Bring on the Rain (9 page)

“
I was saying, I know you
must have, because I know how it is to want a guy. I can’t see you
being that way. You’re so distant.”

Madeline flinched. “I am?”

“
Mom, you’re not cuddly or
mushy. Jenna is always hugging and romping with Karla. You hold
back all the time.” Brook was silent a moment, then muttered,
“You’re conservative.”

Here Madeline was defending herself
again. “I’m not cold, Brook. I love you. I haven’t hugged you
lately because you’re mad at me all the time.”

“
Okay, I’ll give you
that—but back to Mitch.”

“
No. I have said all I’m
going to.”

Brook looked at her. Obviously, she was
not backing down. “Why didn’t you tell me he hurt you, instead of
hating them all?”

Madeline blurt before thinking, “They
all had a hand in it. Believe me, they’re not a family to mess
with.”

“
Did they treat you bad?
What?”

“
It doesn’t matter to me
now. It’s a lifetime ago.”

“
I think it does. I think
you’ve never gotten over him.”

Madeline snorted trying to regain some
of her composure. “That’s youth talking. Of course, I have. I am
telling you, Coy’s father is one of the worst. And if his
grandmother decides to rise up out of her sickbed,” Madeline could
picture it in her mind and grated, “if they hurt you—I’ll kill
them.”

“
Jesus, you’re so dramatic.
If I get hurt, it will be by Coy. I’m not letting anyone else
dictate or tell me things. I’m not crazy about the family. Just
Coy. He’s all that matters to me.”

Her chest ached. Madeline saw shimmer
in her daughter’s eyes and was terrified for her. It was the look
of a young girl in love. “I’m never going to be comfortable with
you seeing him.”

“
Because of
Mitch?”

“
A Coburn is a Coburn, no
matter which one it is. They make you think it’s love, until
something else comes along.”

“
Wow.” Her daughter stared
at her wide-eyed. She knew she had done a poor job of blowing it
all off as some childhood romance. She knew it when Brook whispered
softly, “He hurt you bad, didn’t he?”

“
It was a long time ago.”
Madeline played down the significance of the relationship. She had
contained what she had felt for so long that she could do it a
while longer.

Eventually, Madeline arose and hugged
her daughter, then stepped back offering, “I love you. I want much
more for you.” Her voice clogged with emotion and her eyes stung.
“If Coy hurts you, it could mess up the rest of your life, color
all your relationships. Your life is just beginning. All the
exciting, new, grown-up things. You’re first car, living in a dorm,
being responsible for yourself. That’s heady stuff. You need your
head on right.”

Brook‘s expression was just as intense,
her voice just as husky. “Now matters to me, Mom. Sure, I want all
those things, but now is very good, very exciting. If I don't have
it--it’s going to make a bigger gulf between us.” She chewed her
lip a moment then confessed, “I don't want second best or another
guy right now. The tiny bits of time Coy and me have are what I
want. I would like to relax around him, discover who he is. I can't
do that, sneaking around behind your back. Can‘t you understand
that?”

“
Oh, Brook…” She sighed,
hearing the emotion as though an echo of her old self. Aware she
was fighting a raging sea. “I don't want you to make my mistakes. I
don’t.” The tears in her eyes were obvious now. It was the first
time she had ever let her daughter see her as anything but strong
and steady.

Brook reached out and took her hand.
Both of their hands were cold, their fingers trembling. “They’ll be
my mistakes, not yours. I don't believe in sins of the mother and
all that anyway. Everyone makes their own mistakes. I’m not
pressured by Coy. Stealing the time with him pressures me. Trying
to hold onto him, so he doesn’t get tired of waiting for you to
give in, that pressures me. It makes me feel desperate.”

There it was. The facts laid out for
her to look at. To accept and to respond to, because her daughter
was reaching out to her for the first time in months. Brook had
been honest, she could see that clearly enough. Her daughter’s
feelings were as real and as vulnerable as her own.

Madeline nodded. “All right. We’ll work
something out, but you have to agree to it. If we’re going to be
honest here, you know your word hasn‘t meant much
lately.”

“
I know. If you only gave me
Friday night or Saturday, it would make me happy.” Brook’s smile
was hopeful.

“
I’d rather you didn’t go to
Copper Creek. Mitch and Jude aren’t married, and it doesn’t look
nice.”

Brook laughed. “Man, but you are
paranoid.”

“
You have a good reputation.
People like you. Your friends are diverse and that makes me proud.
You might settle here one day, and hanging out there alone with him
would cause talk. Not to mention--”

Brook cut in dryly, “You think his
uncle would let us screw around, right?”

Madeline flushed. “Men don't see it the
way we women do.”

“
If I do it, Mom, it’s not
going to be there.”

She dropped her hand and turned toward
the bed muttering, “I don't want to know.”

Brook laughed again.

She walked a few steps and she felt her
daughter touch her shoulder. She kissed her on the cheek and said,
“I’ll fix breakfast in the morning. And we’ll talk.”

Madeline watched the door close behind
her as she slowly sank down on the bed. She buried her face in her
hands and breathed in a shuddering breath. Somehow, she knew this
was going to be the most difficult week of her life.

Chapter 6

They woke up to a wild spring storm, no
electricity, and had to haul out the Coleman stove for her
essential coffee. For a while they watched the rains drench the
little house, form a river of water flowing through the yard and
down the road. It carried leaves, tree limbs, and debris with it.
At times, they flinched from the loud boom of thunder in the
distance.

Madeline thought dryly that it seemed
fitting, after her opening that locked door of her past. Well,
Madeline amended, it was cracked, but she didn’t intend to fling it
wide anytime soon.

The sky remained a murky gray. They sat
on their big multi-pillowed sofa and talked.

With the curtains open, a backdrop of
thunder, lightning and slamming rain, she listened to her daughter
for some time, steered clear of Mitch as a subject, but agreed to
let her have Coy at the house on Friday night and Saturday day.
They could go out as long as she called home. She made Brook
promise not to sneak off to Jude or Mitch’s house.

Eventually they made peanut butter,
jelly sandwiches, and drank milk. They discussed school, different
kids, college. The fact Brook couldn’t decide on a major didn’t
freak her out. She didn’t want her to rush in over her head. By
evening, Brook was laying with her head on Madeline thigh,
stretched out on the sofa while they laughed about different things
and argued over others, not the bad kind of arguing, the
exasperating kind.

“
I’m telling you, Mom, if I
got a tattoo on my ass, who’d know it?”

“
I would. And what’s the
point? You wouldn’t be able to see it.”

“
It’s that or a nipple
ring.”

“
Ugh, God! You will not maim
your boobies like that.”

Brook crowed with laughter, “No, I
think it’s gross. I wanted to shock you.”

“
It worked.” Madeline
shuddered. “How about another hole in your ear as a
compromise?”

“
I could get my nose done,
or my eyebrow.”

“
Hell no. I will not pay for
that.”

“
I’m joking.”

They laughed before falling silent a
moment. Brook sat up, facing her and tucking her legs beneath her.
The rain settled into a steady drum outside and the wind was
calm.

“
What’s it feel
like?”

“
What?”

“
The first time, making
love?”

Madeline winced, and the day had been
going so good too. There was no ignoring this conversation, it was
long overdue.

“
It depends. I’ve heard
other women talking. Whatever answer I give, it won’t be an exact
one.”

“
For you? How was it?” Brook
reached over and took a sip from her coffee mug.

“
I felt… awkward. I was
modest, and shy.” Madeline made a sound and sighed in defeat. “It
hurt and I…it wasn’t good.”

“
Was it Mitch?” Brook’s
brows wiggled.

“
I’m not saying.”

Brook’s expression said she thought it
was. But to her relief, she asked, “What do others say?”

“
It varies, some say
wonderful, romantic, guilt ridden, easy. I wasn’t knowledgeable
enough about what was happening. My feelings were way ahead of my
late blooming body.”

“
Do you regret
it?”

“
No. No I don’t.” Madeline
was surprised to hear herself admit that.

Brook stared at her intently. “You’re
young and healthy. Don't you feel…like you need it?”

“
Of course. I’m human. I
work long hard hours. I would date, except the men who ask me are
making assumptions because of what I do. Besides, small towns are
good for gossip. Think how complicated it would be if I went out
with a regular and it didn’t work out? I’d have to wait on
them.”

“
There are other men
around,” her daughter pointed out matter-of-factly.

“
I’ve got you to think of
too. I have never wanted to confuse you by having different men
around. I wanted to give you my attention too.”

“
Like you didn’t
get?”

“
Yes. My mother wasn’t
capable of seeing outside herself and her fears. She never did
anything for me. Nevertheless, that didn’t bother me. I think if
she’d given me the freedom to socialize, the other would have been
all right.”

Brook sighed.

Madeline felt her eyes remain on her
profile as she looked out the window.

Brook told her softly, “I’m sorry. I
said you were cold, but I realize you’ve done a lot for me. I know
I always have you running all over, trying to find this or that. I
do remember how Dad was, worried more about you fixing the right
meals, expecting you to stay dressed up and go to those stuffy
socials, rather than my school things. You must have been torn. You
chose me more often, and I realize you took a lot of resentment
from him because of it.”

“
I could have done better,
Brook. I was learning, you know. Relationships are not natural to
me. When I had you, it was scary. All my life I felt haunted,
afraid of being like Mother.”

“
I don’t know.” Brook
snorted laughing. “You can be pretty scary when you’re pissed
off.”

Madeline grinned. “That’s a whole other
crazy! That’s a mom with a teenager crazy. Mother wasn’t crazy. She
couldn’t rationalize things properly. Her world was different from
everyone else's. You can’t define what someone else experiences.
Not even medically in a textbook. It is their own private world and
I can only give my version. And I’m sure it doesn’t come close to
what Mother’s actually was.”

“
That must have been
tough.”

“
It was all I knew,”
Madeline said truthfully, knowing she and Brook had to talk about
her mother. It was another of those topics she’d brushed off, not
wanting Brook to see her as weak. Not wanting Brook to live with a
stigma. Madeline could recall that feeling—of always being on the
outside looking in.

She had lived her childhood handling
grown up things, and trying to survive school. Trying not to feel
guilty, envious of others, bitter or resentful of her mother, she
told Brook, she’d blamed her father for a time, a man she’d never
known. For dying and causing all the problems.

Brook asked a few more tough questions,
things about her grandmother, and then they fell silent
again.

“
About Mitch…?” Brook sat
up.

“
I’m not going there,”
Madeline smiled tartly.

“
All right.”

Madeline watched her daughter’s violet
eyes hold a smile, and Brook’s brow went up hopefully. “Can Coy
come over this Friday? We’ll rent movies.”

“
PG13”

“
Oh. Get real!”

“
All right.” Madeline fell
back against the sofa in surrender. “Friday, movies, maybe R rated
but not slasher shit. I’m not letting you sleep with me, you kick
like a mule.”

They hugged on that compromise before
Brook arose and declared grimacing, “I’m going to go and dig up
batteries for the stereo. This silence is killing me.” She dashed
off to the bedroom.

Madeline sat there a while longer,
staring out the window. Eventually, hearing music coming from the
bedroom, she lazed around until the lights came on. Hopeful Ruby
was right, letting Brook see Coy was better than her sneaking
around. Madeline hoped that she and Brook understood each other a
little better now. She didn’t want her daughter thinking she was
just trying to be strict. She wanted her to comprehend how young
emotions can cause long-term baggage.