Broken Silence (4 page)

He fell silent. My words hung over us like a dark cloud. Cole finally spoke first. “What? What do you mean?”

I lowered my head and wished I hadn’t said anything at all.

“Oakley?” he prompted.

Sighing, I turned my head, looking away from him. I didn’t want to see his face when I confessed what I really thought. I knew now that what happened to me wasn’t my fault, but it didn’t change how I felt about myself.

“You deserve someone that isn’t like me… someone that isn’t used, dirty and—”

“Don’t finish that sentence,” he snapped, making me jump. I kept my eyes firmly fixed on one particular blade of grass that was slightly longer than the rest. “Look at me, Oakley. Please.”

I took a deep breath and followed his instruction. He was closer than before. His eyes pierced into mine. My breath caught in my throat, and my heart went wild. I didn’t really expect him to kiss me, but I wanted him to so much.

His face slowly softened. The hard line of his jaw disappeared. “What happened wasn’t your fault,” he said.

“I know, but I can’t help how it makes me feel.” I blinked a few times to stop the tears falling. The only time I had admitted that out loud was in therapy. It wasn’t something I spoke about with Mum or Jasper because I didn’t want them to feel guilty.

“You
—”

“Cole, please. I can’t talk about this now.” Seeing him after four years and having
that
conversation so soon was too much. I seriously didn’t want to get into what they did or how I felt about it.

He sighed heavily, and I could tell he wanted to talk about it. He probably wanted to try to make me feel better. “Okay,” he said. I knew he would let it go for now, but he would definitely bring it up again.

“I’m so sorry, Cole. I
really
did think I was doing the best thing,” I whispered. By leaving I had thrown away my chance at a future with him but he did deserve better.

Cole laughed, but there was no humour to it. “You know how many times I wanted to come out there?” He ran his hands through his short hair, tugging it lightly. “I shouldn’t have listened to you. I tried to date again, but I compared every woman to you, and no one ever came close.”

A metallic taste filled my mouth. “I’m sorry,” I repeated and wiped my eyes.

“Doesn’t matter any more,” he muttered.

That was a lie. It still mattered, and he knew it did.

“It does matter,” I said. Fresh tears rolled down my cheeks, and I swiped them away.

He rubbed his hands over his face roughly. “I can’t do this, Oakley.”

I nodded. It was too much for me too. Before I completely broke down and cried like a baby in front of him, I got up to go to find Mum and Jasper. 

I needed to leave; this was all too hard. Just as I opened the French doors, Cole said, “Do you regret it?” I turned back to face him, and he continued, “Not letting me come with you?”

“Every day,” I replied and walked into the house.

I wanted him back. I wanted to put everything right, but I had no idea how that would be possible, or if he even wanted me to. He was still too angry to forgive me, and I wasn’t sure if he could ever get past it. Whatever happened though, I knew was still completely in love with him.

Chapter Four

Cole

I watched her walk back into the house, and I couldn’t move off the step.
She’s back
. My heart threatened to leap out of my chest.
I can’t believe she’s here.
All I wanted to do was kiss her. The door closed, shutting her off from me, and I felt sick. Jumping up, I followed her into the house.

Maybe I shouldn’t have said all that, but I needed to tell her. I hated when she was upset, and knowing I’d caused it made me feel like shit, but at least it was out there.

Oakley stood with everyone else in the kitchen, her back to me. She was taller, just a little though. Since she now wore make-up, she looked older. I suspect if she took it off she would look exactly the same. She still had the angelic face and soft, smooth skin. Her hair was down to her waist and streaked with lighter blonde highlights.

“Where’s Mia?” Oakley asked my mum. The sound of her voice made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. She really did have a
very
sexy husky voice. I wanted to grab her, carry her to my room, lock the door, and make up for lost time.

“She’ll be back soon. She’s just taken Fifi to Fun to Play.”

Oakley turned, following Mum as she moved to the fridge. She frowned. “Taken who to what?”

I laughed and stepped forwards, just a little bit closer. She turned around and took a deep breath.

“Leona. She’s taken Leona to one of those indoor soft play centres,” I replied. Oakley nodded, biting her bottom lip. Her beautiful blue eyes were glazed over slightly from crying.

“I don’t think they’ll be long. Are you staying to wait for her?” Mum asked.

I watched Oakley’s reaction carefully; she looked so torn.

Sarah touched Mum’s arm and smiled. “We have time. I’d love to see Mia again, and meet Leona.” I could have kissed her.

Oakley smiled at her mum, that fake little smile that didn’t reach her eyes.
She doesn’t want to stay.
Not that I could be surprised after our conversation. She had to know that she was wrong, and I was never better off without her in my life.

What she said about not being good enough for me was just ridiculous. I hated that she felt that way about herself. I should have killed Max and Frank when I had the chance. They deserved to rot in prison for what they did.

“Dude, your hair looked better before,” Jasper said, staring at my head.

“Thanks, Jasper. Missed you too.”

Jasper’s eyes flicked to his sister; they looked like they were having some weird silent conversation. Finally, she nodded and rolled her eyes.
And that means what?
Four years ago, it was me and Oakley that could have a conversation without words.

“Oh my God! I’m so glad you’re staying for a bit. We’re gonna watch a movie, so come sit,” Kerry said, pulling Oakley and Jasper towards the sofas. Over the past four years, the only thing that changed about Kerry was the length of her hair. She was still the same, slightly crazy, over-talking, hyperactive girl.

I sat beside Oakley without thinking about it. It still felt natural to be close to her. She sat awkwardly; her body was tense. It was like she was nervous. My leg was almost touched hers, and I could feel the heat radiating from her.

“What’s the movie?” Jasper asked Kerry, blatantly staring at her cleavage. He hadn’t changed a bit!

‘
Piranha
.’

Oakley’s head snapped to Jasper, and he smirked, about to say something. “Beach party,” she said quickly. His mouth closed, and he looked back at the screen.

“Okay,
what
happened at this party?” I asked. It must be good if Jasper stopped taking the piss out of someone because of it.

“Nothing, Cole. Shut up, Oakley,” he snapped and frowned at his sister. Oh, I was going to be asking her later. Maybe that could be some sort of ice breaker? We needed to talk more, but I didn’t want it to end in an argument again. Everything had just spilled out at once.

She laughed quietly, making me smile. That was the first time I’d heard her laugh properly in fifteen years. I couldn’t help smiling like an idiot.

“You won’t be laughing when you’re screaming like a girl in the middle of the night ’cause you’re dreaming the little fish are eating you!” Jasper replied.

“Jasper performed a striptease to ‘Poker Face’ at a beach party,” Oakley announced, folding her arms over her chest and raising her eyebrows at Jasper.

“A
striptease
?” I repeated.

“It wasn’t a striptease! What the hell is wrong with you, Oakley?”

“It was a striptease. Although I don’t know if he actually went all the way. I left when his hands reached the top of his boxers.” She shuddered in disgust. “He sang and everything though.” Jasper mumbled a string of swear words under his breath.

“Repeat performance, please?” Kerry asked.

“I don’t think so, puddin’.”

“Did you just call me puddin’?”

Oakley shook her head. “You know nothing about women, Jasper.”

“I know enough to get what I want.”

“Pig,” Kerry scoffed.

The movie started and everyone shut up. I was suddenly really aware that my arm was almost touching hers and that I could smell her hair – it smelled of raspberries. My heart was going to explode!
Be cool. Don’t make yourself look like a dick!

She glanced at me out of the corner of her eye. I smiled, and she smiled back. It was almost too intense. The atmosphere around us felt like… I didn’t even know how to explain it. Everything just felt on fire. The inch or so of air between us was too much.

Across the room, I saw Chelsea looking at Oakley. It was like she was trying to figure her out and occasionally clenched her jaw. I really hoped Oakley wouldn’t notice. I knew it would make her feel awkward if she did, and I didn’t ever want her to feel awkward being at my house.

I didn’t know what to do about Chelsea: we weren’t together, and I had never led her to believe we ever would be. She didn’t really have the right to act like a jealous girlfriend.

I sat uncomfortably and forced myself to look at the screen. I should have sat somewhere else. I couldn’t concentrate on anything but the beautiful little blonde beside me. Suddenly never having another relationship didn’t seem that pathetic. Being a sad twat for four years was worth it.

Kerry waved the empty bowl of popcorn at me and raised her eyebrows. “Your turn, Cole.”

Sighing, I grabbed the bowl and made my way into the kitchen. I was actually glad to leave that room for a minute. I needed some time to pull myself together. How could she still affect me so much?

Grabbing the popcorn bag, I turned around and almost slammed into Jasper. He was just standing still behind me like a psycho. “What the hell, man?”

He smirked and cocked his head to the side. “Sorry, dude, did I scare you?” The sarcastic bastard. I glared for a second but then shook my head. There was no point in even trying with him.

His face suddenly turned serious, losing that cocky edge. He took a step closer to me and was uncomfortably close, but I think that was the point.

“What happened? What did you do to her? She’s been crying, and I don’t like it when she’s upset.”

“I didn’t do anything to her,” I replied, frowning. How the hell could he think I did something, anything, to her? “We talked. There were things that needed to be said.”

“Couldn’t it have waited?” he asked, folding his arms over his chest. “She’s my sister, don’t upset her okay?”

“She’s my
…” I trailed off, managing to stop myself before I said ‘girlfriend’. She wasn’t my girlfriend, and she hadn’t been for a long time. So why did I still think of her as mine?

Jasper smirked. “Your…?” he prompted.

I gritted my teeth. “Nothing.” Shaking my head, I threw the popcorn bag in the microwave roughly and punched the start button. “If you keep giving me that look I’m gonna punch you, Jasper.”

“What’s the deal with the new chick? If you’re screwing her? Tell me now so I can make sure Oakley’s not around to see it,” he said bluntly.

“Not that it has anything to do with you, but I’m not
screwing
her. Even if I was it would be Oakley’s fault. She left me. She moved ten thousand, five hundred and fifty-five miles away!”

“Right, because she
really
wanted to!”

“She still did it!”

He sighed loudly. “Just don’t hurt her.”

What? Was he really saying all that shit to me? “
Me
hurt
her
?”

“Yes. Don’t, or I’ll cut your balls off.” He looked at me with hard serious eyes. I stared at him in disbelief, and he shrugged. “Well, big brother bit over. How’ve you been?”

“Jasper, has anyone ever diagnosed you with anything? Personality disorder or…”

He rolled his eyes but grinned too. “Not you too.”

“I think if more than one person comments on it you should make an appointment.”

He grin widened. “There’s nothing wrong with my personalities. They’re all awesome”

“So you all grown up and settled down yet?”

He looked at me as if I’d grown a second head. “You’re kidding, right? Have you seen how hot the girls are in Oz?
And
we live near the beach. Bikinis baby! I’m never settling down, ever.”

“Okay then.”

“You got over my sister?” I glared. Jasper had no boundaries. “That’ll be a no then. So what
is
new around here?”

“I can’t keep up with you!” One minute he was the protective big brother ready to rip my head off, then he was back to ‘normal’, if Jasper could ever be described as that.

He shrugged. “Women have that problem too.”

Raising my hands, I started to walk out of the room. Screw the popcorn.

“She’s been miserable you know,” he said.

I stopped and turned around. I needed to hear that she missed me too, and not just from her. “What?”

“I thought she’d be okay after a while but she never stopped looking sad. I hate seeing her that unhappy every single day. Just do me a favour, don’t give her too much of a hard time. She didn’t want to leave. She was going through a lot of… stuff.” He frowned.

“Yeah, I know she was.” Well, I didn’t know. I would never know what she went through, none of us would.

Jasper got the popcorn out of the microwave. “Ouch, popcorn bitch!” he hissed as the bag burnt his fingers.

Grinning, I went back in the lounge. “Your brother hasn’t changed one bit,” I said to Oakley as I sat back down.

“What did he say?”

“Something about bikinis.”

She laughed. “Yeah, he really likes the beach.”

I would have liked it too. Hanging out in the sun with Oakley all day sounds pretty perfect to me.

“This is getting scary so don’t go anywhere,” she said.
I’m not the one that goes anywhere.

Shortly after the film finished, Mia and Leona pulled up outside. They never usually took so long, but I was grateful they had – at least there’d been time for things to relax a little between me and Oakley. Mia’s jaw dropped as she walked in. She dropped Leona’s bag and ran to Oakley.

“Oh my God!”

There was a lot of hugging after that. Leona took to Oakley straight away and refused to leave her side.

“We should get to Ali’s now, kids,” Sarah said. “Maybe we can meet up soon though?”

“Tomorrow?” Mum said and hugged her.

Oakley smiled. Everyone else had said goodbye. I wasn’t quite sure what to do. Well, I knew what I wanted to do, but it was completely inappropriate in front of an audience.
Screw it.
I stepped forward and wrapped my arms around her.

She gripped hold of me and buried her head in the crook of my neck. I felt like I could breathe again. I had missed this so much. She clung onto me as if she was afraid I was going to disappear if she didn’t. I gently pressed my lips to the top of her head and held her tighter.

I didn’t want to let go, even when her arms loosened around my waist. She had to leave though. Gritting my teeth, I let go. When she took a step back, I felt like I was being kicked in the gut.

She stared up at me with those sky-blue eyes and said, “See you soon?”

“Yeah. Tomorrow.” Twenty-four hours away.
Man up, Cole!

“That sounds good,” she replied and bit her lip nervously, releasing it as she smiled.  I groaned internally: she was sexy as hell.

“Oakley, get your tiny backside in the effing car,” Jasper shouted, breaking our probably not-even-a-moment moment.

She rolled her eyes. “That’s my cue. Bye, Cole.”

I nodded once. “Bye.”

Mum closed the door, and Mia turned to me. “Well, well, well.”

Holding my hand up, I said, “Don’t say a word.”