Broken (43 page)

"I've actually wanted to ask you for quite a
while. Hearing that Brandon was taking you was harder for me to
accept than you might imagine. My asking you now has nothing to do
with our conversation from earlier today."

"Why are you doing it now then? I half
expected you to try and send me out of the country again. An
invitation to the local equivalent to Prom was the last thing on my
mind."

The pair of ants disappeared, hidden among
the lush grass that somehow managed not to look out of place here
on the edges of the desert. I was starting to realize though that
the best way to get information out of a guy was to wait him out.
Sometimes applying a little judicious pressure here or there
helped, but it was largely just a matter of letting them work
through whatever internal barriers stop them from sharing their
feelings.

"My taking you to the dance is one of the
more selfish things I could be doing. It represents so much of what
I want, but is wrong for you on almost every level. I guess I've
just decided I'm tired of trying to be good when I have so little
time left."

"Why is that selfish? Most people would think
you were being quite charitable taking the new girl to the big
dance when you could have your pick of anyone in the school and
half the females in the state."

Alec slowly reached over and took my hand for
the first time since we'd sat down. The sudden surge of tingly,
pleasant energy, nearly distracted me from the fact he was very
carefully not meeting my eyes.

"Can you feel that? I mean, it feels good
doesn't it?"

I felt smiles tug at the corner of my lips as
a giggle bubbled in my chest. "I think it's supposed to feel good,
silly."

My laughter died at his complete lack of
matching mirth. "Have you ever wondered about my mom? I mean why
she's the way she is?"

Definitely not a time for funniness
apparently. "What do you mean? I've only met her the one time. She
seemed normal enough. I guess a little distracted..."

The chuckle I'd been waiting for surfaced,
but it wasn't at all like his normal laugh. It was as if someone
had sucked all of the joy and goodness out of the sound I'd grown
to crave on a nearly subconscious level, and left a twisted
shell.

"She's definitely distracted. You could even
say utterly disconnected from the world. Completely free from the
present, always living in the past."

"I don't understand how any of this ties
together."

He looked up at me for the first time, and
the tortured look in his eyes made me hold onto his hand as tightly
as I was able.

"It's all the same thing. Our touch, my
touch, it's like a drug. It's addictive, subtly, so subtly most
humans never even realize what is happening to them. I've seen what
it's done to my mother, and how can I say I love you if I turn
around and do the same thing to you."

For a second I couldn't even think. He'd just
used the 'L-word', and my heart felt like it was tearing itself
apart inside my chest. In the subtle shadings we girls used to
measure commitment, it wasn't as good as if he'd come right out and
said, 'I love you Adriana Paige', but it was still pretty good, and
it was a complete first for me.

Once I made it past the second part of his
statement, I was able to start considering the first part of what
he'd said. It was horrifying and amazing all at once, and it made
complete sense. His mom was living in memories because the real
world was just a pale shadow of her life with his father.

Alec seemed to take my silence as
condemnation, or possibly just agreement with his
self-condemnation. "We're where the legends of succubi originated.
Irresistible demons who drain their victims dry, who leave their
lovers a hollow shell of what they were before."

I'd finally worked through things enough
inside my mind, to respond, but he bulldozed right over me. "Do you
understand now? My getting closer to you is the ultimate form of
self-gratification. It's the worst possible thing I could do to
you. If you somehow survive everything that's about to happen, it
would leave you forever hungering for another touch, but never able
to fulfill that desire."

I placed a hand on his lips before he could
ramp back up to another diatribe. "None of that matters. All I want
is to be with you, and if we're as likely to all die as you seem to
think we are, then the state of my mind after you're gone is hardly
something worth wasting worry on. I accept your invitation. As much
as I hate the very thought of going to any formal dance, I can
think of nothing better than going with you."

"That's the addiction, the Ja'tell bond
talking."

Now that I knew his concerns, it was hard not
to notice just how distracting the feel of his lips under my
fingers was. Just how pleasant it was to have his hand cupped over
mine. It was with an incredible amount of regret that I let go of
him, and put several inches of empty air between us. It didn't help
much; I could still feel his energy caressing the exposed pieces of
my skin.

"There, I'm not touching you, and I still
want to go to the dance with you. Want it more than anything
else."

That wasn't completely true. I wanted him to
kiss me even more than I wanted to go to the Ashure Day dance.
Having him touch me in other ways was pretty high on the list too,
but maybe that was just psychosomatic. He didn't need to know that.
I really did want to spend time with him. Even if he wasn't going
to touch me, being with him was better than being anywhere
else.

"This is a mistake. The worst kind of mistake
because we both know it's wrong and we don't care."

"I don't think it's a mistake. I don't even
think it is wrong."

"But if you did would you care?"

"Probably not, but that doesn't change the
fact that this is what I want to do."

His sigh was ample evidence he didn't believe
me. It probably didn't help that I'd moved in closer as I finished
speaking, but I was already worrying about something else he'd
said.

"Alec, everyone keeps talking as though this
fight is soon, but I've never heard an actual date."

He finally wrapped his arms back around me,
but it was a subconscious move, as if he was trying to protect me
from what he was going to have to say next.

"It's after the dance. The night of the new
moon, an hour or two after the Ashure Day celebration ends."

I was suddenly even more grateful we were
going to the dance together. If I only had a couple of weeks to
live, then I wanted to spend every possible second with him."

Chapter 27

I groaned as Alec circled two of my biology
essays and handed them back to me. "You're doing much better, but
you're missing a couple of key components here and here."

"Has anyone ever told you you're a brutal
taskmaster?"

His smile took away some of the sting over
just how careful he was being not to touch me lately. It was like
he had a split personality. When he was thinking about it, he was
ultra-careful not to do anything to deepen the Ja'tell bond. Other
times, usually when he was thinking about something else, he'd
unconsciously reach out to me.

I still wasn't sure which option I preferred.
Every moment we spent together made me want to touch him that much
more, but the idea of being addicted to anyone, even him, was more
than a little unsettling.

"Sure, Rachel tells me I'm entirely
unreasonable on at least a daily basis."

I stuck my tongue out at him, and started
back through the book in search of the missing information. There
were so many other ways I'd rather be spending our time together,
but he was adamant I not fall further behind in my classes.

I looked up to ask for a hint, and found him
staring off into space. "Penny for your thoughts?"

His smile was a half-hearted thing. "Mother
is playing again. She just finished up with 'Courtship', so the
next one will be 'Welcoming'."

It was amazing how quickly I could forget his
supernatural abilities. Most of the time he seemed so normal. If
you could consider any gorgeous, well-built boy who happened to be
interested in me normal. Every so often though he'd do something
that should be impossible.

Alec's smile was slightly apologetic. "Sorry
about that. Would you like to listen as well?"

My confusion earned me a chuckle. Alec
reached over to the bedside table and picked up a remote that had
more buttons on it than most laptops. A split second later piano
music flooded the room through the myriad of speakers mounted on
the ceiling.

The piece Alec's mother was playing was
incredibly beautiful, full of lilting chords of joy that seemed to
stumble over each other in a cheerful effort to outdo their
predecessors in greeting the audience.

Five minutes later, she started the number
over again, playing with variations on the minor notes, and Alec
silenced the speakers with another click of his remote.

"It's beautiful. I never realized she was so
good, Alec. I mean, it's the most incredible thing I've ever
heard."

His smile was a combination of pride and
regret. "Mother says it represents my birth. She was always an
excellent performer. Donovan says she would've been nationally
acclaimed if she'd chosen to pursue a career instead of marrying my
father. She didn't begin composing until after he was gone."

In what was for me a rare display of common
sense over curiosity, I shelved the rest of my questions and looked
for something I could use to help him sidestep the memories.

"Growing up surrounded by this, and neither
you or Rachel play an instrument?"

Alec shook his head, "I've never had the
finesse to play anything. Rachel took violin lessons for more than
a year. I think she wanted to be able to play with mother. That's
when she begged me to wire the house for sound. Donovan and I spent
two weeks setting up mic's in mom's studio, and then another couple
of weeks running sound into every other room of the house. She kept
insisting it was so she could monitor mother on the rare occasions
when nobody else was home, but I used to hear her trying to play
along to 'Courtship'."

The trace of a smile on Alec's face lulled me
into a false sense of security. "She doesn't play now though. I've
been into her room, and there's no violin there."

"No, she doesn't play anymore. She stopped
playing shortly after mom finished up the piece you just
heard."

His expression was so serious now that I
almost stopped him before he could continue. "She stopped when she
realized that 'Welcoming' was the only celebration of childbirth
mother was going to write."

I felt my smile sour, and tried to turn away,
but Alec caught my chin and gently pulled my face up, forcing me to
meet his gaze.

"You don't need to feel embarrassed. It's not
something that's easy to talk about. It's even harder for Rachel to
discuss, but sometimes those things still need to be examined. It's
actually a relief to tell you. There are so many open secrets
around here. It comes from living in such close quarters, from
everyone being able to hear what's said anywhere in the house. It
feels good to be able to share them with you."

I returned his smile and tried not to focus
on questions of just how much of the fluttering in my stomach was
due to natural attraction for him, and how much was due to mystical
heebie jeebies.

"For my part, I'm just glad you're telling me
something for once instead of continuing to keep me in the
dark."

He released my chin and ran a finger down the
side of my face. "Well, then I'm afraid I'll have to trade upon
your current satisfaction to beg your leave. As much as I'd rather
stay here and bask in your beauty, it's time for more
training."

I tried to keep the disappointment from my
face, but his expression fell a little despite my best efforts.

"You're unhappy with me?"

"No. I mean not really unhappy, at least not
with you. Maybe with the situation. I just feel left out of
everything that's going on. I know you don't want to get me any
more deeply involved with 'dangerous information', but it really
sucks sometimes."

Alec gazed at me for several seconds, and
then sighed. "If you would like to come watch, you may. Give us
half an hour, and then ask Donovan to show you the way."

I felt my face break into a huge smile, but
he held a hand up to forestall my thanks.

"This is all still very much against my
better judgment, but I'm finding it increasingly hard to refuse you
the things you want the most."

"Somehow I find that hard to believe. Even if
it were true, you're hardly the type to give away the upper hand by
coming out and telling me so."

Alec's eyes had taken on the serious,
resigned expression that'd become disturbingly commonplace
lately.

"I know. I think that last part bothers me
the most, but I find myself doing so nevertheless. Make sure you
wait at least half an hour. There's a definite element of danger to
all of this."

**

I must have checked the clock sixteen times
during the last five minutes of the obligatory half hour. The
sensible, grownup part of me was arguing for another five minutes
just to make sure, but I told that part to take a flying leap and
all but ran through the house looking for Donovan.

"Yes, mistress? Do you need something?"

"Donovan, Alec said I could go watch them
work out. Will you take me to wherever they are?"

He dried his hands on a blisteringly-white
towel, and nodded. "Of course. I believe they are in the north end
of the valley. Right this way."

We made good time, even with Donovan's jerky,
oftentimes painful gait, but the estate was even bigger than I'd
realized. We walked for several minutes before rounding a corner
and finding the entrance to a hedge maze.