Bridge of Hope (35 page)

~~~

Mallory disappeared down to Yorkshire again; a fact that I tried not to get too worked up about. She hadn’t agreed to sell the house as such. There had been more interest and I knew the inevitable was coming, but at least
for now
she was sticking around. Kate and I had our second date the last weekend in October whilst Mallory was away. We went to a Halloween fun fair for the evening which was great… well…
fun
!

I’d never been too keen on spinning things, and so when she suggested the Waltzer I gave a firm warning. “You do know that I may throw up if I go on there, Kate?”

She laughed and pulled me along behind her. “Oh, come on! Don’t be such a big girl. I’ll hold your hand if you like.”

We stopped in front of the huge, brightly painted contraption with its ornately decorated cars and I cringed. She was loving this. Loving teasing me.

“Well, don’t say I didn’t warn you,” I said as I wagged my finger in her face and flicked her nose. “On your head be it… and I mean that in the very
literal
sense of the phrase. Just remember that hotdogs don’t look the same on the way back up.”

She burst into fits of laughter. “Oh, that’s disgusting! Come on, I’m even more determined now.”

We took our place in the carriage and the security bar lowered. My heart pounded and I felt the colour drain from my face.
Oooh shit.
The spotty attendant took my money and went on his way and Kate gripped my left hand in her right one and squeezed.

“Look at me,” she instructed and so I turned to face her. We hadn’t really taken the next step toward any type of intimacy as yet; ending our first date with another chaste kiss on the cheek. But as she sat there beside me I could see the longing on her eyes. “Just focus on me and you’ll be fine.” The smile slipped from her lips as she leaned in and took my mouth with hers and I reciprocated the kiss. Our first kiss. Her lips were soft and her free hand snaked up into the hair at the nape of my neck. But it wasn’t anything like my first kiss with Mallory.

She tried to deepen the kiss as the carriage began to move, but I pulled away, instead gazing into her caramel-brown eyes. I
wanted
to want her. I
really
did. But I didn’t return the passion she clearly had for me and that made guilt bubble to the surface.

As we spun and she kept her eyes fixed on mine, a wave of nausea came over me. I swallowed it down, closing my eyes briefly and trying to gain my equilibrium as the ride took us round and round, making my head spin.

I just needed time. Didn’t I?

I couldn’t jump in with both feet like I’d been prepared to do with Mallory. That was different. It was my
heart
that had been in complete control. This time I would use my head and think logically. My heart had steered me wrong too many times in the past.

“Are you okay?” Kate asked over the noise of the engine and loud eighties music. Duran Duran’s “Hungry Like the Wolf” blaring out at far too many decibels didn’t help my unsettled feeling. Not that I hated the song. I quite
liked
it, for eighties music, but the volume was a little more brain shattering that I could take—and I couldn’t help comparing Kate to the lyrics, which was maybe a little unnecessary.

“Think so,” I replied. She rested her forehead on mine and smiled. When the ride finished we climbed down, and as I stepped onto terra firma once again, I resembled something akin to Bambi trying to walk on ice. At least I didn’t do the splits, I suppose. Not a great way to impress a prospective girlfriend really, but in my opinion she only had herself to blame. She couldn’t stop giggling at me and her laughter was contagious. I must’ve looked a complete tool.

We laughed all the way to the darts stand, where I attempted, in my dizzy state, to win her a cuddly Disney character. After my failed attempts to impress her with my darts throwing—I reckon they were rigged… well that’s my excuse anyway—we went to buy cotton candy.

As we sat munching on the melt-in-the-mouth pink fluff, I fessed up about being married. Subtlety was never my strong suit and she seemed a little shocked at my bluntness at first, but I told her I would
always
be honest with her and she seemed to appreciate that. She said that as long as things were really
over
with me and Alice, then she didn’t see any reason why it would be an obstacle.

“People make mistakes” was her answer to the whole thing. How right she was. Maybe she and I had a chance at a future after all? Maybe.

This time when we arrived at her home she invited me in for coffee, but seeing the glint in her eye, I declined. I explained my refusal in terms of Angus needing a pee, which she couldn’t really argue about. What she didn’t know was that he was staying at the pub with Stella that night. Guilt reared its head again, but I managed to batter it down by convincing myself I was doing the right thing for both of us. I actually believed I was.

~~~

Halloween was going to be a fun event at the pub and I was as giddy as a kid off trick-or-treating. Stella had asked me to play and I’d come up with some monster-related songs to get the party going. The poster on the door said
Fancy Dress Required for Entry.
And I’d gone all out on my—rather hairy—Dracula costume. I could’ve shaved but there was
no way
I was giving up my fuzz! I was going to look the business if you asked me.

Kate came by to help put up the decorations and we started pinning up pumpkin streamers and bats everywhere. I did the usual teenager stunt of chasing her around with a plastic spider, which resulted in us kissing in the back corridor. I waited for the tingling in my gut, but alas, it didn’t materialise and that saddened me.

Mallory’s arrival was a shock. Apparently Stella had texted her and asked her to come in and help decorate the place. I didn’t see her come in at first, but when I spotted her I couldn’t read the expression she wore. She was an enigma, that woman.

Later on when Mallory came back through to the bar, I called her over. She glanced between me and Kate, and I wondered for a moment if she was going to avoid coming over. After fiddling about with some streamers, she walked over to where we were.

“Hey, Mally, remember me telling you about Kate? Well, this is she.” I gestured toward the woman beside me with a stupid flourish.

Mallory held out her hand and her cheeks turned pale. “Erm… h-hi, Kate. It’s lovely to meet you.”

Kate eyed me suspiciously before turning back to Mallory and hesitantly holding out her hand. “Hi, Mallory. Nice to meet you too.” Silence descended.
Shit.

I watched the exchange with a hammering heart. What would they think of each other? They stared at one another without words for a few more moments until Mallory cleared her throat. “Um… I… I should go. Stuff to do, you know.” The colour had returned to her cheeks with a vengeance, and I could swear her eyes had welled with tears, but she turned and dashed off before I could see if my eyes were deceiving me. My gaze followed her retreating form as she disappeared through to the back.

Kate’s voice broke me from my reverie. “She seems… um… nice.”

I nodded. “Yeah… yeah, she is.” Fuck, that had been awkward. But, as I kept reminding myself, I was moving on—just like Mallory wanted.

By the time we had all finished, the place looked amazing. Cobwebs hung from the beams. A skeleton stood in one corner, and the pub was glowing orange in the light of the carved pumpkins Stella had brought in—her nieces and nephews had been hard at work by the look of their spooky creations.

When night fell, Kate and I arrived back at the pub. She was dressed as Morticia with a white streak in her long, dark hair and heavy, black makeup around her eyes. My hair was slicked back and made to a point on my forehead with gel. The fangs were a little uncomfortable and I knew they’d have to come out when I sang.

My head was filled with thoughts of Mallory and I hated myself for it, but her surprise arrival earlier had thrown me for a loop. She looked
stunning
. Her curves were returning to the way they were when she first arrived in the village and
every
part of my anatomy appreciated that.

“Are you okay, Greg? You’ve been a little distant since we left here earlier.”

I took a deep breath, knowing I had promised to be honest with her. Puffing the air out of my mouth, I looked her right in the eyes. “I’m not sure to be honest. I—I have something to tell you.”

Her smile disappeared and she looked at her hands. “That sounds ominous.”

“Come and sit down, eh?”

We walked over to the seats near the fireplace and I took her hand. “Kate, I really do like you but—”

She cringed. “Oh, heck. I
knew
this was coming.”

“No, no, you misunderstand. I’m not breaking up with you. Well… maybe I am. I just… Look, I promised to be honest with you and I want to keep that promise.”

She inhaled deeply and sat up, straightening her spine as if bracing herself for a physical blow. “Okay. What is it?”

“Mallory and I. We had this… connection. I thought we had a future but I ruined things.”

“I see. I thought there was something unspoken between you earlier. How long ago was this?”

“Not long at all. But she made it quite clear when she found out I was married that we’re not going anywhere. I’d lied by omission, and she’s in a fragile place so she took it badly. I hurt her deeply and I know I have no life with her now so I decided I needed to try and move on.”

Her brow furrowed and she chewed on her lip for a moment. “Okay… so I’m a rebound?”

Yep. I’m a bastard
. “Not intentionally, Kate. I don’t mean you to feel that way. I really like you. But…”

“Your feelings for her are still strong?”

I nodded slowly, daring to meet her sad eyes.

“I see… I see. So where do we go from here?”

“Honestly? I really don’t know. I want to move on
so much
. Believe me. I don’t
want
to feel this way but… I love her. And I’ll take a while to get over it. I should never have strung you along and I feel like shit. I just… I think maybe it’s not the right time for you and me to be together. But I
do
like you. Like I said, I think I just need time.” I’m pretty sure I was trying to convince myself as well as Kate.

She nodded and her eyes were pained. “Okay… I need to think. This is a lot to process. But… I like you too, Greg. I hoped we had the beginnings of something special. And this… this is quite hurtful. Can you understand that?”

“Of course I can. Absolutely. Maybe I could call you? Maybe we could stay friends and see what happens?” Friends. Yeah, ’cause I was such a fucking expert at that. Look what I’d done to my other friend. I remembered how shitty it felt when Mallory had said she’d wanted us to be just friends, and yet here I was doing the same thing to Kate. My bastardly ways clearly knew no bounds.

I expected a “Hell no, pal,” but instead Kate said, “I’d like to say yes, but I can’t make that promise. I appreciate you being honest though. I understand about unrequited love and I know how painful it is. But… I don’t want to be in
that
position myself. Not again.”

I smiled and stroked her cheek. “Okay, I totally understand. And I’m sorry for dragging you into this.”

Her eyes were glassy and I wondered how slim the chances of her being able to stay friends with me
were
. My guess was very,
very
slim to the point of being intangible. I expected her to leave immediately, but she stuck around, to my surprise. I wasn’t really sure why. I know
I
would’ve got the hell of Dodge if things had been the other way around.

~~~

Mallory walked in shortly after and removed her coat, revealing her cat outfit. My jaw almost hit the floor. The phrase
hamana-hamana-hamana
sprang to mind.
Rein yourself in, you tit. Kate’s here, remember.
Luckily Kate was through in the back collecting the food for the buffet, and so she missed my reaction. When she came through, the women greeted each other civilly. But I couldn’t help noticing the icy chill that seemed to fall between them. Talk about confused.

Eventually it was time for me to take my familiar spot behind the mic. I started playing and included “The Monster Mash” and “Thriller”, which got people dancing. The night was going well, and every so often I caught sight in my peripheral vision of Kate and Mallory watching me simultaneously or watching each other when the other wasn’t looking. I made eye contact with Mallory for the first time all night, and the look in her eyes was giving very mixed messages, considering it didn’t correlate with the words she had uttered to me about being
just friends.