of only one way to give him the
assurance he needed. It wasn’t the way she’d always imagined, but
she owed it to him. “Eli, sit up.”

He sat up as
she got down on her knees to look him in the eye. “What are you
doing?” he asked, frowning.

“I need to tell
you what I should have had the courage to tell you years ago.” She
didn’t have a speech rehearsed. She would just have to speak from
the heart and hope she could get through it without being reduced
to a sobbing mess.

“Baby, you
don’t have to do this.”

“Yes, I do.”
She looked at his strong, tanned hands. They were scarred and
calloused from years of playing the game he loved. Eli gave
everything and everyone he loved everything he had and more than
anything she wanted to be the woman he gave his heart to for the
last time.

She couldn’t
risk there being a doubt in his mind about her sincerity. “I love
you. I don’t love you just as a friend, E. I’m in love with you. I
always have been. It just took me a while to realize it.”

He stared at
her, looking stunned by her revelation.

Hearing
confirmation he felt the same way would have been nice, but his
love for her had always been there. He wore it like a badge for the
world to see. “I love the way you take care of the people you love,
your family and friends. I love that you’re the first one to drop
your gloves when a teammate needs back up.” She smiled, drawing a
smile from him. “Not that I condone fighting. You know I hate it
when you fight.”

“I know.” He
kissed her hand. “But I’m not gonna stop as long as I’m able to
lace up my skates. That’s half the fun of the game.”

She laughed. “I
know. You give everything you have to everything you do and that’s
an amazing quality.”

He stroked his
thumb across the back of her hand. “Thank you.”

“You’re the
kind of man a woman would be proud to call her husband, the father
of her children.” She could see him waging an internal battle.
There was a question he wanted to ask, but he was afraid of her
answer. If she could help it, he wouldn’t waste another minute
questioning her love. “I’d be proud to call you
my
husband.”

“Jesus.” He
stood up and pulled her into his arms, hugging her hard as she
buried her face in his neck. “Years, I’ve been waiting years to
hear you say that.”

She couldn’t
stop the flood of tears even if she wanted to. But that was okay.
Eli had seen her at her best and her worst, and he still loved her.
“Promise me you won’t ever give up on me,” she whispered. “Even
when I make you crazy, know how much I love you, that I need you,
and don’t ever give up on us.”

He looked at
her, his hands closing in on her face. “My heart won’t let me give
up on you. Even when my mind tells me to let go, my heart won’t let
me.” His kiss encompassed the fierce passion mere words never
could. He claimed her mouth, body, heart, and soul.

Clothes were
shed in the wake of gentle caresses. Years had passed since they’d
been intimate, but Jamie knew it would feel like coming home. She’d
had a few detours, but Eli was her home.

As he laid her
down on the bed, he braced his body over hers. “I have
protection.”

She knew the
team insisted on annual physicals and Eli was always a responsible
lover. He knew she was on the pill… because he knew everything
about her. “We don’t need it.”

“Are you
sure?”

She smiled. “I
trust you, if you trust me?”

“You know I do,
baby.” He lowered his body and blanketed her with his warm skin. He
kissed her neck. “I’ve never made love without protection. In fact,
it’s been a hell of a long time since I made love. Since you. It’s
always been only you, Jamie.”

Jamie let him
cocoon her in a safe haven where the rest of the world didn’t
exist. Nothing existed except the two of them, taking their time to
rediscover each other. Her first lover would be her last, and
instead of instilling fear in her, it gave her a sense of
indescribable peace. “I love you,” she whispered, trailing her lips
over his shoulder.