Broken Fairytales (22 page)

Chase
w
as more surprised than anyone.
He was at the kitchen table eating a bowl of Trix when Keely and I came downst
airs.
He looked up briefly, then looked down
for
a second before his head rocketed up again and he squinted at me, probably trying to determine if he was really seeing what he thought he was.

“
No way,” he said in disbelief.
I just smiled, as I got a bowl fro
m the cabinet.
“No fucking way.”

“Chase,”
I heard my mother call out sharply
from the living room where she was doing the crossword puzzle from the
newspaper.
“Language.”

“Sorry,” he mumbled to her, then turned to me as I sat down and reached across the
table for the box of Trix.
A little softer, he whispered, “You pierced
your fucking nose?
”

I smiled again.
“Sure did.”

“Mom’s going to freak out.”

“I know,” I said, the s
mile now plastered on my lips.
“But
she’ll get over it.”

“Damn, Em.
What’s gotten into you,” he said, and I could tell liked the changes I’d gone through since we’d gotten to the beach.

I shrugged.
“I wa
s ready for a change, I guess.
Besides, that’s not all I did,” I said, cryptically.

“What do you mean?”

I leaned back in my chair, excited to tell my brother
about my foray into hard liquor.
“I
did some shots – whiskey
,” I announced quie
tly, watching hi
s expression
the whole time, unable to keep
the perpetual grin off of my face.

“Shut the fuck up,” he said loudly. “You did not!”

“Chase!” came my mother’s voice w
ith a little more intensity this
time. 

“Sorry, Mom,” he called back, rocking on the back legs of the chair, so he could see her around the corner of the entry to the kitchen. He shot her one of his ‘I’m so innocent’ smiles that always won her over. Then he rocked back forward, putting all four legs on the floor, leaned forward and stared at me intently.

I shrugged, knowing he was patronizing me just a little.

“Well it’s about damn time you did something radical,”
he said, leaning
back in his seat again.
“Sweet little Emily
doing shots and getting her nose pierced
. Unbelievable.”

I leaned forward, appraising him
.
“Maybe I’m not so sweet anymore.
”

Chase just laughed. “No, you still are, you’re just a little cooler now.”

“Whiskey tastes like shit,” I said, as I poured milk on my cereal, remembering the harsh taste of the alcohol.

“It’s an acquired taste.” He stared at my nose for a few more seconds before leaning back again.
“You should have smoked,
” he whispered
, shooting Keely a look
.
“
It numbs the pain more, b
ut of course
you
wouldn’t do that.”

I bit my tongue and took a deep breath, knowing how bitter the apology I was going to offer would taste.

“Look, I know that I might have, possibly, in the past, maybe been a little emotional about the whole weed thing.” Chase raised his eyebrows at me. “And, I might have been a little judgmental when it probably wasn’t my place.”

“Did you actually smoke
?!” he hissed
, trying to keep his voice down so our mother wouldn’t hear him
.

I shook my head. “No, I didn’t. It’s not for me, but maybe I’m not going to be so self-righteous about it anymore, okay.”

“Really?” he asked, clearly not believing me.

I nodded. “I might not understand your infatuation with it, but who am I to judge. It’s your life.”

“Are you actually apologizing for being so hypocritical?” Chase asked, his eyes practically bugging out of his head.

“Yes,” I said, forcing the word out.

“Wow.” He
shook his head a few times
,
as if he couldn’t believe what I was saying.

“Oh
,
thank God,” Keely
said, sounding relieved, which utterly perplexed me.
I gave her a questionin
g look, but she didn’t answer.
Chase did.

“She’s been getting high with me of
f and on all summer
,” he explained which caused my jaw to drop, as I looked over at my little sister.
“She lied when she told you it was just the one time.”

“Chase,” Keely said, shooting him a look that said she was afraid of how I would react.

“Seriously?” I asked, looking at her, then at Chase
,
and back to her.
I couldn’t believe I hadn’t known.

I was
honestly
upset, but not for the reasons I
’d been before
.
I was
suddenly
more hurt that Keely had formed a relationship with Chase long before I had, as if she’d seen what was there all along when I’d been a hypocritical sno
b.
But
I knew instantly why she’d kept me in the dark, and
I honestly couldn’t blame her.
I would
have kept me in the dark too.
I cringed looking back at how in
tolerant I’d been for so long. And why? It seemed so ridiculous
.

“Yeah,” Keely
said softly, then louder and at a rapid pace
, as she took in my expression
,
not sure ho
w to read what I was thinking.
“I was so afraid to t
ell you.
I knew you would judge me,
like you did,
so I didn’t say
anything. It’s not that bad. Lots of people do it.
I’ve only done it like ten times, but I like it when I can’t sleep
or when I’m
really stressed out
.”

I took a deep breath, forcing the lecturing words down, as I
had just promised not to do that
, but it was hard to fi
ght what I’d done for so long.
Self-righteousness didn’t go away easily whe
n you’d embraced it
your whole life.
I had to tell myself that it wasn’t my business.

“It’s okay, Keels,” I said, forcing myself to sound like I meant it, because in all honesty, I did.
“I’m not upset.
It
’s fine
.”

She looked instantly relieved and started eating her Capt’n Crunch
again
.

“Shit, this is too much,” Chase said,
laughing into his cereal bowl.
“I ne
ver thought you’d be cool, Em.
Didn’t think I’d ever see it.”

I blew off his slight dig
as I realized
my brother and I, were not only being civil to each other, but we w
ere actually becoming friends.
It was a strange concept, but it was also something I hadn’t realized I wanted until it was right in front of me. 

Smiling along with him, instead of getting angry because he was making fun of me, I picked
up a dry orange
piece of Trix
and threw it at him.
I
t hit his cheek and bounced
into his bowl.

“Thanks, sis,” he said
, not fazed in the least as he
returned to his cereal. 

I did the same, thinking about how much of my life had changed in such a short period of time, and it was all good as far as I was concerned.
I felt
lighter than I had in years
– until I thought about how Ben would react to it all
. 

Chapter Thirteen

The day
after I got
my nose
pierced, I’d received
lect
ure number two of the summer from my mother. After feeling
good about Chase and Keely’s reaction
s, my mood suddenly plummeted when m
y mother walked into the kitchen t
o refill her coffee cup and nearly dropped it on the floor
.

“Hey Mom,” I said, turning around to face her.

She smiled automatically in response to my regained che
erful attitude.
To her it was probably a nice break from the sullen teenager vibe I’d been projecting o
n her for the better part of our
vacation. A soon as she registered the new additio
n to my face, her smile
fell
.

“What did you do?” she asked, setting her coffee cup on the counter with a loud ‘thunk’ and crossing the five feet to where I was sitting. 

“I pierced my nose,” I said, dro
pping my chin just a little
as my confidence faded.

“I ca
n see that,” she said blandly.
“What on earth were you thinking?”

Um, I was thinking that I am an incredibly boring person, and it was about time I do something to change that.

“I have a friend who
has one, and I thought it was pretty, so I wanted to get one.”

She just shook her head and muttered something about peer pressure.

“What, Mom?” I asked, looking her straight in the eye, almost challenging her to say what she really felt.

I had the sudden urge to remind her that I was twenty-one, and she didn’t really get a say in what I did to my body, but I held my tongue.
Her eyes locked with mine, and I almost thought she might
say what was on her mind.
I wanted her to say something, to start an argument, to make me challenge her, but she didn’t.
True to form, s
he buried her head in the sand.
I was ready with my points about how she expected different things from me than my siblings and how she’d never objected to either of the
ir piercings and how she still treated me as if I was a kid.
I was ready to fight.

Instead, she just look
ed at me
.
“I can’t believe you did that,” she said, and I could hear the disappointment oozing from her voice as she turned away from me.

I opened my mouth to respond, but she was already leaving the room, her empty coffe
e cup forgotten on the counter.
I felt like I wanted to vomit.
It was alw
ays a double-standard with me.
It was as if she couldn’t believe that her perfect daughter would do
something like get a piercing
.
I was held to a different standard,
and I hated it.
I heard her call for Randy and watched her leave out the back, no doubt taking him on a long walk, so she could po
nder what a disappointment her o
ldest daughter was.

Leaving my empty cereal bowl in the sink, I marched back upstairs, the fury coursing through my veins at warp speed, causing me to just
grow angrier at my situation.
My mother’s disappointment in me only spurred me on to do more that she wouldn’t approv
e of, challenge the
status quo and be bad. I started to think about what other options I had to break free of the mold I’d been in for too long.

I wondered how many other people would be shocked by something as minor as a facial pierc
ing when it was me getting it.
I could think of at least ten people I knew who would react in a less than positive way, and
I had a feeling Ben would be one of those
people, so I didn’t tell him
what I’d done
.
I told myself
there
was n
ever a good time
to bring it
up
but, but truthfully
I could almost hear the question in his voice, and t
he judgment that would follow
, so I held back
.

Rachel was the only person I told, and true to form, she was excited that I’d done something
so
out of my norm
.
She told me she couldn’t wait to see it
. She said she was thinking of getting
a tattoo
and asked if I would go with her when she visited. Ap
parently Michael liked them
, and she was thinking of doing something radical to surprise him when he returned home at the end of the summer.
I hoped she wasn’t changing too much of herself for her new boyfriend. I knew firsthand what it was like to mold yourself into the person other people wanted you to be, and if she was doing that, she would regret it.