Broken (3 page)

He frowned. “Kathy? No, she’s an old friend. Melly’s mom was black.”

Of course. The little girl did look mixed, and Ciera couldn’t help scanning the room for the woman in question, surprised she hadn’t already approached.

“She’s not here. My wife died. I doubt Melly even remembers her because she was six months old. The car accident that took her away almost killed Melly, too.”

“Oh no! I’m so sorry for bringing it up.”

Nathan shook his head. “Don’t worry. It’s natural to wonder. Melly’s vocal chords were damaged in the wreck.”

Ciera agreed it was natural to wonder, but to dredge up painful memories that weren’t that long ago was wrong. Two and a half years wasn’t enough to heal completely. She knew two weren’t for her situation. Nathan watched her face as if he expected her to ask more questions. He seemed eager to talk to her, and she understood that too.

“So she’s never spoken?” she asked.

“No. At the time, she was just making those unintelligible gurgles that babies do, with a Da-Da here and there that I liked to interpret as Daddy.”

Ciera touched his hand and then drew away. He smiled at her.

“When I was told she might never speak, I learned sign language so I could teach her and we could communicate.”

“That must have been rough.”

“Very. But like I said, she’s smart.” He snapped his fingers together. “She picked it up quickly, and I’m told she knows more words signing than the average speaking three-year-old.”

“Cool.”

He winked. “So.”

She licked her lips. “So?”

“What’s your tragedy?”

Ciera folded her arms and glanced away. “What makes you think I have some kind of tragedy?”

She started when he touched a finger to her temple and slid it down her face an inch or two. Emotions stirred in her belly, and she drew back, breaking the contact.

“Right there,” he whispered. “The haunted look that comes into your eyes. Big, brown eyes. I’ve always had a weakness for a black woman’s eyes.”

She wrinkled her nose, embarrassed she liked his words. “They’re eyes, not even that special.”

“So you say. Okay, I’ll let you off the hook.” He stood up, and Melly seemed to take it as a signal. She bounded over with endless energy and grasped Ciera’s hand again. Ciera found herself dragged to a table where a sheet cake waited, decorated with blue bears. So they hadn’t lied. Melly did like bears. If Ciera believed in such things anymore, she might have thought the meeting between her and Melly was fate. She dismissed the thoughts.

Melly signed to the kids with glasses, and he seemed to stumble through a few signs back, but he supplemented with speaking in a sort of thick, slow tone.

“I want cake!” The boy bounced up and down. “Big one!”

Melly glared at him and wiggled her fingers with both hands facing her. “Wait,” her daddy interpreted, and Ciera pressed a hand to her mouth to hide her amusement. Poor thing, the boy looked so disappointed, and Melly looked like his pint-size mama with her scolding.

“We have to sing to Ciera, too.”

“What?” Ciera squeaked, turning to Nathan.

He shrugged. “I didn’t say it. Melly did.”

She frowned at him, putting her hands on her hips. “I think you’re putting words into her mouth.” Unfortunately for her, he wasn’t. Melly patted the seat beside her at the cake table, and Ciera expected Nathan’s help to get her out of the serenade. He rocked on his heels, the fink. She got a spiteful glare from Kathy, but that one she ignored. Soon, Ciera had no choice put to paste a smile on her face while people she didn’t know sang happy birthday to her and Melly at the top of their lungs. When the song ended, Melly clapped wildly, mouth open in joy, and eyes already feasting on the cake Kathy was cutting for her.

After cake and ice cream, two of Ciera’s biggest weaknesses, she separated herself from the partygoers and watched from a corner while Melly ripped into her packages. An older woman wandered over, still scooping forkfuls of cake into her mouth. Crumbs clung to the woman’s chin, and Ciera debated telling her so.

“Isn’t she cute?” The older lady elbowed Ciera and winked. “And the daddy isn’t bad either, huh?”

“Um…”

“Kathy is hoping one day he’ll look at her, but I don’t think that will ever happen.”

Ciera should have stopped her but didn’t. She was too curious.

“She’s ex-military like him. They weren’t in the same unit though, but she’s known the family for years. Kathy was there for him after his wife died and helped out a lot with Melly.”

“Oh, well it seems natural that—”

The woman scoffed. “Kathy’s too disciplined. She thinks he’s too soft on Melly, and she’s not afraid to say so. I think that’s why he’ll never choose her. Maybe he
should
be tougher. I can see Melly being a wild thing as a teenager, but right now. No. It’s hard on both of them, and all they have is each other. Kathy should just let them be for now, but she thinks it’s her job to fix them.”

“Fix them?” Ciera couldn’t help commenting, even though she didn’t want to appear interested in Nathan.

The older woman nodded. “Just look for yourself. Melly’s little voice is broken, but so is her daddy’s heart. From the time it happened, I thought to myself, Sadie, the only thing that will fix that family is lots of love from someone who knows what it’s like to be broken, too. That, my dear, ain’t Kathy, whether she likes it or not.”

Sadie drifted away toward the cake table, and Ciera remained at the back of the group, letting the noise rise and the colors swirl around her, out of focus. She bided her time until she could escape and go home alone.

Chapter Four

Ciera let herself into her apartment and walked down the hall toward her bedroom. She passed the second bedroom and paused. Boxes crammed the space, treasures and junk she had yet to go through. Even after two years, all she had done up to now was to pull the door shut and tell herself another day. That morning, she had opened the door again but failed to step across the threshold. She and Tony had owned a house together. When he filed for divorce before she could, he had demanded they sell the house that had been listed in both their names. What did she need it for, he’d said, and she had agreed in order to keep the fighting to a minimum until he was out of her life for good. With her dreams shattered, she had hardly sorted through the items Tony left and just had them hauled here to her apartment.

The first six boxes were emptied and sorted through within three hours. Ciera had cried throughout, and her nose was stopped up. Tissue hanging from one nostril, she stood to go to the kitchen to find something to eat. Her cell phone rang, and she groaned. Most likely it was her dad calling to harass her into coming over to dinner. Ciera thought about ignoring it but thought better. He would just call again until she answered.

The display read Nathan McAvoy, and she dropped the phone on the kitchen floor. The case broke apart, one piece skittering several feet away, the other landing beside her. “Just great.”

She gathered the cheap case and set it on the table, then dropped into a chair. Her throat was dry when she answered.

“So Melly wanted to know if you’d like to go to lunch with us tomorrow,” he said in greeting.

Her stomach knotted. “Melly would?”

“I would like to know, too.”

She spun a piece of the case with shaky fingers. “I have to meet a client.” She lied. All of her clients were online. The children’s author had been local, an exception.

“How about Tuesday?”

“This week is really busy, Nathan. I—” She couldn’t think up an excuse. True, she had managed to gain a couple new clients, but what they needed wasn’t anything she couldn’t handle. Three covers and a boxed set design from one, a redesign of a bad author attempt for the other. Anything would be better than what the woman had created herself.

“Tell me the truth, Ciera.”

Damn, she liked how he said her name. She wished she didn’t.

“You’re not interested in me personally, or is it because of Melly?”

She gasped. Talk about blunt. “Neither.”

“Then go out with me.”

“I…” She frowned into the phone and sat straighter. Two could play the shoot-straight game. “Why do you ask? Are you looking for a replacement mother?”

He swore. She expected him to hang up, but he was silent for a few minutes. She waited, half hoping he would end the call, half wanting him to keep talking to her.

“I’m a man. I see a beautiful, sexy woman, and I want to get to know her. You’ve seen Melly. You already know I have a thing for black women. I don’t know what it is, but I want it. I’m not going to say I want you because that would be moving too fast.”

She smirked. “I think you just said it.”

He chuckled. “How about just you and me. No pressure. No expectations.”

She was scared. Over the past two years, she had dated a little, but the men weren’t anyone she would fall for. They were frankly just warm bodies to ward off the pain and loneliness. Anyone could see Nathan was different, and she wasn’t ready for different.

Ciera opened her mouth to tell him no and to hang up. “Okay, fine.”

“Great!” He sounded too pleased. She wanted to shout she had made a mistake. Panic drove her to her feet, but try as she might, she couldn’t tell him she had changed her mind. Nathan shared the details of their date, but she didn’t hear a word.

“Uh, what did you just say?”

“Are you always so attentive to a man?”

“Yup.”

He laughed. “Okay, check my ego. Got it. I said, if you were brushing me off, and you’re available tomorrow, I’ll take you to lunch. If not, any day this week. Since Melly’s in the school program, I have lunch free, but not at night. I’ll have to find a sitter for the evening if we hit it off.”

A single dad. What was she thinking? Just talking to him was torture. “Well—”

“Don’t be chicken, Ciera.”

Annoyed, she gripped the phone tighter.

“I can hear it in your voice. You’re about to make excuses again. Don’t be scared. I promise I won’t bite you.”

“You say that.”
Your very existence bites me.
“I’m not chicken, and I wasn’t about to back out. Maybe you’re paranoid because you think every woman will reject you.”

“Ouch. Are we going to trade barbs?”

“Don’t start nothing, won’t be nothing,” she teased, and grinned.

“I guess I am a little paranoid. The last two women I asked out asked me why would they ever date a ‘white boy.’ I never got the hang of being able to tell which black women might be interested.”

She shook her head. “Yeah, it’s probably not like gaydar. If it is, you do suck because I’ve never dated outside my race and never even thought about it.”

“Ouch again.” He sounded amused. “Okay, well, I can guarantee you won’t be disappointed. I’m a good guy, and I’m very sexy.”

“You’re confident. I’ll give you that.” She thought about her own body and how the last time she and Tony were together, he had said she let herself go. Later, he testified in court that he wasn’t attracted to her anymore. The little thing hanging onto his arm when she ran into him weeks later gave truth to those words. Ciera had never been small. All her life she had been thick and curvy. After she got married, she’d put on some weight, but she thought Tony would always love her. She had been so wrong.

The next afternoon, Ciera stood before her mirror, fighting with one of only three skirts in her wardrobe. The one she tried her best to get buttoned was a jean skirt that stopped just above her knees. She’d thought it was cute when she bought it but had been too stubborn to buy it in her own size. How stupid was that when she couldn’t get the thing closed? After dragging it off and throwing it across the room in disgust, she returned to her closet. If she didn’t find something that didn’t require muscle to wear, she’d have to shower again because she was too sweaty to walk out the door.

The blue dress that made her hips look too wide and her butt like two bowling balls smashing together would have to do. She donned it, grinding her teeth, and slipped her feet into flats. Tony had been right about this, too. She didn’t dress very feminine, but she was one hundred percent woman. Take her or leave her.

She met Nathan at a restaurant downtown, and he was waiting for her when she entered the eatery. He was dressed in a T-shirt and jeans. She paused upon seeing him as he stood at a table and signaled to her. Was he dressed that way because he didn’t think the date warranted more?

She reached him, and his face reddened. “You probably think I’m an ass for dressing like this on our first date,” he said, and she blinked in surprise.

“Um, no, I…”

“I never have a reason to dress up, so I ran out to buy this collared shirt. There were creases in it when I unfolded it. So I borrowed a buddy’s iron, and well…uh…”

She burst out laughing. “You burned it?”

“Yeah.” He offered her a sheepish expression. “That led me back to this T-shirt, the best of my collection. I considered wearing my blues, but then you might think I was just showing off. In the end, there was no impressing you.”

“Who says I’m not impressed?”

His gaze flicked down over her from head to toe, and she dropped into the seat across from him to quickly hide her figure.

“You look beautiful,” he breathed.

She ducked her head, feeling shy. “Thanks.”

“Haven’t done this in a while,” he said. “I feel a little awkward. How about you?”

She smiled. “Me, too. Are you always so direct?”

He shrugged. “Habit I picked up while enlisted, but I like to think I softened up a lot. Melly will do that to you.” He grunted. “I said I wasn’t going to talk about her this afternoon.”

“Why not? She’s your baby.”

Nathan reached across the table and took her hand. A flutter stirred in her belly, and he raised her hand to kiss gently. “Because I want to get to know you and not scare you off.”

“Melly’s a part of you.”

“Yeah, and a ready-made family from either side is a lot to take, especially with Melly.”

His logic made sense, but she didn’t know fully what she felt about him and Melly or any similar situation. “About me,” she began, and rushed ahead before she lost her nerve. “I’m not ready for a relationship. I guess I’m jumping the gun thinking that’s what you’re looking for. From the little I’ve seen, you don’t seem like the type of man who’s looking for a string of one-night stands.”