Broken Dreams (23 page)

“Then, tell me what the fuck is going on. Now!” Henry looked over at Sophie. He frowned at her, and she shook her head.

“There is so much,” Henry scrubbed his face with his hands. Then he looked at me again, desperation in his eyes. “It would be all too overwhelming.”

I looked over at Claire and rolled my eyes. “Really? How could it possibly be any more overwhelming than what has already happened?”

“You have to trust me.”

“How can I?! I know you are hiding something, damn it! I deserve to know!” Yes, I felt like I was entitled to an answer. I almost married the man so I felt that I deserved some sort of explanation. Henry looked back at Sophie. He seemed to be looking for permission. Sophie shook her head again.

“Elaina, now is not the time.”

“Now is as good as any, Henry.” My patience was hanging by a thread, and even that was fraying.

“Look…it’s getting late,” Claire began. “Maybe we should all get some rest. Maybe in the morning, we will have clearer heads.” I whipped around and glared at her. I wanted to choke the practicality right the fuck out of her.

“We need to know what the fuck is going on here.
I
need to know!”

“I agree, but being this aggressive isn’t going to help. Let’s all just cool off and get some rest.” I laughed. I admit that my laugh had a bit of a mental tone to it. It was quite fitting for the situation.

“Fine. Claire, you’re sleeping in here with me, and Henry can sleep in the guest room with his twin.” I stormed out the door and headed to Henry’s new bedroom.

I grabbed up some of Claire’s stuff and headed back to the door, only to be stopped in my tracks by Henry. He closed the door and stood in front of it.

“Get the fuck out of my way, asshole,” I growled.

“Elaina, please, don’t do this.”

“Do what? Try to get some truth out of you two? There’s something up, and I deserve to know!”

“You do, and you will know. You just have to trust me. I have your best interests at heart.”

“It’s in
your
best interest to tell me the goddamned truth! Now, get the fuck out of my way!” I roared.

“Not until you say you trust me.”

“Okay, fine. I trust you.” I rolled my eyes. “Now move.”

“You don’t actually feel that way. I
need
your trust.”

“Why?”

“Because!” He slammed his fist into the molding around the doorframe. His frustration was boiling over, much like mine. He took a deep breath. “If I don’t have your trust, then this whole group is going to become divided. We need to stick together for better survival.” Yes, he was making sense, but I wasn’t going to show him I felt that.

“Oh, please. Maybe that would be the best thing. You and your girl, Sophie, can go out there and do whatever it is that you do. The rest of us can hole up somewhere.” I shrugged.

“Please. You have
got
to trust me. I love you more than anything.” I felt bad that I was being so bitchy, but I couldn’t take it anymore. I dropped everything in my arms and broke down. He tried to grab me and pull me close.

“Don’t,” I said, failing miserably at choking back my tears. He reached for me again.

“It’s true. I love you so much, and I can’t live without your love. I need you in my life. I need you to trust me, and continue to love me. I know this is stressful and, frankly, horrible.” I couldn’t look at him while he groveled.

“Horrible? This is so much more than horrible. It’s a real life, low budget horror flick, Henry! I do love you, and I cannot deny that, but you are lying to me. I hate lying. You know that!”

“I do. I know.” His whispers were laden with shame. I could see his brilliant green eyes in the near darkness. A couple tears trickled down his face.

“Then why?” I put my hands on my hips, waiting impatiently for yet another pre-programmed response.

“I have to protect you.” He sounded defeated.

“Whatever. I’m done, Henry. We’re done. I can’t handle the lies and the half-truths anymore. I deserve the truth, and I deserve the respect.” I pulled off my engagement ring and held it out to him.

“Elaina, no...” The tears rolled thick and heavy down his panic-stricken face. I played the stoic, scorned woman. It crushed me to tell him we were done and hand back the ring he worked so hard to buy me. I loved him so much, but I couldn’t allow myself to be lied to another day. He grabbed my arms.

“Henry, let go of me.”

“Elaina, please. Don’t do this. I can’t live without you. You are my everything.” I couldn’t look at him. I knew if I did, I would have fallen into him, bawling my eyes out. But I needed the truth.

“Henry, let go of me before I scream.” He dropped his hands to his side, taking the ring out of my hand. He wiped his face with the back of his hand, but the river of tears still flowed.

“I love you.” His voice shook with every word.

“I understand that. I love you, as well, but I can’t do this with you anymore unless you start being truthful.” I picked up the few things of Claire’s that I had already gathered. He stepped aside, and slid down the wall with his face buried in his hands. He sobbed in silence as I left the room. Claire was at the door.

“Get the rest of your stuff,” I ordered, as I stormed back into Henry’s bedroom. Sophie was still standing in there.

“Elaina. Let me try to explain…”

I put my hand up to cut her off. “The only explanation that I want to hear is the truth. I don’t want to hear another false explanation or half-truth. Now, get out!”

“Just…”

“No! Go before I do something I will regret.” Admittedly, she could snap my neck in a split second, but she should know better than to cross a woman scorned.

“Right,” she said with a chill in her voice, and she left the room. She met Claire just outside of the door. “Please talk some sense into her. He needs her.”

“I don’t blame her for being this angry,” Claire said. “If anyone deserves to know the truth about this situation, it’s her. After all, she would have been married to him by now.” Sophie sighed and went into Henry’s new room. She closed the door behind her.

I collapsed on the bed and sobbed into Henry’s pillow. Claire sat down next to me and rubbed my back.

“I gave him back the ring.”

“Oh no. I’m so sorry, hon. I wish there was something I could do.”

“I told him I can’t carry on with him, knowing he was lying. He was bawling his eyes out, Claire. It cut me deeply to see him that way.”

“He loves you so much.”

“I need the truth.”

“I know. He does need to be honest with you.”

“I can’t believe it’s over...” Claire grabbed me and held me until my sobs quieted enough for me to breathe relatively normal.

While Claire held me, I flashed back to the first time we broke up. It was a killer, much like that day, but I was so much more devastated the second time around. I had more invested in Henry than before.

-February 2013-

We pulled up to my apartment building’s front entrance when we got home from Henry’s gym. I was pretty sure I wouldn’t be doing that again. Between me not being in shape and some muscled woman trying to be all touchy feely with Henry, I wasn’t thrilled in the least. There was shit that she just had to tell me, all while wearing a nasty grin on her face.

He put the truck into park and turned to me. “Listen, I’ve got a bunch of work I have to get done so I probably won’t be coming back tonight.”

“What?”

“My boss has been pressing me for some reports, and I have been slacking some since I have been with you. He’s riding my ass hardcore.”

“Why can’t you bring your laptop here? Or you could even use mine.”

“Because you would distract me, my love.” He flashed his Prince Charming smile.

“Well, what about me coming to your place? I can hang out somewhere in your apartment while you work, and then we can be together afterwards.” Henry rubbed his face with his hands. He looked stressed.

“That’s not going to work. I may not even go to bed tonight. I have a ton of stuff that I’m behind on.”

“There’s someone else, isn’t there?” My heart was shattering, and my hands were shaking as I clenched them together in my lap.

“What? No! I told you already. I’m a monogamist with you. Why would you even say that? I love you.” He was angry, but he sounded more hurt that I would make such an accusation.

“I don’t understand why you keep me locked out.” I felt the unfamiliar telltale lump rise in my throat. Fuck me. “I want all of you, not part of you.”

“You have me. I’m not going anywhere.”

“Then why won’t you let me into your apartment?”

“Can we not fight about this?”

“I want to know why.” I crossed my arms in front of my chest and looked out the passenger window.

“Elaina…I never had my own space when I was a kid.” Blah, blah, blah, and fucking blah. I started to think about the muscled chick at his gym and how she was all up in his grill. She touched him, and it made me want to use her face as a speed bag.

“What is the deal with Mrs. Muscles at the gym?”

“Who?”

“I don’t know her name. The one who was touching you.”

“Right. Vanessa,” he grumbled.

“For some reason, she felt it necessary to tell me that you used to fuck one of her friends. And then, when you broke it off with her friend, she hoped you would take her.”

“Christ.” He rubbed his face again and sighed between his fingers. “I use to see her friend, Rachel. It went on for about a month.”

“And you fucked her?”

“Elaina, I don’t want to get into my past sex life. The only one that matters to me now is you.”

“It fucking matters to me!” Just thinking of him “dipping” his wick into someone else infuriated me. It was somewhat of a double-standard, but what could I say?

“Okay, fine. I was fucking her. Anything else?” The thought of this faceless Rachel with her hands on him made me furious. The thought of his tongue doing the things he did to me on her made me want to throat punch him, and prison shank that skank whore.

“How many have you been with?”

“I don’t know! I don’t have notches on my bedpost. I have never asked you how many guys you’ve been with!”

“Three, including you! I just want something, Henry. I want you to let me in. You’re locking me out.”

“Elaina…I can’t do this with you.”

“Maybe we need some space then.”

“Elaina…no. That’s not what I’m saying.” I could hear the hurt in his voice.

“I have to go.” I whipped open the door and slammed it shut. I bolted into the building, while everyone that was milling around in the lobby was staring at me.

“Shit…Elaina! Elaina!” I heard him yelling my name. I got to the elevator and pressed the up button hysterically, praying that it would open before he got to it. Once the door slid open, I hit the “close door” button, and as soon as they shut, I began sobbing.

“Are you alright?” I just about jumped out of my skin. It was my neighbor, Melissa.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t realize anyone was in here.” I wiped my face with my hand.

“I was just coming up from the garage. Is there anything I can do for you, hon?” She rubbed my shoulder.

“No, thank you. I had a fight with my boyfriend.”

“Well, if there is anything…” The elevator stopped and the door opened. I bolted off, only to see Henry leaning against my door. For a moment I was confused, but then I realized he must have run up the stairs.

“Elaina, can we talk about this?”

“Just go, Henry!” I saw Melissa walk past very slow, intending to listen to our argument. She was so fucking nosey. My hands were shaking so much that I struggled to get my keys out of my purse. I couldn’t even unlock the door.

When I was finally able to get the door unlocked, Henry threw his arm across the door frame before I could dive in. “Elaina…I don’t want to lose you over something so stupid.”

“It’s not stupid to me. Now, if you will excuse me.” I tried to duck under his arm, but he moved his big body in front of me. I grumbled in frustration. I was seconds from decking him.

“I just want you to hear me when I say that I love you more than you could understand, and I will fight for you with every ounce of my soul.” He moved out of the way and headed back for the stairs. I slammed my door shut. After I locked it, I fell to the floor and I sobbed like I had never sobbed before. My chest and my sides hurt. I felt nauseous, and I wanted to curl up and die. In that moment, I realized I was hopelessly in love with him. I didn’t want to exist without Henry, but if I had to, I would.

The morning after our fight, Claire was returning the movies she borrowed from Henry. She unlocked my door, and it hit me on the side as she pushed it open. She screamed. I have a feeling she thought I was dead. I felt like I was. I wanted to die. I had no idea how long I had been lying on the floor, but I obviously spent the night there.

That was not like me. I am not that girl. I’m not the girl who can’t live life without her man. Or the one who cries at the drop of a hat, but there was something uncontrollable about my feelings for Henry. It was almost as if I was addicted to him.

“Elaina! What are you doing on the floor? What’s wrong?” She sat down next to me. I grabbed her and sobbed into her shoulder. “What’s wrong? You’re a mess!”

“We had a fight…” I choked out. She was taken aback by my sudden outburst of sobs, something she never really saw from me.

“Oh no. How bad? Well, obviously bad. I mean, look at you.”

“He won’t let me in. He keeps me at arm’s length and I don’t want that. I want all of him. Yesterday, I told him we need space if he can’t open up to me.”

“Oh, honey.” She embraced me with the strength that I didn’t have, and rubbed my back.

“And, on top of that, I think he’s a man whore.”

“You think he’s cheating?”