Brides of Idaho (51 page)

Joanna nudged Rudy. “Seems Freddy has his eye on something. Wonder what it is?” She turned sideways and leaned close to Rudy to whisper, “You might consider getting him something besides clothing.” In her attempt to keep as much distance between them as possible, she leaned too far forward. She lost her balance and grabbed Rudy’s arm.

He caught her by the shoulders to right her.

She looked into his face. At the yearning expression in his eyes, her heart rattled against her ribs. The moment lingered as they studied each other. She wondered if her gaze was as revealing as his, because for certain she felt something. A loneliness that made no sense yet called out to be relieved. A longing that wouldn’t be satisfied by food or drink.

Someone needs to love the hurting away.
She’s spoken the words to Rudy, but they echoed in her heart. He wasn’t the only one who needed to love the hurt away. Wasn’t that what she’d done for her sisters? Why then hadn’t it done its work in her heart?

“It’s the best knife I ever saw.” Freddy’s voice brought her back to reality. She smiled her thanks to Rudy for his help then turned her attention to Freddy, who had his nose pressed to the glass of the display case.

Rudy knelt beside him. “It is a pretty special knife. Is that a hand-carved handle?”

The storekeeper didn’t waste a minute pulling it from the case and extolling its virtues. “Finest steel. This knife will hold an edge better than any of those others.”

Rudy examined the blade then handed it to Freddy to inspect. “What do you think?”

Freddy looked around ready to bust from his skin. “It’s a fine knife.”

“You think a boy your age would have any use for it?”

“Oh yeah. I could do lots of things with a knife. I could shave off kindling for Miss Joanna. I could chop meat from the old soup bones for the kitty. Why, I bet I could carve something really useful.”

Rudy’s grin said it all. Freddy’s eagerness with him was something new, and Rudy fairly glowed.

Joanna stood back and watched the two of them, praying the moment would be the first of many.

Rudy nodded, suddenly all serious as if this was the most important decision of the day. But Joanna saw the gleam that lingered in his eyes. “Sure sounds like you need a knife real bad,” he said to Freddy. “Maybe we should buy this one, seeing as it’s such a fine knife.”

Freddy grew still, his gaze shifting from the knife to his uncle in a mixture of hope and fear.

Joanna’s heart thudded in her chest. Rudy and Freddy were more alike than either of them knew—afraid of love, yet wanting it so much it hurt. And at the same time fearing rejection so badly they couldn’t let anyone know their desires.

Freddy swallowed noticeably. “Maybe we should buy it.” His words squeaked from his throat.

“It’s your decision.” Rudy handed him the knife again. “You must choose if this is the knife for you.”

“Oh, it is. I’m certain.”

“Then we’ll take it.”

Freddy’s eyes never left the knife as the storekeeper took it and returned it reverently to the leather sheath meant for a man’s belt.

“Guess he’ll need a belt, too,” Rudy said.

A few minutes later they left the store, a belt through the loops of Freddy’s new trousers and the knife hanging from the belt. Rudy had placed an order with the storekeeper for a wardrobe that would see the boy through the winter.

At the post office Joanna had received a letter from Sarah. She would wait until she was alone to read it; in case Sarah announced she’d found another travel companion, Joanna would rather deal with any disappointment in private.

She and Rudy walked side by side, and Freddy marched ahead, as proud as any boy she’d ever seen. “You’ve made him happy.”

“He likes me at the moment for the knife.”

“It’s as good a place to start as any.” Did Freddy realize how generous Rudy had been?

At that moment Freddy stopped marching forward and slowly turned to retrace his steps until he was only a few feet away. He obviously wanted to say something but rocked from side to side as if unable to find the words.

Rudy and Joanna waited.

Freddy looked at his uncle then away. He patted his knife as if to make sure it still hung from his belt. “Uncle Rudy, thank you for the knife. It’s the best thing I ever got in my whole life.” The words came out like bullets shot from a gun. Freddy turned and fled down the street, not pausing until he was twenty feet away.

“He thanked me.” Rudy sounded surprised.

“Of course he did.”

“And he didn’t look angry. He even called me ‘uncle.’”

Joanna chuckled and tucked her hand into the crook of his arm. “Love works miracles.”

“I bought him a knife. What’s that got to do with love?”

“There’s more than one way to show love.” Words might come later when they were both ready to believe them.

Back at the stopping house, Rudy gave Freddy a few safety tips on using his knife—point the blade away from yourself when cutting, never rush when working with your knife, keep your fingers above where you are cutting, always store it safely. Freddy listened and observed carefully as Rudy talked then allowed Rudy to supervise his first few attempts at using the knife.

Rudy could not stop something foreign and pleasant from bubbling inside him. “You’ll do just fine.” He swallowed his caution and squeezed Freddy’s shoulder. When the boy didn’t jerk away or voice a complaint, Rudy’s smile grew so wide he wondered it didn’t pop his ears off.

He hung around the yard. He didn’t have any pressing business keeping him there except the pleasure of watching Freddy enjoy his knife. He’d planned on continuing north after turning Freddy over to his pa. He figured he’d find a job on some ranch, but helping out at the stopping house suited him fine at the moment. In exchange for their work, Joanna provided room and board. Under that arrangement, he had enough money to keep them going for several months.

The boy knelt in the dirt by the chopping block and worked away on a piece of wood, learning to cut shavings from it. Most of them wouldn’t be much good as kindling or anything else, but that didn’t matter. Nothing mattered half so much as seeing Freddy enjoy something Rudy had given him.

Wanting to share the moment, he turned toward the window. Joanna was there and smiled. He mouthed the words
thank you.

She lifted her hands to signify she didn’t know what he meant.

He pointed toward Freddy then shook his head. What was he thinking? She’d done nothing except… be there. Encourage him. Let him realize Freddy might be hurting. But he wouldn’t know where to begin to try to explain. One thing he knew and understood was somehow she’d had a part in this moment.

Suddenly feeling as if his insides lay exposed, he turned from the window and got real interested in examining a loose board on the side of the storage shed. What had come over him to confess his mother had never wanted him? A man didn’t complain about his mother. It was downright weak. Worse. A man should honor his mother.

He went into the shed, found a hammer, and drove several nails into the errant board. With each blow he drove the past back into place and used huge spikes to secure the invisible, interior door shut.

He returned the hammer to the shed and had a look around, remembering he meant to make a cart for Joanna. No time like the present to start the project. Finding some bits of lumber, he assessed them for possibilities then went outside. “Freddy, wanna help me make something?”

Freddy carefully sheathed his knife before he joined Rudy. “Whatcha making?”

He explained his plan. “I thought we should work inside the shed so it will be a surprise for Miss Joanna. What do you think?”

Freddy nodded solemnly. “I think she’d like it.”

Together they measured and cut. The boy was pleasant company when he was in a mellow mood, but Rudy couldn’t help wondering how long it would last.

For the next few days, they spent every spare moment in the shed working on the cart. Rudy had discovered that so long as they concentrated on this project, Freddy was docile enough. But all he had to do was ask the boy to help carry water or suggest he should wash up for the meal, and he earned himself a scowl fit to cure leather.

What did he have to do to persuade Freddy to be friends?

Rudy asked him to leave the cat and tend to his chores. Freddy again favored him with one of his scorching looks. Rudy sighed. He hated to admit how much it hurt.

Joanna slipped to his side, her presence soothing his pain. “Don’t let it discourage you. You’re making great progress.”

“Sometimes I wonder. Seems I should be past letting things like this hurt me.” Now where had that come from? Why was it every time Joanna got within speaking distance he said something weak-kneed? He couldn’t imagine what she thought of him acting like a down-in-the-mouth sissy.

“I’d say it’s a good thing you aren’t. It would only show you had no feelings. No ability to love. Makes me glad to see that’s not true.”

Made her glad, did it? Huh. Well, that made him feel good… made him want to do something special for her. “We should celebrate progress.” A slap alongside his head seemed about the wisest thing at the moment.

“What a great idea. Let’s go on a picnic. I know just the spot. Tomorrow?”

“Let me check my schedule.” He made a show of tapping his chin and thinking deeply on the subject, but she knew as well as he that his schedule included nothing of pressing importance. He only wanted the time to settle his runaway thoughts into a slow canter. She actually sounded like she wanted to go somewhere with him. “Yup. I can work it in tomorrow.”

She chuckled. “Great.”

He echoed the word inside his head.

Joanna slipped away to visit Mandy. She’d been wanting to tell someone the contents of her letter from Sarah, and now she needed to enlist Mandy’s help.

“Rudy and I are taking Freddy on a picnic tomorrow. If you and Trace could help Cora manage supper, then we wouldn’t have to hurry back. Would you mind?”

Mandy studied her with knowing eyes. “We’d love to help. You know, Joanna, it’s about time you did something fun for a change.”

Why were her sisters so insistent she have fun, do something for herself? It got to be annoying after a bit. “You make it sound like I’ve lived my life as a reluctant martyr. I haven’t, you know. No one forced me to live my life as I have.”

Mandy quirked an eyebrow.

“Okay, in a way Pa did. But I did it gladly. After all, we’re family, and I love you two.”

Mandy hugged her. “I know. But still I worry that you’ve always had so much responsibility.”

Joanna shook her head. “I was also blessed. Do you stop to consider that?”

“Blessed? How?”

She squeezed her sister’s hands. “By love. We’ve always loved each other and always will. We shouldn’t take that for granted. Rudy told me how his mother withheld love from him, and I have a notion she’s done the same with Freddy.” She didn’t want to give any more details. After all, it was Rudy’s story. “It makes me realize how fortunate we’ve been. Yes, our ma died, and our pa doesn’t hang around, but we’ve always had each other.”

“You’re right. And looking at what we don’t have serves no purpose.”

They shifted the conversation to other things. Mandy showed the latest developments on the log house. Trace was working on adding another room. “Where is he now?”

“Out hunting. He says he wants a good supply of meat before winter hits.”

They moved outside and sat in the autumn sun. “Any news from your other prospective buyer?” Mandy asked.

“No, but I had a letter from Sarah. She says there is another woman who has expressed an interest in accompanying her to California, but she prefers me as a traveling companion and will wait to see if I can sell the place. She says we have a few more weeks before we must leave.”

“Then I hope and pray the sale happens quickly.”

Joanna left a short time later. Usually a visit with either of her sisters made her feel settled, but not this time. She kept thinking of Sarah’s letter. Every time she did, she saw Freddy and Rudy riding away. Why the idea should give her pause didn’t make sense. Rudy had never planned to stay. He only did so to work things out with Freddy, and he was making progress on that front. So why did she feel wrung out and hung to dry in a cold wind when she thought of Sarah’s letter? And even worse, tattered and torn when she realized Rudy and Freddy would soon be moving on.