Broken Wings 02 Midnight Flight (28 page)

"I
don't know."
"Love," Robin said. "As corny as it sounds, real love, someone who cares about you as much as, if not more than, he or she cares about himself. That's what
a
mother's supposed to be." she said bitterly.
"But." she added after chewing some of her bar.
"I
guess she was brought up without love so she
didn't
know how to give it to me, Anyway, I'm tired of hating her. Hate is exhausting."
We were all quiet. Her words seemed to settle the same way in us all.
"I
don't think there was anything
I
wanted more than my mother and father and my brother to love me," Teal said.
"Why is it that the one thing we all need more
than
anything, we all have a hard time giving to each other?" Robin asked.
I had no answer.
I finished my bar and lay back with my head an my hands and looked up at the sky blazing with stars.
"If you lie back like this," I said. "and concentrate on the stars, you
can
feel like you're falling into them and not looking up. Try it."
They
did and
agreed.
I told them about Natani and the shell.
I
had
told Teal but she had mocked it back on the ranch. Now she listened as attentively as Robin did.
"I guess you have to be
out
here to understand what he meant," Teal admitted.
"It gives you same power, some control over yourself, something they can't take from you,"
I
told them.
"I'd like to learn more about that," Robin said. "Maybe we are, right now," Teal commented, and again we were all silent.
It
was funny,
I
thought, but out here, with our lives really still in some great danger, we
had
suddenly grown closer to each other than we had back at the ranch where we suffered so many of the same fears and punishments. Here,
at
least for
a
little while, we were unable to be too selfish. What happened to one of us happened to all of
us.
"We're going to make it out of here,"
I
suddenly declared.
"Yes," Robin agreed. "Wewill."
"We will," Teal repeated.
"Everyone ready?"
"Aye, aye. Captain." Robin said. saluting. Teal started to struggle with her surely painful ankle, and Robin reached out to help her.
"Thanks," she said.
We stood up, fixed our packs,
and
started to walk again.
"We need a new song," Robin declared,
"I've
got one. It's one of my mother's, one she wrote herself. She'd never believe I remember it
and
would sing it, because I used to make so much fun
of
it. but here
I
go.
My heart is a prison and you've got the key,
But darlin' there's no prison where I'd rather be.
So build up those walls and chains to your heart,
For darlin, oh darlin', we can never be apart.
"That's corny," Teal screamed. "But I like it. Keep singing, It'll keep the vultures away."
I laughed.
Robin continued to sing. She had
a
good voice and she put real feeling into the words. too.
I
thought,
and
then suddenly
I
was jealous.
She was reaching back, thinking of her mother, connecting with her, even this far away.
That was something at least.
I wished I had a song in my heart. I wished for it more than
I
even wished to get out of this desert trap.
For I knew,
if
I
had a song like that, there wasn't
a
desert hot enough or long enough to defeat me.
We walked on.
The stars following us.
The night circling with all the creatures that had fled the heat emerging and I'm sure wondering who we were.
It
was a question on our own lips. Who are we?
Would we ever really know?
Perhaps if we do get out of here.
I
thought, perhaps then, we would.
With every step I took, with the heat fleeing
and
the cold descending. I longed for the comfort of Natani's drum. for I knew in my heart dangers were lurking
in
the patches of new darkness around and in front of us.
However. I really wasn't a stranger to all this.
I
had known poisonous creatures all my life. Just like here, they lurked in the shadows, waiting to strike.
The shadows that hid them an the street were cut from the same blood-hungry darkness.
And just like in my city, we couldn't get home without walking through them.

14
Natani's Lesson
.
The later it became out in the desert night, the

brighter it grew because more and more stars seemed to appear. and those that had appeared were bigger and seemed closer. At one point when we reached the top of a hill,
I
looked up and felt as if something, some power, could lift me at any moment and send me flying into space as if
I
had become a rocket.

I
was tired, and my throat was dry. My legs ached, especially in the calf muscles, but at that moment. I had a wonderful sense of pleasure. I was truly in Natani's shell. I felt part of all that was around me. There was still no sign of anyone. no lights in the distance, no sounds, no reason to be hopeful. but I had gone beyond panic and anger and found some other place to rest my emotions. It was truly as if
I
was rising above the hardship and misery.

"Why in hell are you standing there and smiling?" Teal asked as Rabin helped her up and beside me.

"I know we're in trouble, but look at how beautiful it is out here," I said.
"Oh, brother. I'll take you to Disneyland as soon as we get home," Teal said. "All expenses paid. You'll stay at the best hotel they have."
"Somehow.
I
don't think it will be the same thing."
"No. It won't because we'll have the biggest, softest king-size beds, a plush bathroom, and lobster and steak and biz fat rich desserts for dinner, and we'll swim in a magnificent large pool and in our skimpy bikinis drive boys mad with lust and desire."
"Is that what you like to do?" Robin asked
"So do you, so don't put on any goody-goody acts," Teal told her.
I thought they would begin another one of their chatty arguments, but instead. Robin smiled and shrugged.
"Sometimes," she admitted. "Phoebe?"
"I don't even own a bathing suit,"
I
said, "Where would I have used it?"
"As soon as we're out of here. I'm buying you one," Teal vowed.
"And where are you getting all this money for five-star vacations and clothes and travel?" Robin asked.
"I'll blackmail my brother or something, but I'll get it."
"You know if you keep talking like that. Dr Foreman is going to think you're not cured," Robin said.
We all laughed, but then, as we continued to look out into the desert darkness where pockets of thick shadows disguised what lay ahead, our laughter wound down into smiles that faded.
"I don't think we're heading in the right direction," Robin said. "From this perspective, we should be able to see something out there, don't you think?"
"I don't know. Maybe in the morning."
"Are we going to stop and sleep now?" Teal asked. I heard the hope in her voice.
The more we walk now, the less we'll have to do in the heat,"
I
said. "We'll stop midday tomorrow and take another long rest. Maybe we'll find some real shade."
"Or water."
"Yeah," Robin said. "I'm sure there's a fountain out there somewhere just waiting for us."
I started down the hill. Teal groaned with disappointment, but followed Robin. For a while we trekked in silence. I wasn't watching Teal and didn't realize she was not only falling behind, but because she was closing her eyes too often, she was wandering too far to the right, practically walking in her sleep. Robin, like me, was plodding along, lost in thought and not paying attention to Teal either.
Suddenly, we heard a frightening rattle sound and then Teal's scream. When we turned around to look, she was five yards or so off our trail and she had walked right into a low bush under which a sidewinder rattlesnake was concealed. It had given a warning, but she had either snapped to attention too late or lost her bearing and stepped too closely to it.
Robin and I saw it whipping from side to side in its flight, its body gleaming until it disappeared under a rock almost as if it was ashamed of the damage it had caused. For a moment neither of us could move. A cold wave of panic turned our feet into fifty-pound dead weights. Teal had fallen to her side and was screaming in such a high-pitched voice, it seemed to be coming from inside my own ears. She had her hands around her leg and was rocking.
Both Robin and I got hold of ourselves and charged at her. "What happened?" Robin screamed,
"It just bit me. I'm going to die! A rattlesnake bit me. I'm dying, I'm dying!"
I fought back the panic that was 'trying to climb up my legs as if I had stepped into a pool of ice water. Then, Natani's instructions came back to me. I turned in a new panic. What could I use to lance a wound? We had no knives.
Teal's screams were vibrating my very bones.
"Calm her down!" I screamed at Robin, and reached into the bush under which the snake had been resting. I broke off the thickest branch I could, then took it to a rock and worked on sharpening the edge.
"I'm going to die."
"If you don't settle down, you will," I screamed back at her as I worked. "You're making your heart race and that's sending the poison out over your body faster. Stop it!"
She paused and looked at me and then at Robin, "She's right, Teal. Calm yourself."
"What are we going to do? We'll never get me to a hospital in time," she moaned, tears streaming down her cheeks.
"Natani taught us how to handle a snake bite. He put something in his bag." I said, bringing the sharpened branch back to her. "Straighten her leg out and let's see the bite."
I saw the holes made by the snake's teeth clearly.
"I've got to lance it, Teal. It's going to hurt. Just bite your teeth together and try not to think about it."
"How am I not going to think about it?" she screamed back at me.
"Think about the boys you're going to tease at the pool," Robin told her.
I held her leg with one hand, then brought the sharpened edge to the teeth marks and pressed. She screamed and I hesitated, my own heart probably pounding as hard and as fast as her heart was pounding,
Can you do it?" Rabin asked me.
I swallowed, or thought I had, and nodded.
I brought the branch back and pressed harder and faster until the skin broke and I could tear down through the wound. Blood seeped out around the incision,
"Do you remember his instructions?" Robin asked. "I think so."
"You think so?" Teal asked through her cries.
I placed the bag on the ground and carefully looked at the contents until I located the rattlesnake weed. Then I looked at Robin.
"Got to suck it out now," I said.
"I've already had dinner. Okay. I'll do it." Robin said, which surprised me. She looked at Teal. This doesn't mean we're in love." she told her, and brought her mouth to the wound. She sucked and spit, sucked and spit. When I thought it was enough, I tapped her on the shoulder and she sat back. Then, again following Natani's instructions. I squeezed the juice of the weed into the wound.
"What is that? It looks like some weed," Teal said.
"It is, but it has medical powers." I said. "Natani told us."
"Maybe it's just in his imagination."
"We'll know soon." Robin said.
"Thanks a lot."
"You're going to have to chew this now, Teal, and swallow the juice. Swallow as much as you can."
I gave it to her and she grimaced.
It
tastes horrible."
"Chew it!" Robin and I screamed at her simultaneously. She closed her eyes and chewed.
"We have to make a fire. Robin, and boil the leaves in water."
"What water?" she asked.
I smirked and lifted my canteen. "What choice do we have?"
We broke another thick branch. and
I
sifted through the sand and rocks under the brush until I found the thickest dead twig
I
could. I beat it open with a rock
and
brought the first branch to it. Robin gathered some dry moss and we took turns rubbing and rubbing, spinning the branch just the way Natani had shown us. It seemed to take forever, but finally there was some smoke. Encouraged, we both worked harder and harder, bearing dawn as he had instructed until, finally, a tiny flame was born.
Cheered, we fed it the dry moss carefully until we had
a
good flame.
"I can't believe you two did that." Teal said, watching calmly, her eyes opening
and
closing. Suddenly, as if the sight of the fire was too much, she began to heave. She vomited hard and fast, moaning and groaning.
He said whoever was bitten would be very sick." I reminded Robin.
"Oh, I'm going to die," Teal moaned, embracing herself.
Using more branches and thin vines. I devised a way to hold the canteen over the flame. Into it.
I
stuffed the remaining snake weed. When
I
thought the water was boiling, I fished out the leaves, and then, using the thin vines of the bush, we wrapped them around Teal's wound, again as Natani had instructed. Teal vomited again, but now she was just dry heaving and really suffering.
"What do we
do
now?" Robin asked,
"Looks like we take
our
rest earlier
than
I had hoped,"
I
said.
Using the backpack to fix
a
pillow for
Teal,
we urged her to try to sleep. She was shivering now The desert night had dropped the temperature to where it was actually cold. Robin fed the fire, building it until we had some decent flames.
"Make it gigantic," Teal muttered. "Maybe someone will see it and come help us."
"Maybe," Robin said, and started to forage for more wood.
"Be careful. Robin. I used all the snake weed in the bag on Teal."
She walked on tiptoe, gently moving brush, avoiding big rocks,
and
gathering twigs and branches as quickly as she could. Teal watched with a dazed look on her face.
"Will
I
be all right?" she asked me.
"Sure." I said.
Of course. I had no idea if she would be all right. How poisonous was the snake? How much poison was in her body?
How effective was Natani's weed medicine? Was it crazy to believe in him? The treatments he had given Robin and Teal for their
sunburn
seemed to help, and the ointment he had given them for their hands helped. The Indians lived side by side with all this danger, these creatures. What they
had
to help themselves must work or they wouldn't use it, I thought.
Teal's eyes closed and opened. She shivered and moaned.
If
she died
out
here, it would be so horrible.
I
thought. It made me rage against Dr. Foreman. but I did so silently, for
I
didn't want to stir Teal up and worry her any more.
Robin returned again and we fed the fire.
It
did provide warmth. The embers rose with the smoke and traveled out and away with the wind.
"Anyone looking for us would see this," Robin said.
I nodded.
We both looked
at
Teal. She seemed to have fallen asleep, but every now and then she would shudder and
moan
and cry.
"Maybe we didn't get the poison out fast enough or all of it," Robin said.
I
shook my head. Her guess was as good as mine. We continued to sit an both sides of Teal, our knees up, looking at the fire. Coyotes howled around us, the wood crackled.
"Once, when
I
was very little. I went on a picnic with my mother." Rabin said. "She had some boyfriend with us. but
I
can't remember his name.
I
remember we made a fire and they roasted
marshmallows for me, and then we had hot dogs and my mother sang and played her guitar.
I
fell asleep on the blanket, and when
I
woke up, there was no one there. They were off in the bushes or something."
"Weren't you afraid?"
"I was for a while and then
I
watched some birds and at intrigued with how hard they worked
at
feeding themselves.
It
was a particularly beautiful day. too.
I
remember that. and
I
remember really enjoying myself. Finally, my mother and her boyfriend came from wherever they were and her boyfriend carried me on his shoulders all the way back to our farm.
I
can't remember his name. but
I
remember his hair. It was a reddish yellow and I had clumps of it in my small fists, holding it like the reins of
a
horse. Sometimes, he cried out because I was pulling on his hair too hard. but
I
remember feeling as if I was on the top of the world, seeing everything from
an
adult's height.
"I never went on another picnic. and I never saw that boyfriend again. Sometimes. I used to think of it as a dream I had when
I
was very young. If I mentioned it to my mother, she would look as if she didn't remember it at all.
I
don't think it was a special or important day for her.
"After a while, it slipped out of my memory, but just now, as we were staring at the fire, it returned and I recalled my fists full of reddish yellow hair. That's silly, isn't it? The only thing I really remember vividly, that hair."
"No. Maybe you remember it so well because it made you feel safe to hold on to it."
She turned and looked at me. "Maybe." She smiled, "Maybe that's what
I
was looking for through the fire. a way to feel safe again,"
We were quiet. Teal moaned.
I
lay back and Rabin did the same. Before we fell asleep, we each had our arms around Teal,
and
that was how we were when the sun woke us with its stinging good morning.
Teal looked groggy, her cheeks stained with lines her tears had made zigzagging their way off her face. Rabin and
I
sat up and watched her wipe her eyes. She looked at us and blinked as if she had forgotten everything. Then she spoke and sent new chills of fear dawn my back and Robin's, even in this desert heat.
"Where's my mother?" she asked. "What?"
She sat up and looked at us and then around us, shaking her head. "I've got to get home."
"What is she talking about?" Rabin asked.
I shook my head and reached out to feel her forehead. It was so hat. I had to take my hand away,
"She's burning up."
"If I don't get home quickly, my father will be very angry and he'll ground me again," Teal said. "Who's driving me home?"
"We have to walk first," I told her.
"Walk? To where? Can't you call a cab?"
"Can't you see where you are?" Rabin asked.
Teal turned to her, her eyes blinking. "Who are you?"
"Great," Robin said. "What do we do now?"
"It'll pass." I said. I stood up and looked out to my right and to my left. Had we gone too far off the trail back? Nothing suggested we were heading in the right direction. It all looked so similar, the same hills, the same cacti and bushes. I glanced at the sun.
"We should probably go more to our left," I said.
"You don't understand." Teal muttered. "I can't stay any longer. I'm already well past my curfew"
"Me, too." Robin told her.
Teal touched her lips and looked at her fingers and then at us. "I'm very thirsty. I'd like a Coke or something. please."
"I'll call the butler." Robin told her, and looked at me. I checked Teal's canteen. It was bone-dry.
"We better get some water in her." I said, and gave her my canteen. I didn't see how the boiling would have harmed the water. It was just very warm.
The moment it touched her lips, she complained. "Isn't there
any
ice?"
"Gee, we're all out. Here, try this." Robin gave Teal her canteen. The water was cooler. Teal gulped at it.