Broken: Hidden Book Two (24 page)

He shook his head vehemently. “No apologies are necessary. You gave me a second chance. I was squatting in an abandoned house. I was comfortable enough. It was much better than what I came from.”

“Well. Nonetheless, if you’d like a home here, it’s yours,” I said.

He bowed and thumped his fist to his chest. “Thank you.”

“You can have the room next to Shanti’s,” I said, and Shanti walked off to show him where it was.

“Those rooms have a connecting bathroom,” I said to Brennan, grimacing.

“Please tell me you’re not getting all protective over your baby girl,” he said, laughing.

“She is attracted to him.”

“Let her deal with it.”

“So you’re not going to hammer a bunch of boards over his side of the bathroom door for me?”

“You could give him Nain’s room if you’re that worried about it,” he said, watching me.

I shook my head. “No.”

“So, what? Are we going to keep it there as a shrine forever?”

I glared at him, felt my shoulders tense. “We’ll keep it there, the way it is, until I feel up to going through all of his clothing and other stuff. When I’m ready, I’ll deal with it.”

He watched me. I could sense irritation from him. “Yeah? When are you going to stop wearing that?” he asked, gesturing at my finger, where I still wore my ring.

“Do you seriously want to do this now?” I asked him, meeting his eyes, and I could hear the snarl in my voice. He didn’t answer. “Why are you acting like this now?”

He shook his head, wiped his hands over his face. I felt his irritation draw back, just a little. “I’m sorry. This…bringing people onto the team, watching this fight to see Shanti prove herself…this just all reminds me of him, and thinking of him inevitably makes me think of him and you. And he’s gone, but in some ways, it’s like he never left.”

I didn’t know what to say. Nothing he said was inaccurate. Our day to day life was still imbued with Nain’s memory, traces of him still affecting every day of our existence. “Timing probably has something to do with it, too,” I said quietly.

He nodded. “A year tomorrow.” Then he turned his gaze to me. “I’m guessing you won’t be around much the next day or so.”

I gave a slight shake of my head. Knew it was selfish, that he was grieving in his own way, and I was leaving him to it. He took my hand.

“It’s okay,” he said softly, pulling me into his arms. “Do what you have to do. I’m sorry I acted like an ass.”

“I love you, Bren,” I said softly. I rested my cheek against his chest and closed my eyes.

“I love you, too,” he said. “I feel like I’m constantly competing with a ghost, and there’s no way I can win.”

“You’re the only one who sees it that way, babe,” I said. “Believe in us. I do. It’s the only thing that keeps me sane sometimes.”

He held me tighter, and we stood in silence. I could hear his heartbeat, hear Shanti and Levitt talking in Levitt’s new room. I stood there, and my mind was flooded with memories of the man who’d brought us all together.

♦ ♦ ♦

The next morning, Brennan was up and out of the loft before I was even awake. He knew me well enough to know that things would just be weird between us, considering what day it was. One year, to the day, since Nain’s death. And we both knew I was still carrying around a shitload of guilt, anger, confusion…just about everything it was possible to feel about a person, that was what I felt for Nain, a year later.

So I got up, and I tossed on my Fury uniform. I had no idea what Brennan thought I’d be doing all day, but it didn’t involve sitting next to the spot Nain had died and crying. I had two meetings to be present for with Hades. And then, to honor my dead husband and try to assuage some of my own guilt, I was going to seriously start hunting the fucker who’d sent Astaroth after me in the first place. I'd lost Nain to them. Losing Brennan....losing Brennan was something I would not survive. Period.

I had some ideas, now. Time spent in the Nether had not been wasted, and even though most of my time was spent punishing the wicked and attending to Hades, one hears things. And when someone, like me, who can sense emotions, is around enough, you get some ideas. There were gods who very clearly did not like me. That was one thing. My existence was the one threat in the entire cosmos to their own. I understood their dislike, their fear.

Then, there were others. Others, who I felt active, strong hatred from. Those, who got a rabid look in their eyes every time they passed me in the streets of Hades’ city. There were not many. Dionysus, in his two visits to Hades so far, had been one who seemed ready to leap up and stake me through the heart. The Nosoi, as a whole, hated me, especially after one of their own had been punished severely. By me. I was less worried about them, though. They were being watched closely by my mother and aunts after that little fiasco, and I don’t think any of them even moved without one of the Furies knowing it.

There were others. Hades’ wife, Persephone, hated my guts and had never hidden her feelings on my visits to their home. Hermes. Apollo. The gods from the Aether, especially, seemed to hate me. All the indications we’d had, though, were that my pesky god was from the Nether. He or she had contracted a demon to destroy me. Had contracted the Nosoi to target Brennan.

I thought as I drove the Barracuda to the Packard plant. Bash and Dahael were subdued as well, riding in the back seat. The thing was, the Nether were my people. Gods. Whatever. Some of them didn’t like me, but I was theirs. It was like being part of some huge dysfunctional family. Everything in me told me that my enemy was not actually of the Nether, though they’d worked very hard to make it appear so. Which meant that I was probably dealing with a god from the Aether. Or a terrestrial god, like my father. So far, though, they seemed to keep to themselves. Including my father, who still hadn’t bothered to contact me.

Maybe word traveled more slowly to mountain gods.

I slowed the car and pulled over to the curb. “Guys,” I said softly to the imps. They both looked up at me, ears perking up at my voice. “I’m going to let you out here. I should not have brought you with me today.”

“But…” Dahael began.

“I need you to do something more important than wait outside the gate for me.”

They both watched me, waiting. “Keep an eye on Brennan today. Okay?”

“Is wild man in danger?” Bash asked in his hoarse little voice.

“I don’t think so. But I just…I would feel better if you two watched over him. Today is making me jumpy, I guess.” They both nodded, thumped their chests, and left the car, slamming the passenger door behind them.

I drove away, now feeling completely alone. The imps were my constant companions. I trusted them completely, which meant they needed to be with Bren. The feeling of dread that had been settling on me since I’d opened my eyes that morning was now a raging sense of foreboding. I pulled up outside the abandoned factory and made my way inside, through the crumbling doorway, into the rubble and litter-strewn interior. The graffiti was easy to see in the cool morning sunlight, and the smells of the factory, decay, urine, and dust, surrounded me.

I hated it there.

That hadn’t changed. I walked toward the gateway. I had told myself I wouldn’t do the stupid grieving thing here in the factory, but as I passed the spot where he’d died, I ended up going back and crouching next to the scorched concrete.

“You left me that letter, remember? Telling me this was the only way. I wonder how much you knew. Whether you suspected any of the shit that would follow your death. How much of a joke is it that I practically became invincible because of your death, but if I’d been invincible in the first place you wouldn’t have had to die?” I took a breath, sat down. I was glad now that the imps were not with me. How crazy did I look, talking to an empty factory?

“The Fates had a field day with us, didn’t they? Put us together, take you away from me, all to unlock my powers, undo the spells that hid me. For what? If I could find those three old hags, I’d love to know what they were thinking.” I sat in silence for a few minutes. At least I wasn’t crying.

“I love you, I guess. Maybe not in the same way. Sometimes I suspect we were a farce, Bael. The gods played their games, and we were just two pawns in all of it. I’ll avenge you. Somehow, I’ll make whoever played this particular game pay. Then, maybe I can let you go. Maybe I’ll stop talking to you as if you can hear me. Maybe I can be the woman Brennan deserves. Probably not, but I hope so.” I paused, looked up at the broken windows.

“I feel guilty about him. I shouldn’t, but I do. I love him, and I know he is meant for me, in every way. I feel guilty that I didn’t feel the same thing with you. And I feel guilty that I still think about you, when I have him beside me. Maybe my Nether side loves you, and my nature-god side loves Brennan.”

I heard a distinctive “crack” and Eunomia landed beside me, then crouched down and put her thin arm around my shoulder.

“There you are. I figured today might be a hard one for you, my friend,” she said quietly.

“I am so confused, and angry, and just….this is all so stupid,” I said, and now the tears did threaten.

She hugged me tighter to her. “It is. The Fates are jerks.”

I laughed, a little. “You sound like me now.”

“Well, sometimes you make sense, demon girl.”

“I miss him.”

“Of course you do. I suspect he was the first being you ever really loved. Yes?” I nodded. Hadn’t really thought about it that way, but, yeah. She was right. “So it’s okay to miss him. And I heard part of what you said at the end. You shouldn’t feel guilty, either for loving and missing him, or for loving your shifter now. This is life. Things happen.”

“Because of the Fates,” I said.

She looked thoughtful. “Yes, and no.”

“Meaning?”

“The Fates put the pieces into place. They may put two people in the same city, but they don’t determine whether those people love or hate each other, should they meet. They put the game pieces on the board, but we decide how to play the game. They may put someone on the track toward early death, but that person’s actions determine whether they succumb or survive. The Fates make us decide who we are, how strong we can be.”

“And who am I supposed to be, E?”

“You are supposed to be Molly.”

“Not Mollis Cithaerus?” I asked, hearing the sneer in my voice.

“She is part of who you are. She is not all of you.”

“I hate her. So much shit has happened because I’m a god, Fury, thing.”

E gave me one of her knowing little smiles. “Yes. So much has. You’ve met and fallen in love with not one, but two amazing men. You’ve made friends you wouldn’t have made, had you just remained a simple vigilante. You have an adopted daughter. You are friends with me, which should be enough to make it all worthwhile,” she finished, and I laughed.

I stood up, and she rose as well. “Don’t hate yourself. Not any part of you.”

“Who I am puts the people I love in danger, though,” I said.

She studied me. “Then eliminate the threats against them. It’s not like you are powerless.”

“Doing that will only piss more gods off,” I said, walking toward the gate. “Where does it end?”

“Are you becoming cautious in your old age, demon girl?” Eunomia asked, laughing.

I shrugged. “I have a lot to lose.” We walked through the gateway, and we chatted as we traveled the already-bustling streets toward Hades’ home. Demons saluted me, and I greeted them in return. The demons, to a one, adored me. That made me smile for some reason, maybe because of what day it was.

Eunomia seemed to guess what I was thinking. “They admire you. A god who really is more like them. A god who bonded with one of their own. That just isn’t done. Most gods, even those of the Nether, aren’t comfortable around demons.”

“Because demons are the gods’ biggest failure, or so they say. Thriving on fear, anger and, pain,” I said.

She nodded. “Right. One almost wonders why they were created in the first place, no?”

“Probably with the intent to be used by someone, or several someones,” I murmured.

“You have learned a lot since you’ve been here,” E said, a bit of humor in her voice.

I snorted. “Except that they probably didn’t anticipate how stubborn demons can be.”

“True.” As we walked, I looked around, at the buildings, the sculptures that dotted the main avenue. “Can you tell me something?”

Eunomia glanced at me. “I will try.”

“What’s with three? I’m always noticing that three of something appears just about everywhere here. Three eyes on that sculpture. Three birds painted on that mural. Sets of three windows, on all of those buildings over there. Three lights on each lamp post…”

She nodded. “Three is an important number. Haven’t you ever read fairy tales? A genie grants three wishes. Say Rumpelstiltskin's name three times. Make a wish and turn around three times.”

“Superstitious bullshit,” I muttered.

“Except that it’s not. The number three has power, just as our true names do. Anything, done three times, has power in our world.”

Something tickled my psyche when she said it, but I couldn’t quite put my finger on it. “But not always. Not accidentally.”

“No. Intent is important. There must be a reason to do whatever it is three times. For example, you might pray to Asceplias to heal. Once might do it. But three times…”

“Hades came to me after I said the plea to Asceplias three times,” I said quietly, remembering.

“Of course.”

We reached Hades’ home, and she turned to me. “You’ll be okay?”

“I’ll be fine. Thanks for the company, E.”

She nodded. Hermes walked past us, into Hades’ home for his upcoming meeting, and, instead of sneering at me as he usually did, he gave me a bright smile and a wink. I glared at him. “Time to go play enforcer for Hades,” I muttered.

“Try to think happy thoughts,” E said, laughing.

“I will try.” Then I headed inside, through the door Hermes had just walked through.

Chapter Seventeen