Brody's Vow (Colebrook Siblings Trilogy Book 1) (19 page)

He made her want things that had always been forbidden to her before, things she’d never let herself imagine having. A relationship with a man she wanted and trusted. Someone to come home to at night, a man strong enough to lean on when things got hard. A lasting partnership.

Everything in her told her he was that person. And that scared the hell out of her. She wasn’t normal. Didn’t know how to make a relationship work, even if she wanted to.

Brody stirred and groaned softly as he withdrew and rolled off her. “Be right back,” he murmured, pausing to drop a tender kiss to her lips before going into the bathroom. A minute later he returned, tugging the covers over them as he slid in beside her.

Though self-preservation told her to get up and put some distance between them, she couldn’t. Not after what they’d just shared. He gathered her in his arms and she was all too content to cuddle against his muscular chest. She was going to miss this—miss him—so much.

She slid her right hand down to his thigh, caressed the surgical scars there. “How’s your leg?” she whispered, instinctively wanting to lighten the mood.

“What leg,” he said, a smile in his voice. He kissed the top of her head then leaned back a little to look into her eyes. He cupped her cheek, rubbed his thumb gently over her skin, that chocolate-brown gaze seeing straight into her soul. “You sure about flying out tomorrow?”

Her stomach tightened and she lowered her gaze. “Yeah. I need to get back.” To her solitary, gray existence in London where she wouldn’t dream impossible dreams and pine for something she could never have. Because she was too afraid to stay and risk her heart.

He didn’t say anything, didn’t show any disappointment or anger. Instead, he gathered her close, tucked her head beneath his chin and stroked her hair, making her insides quake. “Stay with me. At least a few more days, and we can see how things go.”

The request sent twin arrows of pain and longing through her. She hesitated a moment before answering, knowing she had to be honest but unable to admit how afraid she was. “I can’t.”

“Just think about it,” he coaxed, hugging her tight. “Gotta warn you, though. By tomorrow night I plan to do everything in my power to make sure you’ll never be able to forget me.”

Forget him? Not possible. The man stole more pieces of her heart with every minute she stayed in his arms. By the time her flight left tomorrow, there might be nothing left.

Even that threat wasn’t enough to make her climb out of his bed.

This time was for her. Something to carry with her forever. She wasn’t giving it up for anything.

Snuggled safe and secure in his embrace, Trinity closed her eyes and prayed she’d be strong enough to leave him when the time came.

The hard knot of dread in the pit of Trinity’s stomach wound tighter with each mile they came closer to the airport. Every cell in her body was attuned to Brody as he drove the rental car, and she was vividly aware of how fast their remaining minutes together were ticking past.

The last sixteen hours had been the most incredible of her life.

He’d woken her before dawn with erotic caresses over her naked skin, his lips and tongue teasing every sensitive spot until she’d begged him for release. Afterward they’d fallen back to sleep. When she’d dragged herself out of bed a few hours later for a shower, he’d climbed in with her, spending endless minutes gliding his soapy hands over her wet body.

He’d fed her, then coaxed her back into bed and she’d been powerless to resist even though she knew she should start distancing herself from him. They’d spent the entire day in bed together, cuddling and talking, something she’d never done with anyone—something she’d never
wanted
to do—and now….

She stole a sideways glance at him, hoping her inner turmoil didn’t show. She’d been careful to hide it, but all day long it had been getting worse.

All last night and throughout the day she’d continually tried to convince herself that their attraction was simply chemical, but that was a total lie. Against all odds she’d let him into her heart and now there was no getting him out.

He’d stepped up to help her when she’d been a total stranger, had gone above and beyond by giving her a safe place to hide at his family home and risking his life to help her. She’d seen him with his dad and brother, in his most private and intimate space.

He’d been so protective of her, so caring and tender last night and she felt so comfortable around him. The thought of getting on the plane and flying across the Atlantic and never seeing him again gutted her.

Give me tonight.

She’d been more than willing to give him that. Then he’d asked her to stay and it scared her how much she wanted to, because one night wasn’t enough for her anymore. Not with him.

The shitty part was, she didn’t see how they could make a relationship work. His life was here in Virginia and she was based out of London. He had deep roots here. A family that loved him. He would hopefully return to the job he loved in a few months once his leg healed.

She, on the other hand, had no roots. Nothing to anchor her anywhere, except her place in London, which was the closest thing she’d ever had to a real home. She didn’t even know what she wanted to do with her life after this, except that she was done with taking contract hits.

No matter how many monsters she killed, there would always be more. Last night with Brody and Briar’s parting words kept haunting her.

She
did
deserve to be happy after all she’d done for the government and all they’d taken from her. She just didn’t know what that happy life looked like yet, or how to go about getting it. What she needed most right now was space, some time alone to think everything through.

“Traffic’s a lot worse than I thought it would be,” Brody commented in a neutral voice as he took the exit to the airport. “You’re not gonna have much time to get through security and to your gate.”

“It’s okay, I don’t like hanging around in airports anyway. I always try to get there as late as I can.” Her voice sounded calm, unaffected, when in reality it felt like her chest was slowly constricting.

He was quiet a moment before glancing at her. “Can I call you after you get back?”

The question took her aback. She knew it was probably smarter, kinder for her to just cut all ties with him, make a clean cut rather than a jagged one. She wasn’t selfless enough for that though. “Of course you can call me.”

“Yeah? You gonna answer?” he asked in a wry tone.

She grinned. He knew her so well already. Warmth spread through her. “I’ll answer.”

“You ever gonna call me though?” he asked.

That one was harder. She squeezed her hands together in her lap. “I’m not the best person for staying in touch. Just ask Briar.” She’d spent a lifetime avoiding close relationships because her job demanded it, and because it had been ingrained into her. “But I’ll try.”

The flash of hurt she saw on his face before he looked away sliced at her insides. God, that had sounded so cold after what they’d shared, but she needed to make it clear to him that there was no future for them. She would not string him along or give him false hopes. He needed to know where they stood. He belonged here, and she…

Well, she didn’t know where she belonged yet.

Her chaotic emotions unsettled her. She’d never been in this situation before, had never wanted anyone this badly, and didn’t know how to handle it. Her brain and heart were at war, each side giving compelling arguments for why it was the right choice. Stay open to him and see where things went—if they went anywhere at all—or sever ties now and move on, and in time she’d forget him.

Except that deep down she’d never forget him, no matter what she did or how far she ran. She would never get over him, and knowing that scared her almost as much as losing her heart to him. Dammit, she
was
good enough to have a normal life, to fall in love and finally stop running from everyone. Especially herself.

Brody took the turnoff to the short-term parking garage. “Oh no, you can just drop me off out front,” she said, an unfamiliar panicky sensation swirling in her gut. She was torn between the urge to jump out of the car and run and tell him to keep driving, past the airport, all the way back to his place.

“Can’t wait to get rid of me, huh?” His tone was light but she sensed the hurt and disappointment beneath it.

She only wanted to escape because each minute he prolonged the inevitable just made it worse. Once she got out of this car, once she got away from him, she’d be able to breathe again. Except just the thought of walking away made it feel like her heart was cracking in two.

Ignoring her request, he entered the parking garage and found a spot near the elevators. When he turned off the engine and glanced over at her, she steeled herself. “Look. I don’t want to make this any harder than it already is.”

“I do.”

She blinked at his response, her mouth snapping shut.

“If you think I’m gonna make it easy for you to just brush me off and walk away, think again.” With that he got out of the car and came around to open her door before she could climb out. His warm, chocolate-brown eyes held hers and that bone deep connection locked into place again.

Then he took her hand and the moment their fingers touched, electricity sizzled over her palm and up her arm. She stood there unmoving, gazing up at him. For the life of her she couldn’t pull away.

“I’m really glad you broke into my commander’s house the other night,” he said, a grin tugging at his sexy mouth.

She laughed softly, the tension inside her easing a fraction even as the ache intensified. “Me too.”

“You sure about this?”

“Yes.”

He kissed her softly and laced his fingers through hers, his tone resigned. “Come on then.”

God, she was dreading this. A public goodbye in front of whoever happened to be standing at the check-in counter? She just prayed her acting skills held up long enough for him not to see her fall apart. Which she was pretty sure she would do once she got through security and could find a bathroom to hide in.

His fingers were warm and strong around hers as they walked toward the terminal. With each step closer to the building her heartbeat accelerated, the knot in her stomach cinching tighter. Her emotions were all over the place, a chaotic torrent inside her. She wanted to pull away and she wanted to push closer. She wanted to stay and she wanted to escape.

God, just let me get through security without breaking down.

They reached the automatic doors at the front of the international terminal. The moment they whooshed open and she saw the lines of travelers gathered in front of the check-in counters, the finality of it hit her.

She squeezed Brody’s hand tighter, tried her damnedest not to tear up. He glanced at her, returned the pressure and brought her hand to his lips, pressing a warm kiss to the back of it.

Her throat tightened and she had to swallow to ease the restriction. She felt half numb as she headed for the desk marking her airline, just wanted this to be over. The initial walking away was going to be the hardest part. Once she got through that, time and distance would help her get through this.

She walked right up to the first class check-in and stopped.
Do it now. Make a clean cut and walk away.

Turning to Brody, she gazed up at him and the goodbye she’d prepared wouldn’t come. How had he come to mean so much to her in so little time? It didn’t make sense. This wasn’t like her. She lived in a world of black and white and in just a few short days he’d turned everything gray. What the hell was wrong with her?

“Well,” she began, bracing herself for the coming pain. “Thanks again, for everything.” For protecting her. For making her feel respected, cared about, and even…loved.

He nodded, regret and longing in his eyes. “Anytime.”

“I’ll text you once I land to let you know I got there.”

“I’d appreciate that.” Then his expression sobered even more and it felt like he was looking inside her as he spoke, his eyes searching hers. “Remember, I’m here if you need me.”

“I will.” She couldn’t look away, was afraid to touch him because for the first time in memory she was on the verge of tears
.

Come with me
, she almost blurted, barely biting the words back in time, even though the idea was beyond crazy. His life was here and he had to stay put during the duration of the NSA investigation. She had loose ends to tie up in London, and lots to think about.

And if she stayed here any longer, she’d fall completely, utterly in love with him.

Go. Now. Before you do something stupid.
“Bye,” she murmured, and leaned up to press her lips to his because she couldn’t help herself.

But she should have known Brody wouldn’t let it go at that.

“Don’t go,” he said, capturing her face between his hands.

Pain twisted inside her. “I have to,” she whispered, her voice catching.

“No you don’t.”

She grabbed his wrists, ready to push his hands away. “Yes, I do.”

He kissed her, slow and deep and tender, right out in the open in front of anyone who cared to watch.

And she let him. Didn’t even think about pulling away.

When he finally released her, her knees were weak and she had to fight to keep from reaching for him. “If you change your mind about us, you know where to find me.”

The lump in her throat felt like it had swelled to the size of a damn baseball. She forced a tight smile, even though she knew it didn’t reach her eyes. “Bye, Brody.”

It went against every instinct to turn and walk away. She held her back ramrod straight as she stood at the counter and handed over her fake passport to the woman there, trying her best to ignore Brody, and failing miserably. She could feel the weight of his stare on her, felt her resolve slip another notch.

When the woman returned her boarding pass, a sense of relief washed through her. Too late now. The decision had been made.