Bridesmaid Lotto (27 page)

I crumpled the paper and threw it in the trash. It felt good, like I was letting some of the hate go. I jumped in the shower, determined to wash even more of it off.

Memories of what I had written in the diary kept coming back to me. Every time I thought of something else, that stomach lurching feeling came back. How was I ever supposed to find a job now that everyone in the city had seen that article?

Somehow I knew my fifteen minutes of fame were not quite up.

I tried to shake it off. There was nothing I could do about it now except try and pick up the pieces. I finished my shower and went to the newspaper article. I burned it without reading it. I didn’t need to make myself feel any worse.

The light on my answering machine was blinking. What a shocker. I hit the playback button. “You have twenty-four new messages”, the recorded voice said.

I sighed and sat down.

Most of the messages were from friends that had seen the article and wanted to tell me that it wasn’t so bad. Everyone has embarrassing moments. But I knew my moments were monumental compared to most people. They all sounded so solemn, so pitying.

“Okay, perspective,” I said out loud to myself. “It’s not like anyone has died or anything.”

I had more important things to worry about than the world knowing I once had gas. I mean seriously, these things do happen to everybody, it’s just that no one talks about it.

Still, I wondered if I should move out of the city.

There were only two messages I’d been hoping for. The first, from Jake that said he still liked me, though I knew that wasn’t about to happen, especially after the way I had acted yesterday, not even saying goodbye. I couldn’t decide which was worse, Jake knowing about the article and reading all those things, or not knowing about the article and just thinking I was some sort of weird, emotional basket case.

The other message I’d been hoping for was my mother saying she’d changed her mind about the trip.

Neither was on the machine.

“Stop feeling sorry for yourself, Josephine,” I said out loud. “Nothing is going to change unless you change it. First things first. Start looking for a job. No. Wait. First things first. You need to eat and get some caffeine into you.”

Walking to the kitchen, I realized I was talking to myself. Something I had never done before.

“Don’t worry it’s just the stress talking. You’re not going crazy.” But I wasn’t really convincing, especially since I was still talking out loud.

I grabbed some cereal, put on the coffee and sat down with my laptop to check on the job listings.

I wrote down a few possibles. Then something caught my eye.

Jobs Overseas. Want to get away from it all? We help you find a permanent or temporary position in your field overseas.

I wasted no time in dialing the number. They told me to fill out the online application and the lady explained that it was usually a month or two on the waiting list and then you were placed. It could be sooner, she’d said, as long as you’re not too picky about where you want to go. At that moment, I think I would have been happy with Siberia. There was further instruction to get my affairs in order, which I didn’t really like the sound of, but apparently they just meant to get a passport and be ready with all the necessary paperwork.

Hmm. In your face mother, I thought.

It wasn’t going to be the same, of course. Work was certainly different than the vacation I’d had in mind, but I would get my trip nonetheless.

~ 20 ~

Mattie came over after work. “Hey girl, how you holdin’ up?” he asked.

“Actually, I didn’t have too bad of a day,” I said.

The look on his face told me he was in utter shock. “Really?”

“Yeah, I filled out an application to get on a waiting list for jobs overseas.”

“Good for you,” he said. “Stick it to your mother. She’ll be sorry when you’re gone. And actually, I’ll be sorry too. Wait. How long are you planning on going for?”

“I don’t know,” I said. “When a job comes up, they phone and give me all the details. Then decide whether I want it or not. The beauty of it is that they might be able to find something in my field, so I could be getting great experience while this paparazzi mess dies down.”

“How is it that I didn’t know you could do that?”

“I didn’t either until I saw the ad in the newspaper. The only crappy thing is I’m going to have to find a roommate I can trust to take care of the place while I’m gone. If I even get a job, that is.”

“I wish I could help, but my lease is iron clad. I’m not going anywhere for at least another eight months.”

I made a pouty face.

“Don’t worry,” he said. “This is a great apartment, you’ll find someone.”

I sighed. “Look at what happened with Calla though. And she’s been my friend forever. If I couldn’t trust her, how am I supposed to find a stranger I can trust?”

“It’s okay Josie,” Mattie said. “You can still trust your instincts. The Calla thing was just one little incident. She’s obviously got bigger problems than you or I ever knew about.”

I nodded, but I wasn’t convinced. I’d grown up with Calla. She was my best friend for years. In high school she’d had a lot of emotional problems, but I thought she’d left all that behind her.

“Now for the real reason I’m here,” Mattie said. “I am making it my mission to get you out of this house. Now I know you’re a little strapped for cash right now, so it will be my treat. We can go to a movie or something.”

“I am not leaving this house,” I said.

“Oh yes you are.”

“Mattie! There are still reporters camped out outside my door!”

“So? That didn’t bother you before.”

“Um. The whole world didn’t know every embarrassing moment of my life before,” I reminded him.

“Oh come on,” he said. “It’s not that bad. In fact, some of the stars they interviewed on ‘Entertainment News’ said you were great! They loved that you were so very… human. And they thought that you were absolutely hilarious.”

My eyes widened. “They did a story about the article on TV!”

“Um, yes,” Mattie said. “But really, I’m telling you. It was very favorable. Someone said they should turn your diary into a book. They were dying to hear more.”

“Oh God,” I said flopping down on the couch.

“Seriously Josie, they all thought Calla was a bitch and you were completely entertaining. I think it’s going to be good for you to get out in public and show them that something like this isn’t going to hold you back. You are a fabulous woman who will not apologize for farting.”

I broke out laughing. “Oh my God Mattie, I am way too nervous.” I groaned. “How am I going to pretend to be all confident and not let on that my entire life has just fallen apart?”

“That’s what I’m here for girl,” Mattie said. “Don’t you remember how good you felt the other times when I got you all dressed up?”

“I guess.”

“Well, that’s what we’re going to do. You’ll kill them with your fabulousness.”

“I guess,” I said, sighing.

“Good. Now let’s go find you something to wear.” He got up and started towards the hallway.

“And Mattie,” I said.

He turned back to me.

“That’s not all you’re here for you know.”

He smiled and nodded once. “I know.”

# # #

I took several deep breaths as I held on to the stair handle for dear life. Even though Mattie made me look just as good as he promised he would, I was still scared to my very soul over all the things that people must be thinking about me.

“Don’t worry,” Mattie said and pried my fingers off the rail. “You look great. The cameras will love you.”

“I don’t know Mattie…”

“Shush,” he interrupted. “Just fake it. Pretend like you’re Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman. You know that scene where Richard Gere keeps telling her she’s very tall. Just smile and look fabulous. That’s all you have to do. Smile and look fabulous.”

“Okay,” I said, but my voice was very quiet.

“You can do this,” Mattie said.

“I can do this,” I said. My voice was starting to get a little stronger.

“You can do this!”

“I can do this,” I said, firmly this time.

Mattie grabbed me and we walked arm and arm out the door. Our pace was fast. Determined. I put my sunglasses on and smiled at the cameras. I was surprised that there were so many, about five or six still hanging around.

Boy, this city must be hard up for news, I thought.

“Josie, over here!” one photographer called.

I turned directly to him and flashed my best smile. Mattie and I continued down the street where he hailed a cab.

“Oh my God,” I said once we were safely inside the cab. “That was so scary.”

“You did great!”

“I’m so glad we get to go hide in a dark movie theatre for a while,” I said.

“That’s exactly why I suggested it, honey.”

I had to admit, it felt good to be out. I hadn’t really been holed up that long, but I was still beginning to feel a little claustrophobic in my apartment.

We chose to see a good old romantic comedy, which is my favorite genre, and Mattie’s. It was quite fitting with what was going on in my life too, the heroine getting caught in a couple of embarrassing situations.

“Well, that made me feel better,” I said, as Mattie and I walked out of the movie. “She was almost as much of a social moron as I am.”

“Absolutely. See, it’s not so bad,” he said. “I’m actually kind of surprised that you made the front page of the entertainment section.”

“Hey now, I’m newsworthy aren’t I?” I said and lightly pushed him.

He raised one eyebrow. “I don’t know about that,” he said.

I pushed him harder this time.

“Hey, watch it,” he yelled as he regained his balance. He looked around and sighed. “Where are the cameras when you need them? I could make millions with a picture of you assaulting me.”

“Oh shush. Don’t even joke about that. You’re the only friend I can trust right now.”

“I know. Sorry. But you’re the one who pushed me,” he whined. “Ooh, ooh. There’s a coffee shop! I could really use a latte.”

I had to smile at the way Mattie could flip the subject in the blink of an eye.

“Yeah, I could sit for a while.”

The waitress came to take our orders.

“Peppermint Mocha Latte, please,” Mattie said.

“I’ll just have a Chai tea.”

The waitress looked at me and squinted.

Oh shit, I thought. What’s wrong? Am I splotchy again?

“Aren’t you that Bridesmaid girl,” the waitress finally said.

I cleared my throat. “Um, yeah.” I could feel the heat rising up my neck. Great. Now I’m splotchy.

“I thought so,” she said, a huge smile forming on her face. “I read your diary article yesterday. You are so funny!” She looked up as if trying to remember. “Oh God, that farting story. What a hoot. Every time I think about it, I start giggling all over again.”

“Um. Thanks?” I said.

She left to get our drinks.

“See, what did I tell you?” Mattie said. “People love it.”

The girl at the table next to us was craning her neck to hear our conversation.

I motioned to Mattie to be quiet and pointed to the girl. She turned around and caught me pointing.

“Oh, sorry,” she said looking embarrassed. “I didn’t mean to listen in on your conversation, but I just wanted to say that what you have done is just amazing.”

“What I’ve done?” I asked.

“Yes. It was so brave what you did.” She obviously thought I’d gotten the diary published myself. “To tell the world all the things that most people would be ashamed of. To show everybody that you are totally normal, and that bad things happen to you, and yet you can still date a movie star! It’s just so inspiring. I actually started my own diary of all my embarrassing stuff this morning.”

“Really?” I said.

“I just wanted to thank you so much,” she finished.

“You’re welcome?”

The girl turned back around in her seat and I leaned back in mine.

“Okay, can I just say, wow?” Mattie said.

“I can’t believe it,” I said. “I thought the whole world would like, hate me or something.”

“Of course not. Maybe Calla even did you a favor.”

The smile faded off my face. “I wouldn’t quite go that far,” I said. “I still haven’t heard a peep from Jake.”

“You will. He’s a movie star for God’s sake. I’m sure he’s just a little bit busy.”

I shrugged.

The waitress returned with our drinks. “It’s on me,” she said. “Anyone who can make my day like you did yesterday deserves a little something in return.”