Broken Man (5 page)

As she opened her eyes and looked up to see the man in seat seven, the flash of anticipation was immediately extinguished when she saw it wasn’t him.

“Not at all,” she smiled as she hid her disappointment and replied professionally. “Are you here for the five-ten no limit game.”

“No, honey, I just saw you sitting over here all by yourself and decided to come over and say hello,” he grinned before taking a sip of his drink. “Has anyone told you what a beautiful woman you are?”

Amanda cringed slightly as she looked down at her grandmother’s engagement ring on her finger, a supposed deterrent from these unwanted advances. Just smile, Amanda, she thought to herself as she quickly regained her composure and looked back up at the middle-aged man in seat seven, dressed tackily in $200 designer jeans and a shiny black silk shirt far too open at the collar, the scent of cologne overpowering her senses.

“Can I sell you some chips,” she smiled somewhat awkwardly as she ignored his advance and continued her routine.

“No, I’m just here for the New Year’s Eve festivities, this game is probably a little too rich for my blood. What time do you get off tonight, sweetheart,” he continued his lusty pursuit.

Get the message, buddy, Amanda though to herself as she made the subtle hand signal to floor security, one of the benefits of working in the high limit section.

“I work all night,” she lied as thankfully the floor man arrived to handle the situation.

The process was subtle and performed quickly, and as she watched security politely escort the man out of the high limit section, Amanda was thankful that her days as a cocktail waitress were long over and that she had worked hard enough to be promoted to the poker room.

Amanda remembered how exposed she had felt out on the floor without a table to protect her from the customers, security not nearly enough to do the job. She recalled feeling like a piece of meat thrown to the wolves, gawking and drooling over her body parts, ready to pounce at the first sign of weakness. She had been left to fend for herself, security too busy to bother with simple acts of molestation.

Dealing poker was better, she thought to herself, the table an adequate shield from predators, although she realized it was no longer her body that needed protection. After all these years, Amanda understood it was her mind that was in danger, that she was in jeopardy of losing faith in humanity, and more specifically, of losing faith in the male species.

With this thought in mind and her table still empty, Amanda decided to make her resolution for the New Year. She resolved to never again involve herself with any man while she was in Atlantic City. Graduation would be here before long, and she had no interest in being hurt or disappointed anymore, not by this town and not by these men. Soon, she would be in a better place with better people, and then she would be ready to take that chance once more time.

“Just a few more months,” she whispered to herself as her table finally started to fill up and she began her nightly routine.

Chapter Four

It’s funny how sometimes a tiny item can bring back so many memories and change the direction of one’s life. In Jack’s case, it was a pair of cuff links that instigated a life altering event.

It was New Year’s Eve, and as Jack performed the once a year routine of donning his tuxedo, he reflected on all that he had accomplished during the week away.

It had been a great week. He had enjoyed the time with his family, particularly his niece and nephew, and had gotten plenty of sleep, something that had been nearly impossible during the last year. He had even started to eat well again, and had put back on a couple of pounds that he had lost while forgetting to eat the majority of time.

And while he had not made it back to the casino as planned, he had regained his confidence in his poker game during the night he had played, and looked forward to again having a profitable diversion in the New Year. Who knows, maybe this year it would help to keep his mind from drifting to where it shouldn’t.

As he looked at the mirror attached to the closet door, Jack was convinced that he could get through the evening and that the Christmas Eve call from Delaney was just what he had needed to snap out of his funk. He even looked better and healthier, the bags under his eyes somewhat diminished and the hollowness of his cheeks more filled out.

Then, he realized he needed his cuff links.

Jack reached up to the jewelry box on the shelf where his collection of watches kept his cuff links company, and was pleased to quickly find the gold accoutrements that would finish off his James Bond look for the evening. Fumbling to work the cuff links into a tiny sliver, Jack’s mind suddenly flashed back to a year earlier.

“Let me get those for you, Jack,” the sound of her voice so real he felt her presence in the room.

“I can dress myself,” he heard himself laugh as he pictured himself with her in his bedroom, struggling to get dressed for the evening.

“Jack, you are going to be late for the party if you don’t give those to me.”

“Okay, Brit,” he remembered how he always gave in to her so easily. “I wish you could stay tonight.”

“I wish I could too, but I promised the girls I would have dinner with them at my mom’s before dropping them off at their father’s. But, I’ll tell you what, I should be able to make it back by midnight and I will make it up to you then.”

“Are you sure, Brit, I don’t think you should be out on the roads tonight.”

“I’ll be fine, Jack,” she insisted as Jack remembered the touch of her hand on his as she finished up attaching the cuff links.

“Okay, Brit, but promise me you will be careful.”

“I will be fine, Jack, now let me take a look at you,” he recalled exactly what she had said like it was yesterday.

As he remembered the pleased look on her beautiful face as she stepped back to take a closer look at him, Jack suddenly snapped out of his trance, no longer able to control his emotions, the pain so overwhelming he practically collapsed onto his bed.

What had he been thinking? Why had he given in to her? Why hadn’t he just told her to stay home and he would come over after the party?

Everything would be different and she would still be here today if he had just said that one simple sentence. She would still be here to raise her girls, still be here to run her business, still be here to love him.

She would still be alive, Jack painfully admitted to himself as he tossed the gold cuff links onto the night table, and once again, fell into a trance.

* * *

“Hello,” Jack’s mind again relived the surprise he felt at hearing a man answer Brittany’s phone.

“Who is this,” he remembered asking irritably as he realized it was 11:40, forty minutes after she was supposed to arrive at the party. “Put Brittany on the phone.”

“Sir, this is County Fire and Rescue. I am afraid there has been an accident.”

“What do you mean there has been an accident,” Jack panicked as his heart nearly exploded. “Is she okay?”

“Sir, she has been taken to South Florida Regional Medical Center.”

“Tell me that she is okay,” Jack demanded. “What happened.”

“Sir, try to stay calm. A representative from fire and rescue will meet you at the hospital and provide an update.”

Jack immediately knew this wasn’t good news, and as he ran to his car, he called Brittany’s mother.

“Jack, what happened,” Denise answered in a panic. “She just left here an hour ago. The Fire Department called and said she has been transported to the hospital.”

“I don’t know, Denise,” he answered as he jumped into his car. “They won’t tell me. I’m on my way there now. I will see you there.”

Jack almost ran off the road as he sped out of the parking lot on his way to the hospital, his mind spinning as different scenarios ricocheted through his head, each one worse than the previous. Fortunately, he was only ten minutes from the hospital, but made it in seven, pulling up behind an ambulance in the emergency entrance, it’s lights still flashing.

He ran into the emergency room, a crowded mess on New Year’s Eve. Fighting through the crowd at the counter, he immediately demanded to see Brittany.

“I am here to see Brittany Boyd,” he pushed his way to the front of the line, no one daring to get in his way “She was just brought in from a car accident.”

“What is your name,” the harried nurse replied with an attitude and checked the admission list on her computer screen.

“My name is Jack Anderson, and I am here to see Brittany Boyd,” he repeated himself abruptly just in case she hadn’t heard him.

“Sir, are you family,” Jack’s heart sank as her tone changed from one of frustration to sympathy, and he immediately knew what it meant.

“No, I am not goddamn family,” he cried. “Tell me what happened to her.”

Denise arrived just in time to avoid an ugly incident, and after identifying herself as Brittany’s mother, they were ushered to a room decorated with soft couches and warm blue colors, a room Jack later found out was called the grief room.

The Doctor arrived to deliver the news. Brittany had died instantly, the likely victim of a drunk driver who had run through a red light and smashed directly into her driver’s side. She had felt no pain, he informed them, the impact of the high speed crash impossible to survive. Having delivered the devastating news, the Doctor left quickly, but not before letting them know that the other driver had been killed as well, as if that would provide some kind of closure or consolation in their time of loss.

Everything was a blur after that. Jack and Denise crying in that blue room, the argument with Brittany’s ex-husband, his assigning the blame that Jack had already accepted and letting him know that he wasn’t going to be a part of their family, that he was to blame for having taken the girls’ mother away from them. Seeing Delaney and Bailey at the funeral mourning their mother, wanting so much to be able to love and take care of them, but having to watch at a distance as their tears wouldn’t stop.

The long nights of missing her and wishing she was still here, fully aware it was his fault that she wasn’t.

* * *

What is that noise? Where am I? Am I asleep?

Jack wasn’t sure what was going on, a hard to describe yet familiar feeling having taken over his body, a sort of sleepless coma to which he withdrew during the most difficult nights.

“Snap out of it, Jack,” an imaginary voice jarred him out of his trance, the unidentifiable noise suddenly easily recognizable as the ringing of his phone.

“Hello,” he managed to mumble as he answered the phone.

“Hi, Jack, it’s Delaney again,” she answered insecurely as if he wouldn’t remember her voice.

“Hi, honey,” Jack answered as he sat up and tried to get himself together. “How are you?”

“I’m okay, Jack. Did I wake you up?”

Jack looked at the clock and saw it was 11:50, still New Year’s Eve he assumed. Where had the last four hours gone?

“No, I was awake. Happy New Year,” he said out of habit before realizing how ridiculous it sounded. “How was your day?”

“It was good, Jack,” she fibbed. “We had a Memorial Service for Mom and then we went out to dinner. It was a nice service, and so many people came. I wish you could have been there.”

“I wish I could have too, honey,” he regretted missing the service although both of them knew he wasn’t welcome. “Your mother was an amazing woman and I miss her very much.”

“I know you do, Jack. I miss her, too,” her voice trailed off as Jack realized she was trying not to break their deal by crying.

“Delaney, it’s okay if you cry tonight,” he consoled her. “It’s only natural that you miss her and are a little sad tonight. Do you want to talk about her?”

“I do want to talk about her. I am so tired of not being able to talk about her as if talking about her is going to make us sad,” she surprised Jack with her sudden anger. “I don’t know why we can only talk about her on one night of the year in front of a hundred people. It just doesn’t make any sense.”

“I know honey, but your father is just trying to protect you and Bailey,” he replied. “I think things will change soon, you will see. Maybe the one year anniversary and the service will help, and he will realize that it is okay to remember her. Have you tried to talk to him about it.”

“I have, but he doesn’t want to listen,” she continued with her anger. “And, for a long time, I respected his wishes. I didn’t talk about her, I didn’t talk to you, it was as if she never existed. But, I am not going to do that anymore.”

“Take it easy, honey,” Jack tried to calm her down. “I think if you take it slowly with him, things will get better. Just try to be patient, Delaney.”

“I have been patient, Jack. I am tired of being patient, and I am not a little girl anymore. And, I am sick of Wendy trying to act like my mother. She is nothing like my mother and never will be. I wish that Dad would stop seeing her.”

Jack paused for a second to make sure she was finished. “Honey, Wendy will never be like your mother, no one will, but she is just trying to do her best to help. I know that both her and your father want what is best for you and Bailey. Do you understand?”