Broken Pieces (Riverdale #2) (17 page)

Once the song was finished the bells outside of the church sounded, while Father Gallo blessed Jake’s casket with holy water. Anxiety arose inside of Sam as her fingers clutched the folded piece of paper containing the eulogy she had prepared for her brother. Listening to the priest talk about Jake as a kid and how well he knew the family, made Sam question everything she had written on the piece of paper. Her emotions were getting the best of her and she wasn’t sure she’d be able to follow through with it.

Then her Aunt Joanne took the podium and launched into reading a passage from the bible, she knew her turn to speak would be next. Her palms began to sweat and she wiped them along the hem of her A-line dress. Her hands were trembling and she couldn’t will them to keep still. She closed her eyes and tried to calm down. She felt a strong hand firmly hold her shaking one. She opened her eyes and looked down at Nick’s hand over hers, stopping her hand from shaking. When she looked at him, he was staring straight ahead, his attention on Aunt Joanne and not her.

She wondered if it would always be like that between them. It was as if they had an unspoken agreement that when she needed him, he’d find a way to be there for her, to take care of her. She wished things were different and he could be the man she needed him to be, the man she could be able to trust because no one quite knew how she operated better than he.

Aunt Joanne finished the reading, and stepped down from the altar. There was a brief silence before Father Gallo spoke.

“At this time, I believe Jake’s sister Samantha would like to say a few words.” The priest said as he turned his gaze towards her. He smiled somberly before taking his seat behind the altar. Sam drew in a deep breath as she gripped the paper that had the words she had written the night before on it. She could hear Jake’s voice in the back of her head, telling her she didn’t have to go through with it. She stood up and began to walk towards the podium, regretting she wore heels because she feared her nerves would cause her to fall in the shoes she was already wobbling unsteadily on.

She stood in front of the podium and stared at the sea of people that filled the church. Her eyes settled on Jake’s coffin and the reality of the situation sunk into her. She wasn’t about to say some ordinary speech, she was about to say goodbye to her brother. She bit her lower lip as she unfolded the piece of paper and stared down at her words. They didn’t seem adequate anymore, but nothing really would suffice would it?

“I had prepared a few words to say to you all. Words that described my brother and the type of man he was. Words that would take you on a journey of memories I shared with Jake.” She paused, trying to figure what to say next. She looked at the people in the first row of the church. Her parents clung to one another as they listened to her. Cara sat with her sunglasses on, wiping at the tears that would not stop falling. Her brother, Luke, whose leg was shaking and she knew that could only mean he was about to flee. Lastly, her eyes settled on Nick as he stared up at her.

She kept her eyes firmly planted on his, for some reason the depths of those brown eyes gave her the courage she needed. She lifted her prepared eulogy and tore the piece of paper in two.

“But those memories are mine to keep sacred in my heart, just as the memories all of you have with Jake are yours and yours alone to keep sacred.” She took a deep breath. “There was a time in my life I thought saying goodbye was accepting things were over and I would find any excuse I could not to say it.” She said softly into the microphone as she remembered the time she was referring to.

* * * * * *

Nick watched Sam stare at him intently as she spoke and he couldn’t help but wonder if she was referencing to what he often thought about…

The cab driver looked over at him through the rear view mirror.

“Where you headed?” he asked.

“Seattle.” Nick responded numbly. He felt his phone vibrate and he fought to get it out of his jeans pocket. Looking down at his phone, he felt his heart clench at the text that appeared. It was from Sam.

Sam: Nick, I’m sorry I couldn’t say goodbye. I guess I was in denial, and thought you wouldn’t really leave. Have a safe trip. I will always wonder what if? Love you, Sam xoxo.

He stared at the message until the words looked blurry. His finger ran along the reply button, as he struggled with what he wanted to do and what he should do. He hit reply. He closed his eyes and there she was in his head, smiling up at him, her big blue eyes staring at him mischievously. He could still remember the way it felt to run his fingers through the length of her blonde hair. He couldn’t pinpoint when the youngest Lanza, grabbed his attention. It had happened too fast. One minute she was Luke and Jake’s rambunctious little sister, the next she was the leading lady in all his dreams. A part of him realized it years ago when he watched her go to bat for her brothers. They could do nothing wrong in her eyes. He remembered wanting to be on the receiving end of all that unconditional love, Sam radiated. It was one of the things that grabbed his attention early on. When she loved something, or someone, she loved them with everything in her. There was no turning it on and off.

He had resisted his feelings for her for a while. When he started noticing her turn from a tomboy to a woman, he hated himself. He tried to remind himself, she was off limits, that she was like a sister to
him, but he knew he was just lying to himself. The truth was that, they had been dancing around each other for years. Flirting and teasing each other whenever the opportunity presented itself. There had been a few times that he would go over to the Lanza’s knowing Luke and Jake weren’t home. He told himself he was checking up on her like one of her brothers would have, but in reality he just wanted to see her. He’d never allow himself to take what he wanted out of respect for the Lanza’s. 

Nick swallowed the lump in his throat as his eyes met Sam’s once more.

* * * * * *

“Anyway the last time I had to say goodbye to anyone, Jake was there for me. He gave me the strength I needed to understand the words I needed to say. 
Still, somehow goodbye wasn’t the saddest word I ever said. No,” she shook her head and glanced at her brother’s casket. “Not until today. It breaks my heart to say goodbye to a person I’ve looked up to, and admired my entire life.” She paused and brushed at her tears. “To say goodbye to the one who has always caught me each time I fell.” She gripped the edge of the podium as she tried to brace herself. “I thought I had more time.” She swallowed hard.

She didn’t want to give up, she wanted to push through. It was the last thing she could give her brother. “I wanted to be there when you needed me, to see you through your darkest days, and when you fell, be the one to catch you for a change. I wanted to pay you back for everything you’ve ever done for me.” She let the tears fall down her cheeks and didn’t pay much attention to them. “I wanted to be there for you, through your whole life and when it was time to say goodbye, I always saw us as old and wrinkly.” Sam lifted her head and watched as Luke stood up, he quietly excused himself and made his way to the back of the church. Sam wondered if it was something she said. She waited a beat before continuing.

“Goodbye will be the saddest word I ever say to you, Jake.” She murmured softly before finding the strength to move her weak legs and slowly stepped off down from the altar. She paused beside her brother’s coffin and placed her palm over the beautiful mahogany. “Until we meet again.” She whispered.

      
She started for her seat, stopping in front of her parents and embracing them before she did in fact find her seat beside Nick. She glanced towards the back of the church trying to seek out Luke, but she couldn’t spot him through the sea of people. She turned back around as Father Gallo wrapped up the service with a final prayer.  Nick leaned into her. She knew this because not only did she feel
him, but his scent tore through her senses.

“You did good kid,” he said in a rough whisper. She dared herself to meet his gaze and when she did, he closed his hand around her knee cap. His touch was soft, and one of comfort. It was innocent enough if they were dating, if they were anything to one another. But they weren’t he had no business touching her like that, as if she belonged to him, as if he cared. Still, she couldn’t bring herself to remove his hand. Even if it was for a moment, and just a moment, she wanted to feel as if she belonged to him and as if he cared about her.

Father Gallo walked over to Deb and Joe and handed them a crucifix that they would keep to remember their son by. The chords of music sounded as the choir began to sing Amazing Grace. Everyone stood. Sam felt Nick brush against her as he made his way towards the other pallbearers. Luke rushed back down the aisle, taking his place across from Nick. Sam watched the silent exchange between them and as if everything was fine, the two of them carried the casket out of the church.

Everyone found their way to their cars and as the procession pulled away from the church, making its way to Jake’s final resting place, the sound of engines roaring blared. Alongside the cars that made their way to the cemetery, were at least three dozen motorcycles. They had started their own procession. It was something Jake would’ve loved to be a part of, if one of his fellow riders had passed, if he was looking down, he would’ve been honored.

* * * * * *

The procession of family and friends made their way to the cemetery where Jake would be laid to rest. At Cara’s request, they had found a plot across from her mother, so the two most important people of her life would spend eternity not too far from one another. Both of them would rest just beneath the willow tree perched on the top of the hill. After Father Gallo concluded his prayers, everyone laid a long stem rose over Jake’s casket. The last of the tears were shed, with promises to return when it all settled in.

Now they all gathered at Rudy’s Bar and Grille for food and drinks. Joe had announced at the cemetery that he and Deb would love for all those who came to pay their respects to join them at Jake’s favorite hangout. The bar was packed and closed to the public. Rudy and his staff hustled to fill the orders as they came in. Nick was standing at the bar beside Luke, who was nursing a scotch. Nick eyed his friend, noticing the look of defeat in his eyes.

“You okay, man?” Nick asked as he loosened the knot of his tie. He pushed his empty tumbler glass towards the edge of the bar and signaled the bartender for a refill.

“I’m fine.” Luke said, snapping out of his trance. He turned around and looked back towards Nick. “I noticed your mother was at the cemetery.”

Nick lifted his gaze to Luke’s. “Yeah, I noticed her too.” The bartender placed his refilled glass in front of him, thankful for the distraction he grabbed the glass and gulped the whiskey. It didn’t matter that it burned like a bitch, thinking of his mother was worse.

“It was nice of her.” Luke added innocently, earning him a dirty look from his pal. “What? She didn’t have to show up to pay her respects. It was nice of her that she did.”

“There was no doubt some hidden agenda behind it, don’t kid yourself.” Nick said as he contemplated what that agenda could be. His mother didn’t do anything out of the kindness of her heart, she didn’t have a heart. “I bet she just showed up to stick her nose where it doesn’t belong.”

“She hasn’t tried to contact you since you’ve been back?” Luke asked as he turned around and leaned his back against the bar while he skimmed the room.

“No, but my father’s been hounding me lately. They have to be working together to fuck with my life a little more.” Nick said bitterly as he downed the rest of his drink. He shrugged his shoulders, shrugging both the effects of the alcohol and the thought of his parents, off. His eyes settled at the table where Sam sat with Phillip and Mallory, and sure enough he caught her staring at him

He watched her sip her drink slowly, pretending to listen to whatever Phillip was saying to her, but Nick recognized that look in her eyes.  He knew when Sam was yearning for something, something Nick would be more than happy to supply her with. He reached behind him and cupped the back of his neck. He had no fucking idea what he was doing with
her, but he knew he couldn’t stop whatever it was. Her tongue snaked out and licked the salt around the rim of her glass and instantly his dick reacted. He shoved his hands into his pockets trying to tent his slacks a bit so he didn’t look like a complete schmuck standing beside Luke with a raging hard on.

He glanced over at Luke, hoping he didn’t catch that he had been
eye-fucking his sister at their brother’s repast. It sounded as bad as it was.  What the hell was he thinking? This girl was making him lose his mind for sure.

“She fucking hates me and I have no idea why.” Luke grumbled.

Nick almost laughed at his friend's words. “Join the club.” Then his brows furrowed and he turned back towards Luke. “Wait a minute, who hates you?”

Luke nodded towards the table where Deb and Joe were sitting with another couple and Cara. She lifted her head from her drink and ran her fingers through her curls. Nick had never seen her look so lost before.

“It’s like she blames me for Jake’s death.” He shook his head and looked over at Nick. “My brother made me promise to take care of her, but she’s making it damn near impossible.”