Broken (10 page)

The next morning, Max yawned and drowsily reached for Cassidy to snuggle her close. His seeking hand met empty space. Jolting fully awake, he glanced around frantically, his heart pounding. Had it all be a dream, his most vivid one yet?

Slowly, the sound of running water penetrated his budding depression. His unseeing gaze finally focused on something. As it did, he realized this was Cassidy’s room, her bed. The sound he was hearing was Cassidy taking a shower. Today was Monday, the first day of the workweek. She was readying herself for work.

Sighing, he dropped his head on the pillow. It was real. It was all real—Cassidy, Zoe, making love last night. A twinge of pain as he shifted reminded him the fight with Nicco was real too, and he’d be feeling the aftereffects for several days. Sparring at the gym was nothing like the no holds barred, bare-knuckled, knockdown, drag out fight they’d had last night. It’s a wonder one of them hadn’t landed in the emergency room.

He needed to get his clothes and other belongings from Nicco’s. Maybe he could do that today. After last night he doubted Cassidy would say no to him moving in. If not into her bedroom, then at least into the spare bedroom until the space below was habitable.

He was planning it all out when he heard Zoe’s plaintive cry of “Mama.”

Turning on the bedside lamp, he spotted his pants lying neatly across the bottom of the bed. Cassidy had gathered them and placed them in easy reach. He’d really been sleeping hard if he hadn’t heard her moving around.

Max rolled out of bed, tugged on his jeans, and went to tend to Zoe. She wasn’t in the crib as expected, but stood at the gated entrance to her room. Arching a brow, he peered from the crib to the toddler. “That’s quite some feat, princess.”

His precious daughter gave him look that could only be interpreted as “Not you again,” before loudly demanding, “Mama!”

Max grinned. “Daddy,” he reminded her. Zoe actually frowned at him, her Cupid’s bow mouth turning down at the sides. She was adorable in her pink, footed pajamas and her hair sticking up all around her head like a troll. There was so much personality in such a little package.

When he bent and picked her up, she stiffened her body and kicked her feet in protest. “Mama!” she yelled, over and over again. Chuckling now, Max secured her wriggling body to his chest with one forearm around her tiny waist. The little hellion swung back her arm and struck him in the face, right on the corner of his still healing mouth.

Max bit off a curse that would have singed her hair.

No longer feeling charmed or indulgent, Max caught her hand before she could hit him again. His angry blue eyes drilled into her teary, defiant ones. “No hitting,” he commanded, his voice deep and firm.

Shrieking now, Zoe tugged at her hand, trying to free it. Max wouldn’t release her. A short battle ensued. Max won, but the victory was hollow. His little tyrant crumbled against his chest, sobbing, “Ba-ba.”

Anger gave way to sympathy. He rocked her, automatically trying to soothe his weeping daughter. “Mama’s in the shower. I’ll take you to her.”

He carried her into the master bedroom and sat cradling Zoe on his lap. Big fat tears dripped from her eyes as she cried piteously. “Poor baby,” he crooned, stroking her back.

The bathroom door opened and a billow of steam wafted out. Cassidy stepped out, wrapped in the robe from last night. She spotted them instantly. Frowning, she asked, “What’s wrong?”

“Mama!” Zoe cried, holding out her arms.

Max admired the way the satin clung to Cassidy’s moist skin. Skin he’d glided his tongue over, pressed his lips against, and caressed for hours last night. The memory was enough to make him hard and he shifted Zoe so she wasn’t sitting on his erection.

Cassidy came over to scoop Zoe off his lap and as she bent over, Max got a tantalizing glimpse of cleavage. Zoe immediately snuggled close, clutching the edge her mother’s robe in one tight fist. The move exposed more of Cassidy’s body to his hungry gaze.

“She feels warm,” Cassidy said, placing her hand on Zoe’s forehead in a classic gesture used by mothers everywhere.

She went into the bathroom and came out with a devise. “See if you can get this into her ear to take her temperature.”

Max stood and came over to them. Taking the thermometer from Cassidy, he did as she asked while she held Zoe still. When it beeped, she held out her hand for it. “She’s running a fever. Zoe, you and I get to go see your godmomma today.”

“Who is Zoe’s godmother?” Had he also missed his daughter’s christening?
More I don’t know about my own child
, Max thought. Another sin to lay at his family’s feet. From now on out, he’d know everything there was to know about Zoe. He was here and wouldn’t be leaving.

Cassidy gave him a distracted glance. “Erika. She’s also Zoe’s pediatrician. I’d better call the clinic and let them know I won’t be in today.”

There was a lot he hadn’t been able to do for Cassidy over the last two years, but this he could do. “Go to work. I’ll take Zoe to the doctor. Just tell me where it is, give me Zoe’s insurance card, and I’ll handle the rest,” he offered, watching the sniffling toddler with mild concern.

Zoe had her head on Cassidy’s shoulder, still clutching her mother’s robe in a death grip. Cassidy had the child propped up on one hip. Occasionally she’d run a soothing hand over Zoe’s unruly curls.

Saying nothing in response, Cassidy exited the bedroom and went into the kitchen. The minute she presented Zoe her juice cup, his daughter reached for it with eager hands saying, “Ba-ba.” She greedily slurped it down. As Max watched in silence, Cassidy managed to get another dose of medicine inside of Zoe and was reaching for the phone when finally he spoke up. “Cassidy, there’s no sense you missing a day of work when I’m right here, available.”

Her hand hovered over the cordless wall phone as her gaze met his, wary but determined. “I appreciate the offer, but I don’t feel comfortable leaving her with you. Zoe doesn’t know you, and forcing her to stay with you when she’s already not feeling well would add unnecessary stress.”

“I’m her father,” he reminded Cassidy, his temper beginning to spark at her rejection of his offer.

“Whom she just met yesterday,” she reminded him.

“Because yesterday is when I found out,” he snapped.

“I know. I’m not faulting you—”

“The hell you aren’t!”

“—but you can’t simply show up, acting like the past never happened.” She turned and headed down the hall toward Zoe’s room.

“Is that what you think I’m doing? I’m trying to make up for lost time,” he said to her back, trying to hold onto his fraying temper.

She glanced over her shoulder at him as she paused to open the gate to Zoe’s room. “I understand but some things take time. I know and you know you’re Zoe’s father, but she doesn’t. She doesn’t even understand what a father is. To her, you’re a stranger. Yes, you have a right to know your child and be a father to her but you can’t rush it, or rush her. That’s all I’m saying.”

No, that’s not all
. He thought of the way she’d barely looked at him this morning, barely spoken unless it had to do with Zoe. Something else was going on here. Something deeper.

He walked to the doorway of Zoe’s room and stood watching Cassidy closely. “What about us?”

He saw it, the way she stiffened. “There is no us.”

Max stilled, absorbing the pain of her words. “Last night—”

“Was a mistake,” she interrupted firmly. “I want Zoe to know you and for you to be a part of her life, but I’m not a part of the equation.”

The hell you aren’t
. Bullshit. This whole thing was just bullshit. How could she look him in the face and say—?

But she wasn’t, he suddenly realized. Not once had Cassidy at looked at him as she’d spouted that nonsense about there being no us.
What the hell is going on in that head of yours, lady
?

Tamping down his instinctive anger, Max forced himself to think. Last night she’d clung to him as though her world were ending and only he could hold it together. It was more than pent up passion. She’d cried and allowed him to comfort her. Cassidy didn’t let down her guard with just anyone, yet she’d done so with him. But now she was trying to throw up walls between them.

Feeling his way, he asked, “What did you mean when you said we could only go forward?”

Cassidy kept her face averted as she changed Zoe’s diaper and dressed her for the day. “Just what I said. We can’t change the past. What’s done is done. We can only go from here.”

“But not you and I together,” he said to be certain he was clear.

She shook her head. “We had our chance. It didn’t work out. Maybe it simply wasn’t meant to be.”

Max stared hard at Cassidy. When the hell had she become a defeatist? Did she really believe what she was saying? He noticed the fine trembling in her hands and how careful she was not to peer at him directly. He decided not to keep pushing, but he’d damn sure find out what she was keeping from him.

He’d told Cassidy once that he not only wanted his unborn child but his child’s mother too, in the beginning when she’d first discovered she was pregnant. Max hadn’t changed his mind. If she thought he’d give her up now that he’d been granted a second chance…? Well, it proved Cassidy didn’t know him half as well as she thought she did.

He’d been through hell and was still trying to find his way back. Cassidy was his compass, his light. He’d been cheated out of paradise once. No devil in hell was going to keep him from it again.

Max determined then and there to bide his time. She didn’t want to be rushed? He wouldn’t but at the end of the day when all was said and done, they would be together. The way they were always meant to be.

Cassidy could feel Max’s heavy gaze like an anvil on the nape of her neck. It made her want to fidget, to move out from under its weight. However, the words had to be said. Max needed to know they couldn’t simply pick up where they’d left off. She wasn’t the woman she’d been two years ago. She’d changed and so had Max. All they had between them now was Zoe.

And a sexual attraction strong enough to turn you inside out
, her libido whispered.

“I am more than my sex drive,” she muttered under her breath. A sex drive that had lain dormant until Max arrived on the scene.

“Did you say something?” Max asked.

“I was speaking to Zoe,” she said, flushing at the thought he might have heard her.

Previously Max had, intentionally or not, turned her life upside down. She didn’t plan to give him the opportunity to do so again. She wasn’t interested in falling in love. Love hurt and she was tired of being a member of the walking wounded. Between Phillip and Max, it had taken years, but her heart was finally hers again and she planned on keeping it. No more giving it away.

She had Zoe. Her child was enough. Their little family of two was more than enough. She’d learned the hard way men let you down. She would never let herself depend on one again.

“
I’ll wait for you forever, if that’s what it takes
,” Max had promised, and she’d believed him. Had held his promise close to her heart and pulled it out every night in her empty, lonely bed to help keep her strong while dealing with Phillip.

Only Max hadn’t kept his promise. When things got tough, he’d left. Yes, his family had lied to him, lied to both of them, but she could forgive them a lot easier than she could Max. When it came right down to it, Max had lied.

“
If you need me, call
,” he’d said and she had, even believing he’d moved. They were still friends, right? He’d been her rock before. Surely he wouldn’t let her down, not when her need was so great.

Max blamed Nicco for his absence, but the truth was, had he stayed in Philly—hell, the country—Max would have known about the accident. He wouldn’t have needed anyone to tell him Phillip was dead and she was in the hospital. He would have been there when Zoe needed him.

Thank God for Nell and Phillip’s father, Brian, who’d stepped up and gone to bat for her and Zoe, even though it was obvious Zoe was biracial and therefore not Phillip’s child. Brian had applied legal pressure to make sure they were more than adequately compensated for the accident. By the time his lawyers had finished with the insurance companies, they’d been happy to pay up. Between his efforts, and Phillip’s life insurance policies—which Phillip had recently increased—she and Zoe were set financially for life.

Once Zoe was dressed and her hair tamed into a ponytail, Cassidy brought her into her bedroom and laid her on the bed. “Stay here, baby, while Momma gets dressed,” she instructed her.

Zoe snuggled down into Cassidy’s pillows and played with the corner of the blanket.

“I put your shirt in the washing machine. Hopefully the blood didn’t set,” she told Max who shadowed her every move. “The laundry room is off the kitchen.”

When he left, she breathed a sigh of relief. She’d slipped on her panties and put on her bra when she heard Max returning. Resisting the urge to cover up, she reached into a different drawer and pulled out a lightweight, long-sleeved top in neutral colors. She paired it with cream-colored linen slacks in an equally light weave that flowed around her slender body and covered the scars. While she didn’t mind discussing the accident and her resultant injuries, she hated being stared at and pitied.

Max entered her bathroom and closed the door. Seconds later, the shower turned on. Knowing he’d find the spare wash cloths, towels, and other toiletries he needed, she put on her shoes, scooped Zoe up, and went into the kitchen to prepare breakfast.

As expected, all Zoe wanted was juice. Always a picky eater, when she wasn’t feeling well the appetite was the first to go. Cassidy was in the process of scrambling eggs and had a plate of buttered toast on the table when Max came out.

“Smells good,” he said agreeably.

She cast a cautious glance in his direction. Earlier she’d sensed the anger and displeasure radiating off him, though she’d never before had occasion to experience it firsthand. Now he seemed almost amiable, as if his prior temper had been a product of her imagination. With Phillip, such a drastic change of mood had never been a good sign.