Broken Fairytales (20 page)

She smiled again.
“Nope, you’re not doing anything wrong.
It just takes some getting used to.
”

I took another drag, feeling empowered all of a sudden that I was doin
g two bad things in one night.
It was pretty liberating.

“You’re going to sleep with my brother aren’t you,” I said
to her
, feeling fearless all of a sudden.

“No,” she said, not at
all surprised by my question.
“I mean, not that I wouldn’t
.
He’s fucking hot, but he has a girlfriend who
he’s pretty serious about.
I wouldn’t want to intrude on that.
”

My eyeb
rows shot up into my hairline.
“Chase has a girlfriend?”

She nodded.
“Yeah, you didn’t know?”

I shook my head. “We’re not exactly close
.”

She nodded in understanding.
“That’s too bad,” she said, getting
up from where she was sitting. “He’s a pretty great guy.
You might want to get to know him.”

“Yeah,” I said, as I watched her dust the sand off the back of her skirt.

“Alright, so I’m going to head back up, but
we should hang out again.”

I called out to he
r as she started to walk away.
“Molly?”

“Yeah,” she said, turning around to face me.

“Would you mind if I had a
nother
cigarette?”

She smiled. “Not at all, although, you should know that it’s a filthy habit.”

I smiled at her out-of-character hea
lth warning.
“I don’t think two
will kill me,” I said, as I took the cigarette from her outstretched hand.

“No, probably not,” she said
, as she winked at me
.

Chapter
Eleven

I woke up the next day to my phone ri
nging loudly on my nightstand.
My head was pounding, my mouth tasted like an ashtray, and it felt like I
’d swallowed a bottle of sand.
I realized I had a
raging
hangover
, and
I
tried to remember just how many beers I’d consumed, but I couldn’t recall. All I remembered was bumming cigarettes from Molly and letting Chase continue to fill up my cup late into the night and then stumbling home after them, laughing most of the way.

“Hello?” I said putting my cell phone to my ear, sounding decidedly not like myself.

“Hey babe,” came Ben’s voice
, and I had a sudden flashback to something I’d done the night before.

Memories hit me in spurts. One minute I was laughing, the next I was crying. Why had I been crying? I recalled getting home, Chase telling me to sleep it off, that everything would be better in the morning. Then I cringed, as I remembered calling Ben around three in the morning. I wasn’t quite sure what I’d said, but by the tone of his voice, I was fairly confident it hadn’t been good.

“Hey,” I said, softening my tone to the
one I always used around him
.
It wasn’t baby talk, bu
t it was a close cousin to it.
“How are you?”

“Confused,” he said, then took a deep breath. “I woke up this morning to a very incoherent message from you. It sounded like you were crying. Are you okay?”

My stomach tightened. “I’m fine. I’m sorry. I was really drunk. What did I say?”

“I have no clue. You were really hard to understand. Why were you drunk?”

I cringed at his tone. It was definitely laced with disappointment or concern. I didn’t know which. Ben wasn’t us
ed to me being out of control and
losing my faculties. I was usually the one playing mom and making sure everyone got hom
e okay at the end of the night.

“I just went to a party and had more beer than I should have. I’m fine. I’m sorry I called you so late.”

“
That’s okay. It was good to hear your voice, even if I couldn’t make out what you were saying.
I miss you like
crazy,
Em,
” he said, making me miss him m
ore than I had since I’d left.
I suddenly wanted nothing more than for him to be there with me, his strong arms around me, holding me tight.

“I miss you, too,
Ben,
” I said
, my heart aching for him.
I reached
for the water bottle I’d put by my alarm clock the night befor
e, grateful I’d been so forward
t
hinking in my inebriated state.
I chugged about half of it i
n thirty seconds flat.
“I wish you could come visit
me
.”

“I know,” he said.
“Me too, but I have football.”

We both knew h
e had to head back to school the following week
.
Summer practices were starting. It was probably better anyway. As vulnerable as I was feeling that morning, I knew the time apart would be good for us.
 

“
I know. It was just an idea.”

“And a d
amn good one at that,” he said
sweetly.

He started to tell me about the team meeting they’d had the day before and the workouts he’d incorporated into his days to get back into shape
.
He
then told me all
latest news
from home
.
I added an ‘oh yeah’ or a ‘that’s funny’ here and there to show I was still engaged in the conversation, but it was more than daunting hearing about a world I suddenly felt
very
disconnected from. 

I rolled over and looked out at the vast ocean
just beyond my bedroom window.
There was a great big wor
ld out there that I had
sheltered
myself
from for so long.
I was suddenly feeling stifled as I listened to Ben talk about our little homogenous bubble. I itched to hang up the phone and go out and see what was out there for me to explore, but when I heard Ben’s voice on the other end of the line, I was tugged back to that safe world where he resided at the center, and
I
knew I didn’
t want to discount that world.
Maybe I could find a balance?

When we hung up,
I
figured I’d start my day.
I did what I did everyday.
I got dressed and went to the
beach, except first I knocked
on Chase’s door to see if he wanted to go
,
with the actual intent
ion
of hanging out with him
.
I really wanted to take what Molly had said to heart about Chase being a good guy.
I about passed out when he said ‘sure’.

So
I spent the day at the beach with my brother and sister, not
really
talki
ng, but not fighting either.
That night, Chase and I, along with Keely and Matt, who were holding hands and making out along the way, walked to Molly’s house to pick her up
on our way to another bonfire.
It seemed that was all peo
ple our age did at night on the
small island.

Molly’s
younger brother, Jared, who was a year older than Keely, tagged along with us, chatting with her and Matt and staring at my sister like she was a goddess. I watched Matt place a possessive arm around Keely and knew it was a mistake. She hated that and would dismiss him in a heartbeat if he started to stifle her.

That night I’d
dressed in a short, green t-shirt dress
, deciding that it was
more my own style.
I didn’t need
to d
ress like Chase
to fit in.
I’d do
ne just fine the night before.
Besides,
Keely
was
trailing behind me wearing
skinny jeans, a purple fitted t-shirt and flip flops, along with Matt
and Jared who were
pretty much
fighting for the title of
Mr. Abercrom
b
ie and Fitch
.
I wasn’t so much the minority anymore.

As usual,
Molly
was dressed to the height of punk fashion in black cropped pants that had more buckles and
zippers in random places, purple
high-top Converse sneakers and a white hoodie w
ith the hood up over her hair.
Her eyes were dark-lined
with purple liner that matched her
dark purple
lips.
She’d changed out her nose ring to a
small hoop
and her lip ring to a spike that looked pretty intimidating. I hoped she wasn’t considering kissing anyone that night since she’d probably draw blood if she did
.

The six
of us walked to the same
spot
as the night before which seemed much closer after I’d st
umbled home from it less than twenty-four
hours earlier, falling into my broth
er and laughing at who knows what
.
A thunderstorm had threatened the island for m
ost of the day, the clouds
visible off in the distance, but s
o far the rain had held off
.
The air
was dry, but
it
smelled like rain
, so we would probably all get wet in a few hours
.
I wondered if tha
t was why Molly had her hood up
and instantly regretted not grabbing a jacket when we’d left the house.

As usual, Molly and Chase wal
ked together, sharing a joint.
I didn’t join th
em, even though
they offered.
I did bum a cigarette from Molly, thinking I
’d at least have
something to do while I
walked silently next to them, trying to get into the conversation they were having about some college course Molly had taken on 18
th
C
entury poets.
Chase surprised me with his in-depth knowledge about dead g
uys who wrote supposedly profound pieces of literature.
I didn’t have much to add to the conversation
, being a fan of poetry only in the form of song lyrics
.

When we reached the beach, we were greete
d by many of the same people I’d met the night before, who all seemed to know Molly and Chase
.
I also noticed th
at
Cute Coffeehouse Guy
was back
.
He was playing a series of
Pearl Jam
and Nirvana
songs that
were
some of my personal favorites.
To me, there was nothing better
than classic alt. rock
, s
o
after getting my beer, I took a seat on a log that was near the fire and listened to him play
Yellow Ledbett
er
and
Heart-Shaped Box
.

His dark hair hung down over his face when
he played, shielding his eyes.
I watched his fingers in amazement, as the
y
flew across the strings, recreating a melody
that
lo
oked incredibly
complex.
Having no
musical talent myself, I was instantly in aw
e
that he could
play
som
e of my all-time favorites
.
His
scratchy
, raw
voice
made my mind race with inappropriate thoughts
, just like it had the night we’d met
.

After a few songs, he put down his
guitar and looked around
.
Aside from me, there was a couple making out on a different log and two girls who seemed to be in some kind of heated
debate that
I
suspected
was a lover’s quarrel
.
Every once and a while, one of them would thro
w up her hands in frustration.
I definitely did not want be a part of that conversation.

Just like last time,
Coffeehouse Guy
looked at me for a brief second
, as if he thought he knew me, but didn’t say anything
before he got up
and
walked
toward the keg. Then
I was alone by the bonfire, looking like an idiot, because I not only had no one to talk to, but I also had nothing to d
o. My drink was gone
,
but I didn’t dare get up to go
to the keg for fear that
Coffeehouse Guy
would think
I was following him.
So
I sat there for a few minutes,
playing with the hem of my dress
.