Broken Silence (2 page)

“And what, I should just turn up on his doorstep and get back together until the trial ends and we come back? Like you said, it’s been four years. He has a whole new life. He could be married for all we know!” The thought of him being married quite honestly felt like I was being stabbed in the heart.

“I think Jenna would have mentioned something like that,” he replied and raised one eyebrow. Okay, yes she would, but that didn’t mean there wasn’t someone in his life. This was
Cole.
He was the most incredible, sweet, beautiful, funny, generous, and caring person in the world.

“Whatever. I’m not gonna do anything stupid and mess up his life.”

“Then maybe you shouldn’t have left him behind.”

My eyes prickled, filling with tears. That was low.

“Shit! I’m sorry, Oakley,” he said, and grimaced as I pushed myself off the sofa.

I raised one hand, telling him to back off. “It’s fine. I’m going to bed. Night, Jasper.”

He groaned in frustration as I walked away. The problem was that Jasper was half right, and that’s what stung.

As soon as I had finished in the bathroom, I got straight into bed. I hadn’t done much all day, but I felt exhausted. Tucked under the pillow on the spare side of my bed was Cole’s hoodie – the only thing of his I had. It stopped smelling of his aftershave long ago, but it was his and that meant everything to me.

My throat burned, and I swallowed hard to try to stop myself crying, but it was no use. I buried my head in his hoodie and cried silently so no one would hear.

Although we never spoke about my feelings for Cole, Mum and Jasper knew I was still in love with him. On the rare occasion I went out, Mum had encouraged me to meet someone else, but I couldn’t help comparing them all to Cole – and they never lived up to him. No else one could make me feel
normal
.

I laid in bed awake for most of the night, thinking about what Jasper had said. I tried not to let any doubt enter my mind, but when he said things like that, I couldn’t help it. Did I do the right thing? Was Mum right when she had said he could come to a school here? They had the course he’d wanted to do, but it wasn’t the university he wanted. All his family and friends were in England too. If he had come, would he have ended up resenting me for making him give all that up?

I groaned and ran my hands over my face. Going over it again wasn’t helping. I had made the decision, and I had to live with it, and so did he. Soon enough though, I’d get to see whether Cole felt I’d done the right thing, or if I’d made he biggest mistake of both of our lives

Our suitcases were already in the boot of the car. Mum and Jasper were having a quick tidy before we left for the airport, so I took the last opportunity I would get to do something I knew Mum hadn’t.

“Back soon,” I called from the front door so I could get out before anyone questioned where I was going. I walked along the beach and knowing this was the last time for a while gave me a heavy heart. The beach was my getaway, and I was going to miss it.

His house wasn’t too far from ours, so I made it in just over five minutes. Taking a deep breath, I knocked on his door and waited.

“Oakley, hi,” Miles said, frowning a little and shaking his head in confusion. I knew where he lived but had never gone round before.

“Hi. Can I come in for a minute?” Miles stepped aside, making room for me to walk in. “Has she told you we’re going back to England?” I asked, deciding to get straight to the point. There had been a lot of miscommunication between them, so I wanted to be clear.

His face fell, and I wanted to slap my mum for being so blind to how much he cared about her. “No, she hasn’t. How long are you going for?”

“I’m not sure. However long the trial lasts I suppose.”

“Right. Of course. Sorry, I didn’t think.”

I waved my hand, making light of the situation. “It’s fine. I just thought you should know. Look, Miles, she likes you but you’re gonna have to make the first move. She’s scared and stubborn. She needs to see how much you care.”

He smiled and nodded, brushing his dark, greying hair with his hand. “How?”

I laughed at the thought of giving a forty-something-year-old man love life advice.

“She’s insisting on leaving her mobile here, so she can concentrate on me, apparently.  I know she’s just scared though, so here,” I said, handing him a piece of paper. “That’s my mobile number. The trial’s going to be hard for her too, and as much as she will not admit it, she would really appreciate you calling. Don’t email, she can avoid that.”

“Right.” He smiled. “Thank you. I’ll call. I promise.” Miles took the paper, slipping it in his back pocket.

“I know you will, or I’ll get Jasper to kick your arse when we get back,” I joked.

He laughed quietly and shook his head. “I hope everything goes well. Oh, is that the right thing to say?” he asked and grimaced.

“I’m not sure, so yes, that’s okay. Thanks, Miles.”

He breathed a sigh of relief and smiled. “Okay, good. You’ll let me know how everything goes?”

I smiled, raising my eyebrows. “Mum will, when you call.”

“Alright,” he replied with a chuckle. “I’ll see you when you get back then?”

I nodded, walking back to the door. “See ya later.”

“Bye, Oakley.”

I really hoped he would call. As scared as Mum was, she deserved to be happy. Miles was a great guy. Nothing like my dad.

As always, Jasper was waiting for me when I got back. I had only been gone twenty minutes. “Everything’s fine,” I told him before he could ask.

“Oh good you’re back, honey. Jasper, have you got your passport?” Mum said and locked the front door. I got in the back of the car because I knew Jasper would probably moan like a child if he couldn’t sit in the front.

“Yeah,” he grunted and got in the seat in front of me. “Why didn’t you ask Oakley that too?” Mum shot him a sarcastic smile that made me laugh. “Whatever,” he mumbled under his breath.

“You emailed Jenna, right? They definitely know we’re coming back for a while?” I asked.

“Yes, I emailed.”
Okay, that’s good.
I didn’t want to run into them without them knowing it was a possibility.

Part of me was excited at the thought of seeing Cole again. I had missed everything about him for the last four years. I want to hear his voice again and see him smile. The other part of me was terrified. The thought of him hating me hurt so much. I was also scared that I might have to watch him be with someone else, and if I had to, I would I only have myself to blame.

Chapter Two

Cole

My so-called friend, Ben sighed. “It’s pathetic!”

“
No
, it’s romantic,” Kerry argued. At least one of them was on my side.

“Romantic? It’s been
four years
, and he
still
mopes around like a teenage girl that’s just found out Justin-what’s-his-face is off the market,” Ben countered and pointed his finger at me as if it wasn’t clear who he was talking about. “Back me up, Cole. It’s pathetic, right?”

“Thank you,” I muttered. I wasn’t completely pathetic. There had been a few dates since Oakley left but they never turned into anything. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t force myself to want a relationship with any other women, which fucked me over royally because she left. She rejected me and then left.

Ben held his hand up as Kerry opened her mouth to argue her side again. “I’m just sayin’, maybe it’s time to give Chelsea a chance. She’s a great girl, and she lives in
England
.”

I sighed and rubbed my jaw. Chelsea was a great girl. She was pretty, had a good sense of humour, and was intelligent, but she wasn’t Oakley. I met Chelsea on the first day of university, and we had been friends ever since. She had hinted a few times that she wanted more, but I didn’t want to lead her on just on the off chance that I could grow to like her romantically.

Kerry slapped Ben across the chest with the back of her hand. The sound made a solid thud. “Don’t tell him that, Ben! Oakley is clearly his soul mate.”

“Who ditched him to move half way across the world.”

That fucking hurt.

“Because she thought she was doing the best thing for him.
He
should have gone after her. They could be sunning themselves on a gorgeous beach in paradise right now.”

I tried to go with her. She didn’t want me.

“
But
he didn’t, and it’s been
four years
. She’s probably with some other guy now, sunning themselves on the beach!”

I closed my eyes and pushed away the thought of another man touching her. Would she even allow that? She let me, but we had been friends forever. She knew I would never hurt her. Oakley’s trust meant everything to me, and the fact that she felt comfortable and safe enough to get that close made me feel a thousand feet tall.

Half of me hoped she would never let another man near her, and the other half hoped she would. I wanted her to be happy, and for those bastards not to have completely ruined any chance she had of being happy.

Four years on, and I still thought of her as mine.

“Either change the subject or I’m leaving,” I hissed. The whole conversation was making me feel sick. Kerry was right about one thing; I should have followed her. Staying here was the biggest regret I had, but it seemed like she didn’t want me to go with her. I was scared to go flying out there and surprise her in case she told me to go back.

For the first few weeks, we sent text messages. Well, it was mostly me plaguing her with texts. She kept apologising for everything and saying that I should forget her. Forgetting her wasn’t going to happen: she was a huge part of my life and had been since we were both kids.

I understood completely that she couldn’t be here any more. After what those fuckers did to her of course she wouldn’t want constant reminders, but she was wrong about my life being here. I didn’t get enough time to convince her; she just left. It was too late now, of course.

“What are we talking about?” Chelsea asked, taking a seat next to me and grabbing the menu. I hadn’t even see her come in.

“How romantic Cole is,” Kerry said, at the same time Ben came out with, ‘How pathetic Cole is.’ Kerry and Ben were made for each other. Obviously ‘Change the subject’ meant something completely different to them than it did to me.

“Right.” Chelsea laughed and shot me a brief smile. “So, are we going out tonight?”

“Oh definitely,” Kerry said and launched into a conversation about where we were going. Thankfully that ended the topic of my pathetic-ness over Oakley.

By the time I joined their conversation, everything was planned. We were all meeting at mine at eight and getting a taxi into town.

“See you all later,” I said as we parted in the car park.

“Bye, loser,” Ben shouted.
Great.

My parents, my Mia and my niece, Leona – or Fifi as we often called her due to her obsession with
Fifi and the Flowertots
– were sitting on the sofa watching
Cinderella
.

“Hi, sweetheart,” Mum said, struggling to hold Leona still as she bounced around on her lap.

One thing I had learnt since Mia had Leona was that children were loud. They also often made a huge mess and wouldn’t keep still.

“Hi,” I replied, frowning at being called sweetheart at twenty-two.

I walked into the kitchen to make a cup of tea and Mia followed.
One, two, three…
“You’ve got the ‘I’m thinking about Oakley’ face on again.”

I’m pretty sure that’s just my usual face
.

“I don’t want to talk about it. I want to go murder a bunch of people on the PlayStation until I go out later.”

She gave me a sympathetic smile. “Who are you going out with?”

“Kerry, Ben, and Chelsea.”

“Chelsea too, huh?”

“We’re just friends, Mia,” I said and rolled my eyes.

“I know that. Does she?”

“No, I thought I’d string her along until I stopped thinking about Oakley all the damn time.” I started out being sarcastic, but the end of that sentence was honest,
too
honest. I still thought about Oakley all
the time. It had just ended so suddenly. One minute she was there and the next they took off to Australia with no warning.

“Aww, Cole.”

I held my hand up. “Don’t.” I didn’t need the pitying looks or sympathetic words. I would be fine. There wasn’t any other choice. I wished Oakley had lied and told me she didn’t want me and she didn’t love me. That way I would know it was a definite end, and there was no chance of us getting back together.

Mia opened her mouth again to talk, even though I had told her not to, but thankfully, Leona skipped into the room, brushing her fringe out of her eyes.

“Untle Ole!” she yelled and ran at me. I managed to sweep her up just before she smashed into my crotch. Again.

Leona still had problems pronouncing her Cs, so I was ‘Untle Ole’. I smiled at her and said, “Can you say
C-
ole.”

“Ole,” she chirped proudly, making me laugh.
Close enough!
I took her in the lounge to escape another Oakley conversation with Mia. She wriggled in my arms, waving her doll around and almost smacking me in the face with it.

“Maybe you could actually fix it, David?” Mum said dryly, hitting her laptop as if that was magically going to make it work.

“It’s not that simple, Jenna!” Dad countered, matching her tone.
Well at least this argument isn’t about how romantic or pathetic I am.

“Oh how hard can it be? Just call the internet people, there must be someone in charge of the internet!”

I laughed. Mum turned and glared. Leona giggled along too even though she had no idea what she was laughing at. Mum had no fucking clue when it came to anything technical.

“It’s the router, Jenna, not the entire internet!” Dad said, shaking his head and walking off to his study where the router was.

Holding Leona over the sofa, she started laughing and squealing immediately, knowing what I was about to do.

“Ready?” I said slowly, making her squeal louder. I dropped her on the cushions, and she screamed like she was being murdered. Kids were so easy to amuse; all you had to do was chuck them around a bit.

Leona had been with Chris-the-dick all morning, so she was on a sugar high. All she had to do was smile at him, and he gave her whatever she wanted – usually sweets. At least Chris-the-dick stuck around. He surprised everyone there. As much as I hated to admit it, he was a good dad. I still wouldn’t piss on him if he was on fire though.

Grabbing my mail from the side table, I escaped to my room. Having Leona around was great, but at the end of the day I was exhausted. She had too much energy. I flopped down on the bed and ripped the first envelope open.

Please have something decent in here.
The estate agent had sent me a few new houses. I had seen about six already, but they were shit holes. Refurbishment I could handle, but I didn’t want to do anything structural.

Two out of the five were okay, and I would make an appointment to view, the rest I threw in the bin. House hunting was something I was meant to do
with Oakley. When we were together, I thought about stuff like that. We were eventually supposed to move in together. I hated that I would now be living alone.

Oakley was on my mind more than usual lately. The trials were starting soon. I hoped those scum would rot in prison for the rest of their lives. At first, I didn’t want to go. I didn’t want to hear the details. I had given a full statement of what happened the day she called me and it was going to be read out in court.

Now, though, I wanted to be there. I needed to watch them go down, and I wanted to see her again. It would only be on a screen, but it was still better than old photos. I would get to hear her voice. I only got two weeks of hearing her speak again and that just wasn’t enough.

“Hey,” Chelsea said, letting herself into my room. Damn, it was quarter to eight already. Moping around in your own self-pity really passed the time!

I smiled and sat up. “Hey. You look nice.”

She wore an extremely low cut, extremely tight black dress. It looked painted it on. I wasn’t used to seeing quite that much of her, but I wasn’t exactly complaining. Oakley would never wear anything like that. It wasn’t her style, and she certainly didn’t need to do anything to get herself noticed.

Chelsea laughed and slapped my shoulder playfully, running her hand down my arm. “Thanks. You look the same as earlier!”

“Yeah, I should get changed.” I got up and grabbed a pair of jeans and black shirt. Usually I would change in my room but Chelsea sat on the bed, clearly going nowhere. She’s a great girl but was becoming more forward, and I didn’t want to lead her on.

I walked back in my room after changing in the bathroom to get Chelsea and go downstairs to safety. Kerry and Ben would be here soon. She was lounging on my bed as if it was hers.
Make yourself at home.
“We should wait downstairs; they’ll be here in a minute,” I said, nodding towards the door.

“Sure.” She swung her legs off the bed and pushed herself up.

Sighing, I followed her downstairs. Thankfully, my parents were out to dinner, and Mia was probably trying to get Leona to sleep.

“They’re here,” Chelsea said, peering out of the window.
Good.
Kerry was sitting in the back of the car. It was as if she knew I wanted to escape any awkward scene with Chelsea because she rarely let me have the front seat.

“Ready to get smashed?” Kerry said the second I was in the car.

“Beyond ready,” I replied. I wanted to get so off my face I couldn’t even remember Oakley’s name.

We walked into the club, and I headed straight for the bar with Ben. After ordering a beer,
Coke, glass of wine and a disgusting blue WKD, Ben and I carried the drinks to the table the girls had managed to get. It was still quite early, so the club wasn’t very full yet, still there weren’t any free tables now.

Chelsea shot me another flirtatious look and sipped her WKD. She knew that I didn’t want more than friendship from her; I had made that clear. Did she think I would change my mind if she showed off more skin?

The few dates I had been on since Oakley had ended in fuck all. I felt as if I were cheating, which pissed me off so much because she was the one that left me behind. Oakley left me, and I felt like I couldn’t see anyone else.

Everyone told me to move on – everyone but Kerry, anyway. She wanted me to wait for Oakley. ‘When the time is right you’ll be reunited and live happily ever after’, she told me multiple times. I knew that was crap, but I couldn’t help hoping.

Three beers, two JDs and Coke, and five shots later, I was wasted. The women were more attractive, and I wasn’t a pathetic mess waiting for someone that had fucked off and was staying fucked off.

“Cole,” Chelsea slurred, gripping my arm to hold herself up. “Come dance with me?”

I shook my head. “No. I like the bar.” I slumped against the wooden counter and raised my hand for the bartender. “Double JD and Coke, please. Want anything, Chels?”

“No thanks.” She huffed and spun around, storming off.

“What’re you laughing at?” Ben asked, sitting down on the stool next to me.

I waved my hand. “Don’t worry.” My body was heavy. I hadn’t been so dunk in a while.