Brick Shakespeare: The Comedies—A Midsummer Night's Dream, The Tempest, Much Ado About Nothing, and The Taming of the Shrew (85 page)

BAPTISTA

How now, my friend! why dost thou look so pale?

HORTENSIO

For fear, I promise you, if I look pale.

BAPTISTA

What, will my daughter prove a good musician?

HORTENSIO

I think she’ll sooner prove a soldier

Iron may hold with her, but never lutes.

BAPTISTA

Why, then thou canst not break her to the lute?

HORTENSIO

Why, no; for she hath broke the lute to me.

I did but tell her she mistook her frets,

And bow’d her hand to teach her fingering;

When, with a most impatient devilish spirit,

“Frets, call you these?” quoth she; “I’ll fume with them:”

And, with that word, she struck me on the head,

And through the instrument my pate made way;

And there I stood amazed for a while,

As on a pillory, looking through the lute;

While she did call me rascal fiddler

And twangling Jack; with twenty such vile terms,

As had she studied to misuse me so.

PETRUCHIO

Now, by the world, it is a lusty wench;

I love her ten times more than e’er I did:

O, how I long to have some chat with her!

BAPTISTA

Well, go with me and be not so discomfited:

Proceed in practise with my younger daughter;

She’s apt to learn and thankful for good turns.

Signior Petruchio, will you go with us,

Or shall I send my daughter Kate to you?

PETRUCHIO

I pray you do.

PETRUCHIO (cont.)

I will attend her here,

And woo her with some spirit when she comes.

Say that she rail; why then I’ll tell her plain

She sings as sweetly as a nightingale:

Say that she frown, I’ll say she looks as clear

As morning roses newly wash’d with dew:

Say she be mute and will not speak a word;

Then I’ll commend her volubility,

And say she uttereth piercing eloquence:

If she do bid me pack, I’ll give her thanks,

As though she bid me stay by her a week:

If she deny to wed, I’ll crave the day

When I shall ask the banns and when be married.

But here she comes; and now, Petruchio, speak.

PETRUCHIO (cont.)

Good morrow, Kate; for that’s your name, I hear.

KATHARINA

Well have you heard, but something hard of hearing:

They call me Katharina that do talk of me.

PETRUCHIO

You lie, in faith; for you are call’d plain Kate,

And bonny Kate and sometimes Kate the curst;

But Kate, the prettiest Kate in Christendom

Kate of Kate Hall, my super-dainty Kate,

For dainties are all Kates, and therefore, Kate,

Take this of me, Kate of my consolation;

Hearing thy mildness praised in every town,

Thy virtues spoke of, and thy beauty sounded,

Yet not so deeply as to thee belongs,

Myself am moved to woo thee for my wife.

KATHARINA

Moved! in good time: let him that moved you hither

Remove you hence: I knew you at the first

You were a moveable.

PETRUCHIO

Why, what’s a moveable?

KATHARINA

A join’d-stool.

PETRUCHIO

Thou hast hit it: come, sit on me.

KATHARINA

Asses are made to bear, and so are you.

PETRUCHIO

Women are made to bear, and so are you.

KATHARINA

No such jade as you, if me you mean.

PETRUCHIO

Alas! good Kate, I will not burden thee;

For, knowing thee to be but young and light—