Brodie's Gamble (29 page)

“And Brodie?”

“I do love him. So much more than I can ever describe. I know how much he’ll hate me if I leave.”

“Brodie will never hate you, Maggie. The lad is daft over you.” Jinny jumped to the ground. “I love my brother and know how much you leaving will hurt him. At the same time, you must do what’s right for
you
. If you decide to leave, you must tell him soon. Don’t let him wonder, hoping you’ll stay.” She touched Maggie’s arm. “I will miss you a great deal if you leave, but I’ll understand. The MacLarens are nothing without our family. It’s what makes us strong. Keeps us going from one day to the next. Family is what sustains all of us.”

Jinny walked back to the house, leaving Maggie alone with a decision which would make some happy while hurting others. She wanted to scream. Hadn’t she already been through enough? There’d be no decision to make if she and Brodie were already married. She’d promise to visit her parents when she could, watching them ride home without her. One week separated her from an easy decision and one filled with heartache.

There simply was no good choice.

Kyla offered to have Maggie’s family stay at her house overnight. Maggie chose to stay in the room she’d been using at Ewan and Lorna’s. After some not very subtle remarks by Mr. King, Brodie had decided to bunk with Quinn.

Although it had almost killed him, he’d made the decision to wait until their marriage to consummate the union. She’d already been through too much, learning about what happened between men and women from a man who cared nothing for her. Brodie meant to show her how different real love was from what Arnie had taken from her.

After breakfast the following morning, he took Maggie’s hand, guiding her to the barn and the saddled horses.

“Isn’t it too cold to ride?”

“We won’t go far. Enough to get away so we can talk without others around.”

Maggie knew he meant her parents, who’d been pushing her to leave with them when they rode out that afternoon. She’d let their comments pass without responding, but her lack of an answer wouldn’t hold them off for long. They were ready to leave and had every intention of taking her with them.

They didn’t ride far, stopping near Boundary River, the banks now overflowing with melting snow. Helping Maggie down, Brodie took her hand and guided her a few feet away.

“What do you want to do, lass? If you want to leave, I’ll not say a word. I know this is not easy for you.”

“I don’t know what to do, Brodie. I’ve never felt so confused.” She turned away to watch the rolling river. Most of the early snow had melted. From listening to Kyla, she knew the rains would be coming, perhaps more snow. For now, the sky was clear. “All I could think about when I lived at the cabin with Arnie was getting away. When you arrested me, all I wanted was to escape. When you asked me to marry you, I didn’t hesitate. Each time, I knew what I wanted. Why is it so hard now?”

“Because you love your family and you love me. You’re in a difficult position where you think you must choose. Most women don’t have such a hard decision. They fall in love, marry, and follow their husband to a new life. Being kidnapped, held as a captive, has changed everything.” He stepped up behind her, resting his hands on her waist. “It isn’t fair, but you have a choice to make. What’s important to you, Maggie? What life do you want?”

An agonizing groan escaped as she buried her face in her hands. “I don’t know. I just don’t know what to do.”

Brodie’s heart stopped. He’d been so certain she’d choose him, letting her parents travel back to their life in San Antonio without her. He’d lain awake most of the night, envisioning this time together, thinking she’d wrap her arms around his neck and tell him she’d never leave. The reality of her inner conflict slapped him in the face. If she loved him enough, she’d stay, no matter her love for her parents. The fact she couldn’t decide told him all he needed to know.

Lifting his hands to her shoulders, he turned her around to face him. Touching his lips to her cheek, he rested his forehead against hers, taking in her scent, knowing this might be the last time. Leaning back, his gaze captured hers. The pain he saw made his next words easier.

“I can see it plain in your eyes, lass. You aren’t sure what to do.” Brodie’s heart began to crack when he accepted what he had to say. “No matter how much I love you, Maggie, I can’t marry a woman with doubts. I want someone who’s as committed to me as I am to her. Marriage is hard enough. There’s no reason to take the step if doubts plague us from the start. The fact you can’t make a choice tells me all I need to know.” He saw her eyes tear, her bottom lip tremble, but knew this was right. He couldn’t promise his life to Maggie, then wake up one morning to find her gone. “You need to go back to San Antonio with your family.”

“No, Brodie. Don’t send me away. Not like this.” She wrapped her arms around her waist, trying to control the pain ripping through her. “What will I do without you?”

Stroking his knuckles down her cheek, he studied her face. “Ah, lass. You’ve always been much stronger than you know. I can’t imagine any other woman living through what you did without becoming bitter and cynical.” Letting his hand stroke up and down her arm, he searched for a calm he knew to be beyond his grasp. “Your family needs you.”

“Don’t
you
need me?” Her voice broke, tears spilling down her face as the certainty she’d lost Brodie became reality.

“I need you like the air I breathe. You’re everything to me, Maggie.” Stepping back, he shoved his hands into his pockets so as not to reach out and grab her. “The struggle you’re going through, the way you can’t make a decision, is tearing me apart. Not choosing me is the same as making a choice for your family. I understand that now and so should you. You may not want to believe it, but someday you’ll know this is right.”

She reached for him, her hand pausing, then dropping to her side when he took a step away.

“So you’re letting me go?” Her voice broke. She might never see him again. All her dreams, their plans, tossed aside because of her inability to hurt her family with what she truly wanted.

Brodie nodded, his face a mask as he worked to hide the pain already laying claim to him. “You have to go. I’ll no longer stand in the way.” He walked away, unable to bear the hurt in her eyes. Grabbing their horses’ reins, he helped Maggie into her saddle, then swung up into his and led them away before he weakened and changed his mind.

Chapter Twenty-One

Maggie stared out the window, every muscle hurting, her clothes covered in dirt after two weeks on the trail. She refused to look into the mirror stored in her mother’s reticule, knowing what she’d see—a face streaked with grime, eyes deadened by a shattered heart.

The stagecoach traveling south from San Francisco stopped for no more than twenty minutes at each post, allowing the passengers little time to take care of their needs. Over the last two weeks, her stomach had become accustomed to small amounts of poor food and she’d accepted the lack of privacy. They’d been fortunate. As a family of five, they seldom had to share the coach with other passengers.

“Drink some water.”

Maggie glanced down, shaking her head at the water pouch in her mother’s hand. “Not yet. I’ll wait until we stop.” She gripped her reticule tighter, thinking of the money that had been slipped into it, along with a brief note. She discovered it when they’d been waiting for the stage leaving San Francisco, having no doubt who wrote it.

So you have something of your own. My heart will always be yours.

Her chest constricted, remembering the message and the man who wrote it. She’d ruined her chance at happiness, making Brodie believe he wasn’t important enough to choose him over her family. The truth had been quite the opposite.

The long days and nights on the trail had given her time to accept the reason for her hesitancy—guilt. Both her parents were experts at using it, and once again, she’d fallen under its spell. Maggie now spent every waking minute figuring out how best to leave her family and find her way back to Brodie.

“Maggie, listen to your mother and take some water.” Her father’s hard voice drew her attention, the glower twisting her stomach.

“I’m not thirsty, Father. Unless you plan to force it down my throat, I’d prefer you leave me to my own thoughts.” Turning her gaze back out the window, she felt not a pinch of remorse at her churlish response. He’d pushed and tormented her since the moment they’d left the Circle M, taking away the small amount of freedom she’d obtained by living with the MacLarens.

She’d given up trying to explain to either parent her love for Brodie. They still saw her as a girl, unable to make her own decisions, certainly not capable of falling in love and choosing a husband. Their condescension and undisguised belief they were better than the MacLarens pushed her further away, making her decision to leave an easy one.

“Marguerite, you will not speak—”

Maggie was saved from another rebuke by the driver’s shout, notifying them of the next stop. The first off the stage, she didn’t look at her parents as she ran toward the closest building, noting the sign above the entry.
Elk Horn Station
. It seemed to be in better shape than the other stops. As long as they could help her, she didn’t care if the building was falling down.

“Excuse me. I’d like to see how much it would cost to take the next stage back to San Francisco.”

The clerk turned, cocking his head, his mouth twisting into a grin. “You just arrived and now you want to go back?”

“Yes, sir. I’d like to take the next stage north.” Glancing over her shoulder, her stomach clenched at the sight of her parents walking toward the building.

“Well, if you’re sure. It should be coming in any minute.” He quoted a price, Maggie rushing to pull the money from her reticule and hand it over. Once he took it and wrote her name down, she let out a ragged sigh of relief. “Just wait outside.”

She walked past her parents, nodding, saying nothing. Once outside, Maggie signaled the driver, requesting her bag be handed down. His brows lifted as he gave it to her.

“Get what you need, then hand it back. We’re leaving in a few minutes.”

“I’m not continuing. I’m taking the next stage north.” Gripping her bag in one hand and reticule in the other, she took a seat on the dusty bench outside the building and waited for the expected outburst when her parents learned of her decision.

Conviction

“We’ve come to take you out of this dungeon, lad. You can’t stay cooped up in the jail all the time.” Colin stood in front of the desk, hands on his hips as he watched Brodie shift in his chair. Quinn and Blaine leaned against the wall a few feet away, arms crossed.

“I don’t live here, Colin. You can find me at the Gold Dust for meals and at my place at night. It’s not as if I’m hiding out.”

“It’s been almost five weeks since Maggie left. You made the right decision sending her away. It’s up to her now to decide if she made a mistake in leaving.”

Brodie tossed down the bullet he’d been twirling between his fingers and leaned back. “What I know is she’s on her way to San Antonio and not coming back. If Maggie wanted me, a life here in Conviction, she never would’ve left. It’s over and I’m dealing with it the best I can.” It hurt to think of her, say her name out loud, but he wouldn’t let the men standing before him know it.

“Your best is pathetic.” Quinn pushed away from the wall and stalked forward. “And trust me, you never know what a woman is going to do until she does it.”

Brodie tilted his head back and looked at the ceiling. Letting out a sigh, he stood. “It seems I’ll get no peace until you lads get me drunk. Fine. We’ll go to Buckie’s and you can do your best.”

“Cards, whiskey, and women. Like old times, lads.” Quinn clasped Brodie on the back as they crossed the darkened street, hearing the tinny piano music spilling from the saloon. “Except for Colin. I’m afraid you’ll have to settle for the first two.”

“It’s no problem for me, knowing Sarah is waiting at home.”

Brodie didn’t respond. Before Christmas, he’d thought his life would involve a wife and a future, including children. The thought he’d lost it all still stung. Still, he had no interest in any woman other than Maggie. Cards and whiskey didn’t appeal to him, either, but fighting the three of them would cause nothing but grief.