Bright Young Things (25 page)

‘Do you masturbate?’ Jamie asks Anne.

‘Of course,’ she says. ‘Everyone does.’

‘But you’re a virgin,’ he says.

‘So?’ says Anne. ‘Doesn’t mean I can’t wank.’

‘I don’t masturbate,’ says Thea.

‘Yeah, right,’ says Emily. ‘Like we believe you.’

‘I don’t either,’ says Bryn.

‘You must,’ says Jamie. ‘I thought everyone . . . I mean, all blokes . . .’

‘Nah. Not me,’ says Bryn. ‘That’s what sex is for.’

‘I agree,’ says Thea.

‘Have you ever tried it?’ Emily asks Thea.

‘No,’ she says. ‘I wouldn’t know what to do.’

‘You could always show her,’ Paul says to Emily. ‘We’ll all help.’

Everyone’s definitely a bit tipsy now.

Jamie doesn’t seem as embarrassed as he usually appears to be.

‘Yeah,’ he giggles. ‘We’ll all help.’

‘I don’t think so,’ says Thea, also giggling. ‘But thanks for the offer.’

‘You should try it some day, though,’ says Anne. ‘It’s cool.’

‘Anyway,’ says Emily. ‘My turn. I pick Thea.’

‘Truth,’ she says immediately.

‘Are you sure you don’t want dare?’ says Emily playfully.

‘No way,’ she says. ‘Not now I know what you’d all choose.’

‘All right. How many people have you fucked?’ asks Emily.

‘What, how many different people?’

‘Yeah. Animal, vegetable or mineral.’

‘I’m going to have to add up,’ says Thea. ‘It’s a while since I last counted.’

‘Are there a lot?’ asks Jamie.

‘Quite a few,’ says Thea. She thinks for a minute. ‘Probably around seventy. Is that exact enough?’

‘Seventy!’ says Emily. ‘Fucking hell, girl.’

‘What’s wrong with that?’

‘I thought
I
was a slut.’

‘You are,’ says Paul.

‘Stop it,’ says Emily, hitting him on the arm. ‘You’re not funny.’

‘How many have you slept with then?’ Bryn asks Emily.

‘About thirty,’ she says. ‘I thought that was loads.’

‘Don’t,’ says Thea. ‘You’re making me feel bad.’

‘Sorry,’ says Emily. ‘I didn’t mean to. God. You’ve made me feel
better
.’

‘Why is it a bad thing to have had sex with loads of people?’ asks Jamie.

‘It just is,’ says Emily. ‘If you’re a girl.’

‘According to
Cosmopolitan
, we’re all freaks,’ says Anne.

‘Why?’ says Jamie.

‘We’re all outside the average. I’m a virgin, and therefore frigid. They’ve slept with a lot of men, so they’re automatically sluts. It’s unattractive to be unaverage, whatever anyone says. We’re freaks.’ She mock-sobs. ‘We’ll never find husbands.’

‘Is that really how it works?’ asks Jamie. ‘Are you all freaks?’

‘Yeah. You’re definitely not supposed to have slept with more than about five people by the time you’re our age,’ says Emily. ‘Apparently men don’t respect you if you’re easy.’

‘Five
was
the average number they said,’ says Anne.

‘I’ve slept with five people,’ says Jamie. ‘Does that mean I’m average?’

‘No,’ says Thea. ‘You’re a bloke. You’re a freak too.’

‘Yeah,’ says Emily. ‘Men are supposed to have slept with about twenty women by the time they’re twenty-five or something.’

‘That doesn’t add up,’ says Jamie, being mathematical.

‘What?’ says Emily.

‘Well, if every man is supposed to have had sex with twenty women by the time they’re in their mid-twenties, but all the women are supposed to have only slept with five men each, there wouldn’t be enough women to go around. So that means that a huge proportion of them would have to go over the “average”, at a ratio of three to one, with only one girl in every four actually sticking to the average. Which doesn’t make it an average if you ask me.’

‘So we’re not freaks, then?’ asks Emily.

‘Not unless all men are as well. In which case, I don’t know exactly who you would have been sleeping with at such a rate.’

‘So maths does have a practical application,’ says Emily.

‘Whose turn is it now?’ asks Jamie.

‘Thea’s,’ says Emily. ‘Go girl,’

‘OK,’ she says. ‘Um . . . Paul.’

‘Truth,’ he says.

‘You’re all so boring,’ says Emily. ‘No one’s choosing dare.’

‘Truth,’ Paul says again.

‘What’s the most important thing you own?’ asks Thea.

‘The most important thing I own?’ he says.

‘Yeah.’

‘Thing?’

‘Yeah.’

Paul thinks. What is it? Is it his computer? Paul mentally visits his flat and looks around at everything in it. There’s the computer, a new Pentium III looming large in his sitting room. Apart from that, there’s the pinball machine he bought for fifty quid and then customised; there’s his oldest Atari, by far the most precious of all his console collection, with the original ‘Space Invaders’ and ‘Pong’ catridges; but while these are important objects, he guesses they are probably not the most important. In his mind, he returns to his computer. There’s his modem, which is probably more important than the actual computer, but if he didn’t have it, he’d just get another one. With things like that, it’s not the object that’s really important, more what the object does. There are a few books on the shelves next to his computer, they’re pretty important. He’s got an original first edition translation of
Seven Dada Manifestos
by Tristan Tzara. Then, all of a sudden, he realises what the most important thing he owns actually is. It’s on the same shelf as his books. But should he tell the others about it?

‘Come on,’ says Thea. ‘It can’t be that hard.’

‘I can’t think of anything,’ he says, pouring another glass of wine.

‘There must be something,’ says Emily.

‘All right,’ he says. ‘It’s a picture. A photograph.’

‘A photograph?’ says Thea. ‘What of?’

‘My father. He, um . . .’

‘What?’ says Emily.

‘He died before I was born. It’s no big deal or anything.’

‘That is kind of a big deal,’ says Emily.

‘Do you want to talk about it?’ says Thea.

‘No,’ says Paul. ‘I think I want to pick who’s next.’

‘How did he die?’ asks Anne.

‘Anne!’ says Emily.

‘It’s all right,’ says Paul. ‘He overdosed on heroin.’

‘Shit,’ says Emily. ‘That’s pretty fucked up.’

‘I don’t want to talk about it,’ says Paul.

‘Sure,’ says Emily quickly. ‘Who are you going to pick?’

‘I think I’ll pick . . . you,’ says Paul.

‘Me?’ says Emily. ‘All right. Um . . . Truth.’

‘Who’s boring now?’ says Thea.

‘I’m not ready for a dare yet,’ she says. ‘Come on. Truth.’

‘Have you ever had anal sex?’ he asks.

‘Of course,’ she says. ‘Who hasn’t?’

Jamie looks a bit shocked.

‘Me,’ says Anne. ‘I haven’t.’

‘Not counting virgins,’ says Emily.

‘I haven’t done it,’ says Thea. ‘Well, I tried it once, but it hurt.’

‘Did it hurt when you did it?’ Anne asks Emily.

‘Yeah,’ she says. ‘But that’s part of the fun.’

Emily draws her knees up to her chin and grins naughtily.

‘Seriously?’ says Jamie. ‘Gosh.’

‘Do you actually like it?’ asks Thea.

‘Yeah,’ says Emily. ‘It’s really sexy.’

‘Have you done it?’ Jamie asks Bryn.

‘What, fucked a girl up the arse?’ he says. ‘Yeah, sure.’

‘Do you like it?’

‘Of course. It’s tighter. But you wouldn’t do it with your girlfriend.’

‘Why not?’ asks Thea.

‘It’s dirty. You’d only do it on a one night stand.’

Emily looks a bit embarrassed.

‘No offence,’ he adds, offering her a B&H.

‘Thanks,’ she says, taking one.

Her ashtray is already overflowing, but then she is sharing it with Bryn.

‘Does it feel different?’ asks Anne.

‘Yeah,’ says Emily. ‘It’s more intense.’

‘It is like that for blokes?’ asks Thea.

‘It’s a fantasy thing,’ explains Paul. ‘It’s not really the sensation that’s different, it’s more the feeling that this girl’s letting you do
that
, and it probably means you can do things with her that most girls wouldn’t let you do. And I guess for a lot of people that’s a pretty big turn-on.’

‘Oh, I did do anal once,’ says Anne suddenly.

‘Ha, so you’re not a virgin,’ says Emily. ‘I knew it.’

‘No, it was cyber, so I still am a virgin. Sorry.’

‘Do you do cyber?’ asks Paul.

‘Yeah,’ says Anne. ‘Well, before I got bored with it.’

‘What’s
cyber
?’ asks Thea.

‘Cyber sex,’ says Jamie immediately.

Paul laughs. ‘You’ve done it too,’ he says to Jamie. ‘You pervert.’

‘Oh yuck,’ says Anne, poking the fire. ‘I could have been cybering with Jamie.’

‘Is
cybering
a word?’ asks Emily.

‘Yeah,’ says Paul.

‘On the net,’ adds Jamie.

‘You could have been cybering with me,’ Paul says to Anne.

‘Have you ever chatted with coolgirl?’ she asks.

‘Is that your login?’ asks Jamie.

‘One of them,’ she says.

Paul shakes his head. ‘Nope. Not coolgirl.’

‘I never cyber as coolgirl anyway,’ she says.

‘Who do you cyber as?’ asks Jamie.

‘Abigail. Age fifteen.’

‘Age fifteen?’

‘Yeah. It’s more fun when they think it’s illegal. They feel really bad.’

‘That’s cruel,’ says Jamie.

‘Yeah. That’s the point,’ says Anne.

‘How many times have you cybered?’ asks Jamie.

‘Only a couple, really,’ says Anne. She thinks for a minute. ‘Well, about twenty.’

Emily shrieks. ‘She’s as big a slut as we are,’ she says.

‘And still a virgin,’ says Anne, smiling.

‘I’m glad I didn’t meet you in cyberspace,’ says Jamie.

‘I wish I had,’ says Paul, laughing.

‘Are you into all that, then?’ Emily asks Paul. ‘Do you like it?’

He shrugs. ‘You can ask me when it’s your turn.’

‘It is my turn,’ she says. ‘So I choose you.’

‘All right,’ he says, smiling. ‘Dare.’

‘Dare?’

‘That’s what I said.’

‘Oh, right. I’ve just got to think of one . . .’

‘This is going to be a bad one,’ says Jamie. ‘I can feel it.’

While Emily thinks, Bryn gets up to put more coal on the fire. Anne gets out of his way and disappears into the kitchen, presumably for more milkshake. Paul’s noticed that she never asks if anyone wants anything when she goes, she just scuttles out like a cute but determined beetle. He likes that. Thea tops up her glass with the bottle of Merlot that she’s just opened, then passes the bottle around the room. It feels really late, but it must only be about ten. Paul yawns. He wonders what dare Emily’s going to give him. He doesn’t imagine that it will be anything to get worked up over. He never worries about dares. It’s not like there’s anything he won’t do.

‘All right, I’ve got one,’ says Emily, once Anne’s back with her milkshake.

‘Well?’ says Paul.

‘You’ve got to kiss Anne for one minute.’

‘What?’ says Paul. Oh, shit. This isn’t what he expected.

‘Does that mean I won’t be a virgin afterwards?’ asks Anne sweetly.

‘You have kissed men before, haven’t you?’ asks Thea.

‘Um . . .’ Anne pretends to think. ‘No.’

‘You have never kissed a man?’ repeats Thea.

‘No.’

‘Have you ever kissed a woman?’ asks Bryn.

‘No.’

‘Have you kissed on the Internet?’ asks Thea.

‘No,’ says Anne. ‘It’s not like that.’

‘So this is going to be your first kiss?’ asks Emily.

‘Hang on,’ says Paul. ‘I don’t think—’

‘You can’t wuss out of the dare,’ says Emily.

Paul desperately wants to kiss Anne. But surely not like this? And if he’s going to be the lucky man who gets to give Anne her first ever kiss (imagine), he’d rather do it in private. Although she doesn’t really seem to mind the idea of it now, she might feel differently afterwards.

‘I’ll do the forfeit,’ he says quietly.

‘What, rather than kiss the
babe
?’ says Emily.

‘Are you gay?’ asks Thea.

‘I’ll do the forfeit,’ he repeats.