Bright Young Things (28 page)

‘It’s called
gaydar
,’ says Emily, pouring more wine.

Jamie laughs. ‘Anyway, we had a good time dancing and mincing around, still saying to each other, “Imagine what Carla would say if she saw this,” or “Imagine what Daddy would say if he saw that,” until eventually the club shut and we got a taxi home. We ended up polishing off Daddy’s Cognac by the fire in the sitting room. Everyone had long since gone to bed, and we were trying not to keep them awake with our giggling. It was really nice to be with a man who wasn’t acting like, you know, well, like a
man
, for a change. I don’t mean he wasn’t masculine or anything, but when you’re with a gay man, all the usual man-rules don’t apply. We talked about things and joked, but none of it was crap about women and work. It was . . . I don’t know, stuff about pop music, or TV, and all about how Greg was going to decorate his house back in London. It was really nice gossiping about celebrities and talking about films and things. Carla had no interest in pop culture whatsoever, but her brother was the complete opposite. I can’t remember how we ended up kissing, but I do remember I was
still
thinking, “What would Carla say if she saw this?” and feeling like it was just an extension of the game we’d been playing all night. I suppose in some way I was doing it to hurt her. She was being so boring and prudish. I liked the idea of doing things she didn’t know about. So anyway, we kissed, and it was all right. He sucked me off. Then we had sex.’

‘You actually had sex?’ says Emily.

‘Yeah.’

‘Were you the giver or the taker?’ asks Bryn, laughing.

‘What?’ says Jamie.

‘Did you stick it in him or . . . you know?’ says Paul.

‘Oh, I did the fucking,’ says Jamie. ‘Gosh, I wasn’t ready to actually do
that
.’

‘Was it like fucking a woman?’ asks Anne.

‘Any port in a storm,’ jokes Bryn.

Everyone giggles.

‘No way,’ Jamie says. ‘It was totally different.’

‘Did you ever do it again?’ asks Thea.

‘No,’ says Jamie. ‘I don’t find men attractive.’

‘So why do it in the first place then?’

‘I think because that family were so stuffy. Me and Greg were just acting like kids, you know, trying to be rebellious, doing things in secret. I think I actually liked that bit more than the sex. And we were both pretty drunk. Greg was chuffed that he’d managed to have it off with a straight bloke, and I was happy to have had a new experience. He was a really nice bloke as well, of course, which helped. I definitely wouldn’t do it again, though.’

‘Is it a common thing for men to have a homosexual experience?’ asks Thea.

‘I’ve never had one,’ says Paul.

‘Me neither,’ says Bryn.

‘I thought it was quite common,’ says Emily. ‘Maybe it’s a London thing.’

Jamie can’t believe that he told them about the Greg experience. That was something he had been sure he’d take to the grave with him. In a way he’s slightly embarrassed that he’s confessed everything, but in another way he’s really pleased that he had something big to share. He’s paranoid about people finding him boring, and this definitely takes him out of that category. In fact, so far, he and Emily have had the most risqué stories to tell. Thea’s had the most disgusting, but it wasn’t really what you would call risqué. Jamie’s proud in a weird kind of way. And he likes having something in common with Emily.

‘Did you split up with the girlfriend?’ asks Emily.

Now he just wants to say yes. But he’s too honest.

‘No,’ he says.

‘Why not?’ asks Anne. ‘Doesn’t sound like you love her.’

‘I don’t,’ he says. ‘But it’s not as simple as that.’

‘What do you mean?’ asks Thea. ‘How much more simple could it be?’

‘She’d be upset,’ he says.

‘But you wouldn’t care, right?’ says Emily. ‘I mean, she sounds like a nightmare.’

‘I don’t want to hurt her,’ he says. ‘Her whole world is about security and being secure. Mummy and Daddy expect that we’ll get married one day. And they don’t even disapprove of me. My mum thinks Carla’s lovely, and they get on really well. The thing is, Carla thinks I’m someone I’m not, and I feel guilty about deceiving her, because the person she thinks I am probably would want to be with her forever.’

‘And it is fun having a secret world,’ says Paul.

‘A secret world?’ says Jamie. ‘I don’t understand.’

‘Come on. Don’t you think it’s exciting that she doesn’t know the real you?’

‘I’m not sure,’ he says. ‘Maybe.’

‘Sounds like you thought so when you were with Greg,’ says Thea.

‘I suppose,’ says Jamie. ‘Yeah, I do see what you mean. I like the privacy it gives me. For example, she doesn’t know I’m on the Internet at home – she wouldn’t know what a modem was if one fell on her head – so every time I look up porn it feels more exciting, because . . . Gosh, now I think about it, I get turned on by betraying her.’

‘Do
you
get turned on betraying people?’ Thea asks Paul.

‘Maybe,’ he says.

‘What about you?’ Emily says to Bryn. ‘Do you lie to women?’

‘Of course. Every man does,’ he says.

‘Aren’t you looking for a soulmate to share everything with?’ asks Emily.

‘No way,’ says Jamie. ‘At least, I
wasn’t
.’

‘Aha,’ says Anne, picking up on this instantly. ‘What does that mean?’

‘Nothing,’ says Jamie.

‘Jamie’s turn,’ says Emily. ‘Come on, sexy.’

Did she just call him sexy? God.

‘It’s your turn,’ prompts Thea.

‘Oh. OK. I pick Paul. Truth or dare?’

‘Truth,’ says Paul.

‘Have you cried in the last year?’ asks Jamie.

‘Of course,’ says Paul. ‘What a weird question.’

‘I never cry,’ says Bryn.

‘I bet you do,’ says Emily. ‘In secret.’

‘What did you cry about?’ asks Jamie.

‘I think that’s another question,’ says Paul. ‘Emily, truth or dare?’

‘Truth,’ says Emily.

‘Wuss,’ says Paul.

‘Well, you wouldn’t hesitate to make me strip or something, would you?’ she says.

‘Yeah, yeah,’ says Paul. ‘Anyway, your question. What’s your greatest fear?’

‘My greatest fear,’ says Emily thoughtfully.

‘Didn’t they ask that on the application form for this job?’ asks Thea.

‘Yeah,’ says Jamie. ‘I thought that was weird.’

‘That was the only bit I didn’t lie about,’ says Paul.

‘Did you lie on the rest of it?’ asks Jamie.

‘The bits that were worth it, yeah. Of course.’

‘I said I had a degree in Chemistry,’ says Bryn, and laughs.

‘I thought you did have a degree in Chemistry,’ says Jamie.

‘Yeah, right. And a rocket to fly to the moon,’ says Bryn.

Everyone else laughs.

‘Didn’t you lie?’ Emily asks Jamie.

‘Nope,’ says Jamie. ‘I’ve never lied on a form.’

‘You’ve never lied on a form?’ says Anne. ‘Fucking hell.’

‘So you really are a bright young thing, then,’ says Thea.

‘I wonder if we’ll ever find out what that means,’ says Emily.

‘I think it means we’re fucked,’ says Bryn.

‘No, seriously,’ says Emily. ‘Why kidnap people because they’re clever? It doesn’t make sense. If any old British citizens would do, then why advertise specifically for us? Otherwise, why not go all out and kidnap the Spice Girls or, I don’t know, real VIPs at least. Why us?’

‘You’re assuming that the job interview people brought us here,’ says Jamie.

‘Well, they did drug our coffee,’ says Thea.

‘What if someone else drugged the coffee?’ Jamie says.

‘Seems a bit unlikely,’ says Bryn. ‘What would someone have to do to drug job-interviewees’ coffee? The effort wouldn’t be worth it. They’d have to have infiltrated the interview place and everything. Like Emily says, we’re not important enough for someone to have done that. If we were totally random, then yeah, sure. But we obviously weren’t, and it must be something to do with responding to that ad and what we put on the form.’

‘Exactly. Why us in
particular
?’ says Thea.

There’s a few moments’ silence. No one knows.

‘Anyway, Emily hasn’t answered her question,’ says Paul. ‘Emily?’

‘I’m thinking,’ she says. ‘I suppose it’s rape,’ she admits eventually.

‘Your greatest fear,’ says Paul.

‘Uh huh,’ she says. ‘Rape.’

‘Is that what you put on the form?’ asks Jamie.

‘Yeah,’ she says. ‘Yeah. I put it on the form. What did you put?’

‘Death.’ He shudders. ‘That’s the biggest thing I’m scared of.’

‘I put spiders,’ says Thea. ‘I’m fucking terrified of them.’

‘Little furry spiders,’ says Paul playfully. ‘Ahhh.’

She grimaces. ‘Euugh. Don’t. What did everyone else put?’

‘Needles,’ says Bryn, frowning. ‘Never been able to have an injection.’

‘Imprisonment,’ says Paul. ‘Being locked up scares the fuck out of me.’

‘Welcome to hell,’ says Anne, gesturing at their current situation.

‘No,’ he says. Not like this. This is more like being trapped, and people are always trapped. I mean like behind a locked door, like in a prison cell or whatever. On my own.’

‘What did you put, Anne?’ asks Emily.

‘I can’t remember,’ she says. ‘I made something up.’

‘Well, what’s your greatest fear? Didn’t you put that?’

‘Nah.’ Anne smiles. ‘I don’t have one.’

It’s getting late. Thea’s been yawning every few minutes for about half an hour now. She’s going to have to go to bed soon.

‘Emily?’ says Jamie.

‘What?’

‘How come your biggest fear is rape?’

‘Hello?’ she says. ‘Have you never watched
Crimewatch
?’

‘Yeah, I know it’s frightening,’ he says. ‘But those things you were saying before . . . ?’

‘What, about rape fantasies?’ she says.

‘Yeah. You said most people have them. But you don’t.’

‘Who said that?’ she replies. ‘Who said I don’t?’

‘Well, if it’s your biggest fear . . .’

‘Yeah?’

‘Well, you wouldn’t fantasise about it, surely?’

Jamie’s looking increasingly uncomfortable as he speaks.

‘There’s a difference between non-consensual sex and rape,’ says Emily.

‘Is there?’ says Thea. ‘I’d like to see you tell that to a date-rape victim.’

‘No, I mean that someone having sex with you when you don’t want to is a bit different from being abducted and having your mouth duct-taped and your tits sawn off,’ she says. ‘And all I fantasise about is some guy forcing himself on me. Obviously I don’t wank over some guy in a mask taking me to a dungeon to kill me. If you want to know the truth, I’m totally embarrassed that I fantasise about it at all.’

‘So why
do
you fantasise about it?’ asks Jamie.

‘It’s a guilt thing,’ says Emily. ‘I think. Help me out girls?’

‘Sorry,’ says Anne. ‘I’m still a virgin.’

‘I was raped once,’ says Thea.

‘Really?’ says Jamie. ‘God.’

‘Well, it wasn’t that bad,’ she says. ‘I sort of enjoyed it.’

‘You enjoyed it?’ says Emily.

‘This is
so
Nancy Friday,’ says Anne.

‘What happened?’ Emily asks Thea.

‘It was a friend’s brother,’ she explains. ‘I was staying over at my friend’s house and sleeping in the spare room. Her mum was ill, and her dad was really worried about her. They were both in bed. The brother crept into my room and put his arm around me. We’d never liked each other, and he didn’t get on with my friend either. Everyone knew he was a bit of a pervert. Anyway, he pushed me on to the bed and told me not to make any noise. He said no one would hear me scream. The thing is, if I had screamed,
everyone
would have heard. Because I knew that, I wasn’t really scared. In fact, I was turned on.’ She pauses. ‘God, I can’t believe I’m telling you this. I must be drunk. Anyway, I think we both knew we were acting out a fantasy. I had an orgasm almost immediately. He did too, then he just left the room. We never mentioned it again.’

‘That is
so
not rape,’ says Emily.

‘So you fantasise about it as well?’ Jamie says to Thea.

‘Well, kind of,’ says Thea. ‘All women do. Like Emily said, it’s a guilt thing.’

‘I don’t understand,’ says Bryn.

‘Well, if the guy’s totally in control you don’t feel like a slut,’ she explains.

‘Yeah,’ agrees Emily. ‘It’s like if wanting it makes you a slut, then not wanting it sort of purifies you. You can enjoy the sex without the guilt of having initiated it. And you can do all these dirty things without having to admit you want to. In your fantasies at least,’ she adds. ‘Did you watch
Killer Net
?’ she asks everyone.