Broken Trouble (Broken Storm #1) (30 page)

              "You're telling me that a girl with a record of having a problem in every single place she had ever been, has caused none while she was here?"

              The guys had started drifting to the porch, too nosy to stay away. Dylan stepped out of the house with Landon, leaning against the other end of the porch. Jayden somehow sneaked up behind me to lean against the porch rail, while Wyatt watched from the steps. Gavin was nowhere to be seen.

              "That's what I'm saying. She's warmed up nicely to everyone here and I think we're all better for it," Polly said, rocking back and forth on the swing. "You can ask the boys if you'd like."

              "I have no need to talk to them. I just need to have a word in private with Nova before we leave," Mrs. Dollghen waved off her offer, as if Polly’s words were pesky gnats. She stood and tucked the folder into the briefcase.

              My shoulders slumped with dread. So I really was leaving today.

              "She can stay here tonight and we'll drive her to the courthouse in the morning. I wouldn't want to trouble ya," Polly offered. I felt the flutter of hope in my chest, before Mrs. Dollghen smashed it.

              "It's no trouble. It's my job," Mrs. Dollghen stated firmly, like she was insulted that Polly would say something like that.

              "Well, we've all came to enjoy her here, I'd like to give everyone the chance to say our goodbyes," Polly insisted, standing up as well. She was playing a word war with the woman, trying to win more time with me. Either way, I would be leaving way sooner than I had hoped.

              "Very well, let me discuss some things with Nova first. The court time is set for tomorrow at noon. I would recommend that she not be late," Mrs. Dollghen said, then turned and headed off the porch, weaving around the guys, acting like she would get dirty just by looking at them.

              I followed her, not meeting the guys’ eyes as I passed them, even though I could feel their gazes on me. I didn't want them to see how I was feeling right now, though I was sure Wyatt already knew.

              I followed Mrs. Dollghen a good distance away from the porch, so they couldn't overhear us. "I have been looking over your file since I was assigned to you. Things really aren't looking good for you."

              "I know. I've been helping them rebuild the barn to make up for that," I said, trying not to slip into the dead silence that I normally did around the people that worked for the state.

              "That doesn't make you any better than the next orphan gone arsonist. To be honest, I think the other workers of your file have been very lenient with you. Don't expect that from me." Mrs. Dollghen turned towards me, looking down her nose at me. "I don't know the De la Cruz's very well, but from the short time I've been here, I can already tell that they don't have what it takes to handle someone like you. They're too nice and are probably letting you walk all over them, which is just going to hurt them in the long run."

              This woman was a total heartless bitch. "I'm not walking all over them and they're not as weak as you think. Just because I've done things in the past doesn't mean that I can't change."

              "Yes it does. I’ve been doing this long enough to know that once someone starts down the bad path, they don’t change and will always go back to their old ways. And you have been going down that path too long to ever turn back." Mrs. Dollghen straightened her dress shirt, looking at me with disgust. "It will be the judge's decision on whether or not you'll get away with arson, but I will definitely be putting in my two cents. Enjoy your last night here."

              Her words were like a slap in the face, stunning me into silence as she got in her car and disappeared down the road.

              I felt confused, and the thought of leaving filled me with agony. I should never have gotten comfortable here. It wasn’t worth the pain. Having a place that I thought of as home, with people who I cared for more than anyone else I'd ever known, only for it to be stripped away from me. I knew it would hurt not just me, but everyone on the ranch.

              My eyes caught movement by the porch as a few of the guys started walking towards me, but I turned and ran. Not stopping when I passed the fields for the horses or crossed the next hill.

              I kept running, trying to outrun the pain that clawed away inside my chest, squeezing my heart in its clutches as it slowly crushed and broke it. Tears burned my eyes like acid, pouring down my cheeks and blurring my vision.

              I should never have kissed Wyatt, or any of the guys for that matter. Wyatt had known this was coming and had tried to break it to me easily, but I had ignored it. Now it was too late. I couldn’t go back. It was too late not to get attached to this place and these people. It was too late not to form a connection with Storm.

              Now I would be leaving them all for nothing, which was exactly what I deserved.

              I made my way back towards the ranch a while later. I could see Wyatt working with Brooks while the others loaded hay into the barn.

              I avoided them all, still feeling vulnerable. My emotions were raw and I knew that it all had to be showing on my face. I needed time to hide them behind the wall that I’d built over my lifetime. What I hadn't completely realized until now, was that all of those walls had crumbled in the presence of this family.

              To do that, I needed to create some space between myself and the guys. There was no way I could pick up each crumbled brick to restack it if they were constantly there to knock it back over and find their way back inside.

              I decided to spray paint the back of the barn. It would help me release my emotions into art instead of shedding more tears from my already tired eyes.

              I just had to find the paint first.

              Moving as quietly as possible, I tried to go unnoticed as I looked for the paint. It wasn't where I last saw it, so Landon must have moved it somewhere else.

              I kept looking, the guys seemed to be giving me some space, so it was easy to avoid them. Maybe Polly had told them to leave me alone for awhile. It seemed like something she would do.

              I found my way into the barn, looking through the loft, stalls and anywhere that the paint might be hiding. I eventually gave up on the barn, coming to the conclusion that it wasn't inside. On my way out, I heard a horse walking into the barn, the sound of its hooves rang out loud against the concrete. I peeked behind me, trying find the best way to avoid whoever was leading the horse. Once I knew who it was, I knew that there would be no avoiding him.

              Wyatt led Sweetheart past me and into a stall, unclipping her halter before shutting the stall door. It was only when he had the door latched that he looked up at me, into my eyes and my soul. "She'll be having the foal any day now. I want you to be here when it's born. I want you to name it."

              "I don't think I'll be here," I admitted, finding my voice, which was broken from crying.

              "You will," Wyatt assured, looking at Sweetheart.

              "Don't," I said, my eyes clouding with tears that I hated myself for, "Don't make it sound like I have hope."

              Wyatt took in my expression, then approached me just as I was thinking of walking away. "I can't make you have hope, but if you fight for what you want, then nothing can stand in your way. I'm only asking you to fight Nova, for us, for Storm, and for yourself."

              "What will happen to him when I leave?"

              "That's up to both of you. He didn't have to follow you into that field. He can jump it whenever he wants. He's staying for you."

              "I don't know if I'll be able to ever come back."

              "I'll take care of him until you do," Wyatt had no doubt in his voice, he stated it like he knew I would. If only I could be that certain. He walked the last few steps towards me, lifting a hand to run it through my hair as he kissed my forehead.

              I pulled away, walking away him and out of the barn, trying to keep my breathing even and my tears in check.

              Making it to the back of the barn, I pressed my hands against the wood, leaning my head against its surface. How had I gone so many years being able to control my emotions so much? Had I cared so little about everything and everyone that I’d felt nothing? After everything that I’d experienced here, with these people, how could I force myself to go back to that?

              I know I needed to do it, but to do it successfully, I needed to paint out everything that I was feeling and everything I’d felt while I was here. I needed to try and wipe it from my memory, so I could shut my emotions down enough to move on.

              If only I could find the stupid paint.

              It felt like I had only been there for a few minutes when I heard footsteps coming around the side of the barn. I didn't have time to wipe away the stray tear that had fallen down my cheek, so I froze instead.

              The footsteps paused and there was the sound of bags rustling and cans of paint jarring around as someone put the bags of paint on the ground.

              He approached me slowly from behind, his body close to mine. I didn't move, hoping he would just walk away and leave me to my aching sorrow. He raised his hand pressing it into the wood of the barn beside mine.

              It was Landon's way of being the good friend that he was, just knowing he was there for me was enough to make tears burn my eyes again.

              As he shifted back to move away, I whispered brokenly, "Thanks."

              He paused, his hand still on the wood next to mine, "There will never be a time that you need to thank me for being your friend, Nova. I will always be there when you need me, whether you're at the ranch or not." He wrapped his arms around me from behind, hugging me for a few seconds before releasing me and leaving.

              I missed him immediately, but pushed the emotion back. I would never be able to build up my wall again if I kept letting them break it back down.

              Turning towards the cans of paint, I got to work. I began by spraying paint on the parts I could reach.

              Only a few minutes into painting, I heard something clunk against the barn near the back wall. I inched towards where the sound came from. I paused, hearing footsteps walking away. Sneaking a peak around the side of the barn, I found a ladder leaning against it that hadn't been there before and Gavin's back as he disappeared around the corner.

              I smiled sadly, knowing that I would miss him too, even after everything he'd said. He was finally starting to come around, and now I would never know what kind of man he was behind his hard mask.

              I grabbed the ladder and dragged it behind the barn, setting it up in the middle where I would need to start the sunrise background. I sprayed the paint over the wood, spraying a light layer of dark blue across the top, then worked on adding in the clouds and all the colors of the sunset, focusing on orange, knowing it was Wyatt's favorite. It felt like I was reliving each moment as I painted, putting everything that I had in those moments into the graffiti painting.

              I could still remember every sunrise I’d seen here at the ranch, most, if not all, included Wyatt. He had been my wisdom-filled cowboy, steady and calm.

              I worked on Storm next, showing him running underneath the sunrise, his dark mane and tail blowing through the breeze. His head was held high with pride as he ran free.

              Maybe one day he would find that freedom. It was something that I would never be able to have, but knowing that he still had the chance gave me that shining light of hope for myself that I wanted to crush.

              Hope was useless in my situation.

              I painted fire across the bottom, letting it seem like Storm was stomping the flames out with each of his hooves, even as the flames crawled up the side to touch the sunrise. It would be a constant reminder of what I did. Like the flames, I would always destroy whatever I touched, burning my mark into this place before it was doused and I was sent to the next place.

              I painted a figure covered in cement on the other side of the back of the barn, away from the flames, remembering the cement fight with all the guys, especially Gavin. I had him standing straight up, his dominant nature showing through the painting as cement sprayed from his hand, hitting the flames covering the ground. It looked like he was trying to put out the fire. Like he was trying to put out my flames to keep me from hurting anyone else. I let some of the cement hit Storm, which ended up blending into his dapple gray coloring. I painted a small paw print of cement on Gavin's chest, knowing that no matter how rock hard his outer surface was, Mutt was still leaving a mark on his heart.

              I painted a simple guitar next, with purple and yellow flowers circling it, some of the petals floating across the rest of the picture. Wiping a few tears from my cheek that I hadn't realized had started to fall, I reminisced over my date with Dylan and every other moment I spent with his sweet innocence.

              I remembered the first time I saw Jayden, when he had called me Bacon Girl. He was always making things that seemed completely innocent, smutty. He had caught my attention just as much as the others, always making me feel wanted, even if it seemed to be mostly physical. I painted two pieces of bacon laying on a plate, making one a girl and the other a boy.

              I merged a peach pie into the graphitti. It felt right. Polly and Chili were the parents and leaders of this family, their strength and love was what connected them and the guys together.

              I painted a shooting star across the corner, hoping that maybe Starre would see it before they painted it over. Maybe she would make a wish upon a star. I know I would be making a wish that she would get anything she wanted in life. She had been an amazing friend to me since coming to the ranch and I would miss her greatly. I didn't know how long our friendship would last after I left.  I knew with her life going so well, she wouldn't have any interest in mine, which wouldn't be going well.

              I’d covered everyone here, with the exception of Landon. I didn't know what to paint for him. He had been a good friend, but painting cowboy boots didn't really seem like the best way to symbolize how I felt about him.

              I touched up the flames some, buying time while I thought out and planned. I had nothing to go across the very bottom either and I didn't have enough of the right colors to finish it with flames.

              Sighing, I placed my hand against the flames, pressing a hand print into it. It smudged the paint, making it look like the handprint was made of flames.

              It was only then, when I stopped painting and obsessing, that I realized how hungry and dehydrated I was. The sun was getting close to setting and I hadn't eaten or drank anything all day. No wonder I’d lost the ability to produce tears hours ago.

              I passed by everyone in the yard to go inside the house. It made it easier to find something to eat without everyone staring at me. I found a slice of pie waiting for me on the counter with a note beside it.

              'Here's ya a slice of pie, Honey. Just come to us when you're ready, we all understand your need for some space. XOXO- Polly'

              I tucked her note into my pocket, grabbing a glass of lemonade before picking up the plate of pie. My body was begging for food, but my mind wanted to go on a food strike until it was happy again.

              I peeked outside, finding that everyone had disappeared from the farm yard. Maybe Sweetheart was giving birth to the foal and they had all headed into the barn. As dead set on self-loathing and self-pity as I was, I still didn't want to miss her giving birth. This was probably the last day I would spend at the ranch, especially if the judge decided to send me to jail.

              Heading out to the barn, I found it vacant of people. Sweetheart was standing in her stall, half asleep, obviously not giving birth. I guess I would miss it after all.

              Still, I wondered where everyone was. They'd just been here and then disappeared from view, making me wonder if something bad had happened. Polly had said to go to them when I was ready. Maybe they were all still giving me space, not wanting to bother me with what was going on.

              Unless they were just leaving me out on purpose. If they wanted me to know then they would have told me. I wasn't part of their family though, so it only made sense that they would choose to leave me out.

              I sat cross legged in barn aisle and worked on eating the pie, swallowing hard to get it past the lump in my throat. The lemonade disappeared quickly along with the pie, which eased my hunger and thirst, but not my pain.

              I leaned my head back against a stall door, closing my eyes. In my mind, my inner self was building the wall up around my heart. A spread of cement, then a brick, then more cement before another brick was added. If anyone could see inside my mind, they would probably think I was insane, but imagining myself building up the wall actually helped.

              It was a trick that Holly had told me about years ago when we knew each other. It had been right after an especially bad set of foster parents, the kind that made you think they cared for you, then turned on you with both their words and fists. You weren’t loved, just a challenge for them to take on as they tried to break you down into the perfect child they wanted.

              When that hadn't worked out and I wouldn't conform to their ideas, then I became just another bit of cash coming in from the state. I’d left like I always did when things got bad, and caught up with Holly in a local grocery store. We had teamed up to steal food, afterwards hanging out behind an old deserted restaurant to eat. That's when she had told me that she had always imagined building the wall. I hadn't needed that knowledge then, but I needed and used it now.