Broken Barriers (Barriers Series Book 4) (4 page)

But remember, the Marine Corps said I was perfectly fine. I was good-to-go in life. My head was ‘in proper working order’ they said. This…
this…
was not good-to-go. I was sure there were plenty of other situations much worse than my own. I watched men suffer more horrific situations, for which I knew their so-called “Adjustment Disorder” might have never fully disappeared. But, they didn’t have the one underlying factor that plagued me daily…Courtney.

My hands roughly scrubbed themselves over my face as I lay here watching a new day began. The faint sounds of some early morning boats out on the lake filtered through the cracked windows. Cool morning air prickled my naked skin that was exposed above the sheets. I let my head fall to the opposite side of the bed next to me. My eyes blinked slowly as I saw nothing but emptiness there.

The blue-striped cotton sheet was a rumpled mess on the bed, looking as though two people had engaged in a fair amount of hot writhing sex on it. Only that didn’t happen last night. Ha! Sex? I had to laugh. What was that anymore? For the past year and a half, I’d had more sex with my hand in the most unspeakable places. Even worse…I was forced to watch porn on my laptop in my bunk surrounded by dudes. Grunts, moans, and wet slapping sounds muffled through the tiny speakers. As the guy on the screen pounded his rock hard dick into that slut’s pussy, three guys around me were all jerking off to similar images at the same time on their own laptops. It was like one big group orgy.

I won’t even begin to verbally admit that the last time I physically had sex was here in this house with
her
. Now, that was not to say I hadn’t had my fair share of blowjobs from those bar whores that lingered where all the Marines hung out back in Camp Pendleton. Those chicks were only looking to latch on to the one that would be drunk enough and put a ring on their finger after they mysteriously ended up pregnant after just one night.

I wasn’t that dumb and senseless. I went to college and worked at a law firm for quite a number of years. I might not have had my shit together, but that wasn’t to say it wasn’t squared away back then. My dick wasn’t stupid enough to get wrapped up in any of that shit.

No, moron, your dick got wrapped up in something so much worse.
Love. That bitch was about to damn near kill me if I didn’t get my head above water. The hell if I knew how long that would take. I did know I needed to take care of some long overdue business shortly; otherwise, I’d explode. If Josh had left sooner last night, I would have driven the twenty miles or so to the nearest strip club and paid the local talent to shove her overinflated fake tits in my face and bent over in front of me just so I could see exactly what I’d been missing out on for so long. It would have been torture, but at least I’d have seen what the local talent up here held.

Lord knew this charming little Norman Rockwell-esque village would never see the likes of a strip club, but that didn’t stop the lonely vacationing “family men” from showing their faces in there when they claimed to be out having a couple of beers in town with the guys.

I rested my forearm over my eyes and let my hand wander below the thin cotton sheet that barely covered my morning hard-on. My rough and calloused fingers scratched at my balls before I realized I never changed back into boxers last night. I wrapped my long fingers firmly around my semi-hard cock, giving it a few strokes, instantly feeling the blood start pumping through my veins as it hardened even more.

The only problem was, it was the image of
her
that I couldn’t get out of my head, and I had to. She was never mine to begin with, and now she would never belong to me.

I stopped stroking my cock and let out a frustrated sigh. As my one hand let go of my cock, it pushed the sheet off me as my other arm fell from my eyes. The sun’s rays were now shining brightly into the room. In all my glory, I threw my legs over the edge of the bed and stood naked and erect in front of the full windows that overlooked the bay. My head throbbed with the rush of adrenaline, telling me I stood up way too fast.

I squinted my eyes to focus on the rocking boats that were still docked at the marina across the way. I leaned over the old bureau, my hands anchoring me as I stood. I stared blankly at the serene setting that used to bring me happiness before I left here. Right now, I had nothing.

Well, that wasn’t entirely accurate. I was sporting a semi, the blazing hot sun was blinding me, I’d had only a couple of hours of uninterrupted sleep, and clearly, too many craft beers last night had given me an instant pounding headache.

Life was good.

I let out a low growl before pulling open the bureau drawer. I grabbed an old ratty pair of college sweat shorts that were left here from summers ago. They most likely smelled of cedar and mothballs, but I didn’t really care. I pushed my legs through, adjusting myself. When I stood with my hands on the bureau drawer, I paused. A glint in the window in front of me caught my eye. A symbol of everything that was my life for many years dangled around my neck. I slowly wrapped my hand around the metal tags and pulled them from my neck. I dropped everything those dog tags represented into that drawer and pushed it shut with a little extra force. It was time to start putting my past behind me.

As I made my way into the open concept kitchen, the sun hadn’t hit that side of the house yet. Fortunately for me, it would help ease the throbbing in my head until the coffee and painkillers got into my system.

The minute I turned on the one-cup coffee brewer, I searched through the desert camouflage duffel bag that I was too lazy to put away last night after my little heart-to-heart with Josh. I barely had enough time to unpack from my deployment, and most of the toiletries in the bag were no good anyway and would need to be trashed before long. Ibuprofen, however, never went bad.

I heard the rattle of the pills in the plastic bottle and pulled it from the bag. By the time I was back in the kitchen, the brewer was blinking its blue lights and ready to go. Sometimes you really had to enjoy the simple luxuries that you had here at home. This shit would have been a luxury if we had them overseas. One of the guys had to jimmie-rig a two-cup coffee maker in order to brew coffee overseas, but even then we had to walk to another building just to grab bottled water to brew the coffee. Needless to say, two-month-old coffee granules mixed with lukewarm water and powdered creamer didn’t exactly scream your local Starbucks.

I rotated the coffee pod holder in search of the flavor I wanted. Knowing my mother, she’d stocked it full of some of my favorites. I found the usual hazelnut, Vermont blend, Blonde Blend, and caramel macchiato. Everyone laughed at my love of girlie flavors, but I’d have you know that shit was the freaking bomb. I also guaranteed that if I opened the cabinets I’d find a jar of creamy peanut butter, strawberry jam, and Fluff waiting for me. It was my go-to comfort food for years, and my mom knew it still was.

I grabbed one of the caramel macchiato flavors and popped it into the brewer, hitting the button to start the process just as I pulled an old Daley & Davis Law Firm coffee mug from the cabinet above. While that brewed, I sneaked a peek into the upper cabinet and saw the supplies for my PBJ and Fluff sandwich all ready to go.

I loved my freaking mom. She was the best. Just not the I-was-willing-to-live-with-you-after-a- deployment best. I was also pretty sure I’d find plenty of pre-made meals from her in the freezer to keep me from starving for nearly a month.

I heard the percolating sound of the brewer finishing the coffee and grabbed the two ibuprofen pills I took out of the bottle a few moments before. After quickly turning on the faucet and tilting my head under the flowing cool liquid to wash down the pills, I grabbed my steaming coffee mug.

I debated over turning on the television versus sitting on the back deck and checking my emails to see if there was any word from the guys in my unit. Snatching my phone off the charger from the kitchen counter, I made my way to the door. Summer television wouldn’t offer me anything new anyway. At this time of day, all that would be on were those stupid reality talk shows that focused on ignorant pop stars and the latest celebrity gossip. To that I said, who the fuck cares?!

It was all a bunch of drama, and honestly, I despised it. Everything caused it these days, especially social media. I watched, as that did nothing but cause more issues for the guys in my unit overseas. Stupid shit was all that was. People needed to seriously just get off those sites and get back to their real life. Here we were fighting for our fucking lives and those girls were more concerned about stupid gossip and bullying one another over stupid shit.

I just didn’t get it.

I unlocked the door to the back porch and pulled it open. The cool fresh air instantly hit my face, opening my eyes to the new day. The screen door creaked as I stepped out onto the weathered wooden deck. Sliding back a patio seat, I parked my ass on the cushioned seat. My legs lifted to rest my heels onto the edge of the small log table that sat between the two chairs.

The steaming cup of hot black coffee hit my lips, and it was almost as marvelous as the first, long, hot shower I had the minute I got home last week. As I slid my finger across the screen of my phone, I began to scroll through the number of unread emails and not a single one was from anyone of interest to me. Well, that wasn’t entirely true. There were at least fifty unopened emails from the one person who woke me from my nightmares nearly every day. Since the day I found out she had gone off and eloped with that asshole, I had avoided her completely.

Every day I said I was going to either read them or delete them. One way or the other, I had to make the decision soon. My finger hovered over her name, but today was not the day I chose what to do with them. I clicked off the phone and tossed it onto the table.

Taking another sip of coffee, I rose to my feet and walked to the railing of the deck. I rested my elbows on the edges and continued sipping my coffee. My headache had all but gone away, and my mind was settled slightly since waking up on edge.

Of course, the one thing that would take the most amount of tension away was probably not going to happen today since there wasn’t a brown-haired, blue-eyed woman lying naked anywhere under the roof in the house behind me.

I let out an aggravated sigh before catching a glimpse of the kayak tied to our dock on the small sandy portion of the inner bay. I could easily take my car into town to get new toiletries and supplies at the general store, but since this was summer and parking in downtown Wolfeboro was very limited, it was just as easy to kayak to the other side of the bay at the public marina and “park” that way instead.

Wolfeboro wasn’t exactly the place you went to find chain stores or big high-end retailers. In fact, they didn’t have a fast-food chain, either. In my quick pass through town to get to this side of Wolfeboro Bay, I only saw the old marina, ice cream shop, café, Pizza Factory, pharmacy, and of course, the most important place—the tavern. Nothing about this town had changed in well over fifty years. Probably half of those townies didn’t even know what an ATM or Starbucks was.

And before anyone went into panic mode, there was a packie that had beer and liquor just before entering town. It was just not within the downtown area per se. Trust me, I’d made sure I already stocked up on all those essentials before pulling in front of this house. With a bottle of tequila, a thirty pack of beer, and craft beer, I should be good for at least a couple of days.

I was kidding.

I pushed my elbows off the railing after taking the last sip of coffee from my cup. Before walking back into the house, I snatched my cell phone on the way and decided that a quick trip into town wouldn’t be so bad. My bare feet thudded against the creaky, old wooden floors. As I passed through the living area, I noticed a newly framed picture on the buffet next to the kitchen table. I quickly tossed my coffee cup into the dishwasher and shoved my phone onto the charger with more force than needed.

The picture behind me burned holes into my back as it taunted me to take a closer look. I should have just kept walking and grabbed my stuff for a hot shower and got my ass out on the water, but I couldn’t help myself. My feet trudged their way across the room again, and my hands reached out to bring it closer.

It was the entire family here at the cottage for Sam and Josh’s wedding. Everyone was smiling and holding their wine glasses up. The bright red and orange sunset over the water illuminated the backdrop, but that wasn’t what caught my eyes. No. The only two people not looking at the camera had stopped me from breathing.

It was that moment with her that had forever changed me. Courtney’s eyes were fixated on me as I whispered something into her ear.

I held her waist and pulled her close to me, away from everyone’s eyes. I snagged a moment of reprieve with Courtney as my sister and her new husband were entertaining everyone while they ate dinner. Courtney had just finished taking the wedding pictures and had come inside the house to pack up her camera. There was nothing about her that didn’t make me crave just one more second with her. We played this game of being “just friends” for much of the summer. But, damn, if that whole plan hadn’t just become the main reason I needed to sneak in to see her now.

Her eyes burned into me the moment she heard my fingers lock the door behind me as I entered her bedroom. With three short steps I was on her, pushing her against the wall, taking advantage of our few moments alone.

This was how we started things between us. Wild and reckless right from the start. I vaguely remembered Sam introducing Courtney to me. It was an instant attraction that pulled us together. The laws of physics couldn’t keep us away from each other. Fate had us meet that night under difficult circumstances as Sam struggled to deal with her own demons. But, the moment I turned around to see Courtney standing in my sister’s doorway, my eyes were transfixed, and I barely blinked even as we shook hands for the first time. In a hallway at my sister’s place, I took one look at her face and knew I had to have her. Even though Sam was never fond of us hooking up that night, nothing would have kept us apart.