Brother to Brother: The Sacred Brotherhood Book I (25 page)

I sighed, “First off, I was alone. My parents had me take a taxi to the hospital. So as if that wasn’t bad enough, I couldn’t afford anything like birthing classes, so I had no idea what to expect. First, I was told by one of the nurses that I looked too young to be having a baby. She was the
worst.
I can’t even begin to describe how awful this woman was.

“I was in a lot of pain, because first time giving birth, and I kept asking her if that was normal and she basically told me to quit whining.”

“Oh my god!” Dani decried.

“Yeah, if I’d been there, I would have hoofed her right in her front butt and told her to quit whining and walk it off, see how she liked it.” Everett said darkly.

“Then, the doctor decided that he wanted to be home in time for dinner and that Noah wasn’t coming on his schedule, so that meant I needed a c-section, which I
didn’t want.
”

“Are you serious?” Mandy asked.

“It gets worse. So I’m screaming at these people,
no
I don’t consent, that I don’t want a cesarean and the doctor looks at me point blank and says, ‘I don’t care what you want, I can write whatever I want in your chart. If I decide it’s medically necessary, then it’s medically necessary, now we’re doing this so I can go home.’”

Shocked silence rang out from not only the women listening, but several of the men nearby, too.

“Oh please tell me that that shit didn’t fly,” Reaver said.

I nodded, “I was alone, I didn’t have anyone there to look out for me, so it did… but wait; it gets worse.”

“How could this
possibly
get worse?” Rush demanded, looking up from where he was playing with Noah.

“They wheel me into the OR crying and pretty much hysterical, right? They dope me up and they put up the drape and they start to cut, and I’m screaming at them that I can
feel it
, but they ignored me. I could feel just about everything, I don’t know if the epidural didn’t take or whatever, or if they didn’t wait for it to take effect, I just don’t know, but I could feel them cut me open and I could feel them pull Noah out of my body and I could even feel every poke and pull of the needle and thread as they stitched me up.”

Stone cold silence, a bag of chips dropped and hit the floor and I turned to meet Archer’s equally horrified and downright
angry
gaze. If he had been turning that look on me, I would have been terrified, but the fact that he looked that way on my
behalf
, it warmed something inside of me and gave me back a piece of confidence I hadn’t known I was missing.

“It gets
worse,
” I uttered and Dray threw up his hands and said, “Oh come on! That’s seriously not enough?”

I shook my head, “So they pull Noah out and then, they wouldn’t even let me
hold
him. They just whisked him away without a single word. I kept crying and demanding to see my baby, but no one that was left in the OR would speak. They wouldn’t even look at me. I passed out, and when I woke up, it was to find out it was six hours later and I’d basically missed every first milestone bonding moment with my son. I had no skin to skin contact, that I was conscious for, and I guess a nurse had helped him latch and at least get the colostrum he needed, so I even missed breast feeding him for the first time, too.”

“Oh my god,” Mandy said, tears in her eyes and pulled me into a fierce hug. I hugged her back and tried not to get teary eyed myself.

“No one, not a single fucking person stood up for you? I mean, where were your
parents?
Your
mom?
” Revelator asked.

“My parents were furious about me getting pregnant out of wedlock, let alone pregnant by a dirty criminal biker.” I held up my hands, before anyone could chastise me and said, “Their words, not mine.”

Archer made a disgusted noise and came to sit down on the floor at my feet, resting his back against my chair. He put my hand on his shoulder, but not before kissing my fingertips. It was a gesture that both comforted me, and lent me strength. I saw it for precisely what it was, a silent promise that nothing like that would ever happen to me again. That he wouldn’t let it.

“You straight got robbed,” Red-Thirteen said and pulled Dani close into his side.

“Man, I wish I knew who was who, that story totally makes a trip to Arizona worth my while. Put some fear into those heartless bastards,” Reaver said.

“You’re not leaving me again,” Hayden said and Reaver gave her a sad sort of smile.

“I promised, and I keep my promises, but if ever there were a band of happy bastards…” he said, letting his words trail off.

“I don’t disagree,” Hayden murmured, “You’re still not leaving me.” Reaver smiled and leaned down from where he sat on the back of her chair and kissed his wife.

“I’m not going anywhere, Doll,” he said with a sort of solemn reverence and my heart ached a little for them, and their story. Hayden was still having such a hard time with what had happened, but she and Reaver were totally committed and were making it work. Sort of like Archer and me, but with far more drama involved.

The conversation turned to other things after a long, quiet, reflective and introspective lull. Archer threaded his fingers through mine where my hand rested over the warm leather of his jacket and cut and I sighed with some contentment.

I hadn’t told my story fully before, and I couldn’t say why now, of all the times, it had felt right to do so, but it had and I felt almost cleansed for it. I had had one or two lessons with my camera since the return from my honeymoon at a local photography studio. Just some of the basics, a free class given by a photographer by the name of Antonio Franco.

I couldn’t wait to get into the classes that had been paid for at the art school, but they didn’t start until fall. This was still summer break, it being only August. Still, I had my camera with me, Nox having gone out to my car to get it for me when I’d forgotten it in all of the excitement.

I took pictures in the waiting room. Candid shots for Ghost of his brothers and of the ol’ ladies for Shelly. At one point, Aaron came out into the waiting room as pale as a ghost.

“How’s it going?” everyone asked looking up expectantly.

“Oh, man. I don’t know how you ladies do it! She is in
so much pain
.”

“They give her an epidural?” Mandy asked.

“They’re doing it now, which is why I’m out here, I can’t stand needles.”

Rev laughed, “You can’t stand needles when your ol’ man is a tattoo artist? You picked great there, fruitcake!”

Aaron laughed nervously, “Tattoo needles are fine, big fucking needles as long as my finger going into sensitive areas that could paralyze you for life? Not so much.”

Several of the guys were laughing at Aaron, Archer among them, chuckling lightly. Even I had to smile and laugh as I snapped away, capturing his discomfort. Shelly would love it.

“Okay, they should be done. They say a few more hours yet. She’s dilated but not enough. No crowning or whatever. I don’t have the first clue about anything they’re talking about.”

“Go on, don’t come back until there’s a baby!” Duracell cried and a rowdy cheer went up throughout the group. I snapped a picture of Trigger cradling Ashton adoringly in his lap.

A few more hours dragged into almost eight or nine more before Shelly gave birth. We were all notified by Ghost coming out in his green hospital gown covering his tee shirt, cut, and jeans, paper booties on his feet and a surgical cap over his hair. He whipped off the cap and cried, “It’s a girl!” and the waiting room erupted into rowdy cheers and applause.

I took pictures of him handing out cigars and the guys hugging and congratulating him before Everett piped up over them all and said, “What’s the stats!?”

“Seven pounds and nine ounces; twenty and a half inches long with all her fingers and toes and her mama’s gorgeous eyes and a full head of her daddy’s hair!” he declared proudly and more cheering and applause went up.

I smiled and thus began the long procession of visitors, my camera earning me a VIP pass to the front of the line so I could take pictures of everyone getting to meet Harmony Rose Pauley for the first time. Shelly looked beautiful, all glowy and exhausted but just beautiful. Reaver was the first one she wanted to see.

I took all of the pictures, as Reaver bent over mother and child and kissed Shelly’s forehead, “You did so fuckin’ good, Baby Cuz,” he said, tears in his blue eyes, a match for Shelly’s.

“Thanks, Big Cuz,” she murmured and looked down at her beautiful baby girl. I was surprised to find that I held no bitterness or jealousy in my heart, just a pure shining happiness for
her
happiness.

Archer was one of the last to come visit and I had to smile as I took photos of him meeting the tiny baby, her little fingers curling around one of his thick ones as she dozed in her mother’s arms.

The look of sheer longing on his face spoke to just how much he wanted this for himself, and it made me want more than anything to give it to him. Enough so, that I vowed to throw away the birth control pills I had secretly been taking as soon as I got to them. I hadn’t been ready for another child. I guess I’d just needed the assurance that if I were to get pregnant again, that I would be protected, and the next time it wouldn’t be anything like the horrific experience of before. I had that assurance, I had it in spades, and I couldn’t help but promise with my smile when Archer looked at me over the baby’s head, that our turn would be coming soon, just as soon as I could get pregnant.

I was ready now.

Chapter 28

Archer

“I got him,” I whispered and laid our son in his crib. Noah hadn’t gotten any real sleep or naps in the hospital while we’d waited on Shelly to give birth. I was amazed at how good he’d behaved, too. As long as he’d had someone or something to play with or food, he’d done okay. He’d racked out a few times on either me or Mel, but for the most part he’d been awake, thriving on the thrum of excitement that’d been coursing through all of us since Everett had reached out with word that it’d started.

I still thought it was cool that Doc had been allowed to bring Shelly and Ghost’s child into the world. I mean, he was the hospital’s emergency doc, not a baby doc. I guess he’d delivered plenty of babies in his time in the emergency room though, so the hospital had allowed it. I was kind of looking forward to a day when he delivered mine and Mel’s first child, but right now, something apparently needed sorting because Mel was looking down at Noah with an almost guilty expression on her face.

Her true blue eyes glassy with unshed tears, she turned to look up at me and murmured, “I have something to tell you.”

“Uh-oh,” I uttered quietly, drawing her into my arms, “Nothing good ever came of a conversation that started
that
way.” I was trying to be a goof, to inject some levity into the situation, pretty sure that I had a good idea of what it was she was gonna say but the expression on her face almost full on crumbled. I kicked myself, and figured I should just stick to being a solid bastard, that humor had never been, and would never be, my strong suit.

I tried something else instead, having been paying more and more attention to the guys with women, trying to learn how to best handle these kinds of things, even going so far as to ask ‘em questions on occasion.

I asked her, “If I promise not to be mad about whatever it is, would that help?”

She nodded, her mouth drawing down and her eyes squinting up as she tried not to cry and I pulled her lightly into my arms, wrapping them around her and thinking to myself just how much I
hated
to see her cry…

“Shh; it’s okay baby, whatever it is, we’ll get through it. I promised, didn’t I?”

“Promised what?” she asked with that heartbreaking warble to her voice.

“For better or worse, in sickness and in health, all of it… I promised and I ain’t going back on that promise. I swore it, I swear it, and I mean it. Now how can I fix it?”

Melody sniffed and motioned towards the bedroom and I nodded. It wouldn’t do to wake our little man up, so I struck out in that direction with my wife carefully tucked into my side. Once in the bedroom I sat down with her beside me.

“I haven’t exactly been holding up my end of the bargain,” she said miserably and I raised one eyebrow, pretty damn sure I knew
exactly
what it was she was talking about now.

“Oh?”

“I’ve been keeping on my birth control,” she said miserably and I nodded carefully.

“I think I kind of knew that,” I murmured, “I think I understand why, too. After that story, who would wanna get pregnant again?”

“You’re not mad?” she asked, voice tremulous and I pulled her tight against me again and kissed the top of her head, choosing my words carefully.

I sighed, “Not mad at you, Baby. Disappointed, maybe, but I don’t think I’m disappointed with you either. I think I’m more pissed or disappointed at me.”

“Why?”

“For makin’ you feel like you can’t be open with me for one. For two; that you had to go through something like that all alone… I can’t even imagine what that was like.”

“I wanted to come clean, say I was sorry. After today, I think I’m ready now.”

I nodded carefully, “That’s good Baby, but I’m realizing now that it was pretty unreasonable for me to just expect you to carry a child into this world when you weren’t ready. I never realized how much of a commitment that was, or how much of a toll it took on your body until I saw Shelly today.”

She looked at me and smiled faintly, almost carefully, “Who are you and what have you done with Archer?” she asked and I laughed lightly.

“Guess I’m just a man who finally gets it,” I said, caressing the side of her face, drinking in the sight of her.

“Gets what?” she whispered, and it was like she’d stopped breathing for a second. I knew the feeling pretty well.

“What real love is; what it’s supposed to be.”

She nodded carefully, never breaking eye contact with me. I leaned forward and pressed my lips against hers and her eyes drifted shut. It was something else to feel the tension drain from her shoulders as she almost melted into me. I thought to myself it was high time I made this woman feel appreciated for everything she did, and being the man that I was, I really only knew one way to express myself and that was physically. I broke the kiss and said, “Let me make love to you.”