Broken Course (18 page)

AFTER A brief stop by Leo’s apartment to drop off the bike and pick up his car, we headed over to Emma and Caleb’s house. Much to my dismay, their little boy, Collin, was sound asleep when we got there. I did, however, sneak in and give him a kiss even though Emma threatened me with my life if I woke him up. Thankfully, the little guy didn’t move a muscle.

There didn’t seem to be any lingering awkwardness between Leo, Caleb, and Emma. But I could definitely feel them exchanging quite a few knowing glances as we left. The box of Manda’s belongings was a lot bigger than I’d expected. I had no idea that Caleb still had this much of her stuff. I feel like a kid in a candy shop tonight.

There was a day not too long ago where I couldn’t have imagined smiling while reminiscing about Manda. Back then, I was struggling with handling all the guilt. Her death still hurts, and I don’t think you can ever really let go of someone you loved when they die so suddenly and way too soon. However, I’m in a good place right now, so this is a treat, not a punishment like it would have been a few years ago. The truth is that, if Caleb had given me Manda's necklace at any other time, it would have killed me. But as I ride back to Leo’s apartment with his hand wrapped tight around mine, the gold around my neck doesn’t burn.

"Come on. I’ll carry it up," Leo says, taking the box from my hands.

"Thanks," I respond as he drags a keycard over the sensor to unlock his private entrance to the stairs.

"Here. Put this in your purse. Now I won’t have to let you up every time you come over." He hands me the card.

"Are we exchanging house keys?" I squeal sarcastically.

"Uh, no," he responds with a lopsided grin. "It’s a keycard so you can park down here when you come visit. It’s safer than parking on the street."

"Is that why you always pick me up instead of just letting me drive over here?"

"Yep. And now, you can park and make it all the way up to my door. I’m not giving you an apartment key until I’m absolutely certain you won’t randomly sneak into my bed naked at night. Wait, change of plans. I’ll get you a key made tomorrow." He waggles his eyebrows suggestively.

"No, don’t do that. I’m not sure I want you to have one of my keys. What if you come over on a nonscheduled night and catch me with my other boyfriend?"

He narrows his eyes at me. "A nonscheduled night, huh?" He nods. "All right. Looks like I’m going to be dropping by your place unannounced randomly this week."

"Oh, the torture! How will I ever manage knowing you could just show up at any time?"

"I find out you got another man, Sarah, and I’m going to end up in jail for killing him. You aren’t the only one who doesn’t share well," he says as we ride the elevator up to his apartment. It’s a short trip since he only lives on the third floor.

"Oh, shut up. You know I was kidding."

"I know,
ángel
." His arms are preoccupied with holding the box, but that doesn’t stop him from leaning down and smacking his lips, asking for a kiss—one I’m more than willing to give.

"So we’re really going to Puerto Rico next weekend?" I ask as we walk to his door.

"Absolutely. I got a room right on the beach in San Juan. It’s going to be amazing. I haven’t been on vacation in at least five years. I should be thanking you for having a birthday and giving me an excuse to take my girl somewhere relaxing."

"Thank you, Leo. Tonight…" I trail off when words fail me.

The truth is that I don’t actually have the words at all. This night was more than I could have ever even hoped for. However, I know, the moment we walk through that door, it’s time to come clean. I need to tell Leo about the wreck. I need to tell him about Manda, Casey, and even Brett. One
baby
step at a time though.

I’m not going into details about after the accident tonight. I’m just not there yet. I should absolutely tell him, without question, but that would mean risking him. I can’t take that chance. I can’t gamble with Leo. Waiting will make it worse—I’m well aware of this. But I’m just not ready to let him go. Then again, I have a feeling I’ll never be ready for that.

"Where do you want me to put this?" he asks when we walk inside.

"Do you have carpet anywhere?" Leo’s floors are all beautiful hardwood, but right now, I want to take my shoes off, put on some pajamas, sit on the floor, and introduce Leo James to Manda Baker.

"The rec room is carpeted," he answers with a confused tilt of his head.

"In there then." I smile as butterflies take up occupancy in my stomach.

The nerves sneak up on me from out of nowhere. It must show, because Leo puts the box down on the couch and folds me into a hug. It’s a good one too. I swear his hugs could be the solution to world peace.

"You don’t have to do this tonight," he whispers.

"No. I want to," I respond, nuzzling up against his scruff. "I want to get comfortable. Can I wear one of your T-shirts? I like the way they smell."

Suddenly, he releases me and steps away. He pulls the fitted, black T-shirt off his back and hands it to me. I begin laughing and he smiles.

"Well, that wasn’t exactly what I meant. But it’ll work."

"Get comfortable, ángel. I’ll put this in the rec room." He loops an arm around my lower back and pulls me in for a hard kiss. It’s not passionate or heated—it’s reassuring and exactly what I needed to soothe my nerves.

A few minutes later, I walk into Leo’s rec room wearing his black T-shirt and a pair of pink pajama shorts I stashed in his drawer at some point over the last few weeks. He’s reclining on the large leather sofa with a book in his hand and a beer at his side. He’s gotten comfortable too. He’s wearing a pair of gray workout pants and a white tank top. I’ve come to know this outfit as Leo’s pre-sleep attire. Because the minute he climbs into bed, he strips completely naked.

I flop down on the couch at his feet and suck in a deep breath.

"You’re strange."

He looks up from the book with a humor-filled expression. "If, by strange, you mean insanely sexy, then yes, I would have to agree with you." He smirks.

I roll my eyes. "I love how humble you are."

"Why am I strange?" He sits up and places his book on the table next to him.

"Because you don’t pry. I broke down sobbing tonight and you haven’t asked a single question about the necklace or the box."

"Caleb told me it belonged to your best friend who passed away. I don’t need to know the rest. You’ll tell me when your ready."

This man.

I swallow hard, but not because I’m nervous to talk about the wreck. I’m touched by how simple Leo makes everything. Nothing is messy or scary. It almost makes me want to tell him everything.
Almost.

"Well, I think I’m ready."

"I’m listening,
ángel
." He reaches out and grabs my hand, intertwining our fingers before kissing my knuckles.

Here we go
.

SARAH TAKES a deep breath and squeezes my hand tight. I’m desperate to hear this story. This could be the moment where she tells me everything, where she lays it all out, and the secrets I’ve been keeping about knowing her past become null and void. This could be the beginning of something real. She’ll still probably be pissed that I didn’t tell her the truth earlier, but I doubt she’ll flip. How can she be pissed if she’s willing to tell me herself?

"Seven years ago, I was in a car accident. My best friend and Caleb’s fiancée was killed. Her name was Manda Baker. She was my other half. We met in college and just clicked from day one. We were inseparable. I’m not exaggerating when I say we talked probably twenty times a day. Casey made our duo a trio about six months later when she moved in across the hall from us. The three of us did everything together. But while I love Casey, there was just always something special about the bond Manda and I shared.

"When she died, it ruined me. I was dealing with some other issues in my life at the time. Caleb was in a bad spot too, and his anger got the best of him. He blamed me for some of the circumstances that led up to Manda’s death. He went so far as to say I was driving drunk. Which I wasn’t!" she quickly corrects.

I nod and brush the hair away from her face, purposely dragging my fingers across her neck in the way that I’ve found calms her. She leans in toward my hand and tears begin to sparkle in her eyes.

"The necklace?" I ask to encourage her.

"Manda and I got it one drunken night while we were in Vegas on a girls’ trip. It was just something silly. They were cheap and nothing fancy, but we pooled our slot winnings because we just had to have them. They started out as a joke, but neither one of us was willing to take them off. She used to play with it when she worried about stuff." The tears finally begin to slide down her cheeks. "Anyway, after Manda passed away, Caleb and I had a bit of a run-in over that necklace. It ended with him throwing it in his front yard. I searched for hours but never found it. I thought it was gone forever. I had no idea he ever recovered it."

"What a dick," I mumble.

Sarah barks out a strangled laugh. "He really is, but he’s a good guy. He was struggling just like I was. He missed her a lot. Caleb was a mess for years until he met Emma." She waves off the comment. "But that’s a different story. So yeah. That box is what’s left of her stuff. I’d really like it if you’d hang out with me while I go through it."

"Of course," I quickly answer.

"Thank you." She leans forward and places a brief kiss to my mouth before moving to the floor.

Damn it
. That was certainly the abridged version of her story. No brain injury. No husband. No suicide attempts. No Casey revelation. No court-mandated therapy.
No Sarah.
She actually didn’t tell me about herself at all—she gave me Manda’s story and nothing more. And just like that, any hope I had of the truth coming out tonight vanishes. I guess it’s a step in the right direction, but damn. I had high hopes for this conversation. Selfish hopes, but high nonetheless.

She pulls the box over in front of her and begins fidgeting with the lid. I grab my beer off the table and head to join her, but just before I sit down, she stops me.

"Wait. Do you have any wine?" she asks with a small smile.

My eyebrows pop up in surprise. "I think I have a bottle of something white."

"Can I have a glass? Manda and I used to sit and drink wine for hours, and well, this might be the last time I ever get to have wine with her. It just seems fitting."

"Yeah, absolutely. Let me go grab it."

She nods and goes back to staring at the closed box.

A few minutes later, I come back into the room with the bottle of wine in an ice bucket. It wasn’t cold and I figured she might want more than just one glass.

"Sorry. It’s warm," I say, setting the bucket down on the table next to her then handing her the glass I poured.

"That’s okay." She reaches into the bucket, scoops out a few pieces of ice, and drops them into her wine. She smiles at the glass for a second before lifting it up with a trembling hand and weakly saying, "Cheers."

"Cheers." I clink her glass with my beer and watch as she takes a sip of the fruity wine.

No sooner than the liquid passes her lips, her chin begins to quiver and tears pool in her eyes. I immediately sit down on the floor behind her and pull her between my legs. Wrapping my arms around her shoulders, I hold her tight, wishing I could magically piece her back together.

"I lost someone once," I whisper into her ear. "It almost destroyed me, and every time I think back on those days, it shreds me. It still hurts, no matter how much time passes. You know what though? When I focus on the good times, it makes all the pain melt away. Tell me about the good times with Manda,
ángel
."

She reaches up with one hand and rubs my arms, which are crossed over her chest. Her whole body relaxes as she leans back against me. She lifts the wine to her lips once more before setting it down and opening the box. As soon as the lid clears the box, she lets out a loud laugh. When I peek over her shoulder, she's holding a bottle of wine with a yellow sticky note stuck to the front.

For the next two hours, Sarah pulls the contents one by one from the box. It seems to have a little of everything packed inside—a few pictures, some earrings, random knickknacks, and even some clothes. She tells me random stories about the stuff she recognizes, and some things make her laugh before she puts it aside. Finally, she packs it all back inside and closes it.