Broken (27 page)

“You are rare. Your unassuming attitude about your beauty is magnetic. I will need this from you today. Can you deliver, my love?”

“I will try.”

“Then I will see you in a half-hour. Know Sheila cannot make you more beautiful than you are.”

“I'll get damn close, though,” Sheila said. She gave Henri two double kisses. Promptly she escorted me to the back area for hair and makeup.

Everything was going perfectly. My hair had been set in flowing curls. The makeup made me look angelic. Golden bronzer, sweet pink blush, and white inner eye liner made me look like a doe-eyed bride. The panic started when I put the tiara veil on my head.

I stood there, staring at myself in the mirror, wondering who I was going to marry. Was it truly anyone I wished? Henri said I could have any guy. Even Noel? When I looked down at the vanity full of makeup, I realized I wasn't the only person in the room. Of course not! Before I knew it, Sheila was putting a gorgeous necklace on me. She stacked three pretty bracelets on my arm and cuff above my elbow. Good thing I had small biceps.

Sheila led me over to a garment rack full of wedding dresses for the various images. I was going to be seen in all kinds of markets around the world, wearing a wedding dress. I put my first one on. Like that, the magic came over me. As soon as I put it on, I felt different. I certainly wasn't myself anymore.

I found myself hopping around the set and smiling.

“Think about your wedding day,” Henri said. To Noel? Was it possible? “What about your parents?”

“My Dad.” Henri stopped and looked at me.

“Think of the journey up until the wedding. The proposal, the ring, telling your friends, the engagement, bachelorette party, and the rehearsal dinner,” Henri said. I looked down at my left hand. I searched the ring on my ring finger for the story. There was something awe-inspiring about that 10 carat ring. I felt my smile drop when I realized Noel would probably call it a blood diamond. It could be a conflict-free
diamond, I thought to myself. “I like that mystery,” Henri said, with his eyes staring through the camera.

I let my left hand grace my collarbone as I thought of how splendid it would be to wake up and realize that it had all fallen into place—the man I was supposed to marry was mine, our love was special, our apartment beautiful, and the way I felt when he looked at me: unmistakable. One day, that could be. I looked down at my dress. I danced around and around in a circle. This would be me. I was her now. The only time I could let go of Milan and be anyone. Today, I was the bride I always wanted to be.

That's when the shoot really began. That's how all my shoots began.

Twelve hours, two mocha lattes, and a huge deli sandwich later, Henri met me once more with two double kisses. “Milan, princess, you have stunned me. Everything is beyond my expectations.”

“Thank you.” I gave him a long hug. He made me believe. The kind of love that I thought throughout today's shoot, I could have with Noel.

“Trust me, everyone will be very, very happy.” I could do nothing but stare. Out of all the photographers I'd ever worked with, he easily became my favorite. He kissed my hand. I took a bow.

“This could be the best day of my life,” I said. He laughed.

Like that, he sent me off in the elevator on the ride down to my reality (or destiny).

On my way over to the car, I noticed Sierra had texted me around 4 p.m. “Coming over tonight?” I'd just spent 12 hours as Mrs. Noel. I couldn't go back into hiding, not tonight. I was convinced it was time to put it all on the line. I had to, if I was ever to become a Mrs. I had taken a picture of the gorgeous pink diamond we used for the last scene in the shoot. That pink diamond seemed to have my name on it. On the way home, I rolled the window all the way down. I wanted the breeze of the city on my face.

For some reason, the oddest thing came across my mind. I couldn't stop laughing. Last week, my grandpapa and I were engaged in a conversation about clothes. He went off on the strangest tangent about dungarees. It reminded me of something from the Outback. Kangaroos and dungarees—it was just hysterical. I kept telling him to stop calling jeans dungarees. He asked me if it was dangerous. I mean, what did he even mean by that? It was all just silly! He refused to stop. And I refused to hold my laughter. His stubbornness reminded me a little of Noel.

The car stopped. I took a deep breath. I could feel the sweat on the palm of my hands. The car door opened. It was then that I saw Merek. Part of me felt secretly happy in a way. I remember feeling really weird about him.

It felt like maybe we were meant to be. How could he be standing there, today of all days? I took a few steps toward him. Then his lips parted into that cute Jughead smile. I did an about-face. “Unbelievable,” I said. The car had just pulled off.

I could feel him standing right behind me. I wondered how long I could stand there like that. Of course it occurred to me he was probably calling my name. It would only make me look crazy to stand there, afraid to turn around.

So slowly I soaked in his appearance. He was wearing the blue thermal shirt I bought him for Christmas. I looked into his eyes. The pain was so sudden. “Merek, this is not a good time.”

“Milan.” He gently took hold of my hands. “I don't know what I have done. I … I just need to know. Can you forgive me? Can we be together?”

In that moment, it seemed like I almost loved him again. Warm tears almost left my eyes. I just couldn't love him and Noel. I was trying to be a good girl. To do the right thing. I couldn't give up, or I would wonder why I loved Noel so much. How could you love someone like that and it not be meant to be?

“I'm sorry,” I said.

“What did I do?” Merek asked.

“Nothing. I'm just not the same, sweetheart.” I slapped my hand to my mouth. That ‘sweetheart' slipped out. He walked away from me for a moment. He turned his back and grabbed his hair. “I want to be friends for now.” I walked over to him and gave him a hug from behind. He turned to me and I gave him a kiss on the cheek. Then I squeezed his hand. There was something in his eyes. A look I knew. A fear that we would never be. A small part of me felt it too. I didn't want to confront goodbye anymore. It was so confusing.

I stood there on Park Avenue, holding Merek's hand. In my heart all I wanted was to see if Noel and I could be together. I didn't know what was wrong with me. Loving Noel was so hard and kind of cruel. The way he pretended he didn't love me too. I guess I loved it way more than I hated it. And I couldn't sleep in another stolen hotel room!

It was then I thought of the helmet-wearing Henri. The way he made me feel was like I had a kind of magic. If no guy could say no, then Noel couldn't say no. “Is it okay?” I asked.

“This is like torture. I never thought you could make me feel this way. I hate you but I love you,” Merek said.

“I'm not perfect … I never was,” I said. Merek let go of my hand.

I lightly graced my collarbone with my left hand. I felt the tight corset of the strapless white wedding gown covered in white gardenias. On set I was fearless, I was the lead. Like the head lioness of a pride. I touched Merek's face. “Friends.” I brushed his hair back away from his face back into place.

“Every girlfriend I ever have will never be you. And I will want her to be you. I want you!”

“If we are meant to be, we will find each other again. But I might be meant for another. And you too.”

“This was all cool. Now you dumped me. Who are you?” I walked away. I was doing it so I wouldn't hurt him, so I thought. I took a peek at my picture of that pink ring. It was the only thing fueling my courage to walk away.

Once upstairs, I walked straight pass Edna with a quick wave. It seemed like I practically glided to Noel's door. I opened the door and walked in. I didn't look directly at him. Heck, I didn't ask for permission to come in. Too bad. I shut the door. I kept my back to him while I thought. My mind was blank! So I searched my heart. This could be my only chance. Remember that, I reminded myself.

“You should be loving me,” I said.

“Like your boyfriend?” Noel said.

“What?”

“Dimitri, who hasn't even said hello since I've been here, just told me you were downstairs with your boyfriend.”

“We broke up. And your girlfriend? The hippie with Pocahontas braids?”

“What do you know about that? … Why do you care?”

“I came for you twice. You never came for me once. You're here now and you haven't come for me.”

“Grow up, Milan.”

I slapped him. I didn't really know what had come over me. That surely was not the way to get him back, but I didn't care. He grabbed my arm. I was a little startled. He'd never touched me like that before.

“If you love me, then why didn't you come for me?” I asked.

“You know why.”

“And what about now?” I tried to wiggle my arm free.

“Let me go.” He quickly let my arm go. The funny thing was I wanted him to take it back. I wanted him to take me and kiss me. “I don't know what happened to my Noel. I was in love with him, and I know it was real. He would never treat me like this,” I said and walked to the door. I put my hand on the handle, wondering if I was bluffing. I felt him. There was an electricity I could feel when he was close. He was so close behind me
I could smell him. He placed his hand above me on the door. I turned around. “What now? Plan on teaching me how to grow up?”

“I don't know why you think you still love me,” he said.

“I don't think about it. I just know it.” He didn't say a word. I stared at his lips, preparing to kiss him. Like in a fairy tale, maybe the kiss would melt all this away.

“Why are you so different now?” he asked.

“Am I?” I knew it was true. He lifted my chin gently so that I was staring directly in his eyes. “I am the same girl you loved.”

“I liked her hands when she signed. Her eyes without the makeup.”

“You have to take a risk.” It was then he wrapped his arms around me tightly. I buried my head in his chest. I could feel his heartbeat. It was racing. He must have loved me. He kissed my forehead. I'd never felt anything sweeter. I looked up at him again. I knew he was mine. This was our time.

“I did miss you every day,” he said. He reached in his pocket and pulled out his Velcro wallet. In the inside pocket, there was a clipping. He pulled it to reveal a magazine clip out of my face. “I carry you with me every day.”

“I just came from a shoot.”

“You're like this even on weekends.”

“How do you know?”

“I saw you.” Had he really? He brushed all the hair back from my face. “You have no idea how beautiful you really are.” He walked away from me. I watched him stare out the window onto Park Avenue. He looked hopeless. “I wasn't supposed to come back here.”

“Will you stay?” I asked.

“Here?”

“For me.”

“I don't know how you were ever born to this family. Your father has already told me to leave,” he said.

“No.” I ran to him and threw myself upon him. I just wanted him to hold. He had to stay. “I waited and wished for you to come home.” I felt the tears run down my cheeks. It had been so long I almost gave up. The dreams I had of him. “You don't understand. There's no going back. You must stay.”

“There is no one who wishes for me.”

“Your girlfriend?” I asked.

“We broke up. I don't have a girlfriend.”

“Then you must be mine. But you must promise never to leave again.”

“I didn't leave before.” I kissed him for what seemed like an eternity. A few hours later, I found myself rolling over to him in the dark. The clock on his side of the bed clued me in to the fact that it was 10:55 p.m. I checked my jeans pocket for my cell. Last thing I needed was for it to crack because I'd been rolling around the bed with it in my pocket. To be honest, though, I secretly loved sleeping in my clothes.

I scrolled through my texts. Melissa had hit me up. “M, you didn't hear this from me. I heard that Cara told Henrietta she has the real deal on you. Said like you're not picture-perfect. ‘They never are,' she said. Cara was like, ‘I've been dating her brother for like a year. Milan is all brains, beauty, and mental issues. She has dark secrets.' Don't worry,
though. Henrietta called her out. She told her she was on the wrong side of 57th Street and she'd better watch out who she spreads rumors about. Us Park Ave girls stick together. Then Henrietta was like, I hooked up with Dimitri in eighth grade, so technically those are my leftovers! OMG—even I didn't know the history there. We got your back, M.”

I was reeling from the shock of the news. I'd thought Henrietta and I were frenemies by way of Cece. I didn't even know her. I told Cece to steal her boyfriend! This was terrible. And it was quickly eclipsing Noel.

It was time to rally the allies, though a dreadful feeling was nagging at me. I would hold my secret to the grave. Organization was key. Who was I going to S.O.S. first? Winter! She knew all my secrets. Sierra could already know. I checked my phone and, oddly, there were no texts from her or Frenchy! Maybe they knew and were mad. Uh-oh! This was definitely war.

“Have you heard the gossip about me?” I texted Sierra.

“No! Why? What gossip?”

“Cara talking about me, telling people I have a secret.”

“That jerk!”

“Don't tell Frenchy yet.” I sat there on the side of the bed in my shirt full of sweat, wondering what had happened. I thought Cara and I were … what did I think? I
knew there were times when she terrified me. Then times when she infuriated me. Then other times where she said the nicest things about me. Could Noel and I just run away?

“What did you do?” I texted Dimitri.

“Nothing you wouldn't,” Dimitri texted.