BROKEN (14 page)

He wasn’t entirely convinced, but Dr. Stewart had insisted it was nothing that a few days of bed rest wouldn’t cure.
 
“You took the pills she gave you already?”

“In her office before I left.
 
I showed you the lovely pill dispenser she gave me so I know what to take and when.”

“But she didn’t give you a prescription, what happens when you run out…”

“Would you stop worrying so much?
 
Liz knows me too well.
 
She was afraid I wouldn’t get the prescription filled so she gave me enough to last until I see her again in two weeks.”

Mitch stroked the side of her cheek, not at all happy with the pallor of her skin.
 
“I promised Hank I’d help him out this afternoon, but if you need me to stay…”

“I’ll be fine.
 
I’m just going to stay in bed and get some sleep.
 
I promise not to do anything more strenuous than pulling the covers up, okay?”

“We’ll be clear down by the barn, how will you reach me if you need me?”

“Hank has a pager, you know that.
 
If I need you, I’ll page.
 
Now go on, you’re wearing me out with all this worrying.”

“All right, I’ll go, but I’ll come back in a few hours to check on you.”
 
He leaned down and kissed her.
“Go to sleep.”

Jessie smiled sleepily, waiting until he closed the door to turn on her side and pull the covers up.
 
Within minutes, she was sound asleep.
 
It was late afternoon when she woke, still a good two hours before
Kincaid was due to
return from the barn to make dinner.
 
The vision of him trying to put together a meal for all the men brought a smile to her face
,
but she just didn’t have the heart to let him do it on his own.
 

She
would
go downstairs in an hour and get things started so he wouldn’t have so much to do after working all day.
 
After a quick trip to the bathroom to relieve herself, Jessie crept to the closet and pulled out
Kincaid’
s journal.
 
Settling on the bed, she began to read where she’d left off.

Cali, Columbia, drug capital of the world, a country whose guerilla factions have almost as much power as the government.
 
Why in the hell do Americans come here when U.S. policy dictates we
will
make no concessions and refuse to strike any deals with kidnappers?
 
Arrogance, it has to be.

Foolishly believing being a U.S. citizenship offers some sort of immunity, they rush in with their cameras and naivety
,
and my men end up losing their lives to extract them from a country that resented them being there in the first place.
 
This time it was Russell who paid the ultimate price.
 
But I guess we all pay the price one way or another, don’t we?

We all went our separate ways at the airport.
 
Jim went home to his wife, but it’s just a battlefield of a different nature.
 
Cane took off to visit his parents in Virginia.
 
They think he pushes paper for the government in New York City, and Ash…well, he doesn’t tell and we don’t ask.
 

Mitch headed off to the mid-west to find yet another small town to hide out in and I’m on my way back to Jessie.
 
Scattered to the wind, busted and broken, we all run to the people or places that will heal our sorrow, our guilt.
 
It’s always the same, a never
ending loop of success and loss, building us up, tearing us down.

Jess.
 
In less than three hours I’ll be back at the ranch, holding her, kissing her, losing myself in her beauty.
 
She deserves so much more than what I can give her, yet she never complains.
 
I know it’s selfish to ask her to wait, selfish to leave her alone for weeks at a time
,
wondering if I’m alive or dead, but I just can’t seem to let her go.
 
I’m safe with Jessie.
 
With the sweetness of her smile, the taste of her lips, the warmth of her heart, she makes me forget my weaknesses.

Jessie hugged the journal to her chest for a moment before replacing it.
 
 
Dressing quickly, she hurried downstairs to start dinner, all the while wondering how Adam
Kincaid
could ever consider himself weak.
 
How was it weak to hurt over the loss of a friend?
 
She wondered if she
would
ever understand just what went on inside that complex mind of his.
 

A sudden wave of nausea brought her back to an even bigger problem looming over her, over them.
 
Downing a few soda crackers and a glass of water helped cure the most immediate issue of her pregnancy, but resolved nothing as far as how she
was going
to inform
Kincaid
he was about to be a father.

“Oh God,” she groaned, leaning against the counter, “I can’t lose him, I just can’t.
 
Not now when we’re so happy.”
 
Jessie pushed herself upright and started hauling out pots and pans.
 
“Keep busy and don’t dwell on it.
 
The answer will come…eventually.”
 

There was plenty of time to figure it out, she assured herself.
 
After all, she was only three weeks along and probably wouldn’t even begin to show for a few more months.
 
Surely by then she could convince
Kincaid
that having a baby would only complete their lives together.
 

Maybe she should take him to some of the town picnics, let him get used to having other people’s children around so it wouldn’t seem so foreign to him.
 
There was always someone with a new baby.
 
If she could just get him to hold one and see how wonderful it felt to have a baby in your arms, he might change his mind.

“Damn it, Jessie, you’re supposed to be upstairs resting!”

Startled by the sound of
Kincaid
’s angry voice, Jessie jumped, knocking the pan of hot water with her arm as she whirled around.
 
Boiling liquid sloshed over the side, sizzling and popping as it hit the burner.
 
Still shaking, she righted the pan before turning to face
Kincaid
only to find him standing right behind her.

“You promised you
would
rest,” he said, his anger barely contained.

“I did rest up until about an hour ago.
 
I can’t stay in bed all day and then expect to be able to sleep at night so I thought I’d come downstairs and get a start on dinner.”

“Start dinner?”
 
He glanced at the stove.
 
“It looks like you’ve done the whole thing.
 
I told you’d I
would
take care of it
,
and I will.
 
Now get back upstairs and climb into bed before I pick you up and carry you there myself.”

Emotionally unbalanced from her recent discovery
,
and no doubt suffering from the effects of the pregnancy itself, Jessie burst into tears.
 
“I just wanted to help,” she sobbed.
 
“You’ve been so…sweet, and…and then you worked all day…and I…”

Kincaid
gathered her in his arms.
 
“Shhhh, it’s alright.
 
Don’t cry, honey, you’re breaking my heart.
 
I’m sorry I yelled at you
. 
I’m just worried about you, that’s all.
 
I’m sorry, baby.
 
I appreciate you wanting to help, honest I do, but you need to rest for a few days and let me handle things, okay?”

Jessie nodded against his chest.
 
“Can I at least stay down here with you?”

“Only if you sit at the table and don’t lift a finger, deal?”

“Okay,” she sniffed.

Mitch drew away from her and gently wiped away the tears.
 
The weak smile she gave him tore at his heart even worse than the tears had.
 
Always so strong and willful she was, even now when he’d scared her half to death and hurt her feelings
,
she was putting up a brave front.
 
But her eyes couldn’t mask what she was feeling.
 
Mitch reached behind her and turned down the burners then lifted her up into his arms.
 
He carried her across the room, lowering himself down onto a chair with Jessie in his lap and simply held her for several minutes.

“You’ve always been the strong one,” he said quietly.
 
“For years I’ve leaned on you, depended on you to pull me out of the hell I went through on those damn missions.
 
But it’s my turn to be strong now.
 
I want to take care of you, Jess, can you understand that?”

“I think so.
 
I’m just not used to someone taking care of me.”
 
She looked up at him, her heart filled with so much love it was all she could do to keep from blurting out the words.
 
“Maybe…maybe we c
an
agree to take care of each other.
 
I mean, everyone needs someone to lean on sometimes, don’t they?
 
It doesn’t mean they’re weak.”

Mitch knew what she was getting at.
 
It was Adam who
had
always felt insecure about showing his emotions.
 
It left him vulnerable, made him feel weak.
 
At least he’d felt that way with everyone but Jessie.
 
Mitch looked into her trusting eyes.
 
It was easy to lose one’s self in the depths of those beautiful blue eyes, easy to bear your soul because there would be no judgment, no accusation or placement of guilt.
 
Only a quiet understanding, and love, and absolution.

Mitch drew in a slow breath.
 
The men would be tromping into the house in less than thirty minutes, but he had to give her something; something that would tell her just how much trust he had in her.
 
He smiled down at her, pressed a soft kiss to her lips, then pulled Jessie close to his chest, to his heart.

“We lost a man on the last mission.
 
He died saving me.”

“Oh,
Kincaid
, I’m so sorry!”

Mitch hugged her to him, his voice hoarse and raw.
 
“It was my brother, Jess.
 
My brother gave his life…for me.”

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
                                       
***

Somehow they made it through dinner.
 
Then
Jessie had
comforted him in the only way she knew how
;
by making love to him.
 
The first time had been slow, their touches soft, their kisses tender.
 
The second time he was fierce, demanding; a wounded animal unleashing his anguish in the warmth of her body.
 
When it was over and she lay in his arms, he told her about the woman
he’d been trying to rescue
and how she’d
fought
him even as he led her away from the terrorists.
 
He never would have made it if his brother hadn’t come back for them.

“The woman tripped me up and we fell to the ground.
 
I thought it was all over, for her and for me.
 
And then I saw my brother, charging like a raging bull out of the woods, drawing the terrorist’s fire away from us.
 
I picked her up and threw her over my shoulder, screaming for my brother to fall back, fall back.
 
I didn’t even know he’d been hit until we made it back to camp.”