Broken Wings 02 Midnight Flight (30 page)

and
then suddenly realized she was no longer there.
"So.
I
went looking for her and found her in the barn, sitting on the floor. She had taken the sharpest scythe and she had cut both her wrists very deeply. There was so much blood already, but she was smiling at me.
I
shouted for help, of course. No one was around. so I ran to find Natani, but he wasn't there either."
"That's because he was
out
there helping us," I said, looking at Robin. She nodded. "What happened then?"
"I tried to stop the bleeding, but that was impassible. She said. 'Leave me be. I was wrong. I'm going home.'
"So I ran out again and went to the house where I found Dr. Foreman lecturing our buddies in her office. She
demanded
to know why I had entered the house without permission. She stood there screaming at me. Finally, I managed to tell them about Mindy and they ran out to the barn.
"I
saw them carry her off. but
I
knew it was too late. Later, the van took her away.
I
saw them carrying her out of the house. This afternoon," she continued after a long beat of silence, "I think Dr. Foreman was to meet with the police. Did you see how nice she looked?" she asked as if that really mattered to any of us. "She'll make it look like an accident."
"How horrible,' Robin said.
"You know what was done to us, how we were left out there in the desert?"
I
asked.
"I know." She looked up at us.
"I
didn't
expect you would make it back."
"Natani helped us.
That's
why he wasn't here when you needed him."
I
said.
"She's going to get away with it," Gia said. "She got away with Posy. She'll get away with all this. too."
"Maybe the police are still here or someone from the social service agency. Maybe we can talk to them," Robin suggested excitedly.
"No." Gia said. "They're gone. She did her good job on them, I'm sure. We're high-risk girls, you see. Anything can happen and it's not going to be her fault. Look at all the girls she's helped, the ones she's released back into society to be productive citizens. Once in a while, she loses one. It can't be helped. The girl was beyond redemption.
I
know her whole speech. I've heard it before. I've heard it all my life, that speech. How terrible I am. How beyond help. How selfish. How downright no good.
"Sound familiar?" she asked us.
"Not as much maybe. but I've heard it, yes," Robin admitted.
I thought about my uncle and aunt and how they saw me. "Me. too."
"Won't Mindy's family be upset, angry, demand answers?" Robin wondered.
"The family that failed, that gave up? Please," Gia said. "They'll feel sorrier for Dr. Foreman. They'll even apologize for giving her a girl she couldn't cure."
^-
She's more dangerous than we'll ever be." I said. "because she gets them to believe she does it all out of some desire to be good."
"Exactly." Gia looked past me at the cot. "I see you were given the notebook to fill.
I
have one. too." She reached under her pillow to show it to us. "I'm to write about what I learned from Mindy's failure."
Gia put it aside and looked at us again, finally realizing Teal wasn't there.
"Where is Teal?"
I
told her what had happened and where she was.
"Shell take good care of her," Gia said. She might even have her transported to a real hospital or something. She can't afford to lose another girl so quickly."
She almost lost all three of us out there."
"That's different. You ran off. You were beyond her help, her ability to do anything. If you didn't show up, she would have called the police and covered her rear end. Don't worry about Dr. Foreman. She's invincible," Gia said.
She lay back and looked up at the ceiling, her hands folded on her stomach.
"What do we do?"
I
asked. Robin shook her head,
"Nothing," Gin said. "Go write in your notebooks. I have mine half-filled."
"I'll write something. What
I
write will make her ears burn," Robin threatened,
Gia. smiled. "Good idea. That's what I'm doing." We had no idea what she meant.
But we would.
Soon.
We would.

15
Posy Returns
.
Teal wasn't sent to any real hospital. Natani's

Indian medicine worked well. After another two days, she appeared at the barracks, weakened, but essentially well enough to be on her awn again with just a little limp in her walk. The snake bite and the events afterward appeared to have erased most of her memories of our desert ordeal. Robin and I had to describe it all to her, and as we did, she kept shaking her head and saving,
"I
did that? We
did
that?"

Apparently she had been in more of
a
daze and in more confusion than we'd realized after she had been bitten by the sidewinder.

Apparently because of her condition. Dr. Foreman did not give her
a
notebook to fill with thoughts and lessons learned. Neither Robin nor
I
had really done much in ours, but we were told we would not be given back our mattresses, blankets, and pillows until we had completed the notebooks.

I
was afraid of writing anything truthful, afraid that somehow Dr. Foreman would find a way to use it against me, use it as a weapon to tear me down, just as she had done with my revelation about my fear of rats. Gia was writing in hers, but we had no idea what she wrote. She wouldn't reveal it. She just kept mumbling, "I'll remind her. I'll remind her,"

One of the first things I did when
I
had free time was to thank Natani. He said nothing, admitting to nothing until
I
described how
I
had found my shell and used it to help get me through the ordeal.

"So now
I
shall no longer call you daughter of the sun. You are daughter of the tortoise." he said, and came the closest to laughing with me.

"You shouldn't stay here. Natani. This is a mean and ugly place. You don't belong here.'
"I must stay with my plants, my animals, my trees. We look after each other. Someday, daughter of the tortoise, you will learn that the Earth Mother is your true friend and the only home you will have."
"I think I learned that already, Natani. Thanks again for what you did for us."
He nodded and smiled. "You did well with what you learned."
Because of our near exhaustion and what we had endured, we weren't given heavy, long labor during the first few days after our return. Most of my day was spent helping Natani with the horses. work I had come to love. One afternoon. Natani asked me if
I
would like to learn how to ride Wind Song, I was terrified of the idea, but he told me I was ready and Wind Song approved.
I
had little doubt that he could speak to horses.
Natani showed me how to ride bareback. His first instruction was to mount Wind Song from the left side. Even at his age, he was nimble enough to leap and swing his leg over Wind Song's back.
I
tried it and failed miserably, probably because I was too frightened. Finally, he boosted me up and I swung my leg over. It was not exactly the most comfortable place to be. but Natani said
I
needed to relax and believe in myself. and if I did, it would be like riding on a cloud.
"Be one with Wind Song. He will know if you feel like a stranger. He will not expect it or like it if you don't join with him." Natani advised.
I
put my hand on Wind Song's powerful neck and he shook his head and then tapped the ground with his right hoof.
"He says hello." Natani told me.
"Hello, Wind Song," I replied.
Natani handed me the reins, which he wanted me to take in my left hand first.
"Never let go of the reins," he said.
"It
is how you talk to Wind Song, to tell him which way to turn and when to stop. He is rein trained." Natani showed me how to lay the reins on Wind Song's left side to turn him right and vice versa.
"Do not pull back when you are standing still. He will think you want to go back. Hold the reins like a bird: too tight and you will choke it, too loose and it will fly away, daughter of the tortoise.
"Wind Sang likes you, but he will want to ride you and not you ride him. It is natural to him. He is a proud animal, full of spirit, so be firm with your movements. You must feel his moves, and when he starts to turn where you don't want him to turn, stop him, because once he is into it, it will be hard to make him change his mind."
"Do
I
say giddap?"
I
asked.
Natani smiled and shook his head. "You watch too many cowboy-and-Indian movies. You press firmly with your heels into his sides when you want him to go forward. Don't worry about hurting him. You won't, but he will know you are serious if you press firmly. Bounce with him, daughter of the tortoise." Natani then slapped Wind Song on the rump and he started around the corral.
Bounce I did and
I
came down too hard and fast. Natani told me
I
was being too stiff.
I
knew
I
had to hide my fear, but it was hard. Finally. I discovered that Natani was right:
If
I relaxed, it was less difficult and
I
didn't bounce as hard.
I
softened and I could feel
I
was riding better and better. After a few more trots. Wind Sang stopped as if he was testing me. and Natani urged me to move him ahead.
I
did so, firmly kicking with my heels. He began to trot again and Natani shouted for me to practice turning him.
"Firmly. firmly," Natani called to me. "Do everything to show him you mean it."
It
was easier than
I
had expected, and soon I began to enjoy it. I even turned him sharply, then started around again just to see if
I
could make him do that. My courage was building with every minute I rode.
Look at me. I thought. Look
at
me. Who on the street in Atlanta would believe Phoebe Elder would be riding a horse bareback?
On my next turn.
I
saw M'Lady One standing next to the fence. She was smiling, but it wasn't a friendly, happy-for-me smile.
It
was impish.
I
looked to Natani, but he didn't see her.
As we drew closer, she leaned over the fence. "Having a good time. Phoebe bird?"
I was about to say yes when she flicked a cigarette lighter, one of those that had a knob permitting you to increase the flame. Wind Song caught sight of it and reared sharply to his left, whipping into a gallop.
I
tried holding him back, but he was excited and afraid.
I
thought he was actually going to try to leap over the fence, but he stopped short and raised his forelegs. I lost my grip and slid off his back, splashing down into the horse manure.
M'Lady One, now joined by the other two buddies, roared with laughter. Wind Song trotted away and stared at me, snorting, brushing the ground with his right hoof like a bull about to charge. Then Natani entered the corral and walked toward him. He held out his hand and placed it on the horse's head. For a moment Wind Song looked like he would throw it off. but he didn't. He calmed down and stood still, his tail slapping at flies again.
"I guess she's a born rider, huh. Natani?" M'Lady One called. Natani said nothing. He helped
me
up and
I
started to brush off.
"It's lonesome in the saddle since my horse died." M'Lady Two sang,
and
the three of them walked away laughing.
Natani stared after them, his eyes dark. Then he tilted his head as if he heard something and looked off to the right where some clouds slid beside each other, the bellies of them all dark. "She flicked a lighter. Natani. She frightened Wind Song."
He nodded.
"I
saw." He continued to stare out at the clouds, "The wind is angry. There will be thunder inside us. That will be enough for today."
What does that mean?
I
wondered.
I
stood there and watched as he led Wind Song back to the stables. I was so angry and frustrated. Maybe that was what he meant by the thunder inside us. There was enough inside me to cause a flood, but all
I
did was mumble curses under my breath as
I
went to the showers to clean off the manure as best
I
could.
Afterward.
I
told Robin and Teal what
I
had done and what had happened.
I
also told them what Natani had said as he looked off at some dark clouds in the distance. Gia was nearby and listened, but these days she was more introverted than ever. She kept her distance, kept to herself as if she was afraid we would do or say something that interfered with her thoughts.
Sometimes. I would catch her pausing in her work, staring at the hacienda, her lips moving, but no sounds coming from her. After a while she would realize I was watching her and she would return to work.
At dinner she was no less quiet and to herself. She ate, did her chores, spoke only when she had to speak, then returned to the barn barracks where she read over what she had written in her notebook, did some homework, and went to sleep. She was going to sleep earlier and earlier each night. Robin asked me about her. She and Teal had noticed the dramatic changes, too, but whenever I asked Gia if she wanted us to do anything, she shook her head and said nothing. Once she
did
say. Not now."
Did she mean she wanted nothing now or nothing was wrong now?
I assumed her behavior might have a lot to do with Mindy and how much she missed her. Despite the way she used to snap at her and criticize her. Mindy was still closer to her than we were. It made sense. She had spent more time with her.
Occasionally. I would see her staring at Mindy's cot,
but
even her staring was different now. She seemed to be seeing things. Her eyes would grow larger and smaller, her lips would move, and sometimes she would shake her head or nod slightly. She was so intense about it, she was lost in it. The barn could fall down around us, and she would still be standing there, looking at that empty cat.
I
thought. She heard nothing, would respond to no one,
and
then, when she was finished, just turn and curl up on her cot.
Didn't Dr. Foreman see these changes in her?
I
wondered. Every day after we had returned from our desert ordeal. I anticipated some sort of therapy session with Dr. Foreman, either with the three of
us
or one at
a
time, but she wasn't around as much. We didn't see her at dinner for three nights in a row, but we did see the van coming and going with her.
"She's probably working on replacements, not that I have any high hopes about us being released any too soon." Robin said.
I
imagined she was right. There did seem to be
a
new stirring about the ranch. The buddies were on our backs less and more to themselves, one day going off on a so-called R-and-R trip and returning laden with lots of goodies.
I
was sure. They were too happy and lighthearted. We didn't dare go to the back of the house to spy on them, but we had little doubt they were partying.
And then, a little more than two weeks after our return, it happened.
We would spend many hours reviewing the details, frying to make some sense of it. We would also spend a lot of our energy trying to forget it.
It
would be the stuff from which nightmares were made. Every scream I heard thereafter would nudge the memories and fill me with cold shudders. The same would be true for Robin and Teal, maybe even more so, especially for Teal. There was never a question about her being the weakest of the three of us, the most thin-skinned, although by the time this was over, she was probably as hard as a turtle shell compared to the friends she had and the friends she would make.
Natani once told me that life, time, experiences, spin more and more of the cocoon around you, insulating you against more of the same in the future or anything that can hurt you.
"We are truly like trees," he said. "As their bark thickens and they grow taller, wider, so do we."
I suppose it was his way of telling me not to be afraid of life, but to profit from it, to always be a student, to never turn my back on anything. One of the first things he had told us when we had first arrived was
"I
know you are not happy. But you must remember that life's sorrows often bring great joys." With that attitude, he would never be depressed, never be
sad
very long.
It
made him as strong as the tree trunk he sometimes resembled.
It's no exaggeration to say that sometimes a series
of
events or even a single event would make you feel as if you had passed through a lifetime. That night was one of those times. It seemed to last forever, and for a while it was as if nothing had come before and nothing could come after.
I woke with a start. My cheek felt like a cold hand had been on it, a very cold hand, the hand of death itself.
I
listened and thought I was still sleeping, dreaming, because what
I
heard seemed so far off, seemed like something corning from deep down inside me, a voice echoing up from a well or out of a tunnel,
a
long, thin cry.
I
sat up.
The stars were blazing, but there was more light than usual and it wasn't from what Natani called "the pregnant moon."
I
scrubbed my cheeks with my palms and swung myself around. Gia's cot was empty.
Curious and also confused now.
I
slipped on my coveralls, shoved my arms through my shirt, and put on my clodhoppers.
I
stood up and looked at Robin and Teal, who were both asleep, their backs to me.
The scream
I
had heard in my dream grew louder and became a chorus.
"Robin!"
I
cried. "Robin, Teal."
Robin turned and groaned. Teal did not wake up. "Whaaa?" Robin groaned.
"Listen, What is that? Listen."
She ground her eyes with her fists as if she heard through them and then sat up slowly,
"What do you think that is?"
"I don't know," she said.
I went to Teal's cot and poked her in the shoulder. She spun around angrily and looked up at me.
"What do you want? It's not morning already, is it?"
"Listen," I said.
"What?"
Robin was getting dressed, too. "Shut up and listen," she ordered.
Teal sat up, groaning. Then her eyes widened. "What is it?"
"We don't know. Came on,"
I
said. "Get dressed."
Reluctantly, she did and the three of us went to the door.
I
hesitated. The screaming was louder now, much louder. I opened the door and it looked as if the whole world was on fire. The blaze that came from our right had flames that seemed to be scorching the very stars. The three of us stepped out, astounded, our faces caught in
a
ghoulish yellow glow.
Natani and his nephew were rushing about.
The hacienda was consumed in flames. The screaming we heard came from the rear.
"Someone's trapped." I said, and we hurried across the yard and toward the rear of the house. When we got there, we stared up in shock.
The slanted roof upon which we had climbed to spy on the buddies was streaked with flames. Part of the center of it had fallen in. In the windows we could see the buddies, all three of them looking out at us, their faces so illuminated by the flames that licked and traveled along the edges of the main house that they looked as if the fire was already burning within them, making them glow like lightbulbs.
The front of the hacienda was consumed in even bigger flames so that the fire had sandwiched them inside the house. M'Lady Three tried to step out of the window, but the roof in front of her became a bed of fire almost the same instant. The fire seemed truly to counter every move they made, every idea they had far escaping.
Behind us. Natani and his nephew were struggling to get a ladder up against one yet-to-beconsumed section of the roof. We watched as Natani's nephew climbed up the ladder as quickly as he could, smacking at the flames with a wet sack to see if he could make a pathway far the buddies.