Broken Ever After (25 page)

“
We used to go on these long walks through the woods that surrounded his house so I could chase the rabbits or spot the deer. At the far side there was a river that we would sit beside if it was nice enough. One day in the Autumn I complained because I was getting cold so he sat me in between his legs to hug me and keep me warm. He was rubbing my arms one minute and then the next it was my chest. I didn’t understand. I was so cold but I didn’t know. He did that every week… I didn’t realise what he was doing. He got brave after that and headed inside my shirt” I noticed Jamie’s firm grip on the steering wheel and took another deep breath. “Then my trousers.” I swallowed hard past the lump still clinging to my throat. Breathe… just breathe…

“
He told me he was just making me warm; his hands were always so warm and I was shivering in the cold. He’d never make me grab a jacket, I didn’t know any better; I was only six, I saw the sun and assumed it was warm out. Soon he stopped taking me out on the walks and we just stayed at his house, he started making me touch him too after a while.” I wasn’t aware I was crying until I tasted the tears as they landed on my lips.

“
My hands got so sore… I kept washing them. No matter how many times I washed I could still see all of his…” I shivered and looked down at my hands, instinctively wiping them hard on my jeans remembering how disgusting I felt; I wanted a shower just from thinking of it.

“
My mum took me to the doctor to see if they could help; they thought I had OCD.” I laughed and rolled my eyes. “They removed every cleaning product out of my way after they caught me trying to climb in a bath of-” I shook my head, realising how stupid climbing into a bath of bleach would be. “The hot water had to be turned off because I kept running it so hot.” I looked down at my denim covered legs remembering how red and sore they had got after climbing into a bath that was far too hot for me. I let out another big sigh.

“
He bought me a puppy after I told my mum I didn’t want to go any more, mum said I shouldn’t be so ungrateful and go. After that I got a pony, a huge TV, every game you could name. That happened every weekend ‘til I was eight.” I looked at Jamie, he had his head back, eyes closed with tears silently rolling down his cheeks too, I looked around and realised we were back at his house. “Do you want me to stop?”

He shook his head and looked over to me
, his beautiful face filled with concern and his sympathy for me. “I’ll listen for as long as you want to talk.”

“
One day I ‘
forgot’
to bolt my horse in and he ‘
escaped’
. I didn’t want him. Everything he got for me was a giant bribe to be quiet and I started rebelling. I didn’t know how he’d retaliate though, I couldn’t have known. That night when I was asleep he climbed in my bed beside me, he had no clothes on and I didn’t understand why. He tried to kiss me and I tried to get away but he held me so tightly, I had bruises all over me the next morning from struggling so much. I screamed and finally said ‘No, stop it’ and he stopped. That was
all
I had to say to make it
all
go away, to make
him
go away. I remember him whispering ‘I’m sorry, I’m so sorry Ollie’. That was the last thing he said to me. No one has ever been allowed to call me Ollie since; it makes me feel sick thinking of it.”

I looked over to Jam
ie again; he was watching me intently as he listened, looking slightly relieved it hadn’t gone any further. “That week Child Protection Services came to our house and threatened to take me away but my parents told them they never knew. He had gone to speak to a therapist apparently, he told them what he nearly did to me and they contacted Child Protection to make sure I wasn’t in danger; he’d told them that he’d stay away from me if he had help. The police were involved but they let him go on bail if he would see his therapist on a daily basis, a restraining order was placed on him and my parents would make sure he would keep away. The following Monday we got a call from the therapist asking if we had heard from him but we hadn’t. The police found him at his house in what was my room, he had shot himself. He’d changed his will to leave me everything and fucking shot himself. Who does that?” I could feel my anger at him rising in my chest.

“
He was a coward. He said for so long that it wasn’t wrong what we- what
he
did, just that no one would understand us. But it
was
wrong. He lied to me, then tried to gloss it all over with presents. That whole company just feels like the biggest kick in the gut to keep me quiet, now I’m expected to run it! How can I do that? How?” I sighed, scrubbing at my eyes with the backs of my hands, trying to force the tears back in.

“
Do you know what is really fucked up?” Jamie shook his head, unable to find words. “I used to miss him. He did that to me and I missed him.” I began crying again. “When he wasn’t doing that stuff he was fun, we played games and laughed… went to the cinema, that sort of stuff. He gave me attention. My dad is a busy surgeon, my mum a nurse, they were always working so never really had time for me. He was such a busy guy but he always made the time for me.” We sat staring out of the windows for maybe a minute, maybe an hour, I wasn’t sure. I looked over to Jamie, blankly staring out of the window. “Was any of that what you had heard?”

He shook his head.
“We heard there were more girls and that he…” I knew the word that was caught in his throat.

“
That he raped them?” I asked and he nodded. “He wasn’t a complete monster Jamie. He was… I don’t know what he was but I know he never wanted to hurt me. Julie had a baby… She came forward to claim the will when he died. She tried to say I tempted him and that her baby should have it all. She asked me to give her money every month. ‘It’s the least you could do after what you caused; you took my baby’s father from him.’ Was what she said; but I’d never have had it all if she hadn’t left in the first place! It’s her fault. She left me with him.” I punched the dash of the car and cried out in frustration and buried my face in my hands.

“
I tried to kill myself after a while.” I twirled the bracelet over my wrist. “That’s why I’m so close to Uncle Austin. He was looking after me one night. I took a knife up to my room and pulled it over my wrist. It hurt like hell and I screamed for him. He gave me this when I was in hospital and made me promise that if I ever needed someone to talk to, no matter what it was about, I’d always come to him. That’s how he knew about you, I used to talk about you all of the time.” I smiled, remembering the time I’d told Austin about the hot new teacher I had.

“
I’m so done with talking. Can we go in now?” I asked softly. If I wasn’t careful Jamie would probably start to think I was bi-polar. I took a deep, cleansing breath. I needed something to get my mind off those horrible memories and Jamie was just the thing I needed to do that. I grabbed all of the bags from the boot of the car and had to wait a minute at the top of the steps into the house for Jamie to come to his senses.

Eventually I gave up and
walked in, my phone started ringing in my pocket so dumping all of the bags at the foot of the stairs, I lifted it to see that Uncle Austin was calling me.

“
Hey” I answered solemnly.

“
Are you ok?” He asked.

“
Yeah, I’m ok. I just told Jamie everything. I’m sorry… for the way I acted earlier, I was stupid and immature but you know talking about that stuff hurts.”

“
It will always be painful, but we need to sort this stuff out Olivia. We don’t have long until you’re twenty-one.”

“
I know.”

“
When you say you told Jamie everything, I presume you mean
everything
? How did he take it?”

“
He just listened.”

“
Well that’s good; he didn’t freak out or anything?”

“
No” I sighed with relief. “Although he’s still in the car staring into space. Should I go check on him?”

“
He’ll come around soon. I imagine it was a lot to hear. He seemed a nice enough guy from what I managed to talk to him anyway without you throwing a wobbler.”

“Yeah he really is.” I heard the front door close and looked around to see Jamie in the doorway to the living room and smiled. I could hear Jamie’s stomach rumble from across the room and I giggled watching him rub over his stomach. “Right, I need to go, me and Jamie are hungry.”

“
Please tell me you said
hungry
then?” He yelled and I laughed.

“
You’ll never know.” I teased. “Bye… I love you.” I spun around in Jamie’s arms. “Dinner?”

“
Anything you fancy?”

“
You” I pulled myself up onto the tall table that sat behind the sofa so I was almost the same height as Jamie; wishing that I’d worn heels as the ones I’d picked for prom only left a couple of inches between us. I pulled him closer by wrapping my legs around him.

“
I’m not on the menu, Liv.” I pushed out my bottom lip to show him my disappointment, which he sucked into his mouth and began kissing me tenderly before pulling away. “You go pick out a film to watch while we eat and I’ll head out and grab some food from somewhere.”

I quickly picked out a comedy
, grabbed some drinks from the kitchen and ran upstairs with my shopping bags. I showered quickly and picked out some of the new underwear that Jamie had picked out for me and pulled on some of the new pyjamas over the top. I was just making my way back down the stairs combing through my hair when the door opened.

“
Honey… I’m home” He smiled up at me. I stopped on the stairs, frozen by his words, a pleasant shiver ran through my bones. That sounded
so good
.

“
Finally!” I exclaimed, brushing off his comment and trying my hardest to hide how affected I was by those three words. I ran down the stairs taking them two at a time; Jamie caught me at the bottom, lifting me up and carrying me through to the living room.

“
Hey you” Jamie kissed me on my cheek. “Wow are you really happy to see me? Or are you
that
hungry?” I blushed straight away. Busted.

“
I just missed you.” I jumped down from his hold on me and grabbed the food from his other hand “NOT!” I yelled and ran away heading for the sofa.

“
Hey!” Jamie chased after me and leaped over the table and back of the sofa, landing on me and trapping me beneath him. “You aren’t happy to see me? Well I think we need to work on that Miss Stevens.” Jamie said sternly into my ear before kissing down my neck. I couldn’t help but moan softly into his ear and relax into his touch as his hands ran up my side. I suddenly remembered the surprise I’d planned for him so had to get him off of me quickly or he’d ruin it. I clamped my hand down on his and pushed up on his chest with my other hand.

“
Oh no you don’t. Get up!”

“
What? Why?” Jamie sat up looking confused.

“
I’m hungry!” I complained as I fixed my top. Oh God, I hope he didn’t see.

“
So what are we watching?” Jamie grabbed his can of Coke that I’d placed on the table for him and I waited for him to take a sip before I replied.

“
Porn” Right on cue, Jamie began choking on his drink as I sat giggling at him. “Relax! I didn’t find your stash. I picked
Ted
, I’ve not seen it yet.” Once he’d caught his breath again he scowled at me.

“
I don’t watch porn so you won’t find any lying about here and if I did it would only be of our making.” Jamie winked at me and pressed play on the remote to start the DVD, leaving me to sit staring at him open mouthed and in shock. He wanted to make videos of us together? A shiver ran through my body as I thought of how hot that would be.

“
Are you trying to catch flies? Because I’d rather you ate the Chicken after I got stuck in traffic for so long for it!”

We finished the food that Jamie had taken so long to get for us and cleared the boxes away before lying
down on the sofa together. I laid on top of Jamie, resting my head on his chest, absorbing the clean, orange scent of him with every breath that I took; his legs were wrapped around mine trapping me to him. Jamie had one hand resting behind his head, while the other hand slowly brushed up and down the exposed skin of my shoulder blades, making me shiver occasionally. I loved it when he laughed at the film, it rumbled through his chest and vibrated against my ear; I sighed contentedly as I traced small circles on his chest with my finger.

I was happy. He didn’t run, he didn’t think I was tainted, he didn’t think any less of me for hiding everything from him.
I wondered how long I could stay with him, I thought about how amazing it would be to stay right there in my Prince Charming’s arms for forever, in our happy ever after.

It was three am and I woke up to another nightmare. This one was different though; this one had both of them in; Lucas and Robert. I hadn’t had a nightmare about him in a couple of years but talking about him had brought him right back, waking me up in a cold sweat. Lucas was pinning me with one hand at my throat, pulling at my underwear with the other. Robert stood close by with one of his hands reaching in to the opening of his trousers. My eyes were locked with his, I couldn’t move, I couldn’t even move my eyes. His face was always the same, the determined expression showing he was eager to finish so he could start again before I had to go home.

I was seven
again; Lucas had disappeared leaving me alone with Uncle Robert. He was staring at me as I showered, running his hand up and down the thing poking from his trousers. I don’t understand, boys pee from there don’t they? We are supposed to pee in the toilet. I don’t understand… I don’t understand. I lowered my head and closed my eyes. It was easier that way. I imagined sitting beside the river; everything was easier when I imagined the river.

I woke from my nightmare sitting bolt upright; a wave of nausea passed through me sending me running for the bathroom. After brushing my teeth I looked at Jamie’s shower with a hard shudder rippling through me. Deciding against using that one I crept back into the bedroom, thankful that I hadn’t woken Jamie. I quietly searched through the shopping bags on the floor looking for one of the bikinis Jamie had said he’d bought for me and headed down stairs.

Needing to rid myself of the horrible nightmare, I was grateful that Jamie had a row of showers down by the pool. They were so far removed from the idea of Robert’s that they were hard to get upset over.

I pulled on the tiny shorts and matching top, then dived in to the freezing cold water.
I swam until I didn’t feel the cold any more, until I didn’t feel the fear any more, until I didn’t feel the disgust, the shame, the guilt, the hurt… I don’t know how many lengths I swam but I kept going until I couldn’t any longer. I climbed out of the pool with shaky arms and wobbly legs, grabbing one of the huge towels to wrap up in, then another as I was so cold; I dumped myself in one of the huge recliners beside the pool and just stared out of the skylight at the very edge of the room watching it slowly change from black to pale blue.

***

I gathered up the plates from the table that held the remains of breakfast and began clearing them to put them in the dishwasher. “Can you help me get my bags together?” I asked Jamie. I’d had a call from my parents asking me if I could come home to talk.

“
Err, sure. Although I think before your next shopping trip we should maybe buy a truck to carry all of your bags. No wonder you hate shopping, it’s all the carrying isn’t it?” He gave me that cocky grin that I loved. Grabbing a hold of his hand, I pulled him from the kitchen towards his bedroom.

“
Babe, where’s the fire? We have an hour to gather your stuff don’t we?”

“
We have ten minutes to gather my stuff together.” I pulled him tightly against my body with my back landing against the wall at the top of the stairs, kissing him with a ferocity that showed him I meant business. “We have fifty minutes to say ‘see you later’.” I kissed him again and pulled him through the bedroom doors, peeling his t-shirt off as we went. I tugged at the belt to his jeans and began undoing his zipper as his hands lifted my dress to tear away my underwear. I gasped “You are starting to make a habit of ripping my underwear, Mr Matthews and those were new.” I tried to sound at least a little angry with him, but the smile that felt glued to my lips gave me away.

“
I can’t wait to get you out of them.” He threw me on the bed. “I want to be in you, now.” He dropped his jeans and boxers to his ankles before kneeling between my legs, I wrapped them around him locking my ankles and pulling him straight into me. “Ah, Liv! Holy fuck!” He exclaimed as he drew back and pushed deep inside of me again.”

I wrapped my arms around his back pulling him closer to me. He continued thrusting deep inside me
, driving my body higher and higher towards heaven, ready to soar back down with him. The familiar feeling of flames of pleasure creeping up my legs came, settling deep in my stomach. My muscles were starting to feel like they were being pulled tight on a coil ready to spring free any second.

“
Jamie” I began calling out, his name mixing in with my cries, it was hard to distinguish one from the other.

“
Come for me, Ollie.” My eyes darted open upon hearing the familiar nickname, it wasn’t Jamie, but I couldn’t see his face. I pushed him away and began screaming. “Get off me!” I screamed out for Jamie, where did he go? Robert was stood watching me with that look in his eye that told me he wanted more. I rolled up into a ball and kept screaming.

“
Olivia! Are you ok? What the fuck?” I could hear hurried footsteps rushing towards me. I sat up and looked around. What the fuck was that? My nightmares were
never
like that.

“
That- That- It-” I couldn’t talk. It was too real. “You- You-” I couldn’t breathe; my heart was pounding out of my chest. I ran over to the shower and switched it on cold as I was sweating from another nightmare. I sat on the floor with my head between my knees and tried to calm down, but every time I closed my eyes all I could see was
him
. Stood in the doorway with his pyjama bottoms hanging low on his hips, his hair still messy from sleeping. He ignored the temperature of the water as he sat beside me on the floor, pulling me into his side.

“
Shh… Did you have another nightmare? You’re ok Angel… Shhh” Hearing his calm soothing voice helped, I let him just sit and rock me until I was able to form words again.

“
It- It was so… real.”

“
It was just a dream, baby.” He stroked my wet hair down my back and turned the heat up on the shower to stop us getting too cold.

“
It was so real.” I sobbed into his chest.

“
I know, I know… It’s ok now, you’re ok.”

“
Did I wake you?”

“
I woke up about five minutes before I heard you scream, I wondered what the hell was happening down here. You almost gave Anna a heart attack.” He laughed.

“
I’m sorry!” I shook my head in my hands. “My parents called me… I should have known I was dreaming when they said they had taken time off work for me. I remember arguing with them about something but I don’t know what so I said I’d meet them in an hour but I wanted to help tidy first… Well that’s what I wanted them to believe. I dragged you upstairs and one minute it was you there on top of me, then the next… It was- it was…” I shook my head again trying to rid myself of the images left behind.

“
You’re ok, I’ve got you now.” He kissed the top of my head “Why were you sleeping down here?”

“
I had another nightmare and needed a shower.”

“
You could have used the one in the bathroom.”

“
Well I didn’t want to wake you.” I lied, I did want him awake, I just couldn’t look at his shower as it reminded of the one in my bathroom in Robert’s house. My house. I really need to sell it… I realised Jamie was still talking but I hadn’t heard a word of it. “Jay, wait a minute.”

“
Did you just call me Jay?” I blushed.

“
I never caught a word you were saying.” I admitted. “Do you know how to sell a house? I should talk to Uncle Austin, maybe he’ll know.” I said, half to myself. “I need to get rid of the house. Robert’s house. That’s where my nightmares happen and I don’t want it anymore.” It’ll need emptying before I can sell it… Oh god that means going there. I shuddered at the thought of it.

“
I know a bit, but estate agents can sort most of it I imagine and your lawyers will too.”

“
Bonfire?” Burning all of Robert’s belongings that were left in the house would bring me immense satisfaction. Just like the comfort it brought me to know he was cremated when he killed himself. I’d often used the image of that as him burning in Hell.

“
Excuse me?”

“
All the stuff in the house, I need it gone. His art can be sold and the furniture can go to charity or somewhere, but the rest of his stuff will be burned, the house needs stripping bare.” I smiled at the thought of destroying everything he used to hold precious. I suddenly didn’t feel so sick about going. “Come on!” I stood up and switched the water off in the shower, pulling Jamie with me to the towels. I wrapped myself in one and sprinted for the stairs.

“
What?”

“
We’re going!”

“
Where?”

“
God, keep up Jamie! The house!”

I ran up the stairs ahead of Jamie and quickly threw some clothes on. I called Austin to tell him about my nightmares and how they led me back there
, I was going there one last time to get rid of all the history held there for me and I wanted the house gone.

Because I was eighteen
, I was old enough to make decisions over my trust but not old enough to control it completely. We both needed to sign some papers to consent to it, but he would arrange for the lawyers to meet with us if I would like and it could all be arranged quickly as people enquired about buying it often, I just needed to go to the office first to collect the house keys and security codes. I bounced down the stairs leaving Jamie still getting dressed and went to grab some bags from Anna before selecting the keys to one of the bigger cars. Jamie hopped in taking the keys and a kiss from me.

“
Do you know where Mason House is?” He rolled his eyes at me. “What?”

“
I did spend some time at my grandfather’s company before becoming a teacher you know.”

“
What does that have to do with anything?

“
I remember sitting in on a meeting with a company we were trying to buy but just before they signed, Mason swooped in with a last minute bid that blew ours out of the water.” I laughed. “Hey! It’s not funny! I bet I can name a few board members who are still pissed off about that. I remember meeting him once with my Grandfather at an event. I remembered it last night.”

“
How unfortunate for you” I grumbled.

“
My Grandfather knew you.” I looked at him shocked. “I remembered him asking about you. Robert had this picture of you in his wallet that he was showing everyone. A little girl on a swing with dark curls blowing in the breeze.” I shuddered remembering how I could sit on that swing all day, before being called inside.

“
Don’t. Don’t make it sound nice. He used to say I was his all the time. He even tried to get me to call him daddy.” Jamie tensed with his hands gripping tightly on the wheel and continued to drive in silence.

We arrived at Mason House and hurried through Reception to the lift that led to the top floor where Uncle Austin
’s office was. Two security guards stopped us as we reached the lift doors.

“
May we help you?” The two men looked us both up and down. The smaller looking one kept flicking his eyes between my chest and my shorts. I’d forgotten how long it had been since I was at the office as I didn’t recognise either of the guys. They were both pretty tall with chocolate brown eyes and brown hair shaved short. They could have been twins, they probably were for all I knew; the only difference was the one talking was way more built that the second guy.

“
No thanks.” I smiled nicely to them both.

“
Where are you going?”

“
Up, now if you’ll excuse me…” I went to push the button and the big guy put his hand over the panel laughing.

“
I don’t think so, Miss. Now if you would just like to come with us, you haven’t signed in. Do you have an appointment?” He tried taking my arm but I shook him off.

“
Are you fucking kidding me right now?”

“
No, Miss, we aren’t.” My temper was quickly rising in my throat and I had a hard time trying to keep it under a lid.

“
Liv, just calm down, I’ll call Austin” Jamie said and pulled his phone out. When did he get his number? We were ushered into a waiting room which Uncle Austin stormed in to a couple of minutes later.

“
What the hell is going on here?” He said looking between the two security men, angry as hell.

“
Mr Stevens, Sir, this young lady and gentleman never approached the desk to check in for a visitor permit so we assumed them to be suspicious and stopped them.”

I stood up
, this was beyond a joke. “Since when do I need a visitor permit?” The two guys just looked at Uncle Austin.

“
It’s new security regs, Liv.” He waved his hand at me, asking me to wait a minute. “Did you not ask her who she was? Or if you had read any of the information you were given when you started you would know who she is. Did you even call Frank? He would have straightened this entire situation out in a second. She’s my niece, Olivia Stevens.” I looked up at Uncle Austin. What information?