Brides of Idaho (53 page)

He sat up straight and forced his attention to the view, though he saw none of it. He was not about to risk losing her friendship for the sake of a kiss.

Joanna pulled her hand to her lap. What had she been thinking to practically kiss Rudy? Poor unsuspecting man. Of course he wasn’t interested in that sort of relationship between them.

Nor was she.

Though she did care about him. Him and Freddy. She sensed the longing emptiness within Rudy. His need for love. She silently prayed that he might find healing in God’s love.

She longed for more. But she couldn’t explain what it was. She squeezed her hands together to keep from reaching for Rudy again.

“There’s lots of hiding places in the trees,” Freddy called, his voice hopeful.

She wondered if anyone had ever played with him. Surely he’d had playmates at school. But his words gave her an idea. She scrambled to her feet. “Let’s play a game.”

“Okay.” Freddy stood before them, bouncing on the balls of his feet.

“It will take all three of us.” She tilted her head to signal Rudy to get up and join them.

“I’m too old for games,” he muttered without moving.

“You’re certainly not too old. In fact, it might be just the thing. Come on, get up.” She couldn’t say what she meant, and he, thankfully, did not ask.

Sending her a look of pure martyrdom, he pushed to his feet. “What’s the game?”

“Doesn’t have a name, but my sisters and I used to play it by the hour.” It was a combination of hide-and-seek and cops and robbers. “One of us is the bad guy, and we have to try and catch him.” She set out the perimeters so none of them could go too far away.

“Can I be the bad guy?” Freddy asked.

“I could get a little worried about how eager you are for that role.” She gave him a mock-stern look. “So long as you remember it’s only a game.”

He nodded vigorously.

“Okay, you’re the bad guy. We’ll give you a head start; then you have to hide or slip away from us so we can’t catch you. Your turn is over when we capture you.”

Freddy raced into the trees and disappeared from sight.

She turned to Rudy. “The trick is for us to work as a team so he can’t slip past us once we find him.”

“Let’s go capture the bad guy.” He grinned in a way that made Joanna giggle.

He signaled for her to go to the right while he went left. After a moment the woods grew quiet. She couldn’t hear either of the others, but it hadn’t been so long since she’d played the game that she’d lost her skill. She edged forward silently, slowly, pausing often to listen. There. A snap to her left. She eased toward it. Freddy, moving forward, glancing often over his shoulder.

She stayed out of sight and knew he hadn’t spotted her.

Now to find Rudy. She moved with the stealth of years of playing this game with her sisters. Freddy’s passage wasn’t silent, so she tracked him with her ear. But she didn’t hear Rudy anywhere. She eased forward, searching the shadows. Where had he gone?

Creeping forward slowly, she crisscrossed the area, each time listening for a sound, seeking for a visual. But he’d disappeared. Seems he knew how to move in the trees as quietly as Mandy, who vowed she was so silent she could sneak up on a deer at a watering hole.

Something caught her arm. She stifled a scream and turned terror-filled eyes to—

“Rudy,” she whispered. She took a deep breath while her hammering heart slowed. “Are you trying to scare me to death?”

He pulled her into the hollow of some bushes. The space was too small for the two of them, and she was crushed to his chest. “Sure was fun watching you sneak around.” His mouth was at her ear, his breath warm on her cheek.

“How long have you been spying on me?”

“Not long enough.” He seemed breathless.

She wondered at his meaning. “What are we doing?”

“Waiting for Freddy to come by. Then we’ll scare him just like I did you.”

“Oh.” So they would stay like this until Freddy came looking for them? Kind of a backward way to play the game, but somehow she didn’t mind. She was comfortable enough cradled against his chest. In fact, it was downright pleasant. She could surely allow herself to enjoy this for a moment or two. Then they’d go back to their same old cautious, guarded way around each other.

“Shh. Here he comes.”

So soon? Why, she was just getting to like this.

“Get ready.” He pushed her forward, but his hands remained on her upper arms, steadying her.

A very comforting feeling, she decided.

“Now.” He leaped forward, taking her before him. They yelled loudly.

Freddy shrieked and tried to run away, but she grabbed his arm and prevented his escape.

“We got the bad guy.” Rudy swept the boy into the air and swung him around.

Freddy shouted with laughter. The sound triggered something in Joanna, and she began to giggle.

Rudy set Freddy on his feet, but he collapsed to the ground, shaking with laughter. Joanna tried to get serious, but one look at the confusion in Rudy’s face and she couldn’t stop laughing either.

Rudy planted his hands on his hips and stared from Joanna to Freddy. “Is this a new game we’re playing?”

But his expression was of enjoyment. Pure, simple, sweet enjoyment.

Joanna had never seen him look so happy. An answering joy and pleasure filled her heart.

R
udy’s insides felt light and sweet. He’d made Freddy laugh. He’d enjoyed holding Joanna close and noted she hadn’t objected. Having her resting against his chest, feeling the silky strands of hair across his face, breathing in her scent—home cooking and sunshine—had filled him with a desire to keep her there… or at least be near her… for the rest of his life.

Was this love? He couldn’t think so, because he didn’t trust love. He didn’t even know what it was. He’d only known Joanna a few days. How could he even think his feelings were love?

Maybe it was gratitude for the things she said to him. Sometimes hard things, but spoken out of concern for him.

Or was it just the moment, the setting?

He simply didn’t know.

But a question battered the inside of his head. Was it possible for him to leave his past behind and look to the future? Or even enjoy the present without fear and restrictions?

He wanted to know.

And if he discovered it was indeed possible, did he have the boldness to believe and accept the change?

Joanna finally stopped laughing and sighed deeply. “It’s time to eat.”

They trooped back to the clearing where they’d left the picnic basket. They sat on the blanket and shared thick sandwiches with generous slabs of meat, followed by delicious oatmeal cookies with a hint of cinnamon. It had recently become his favorite fragrance, making him think of Joanna.

Rudy lounged on one elbow, his feet aiming for the trees, and enjoyed himself. The smell of fine food, the gentle breeze laden with hints of pine and poplar trees, the warm woolen blanket scratching at his skin, and his two most favorite people in the world. What could be better?

When had he enjoyed anything but work? Not in a long time. Maybe never. Part of his brain—a distant part—suggested he should be careful. A larger, friendlier part said to enjoy the moment.

Freddy finished and moved away to find something to dig at with his knife.

Neither Joanna nor Rudy left the comfort of their picnic area. Finally Joanna yawned and stretched. “I suppose we better head back before dark.”

He’d been watching the shadows grow long and gray and wondered how late they could stay before darkness hid the trail down. “It’s time.” He slowly got to his feet, reluctant to end the day. Something had happened here, and he wasn’t sure what it was or where it led.

Or if he even wanted to find out.

The next few days passed swiftly. He’d ordered the Bible. It took only three days to arrive from Sand Point. He started to read it, searching for something, even though he wasn’t sure what it was until he found Jeremiah 31:3.
“I have loved thee with an everlasting love: therefore with lovingkindness have I drawn thee.”
The words grabbed his heart and would not let go. He read them over and over. Loved. Loved by God. Everlasting love.

Was it possible?

Throughout the following days he helped around the stopping house thus earning meals for himself and Freddy. When his chores were done, he continued to work on the cart for Joanna. But always the words of scripture followed him, with Joanna’s on their heels. She cared about him.

They attended church again, and Levi’s gentle conviction reinforced the truth that beckoned.

Rudy felt as if he hovered on the brink of something new that was as frightening as it was tantalizing.

Freddy and Rudy often accompanied Joanna to the store or to run errands. She enjoyed their company more than made sense. Today they had gone to the mercantile to check for mail. Joanna looked at the long-awaited letter in her hand.

“Aren’t you gonna open it?” Freddy asked.

I need to keep things in perspective.
She said the words on a daily basis but couldn’t decide what perspective she should choose. Should she guard her heart against caring, knowing that Rudy, by his own confession, was not the staying kind? Or should she listen to her heart’s reminder of the times they sat and talked after the others in the house had settled down? The questions he asked about his Bible reading. The way his gaze searched hers, probing deep, past her caution to an emptiness that welcomed him.

This letter might make it all clear.

And she couldn’t bring herself to open it. “I’ll wait until I get home.” She tucked it into her pocket.

“Why?” Freddy demanded.

She wasn’t about to admit her heart thundered against her ribs with an emotion she couldn’t identify, but it felt a lot like fear. Which didn’t make sense. Shouldn’t it be excitement? Freddy watched her curiously. She smiled at him and started walking back home.

Rudy fell in at her side. Although he was far too polite to pry, she felt his curiosity.

They drew abreast of Glory’s old shop.

Rudy slowed his steps and looked at the F
OR
S
ALE OR
R
ENT
sign.

“That’s Glory’s building. She used to run a farrier business here. For a little while Levi lived in the back room with some children he’d rescued.”

Freddy heard her and asked, “What happened to the children?”

“Their parents were both dead, but they had grandparents who came and got them.”

“Oh.” It plainly wasn’t good news in his opinion.

“They were very nice people. The children are most happy with them.”

“Yeah?” Not convinced.

Rudy peered through a window. “Does she still do the farriering business?”

“She works up at the mission now.”

Rudy tried the door. “Maybe I’ll ask her to have a look.”

Joanna swallowed so hard she figured both Rudy and Freddy heard.

Rudy continued to look in the windows. Freddy opened the gate at the side of the building and peered into the small pen where Glory had kept her horses.

“You want to see inside? I know where she hides the key.” Her lungs felt impossibly tight.