Broken Silence (9 page)

She shook her head. “No. I don’t want to be in there any longer than I have to.”

“So you’re just going to give evidence and watch the verdict?

“Yeah.”

“Me too.”

“Thanks, Cole,” she whispered.

“Stop thanking me.”

To change the mood, I started a conversation about our childhood and the time she tried to rescue a half-dead bird. She kept it in an old shoebox filled with tissue and made me and Jasper bring it worms because she wouldn’t touch them. It died after two days, and we buried it in her back garden.

“He’s still there, you know.”

“Yep. The new owners probably think ‘Squawk’ is a cat or dog.”

My dad carved the bird’s name into a cross we made from lollypop sticks.

“Poor bird. I was really upset when he died. That was the day I stopped wanting to be a vet.”

I laughed.

“Yeah, you shouted that you couldn’t even save one bird so you would be the ‘rubbishest’ vet ever.”

She was only four. I think that was one of the last times I heard her shout, too.

I took in every part of her as we spoke. Her light blue eyes and long wavy blonde hair. Her full pink lips that I had a hard time not attacking. No one was supposed to be perfect, but to me, she was.

Finally, long after we’d finished eating and drinking, I drove her back.

“Do you want to come in for a bit?” she asked.

“You just don’t want to face your mum and crazy brother alone, do you?”

“That’s not the only reason.”

I was a little taken back with how honest that was. I expected a sarcastic reply.

“Sure, I’ll come in.”
I don’t want to leave you yet either.

I couldn’t help putting my hand on the small of her back as we walked inside. Touching her was too natural. Oakley grabbed the post from the floor as we walked towards the kitchen.

“Oakley?” Sarah called, the second we closed the front door. “Honey, how was it? Are you okay? We’ve been so worried.”

“I’m fine. It was fine. Sorry I made you worry, but everything was alright. I was with Cole.”

I smiled proudly. Everything was alright because she was with me.

“What’s that?” I asked, frowning and turning my head towards the source of the awful noise coming from upstairs.

“Jasper’s showering. He sings in the shower,” Sarah replied, shaking her head in discouragement. He was singing very loudly. I couldn’t make out every word, but I caught a few,
moves
and
Jagger.
Jasper was murdering a perfectly good song.

“What’s wrong?” Oakley’s asked. I spun around and saw her looking at her white-as-a ghost mum.

“It’s a visiting order from prison,” Sarah said. “Max wants to see me.”

Chapter Nine

Oakley

I couldn’t breathe. My lungs were tight.
He
wanted to see Mum. Why? Did he want to explain? Was there even an explanation for what he did? He was trying to talk his way out of it. If he could get Mum on his side… No, that wasn’t going to happen. She would never believe him.

My eyes wouldn’t focus properly. I was vaguely aware of Cole’s arm around my waist, holding me tight. If it wasn’t for him, I probably would have collapsed. What if she
wanted
to see him, too? They were married after all, and she must have things she wanted to say. She never got the chance to talk to him after he was arrested.

“Oakley?” Cole shouted, standing in front of me. He frowned, taking my face in his hands.

Shaking my head to clear my thoughts, I desperately tried to think of something to say.

“Oakley? Are you alright?” Mum asked.

“I’m fine, Mum,” I muttered in reply.

“I’m not going. You know that, don’t you? I don’t ever want to see that man again.”

Mum pulled me away from Cole and into one of those hugs that made me feel like a little girl again. She held me tight and stroked my hair. She used to hug me like that if I’d had a bad dream or hurt myself. It made me feel safe and like nothing bad could happen to me. I stopped feeling completely safe like that from the age of five.

The night she found out she held me, and for the first time in eleven years I believed that eventually it would be okay. That night I felt like I got my mum back.

“Y-You can if you want. I understand if you do.”

This trip was about Mum and Jasper getting closure too, not just me.

“No, Oakley. The only time I want to lay eyes on him again is when he’s being carried away to rot in prison.”

I flinched at how much hate was in her voice.

“Okay,” I whispered.

“What’s going on?” Jasper’s demanded, thudding down the stairs, hair dripping.

“
Max
wants to see Sarah,” Cole explained, making Max sound like a dirty word.

I watched Jasper’s eyes tense and his jaw clench.

“What?” he growled, disbelievingly. His face turned red with anger.

Mum held her hand up.

“I’m not going, Jasper. Of course I’m not.”

“Good! Why can’t that sick bastard just fucking leave us alone?” Jasper paced the room, shaking his head. “What the hell does he want anyway?”

“I doesn’t matter. She’s not going,” Cole said, trying to calm Jasper’s temper.

“It
does
matter,” he countered. “What the hell is going through his sick mind? Does he think Mum would actually want to see him? What was he going to say to her, oh sorry for selling our daughter—”

I cringed and squeezed my eyes closed as if that would prevent me from hearing what Jasper was about to say.

“That’s enough, Jasper,” Mum snapped.

Don’t cry, don’t cry.
I didn’t want to keep crying all the time. I wanted to be stronger than that.

Jasper groaned “Shit. I’m sorry, Oakley.”

“It’s fine.”

He looked like he wanted to say something else, but I wasn’t up for talking about it. I would speak to Mum once Jasper wasn’t around. He would get too angry.

“I’m tired. I’m going to bed.”

Cole looked at me sceptically. He knew that I just wanted to get away. I was tired though. It had been a very long day.

“Call me if you need to talk,” Cole whispered in my ear and hugged me tight.

As soon as Cole left, I went to Lizzie’s room. She was staying at ‘someone’s’ house tonight, so I had the room to myself. I had a feeling Ali made her stay at a friend’s, knowing that I would just want some time alone. I also had a feeling that this someone was Lizzie’s boyfriend.

I laid on the futon and stared up at the ceiling, waiting to fall asleep. Thousands of thoughts were swirling around my head making it impossible to drift off. The scariest one was
what if they get off?
I knew Linda said there was too much evidence, but it wasn’t impossible for a guilty man to be found innocent.

Would Dad have some believable excuse or elaborate story that the jury would believe? It wouldn’t surprise me at all if he did.

I eventually gave in to the fact that sleep was not going to come anytime soon and got up. It was one in the morning so Cole probably wouldn’t appreciate a call now.

I made my way downstairs and into the kitchen. Mum was sitting at the table drinking tea. I blinked to make sure I really had seen her.

“Mum?”

Her head snapped up to me. “Oh, hi, sweetheart. Everything okay?”

“Yeah, just couldn’t sleep. What about you?”

“Same.”

I chewed my lip and sat down opposite her. Drinking tea at one in the morning wasn’t a good sign.

“Can we talk, or are you going to bed?”

“No. Of course we can talk. I’ll make us a drink; this one’s cold now anyway.”

I watched Mum boil the kettle and get the mugs out. She was too calm. That meant something was bothering her. Dad.

“Are you okay, Mum?”

She nodded and busied herself making hot chocolate. I smiled as she sat back down, handing me a mug.

“What do you want to talk about?” she asked.

“Dad, and what happened earlier.”

She pursed her lips and nodded once. “I thought so.”

“I know you said you didn’t want to see him, but if you’re only doing that because of me then please don’t. You were married for a long time, so I understand if there are things you need to talk to him about. If you want answers or
—”

“Oakley, I appreciate you thinking of me, but I
hate
that man. You won’t understand until you’re a mother yourself, but when someone hurts your child you want to kill them.”

I blinked in shock. I knew that Mum loved me, but I didn’t understand how deeply.

“I stopped loving him the second I found out what he’d done. If I had the opportunity I would pull the trigger on him myself.”

Mum had never said anything like that to me before. It made me want to cry. I finally realised how wrong Dad had been: Mum would never have abandoned me for speaking out. I wish I had known that years ago, but I was a kid, and I believed my dad.

“I’m so sorry I didn’t protect you.” A tear slid down her face and I instantly got up, moving around to her side of the table and hugging her.
No.

“Please, please stop apologising, Mum. There was no way you could have known what was happening,” I whispered
and blinked to clear the tears. Mum had said sorry so many times over the past four years, but it wasn’t her that should be sorry.

“I should have,” she murmured against my hair. “I don’t understand how you’re not angry with me.”

“Because it wasn’t your fault.”

She pulled back and wiped the tear from my face. “I’m so proud of you. The way you’re handling everything is unbelievable. You deserve to be happy. Cole makes you happy, doesn’t he?”

“Yeah, he does.”

“I bet he’d come to Australia if you asked him.”

I shook my head. “I wouldn’t ask him to do that four years ago and I won’t now.”

“You could always move back here.”

“Trying to get rid of me?”

“Yeah, you’re a pain in the arse. Seriously, though, it’s something you should consider if you want it.”

“I don’t think I could live here again.”

Her face fell as she understood exactly why I couldn’t be here. Too much reminded me of Dad and Frank, and Cole’s parents lived so close to our old house. Although
I’d moved on as much as I could and can now talk about it without breaking down, I still wasn’t ready for all those physical reminders.

“Don’t let them ruin your happiness, Oak. Find a way of being with Cole if that’s what you want. He’s one of the good ones, you know.”

I grinned. “I know he is. I just don’t know if it could work. If he moved to Australia and left behind his family, friends, dream job, and now his house, he’d end up resenting me.”

“You’re wrong. That boy could never resent you.”

“He might, and I’m not willing to take that risk.”

Mum shook her head at me and smiled as if to say,
you silly girl.
I don’t think anyone truly understood my feelings for Cole though. He would always come before me.

“Miles is one of the good ones, too.”

I held my breath as I waited for her to respond.

She sighed and stroked the handle of the mug.

“Miles and I are friends. That is all either of us want.”

I opened my mouth to argue her blatant lie. They were both crazy about each other.

“Please,” she said. “Not tonight.”

“Okay. Another night then.”

“Have you spoken to Cole much about the trial?” she asked, changing the subject.

“A little.”

“You never speak to me about it.” She frowned, hurt. Why would she want me to talk about it with her? He was her husband. No one wanted to hear the man they built a life with was a monster.

“I didn’t think you’d want to. I didn’t want you to feel guilty.”

Mum took my hand. “I’ll feel guilty whether you talk about it or not. You
should
be able to talk to me. I want you to. There is nothing we can’t discuss.” I smiled and squeezed her hand. She looked me in the eyes.

“Will you tell me how it started?”

Instantly dropping my smile, I swallowed hard. She wanted to talk about that?

“What?” I whispered.

“If it’s too hard I’ll understand, but I think we both need to do this before the trial.”

“You really want to know now? You’re sure?”

I watched her gulp. She didn’t
want
to, she
had
to.

“Yes. I need to know.”

I had managed to go four years without breaking her heart completely. Now I was going to finish the job. She was right though. She did need to know. I took a deep breath and launched into everything.

I didn’t stop when she started crying or when it looked like she was going to be sick, although I wanted to.

She sat silently as I told her how Dad had watched everything Frank did to me. How scared I was and how afraid I became of my own dad. I told her how I blamed myself for years; I thought it was all my fault. When I told her that I tried to tell her a week after it started, but Dad got to me first and told me not to talk again, she sobbed.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered.

Mum shook her head. “No, don’t. Don’t you ever be sorry. Honey, I…” She gasped for breath and pulled me into a hug. “I– I don’t know…”

“It’s okay. You don’t have to say anything.” I sank into her side, trying to disappear. Finally, everything was out in the open, but I didn’t feel much relief.

“You are so brave, my beautiful girl.”

I didn’t feel brave. I’d run away, half way across the world, to escape from everything. Tired and desperate were better words I would use to describe myself. I was tired of trying to move on. Tired of seeing their faces. Tired of being scared that they would somehow get to me again. Most of all I was just desperate to get my life back.

She took a deep breath and wiped her tears. “I keep trying to think of things. Anything that I missed, but there’s nothing.”

“Because we didn’t let there be anything. I didn’t want you to find out as much as he didn’t. Dad told me so many different things over the years. He told me that you would hate me. You wouldn’t want me any more; that it would kill you, and that you wouldn’t believe me. I was so scared. As I got older, I realised you wouldn’t, but I knew it would break your heart, and I didn’t want that. After it stopped, I convinced myself that everything would be okay, so I forced myself to leave it in the past.”

“I believe you. I would always have believed you.”

“I know that now, and it means a lot.”

Mum pulled me into another hug; this one was tighter and almost squeezed the air from my lungs.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa. What’s going on here?” Jasper asked, appearing in the doorway. “Oh, I see, having secret hot chocolate moments without me. I’m hurt.” He pretended to stab his heart.

Mum sighed and shook her head in discouragement.

“Sit down, Jasper.” She got up to make him a drink.

Jasper sat down. “Sorry about earlier. I wasn’t thinking. We cool?”

“Yeah, it’s fine. Let’s just forget it.”

“Okay. So what are you two talking about? How awesome I am?”

Mum snorted which made me laugh.

“See, this is why I’m unable to love,” he said, waving his hand in Mum’s direction. “Well, actually it was Abby whoring herself to my best friend, but you’re not helping. When you’re sitting in your big death chair in the retirement home, crying to yourself about never seeing your only son get married, just remember it was half your fault.”