Brothers (57 page)

"I am just burping empty air. And why is that? It is because I haven't eaten anything all day. And not only today—actually I haven't had a full meal for three months, and as a result, I have been burping empty air for three straight months."

First the two cripples gasped in astonishment, followed by the four blind men. The five deaf men couldn't hear what Baldy Li was saying, but upon seeing everyone else's surprised expressions they also gasped in surprise. The three idiots just kept cackling away. Baldy Li took advantage of the situation and extended his open hands, saying, "Dig into your pockets, and take out all of your money and grain coupons. Help your Director Li get a good meal."

The two cripples understood what he was saying and immediately dug into their pockets. The four blind men heard Baldy Li and did the same. The five deaf men couldn't hear what was being said, but they could see, and they realized they were expected to donate their money and grain coupons as well, so they also dug into their pockets. The three idiots, however, just stood there cackling; therefore, the two cripples went to empty the three idiots’ pockets, but when they didn't find any money or grain coupons, they began to curse: "Damn it."

These loyal minions were able to come up with only a few coins and some wrinkled grain coupons, but they handed it over to Baldy Li, who lowered his head and carefully counted the pile. The grain coupons added up to precisely a pound of grain, and the coins totaled forty-eight cents. Swallowing his saliva, Baldy Li said regretfully, "If only I had twenty-six more cents, I could have two bowls of house-special noodles."

The two cripples turned their pockets inside out to show that they
had handed over everything they had. They told the four blind men to turn their pockets inside out as well, then told the three idiots and five deaf men to do the same. In the end, they had no choice but to shake their heads and inform Baldy Li regretfully, "There's no more."

Baldy Li gestured magnanimously. "Even if I can't have two bowls of house-special noodles, at least I can have five bowls of plain noodles."

Then Baldy Li, surrounded by his fourteen loyal minions, left the factory and headed toward the People's Restaurant. His minions’ pockets were all turned inside out, as though they had been robbed. The expressions on their faces, however, were as proud as if they had just received their paychecks. The two cripples still walked in front, followed by the three idiots holding hands, with the four blind men picking up the rear. Baldy Li and the five deaf men then divided into two groups of three and walked on either side of the procession to maintain order. Having learned from their experience when they marched on the knitting factory to help Baldy Li declare his love for Lin Hong, this time they marched in an orderly fashion, functioning as an honor guard phalanx.

They marched grandly into the People's Restaurant, where Baldy Li threw his fistful of coins onto the meal ticket counter. He had just added the wrinkled bills on top when the crippled factory director said, "Five bowls of plain noodles!"

"Nonsense," Baldy Li corrected him. "I don't want five bowls of
plain
noodles. I want one bowl of house-special noodles and one bowl of plain noodles."

The cripple asked Baldy Li, "Didn't you burp empty air for three straight months?"

Baldy Li, his bald head shining, said, "Even if I had burped empty air for three fucking years, I still wouldn't be able to eat five bowls of noodles in one sitting. The most I can eat is two; and if I am only going to have two bowls, naturally one will be house-special noodles."

The cripple understood, and in a loud voice told the waitress at the counter, "One plain and one special—two bowls altogether."

Baldy Li was very pleased with the cripple's summation of his order and complimented him, "Well put!"

Then he sat down at a round table with his fourteen loyal minions. The two cripples sat on either side of him, to show their status, and the three idiots and five deaf men took the remaining seats. They all looked
around at the restaurants decorations and then at the passersby outside. The four blind men sitting across from Baldy Li were the calmest of all, merely holding their canes and grinning.

The waiter brought over the two bowls of noodles, but when he saw fifteen people sitting around the table, he didn't know where to place them. Baldy Li waved at him, saying, "Both are for me."

The two steaming bowls of noodles were placed in front of Baldy Li, who then pointed at them with his chopsticks and asked with a smile, "Which will I eat first? The advantage of starting with the house special is that I would eat the best one first, but then I wouldn't be able to appreciate the plain one. This strategy would be one of seeking quick profits. On the other hand, if I start with the plain one followed by the house special, I would be able to appreciate the flavor of each, and furthermore they would get increasingly flavorful through the meal. This latter strategy is one of long-range ambition."

Baldy Li hadn't even finished his speech when he heard his fourteen loyal minions all swallow eagerly. He could see the idiots drooling and realized that if he didn't stop talking, they were likely to pounce on his noodles, so he said loudly, "I'll fucking eat the house special one first!"

Protecting the bowl of plain noodles with his left hand, Baldy Li grabbed his chopsticks with his right. He then buried his face in the bowl of house-special noodles, sucking and slurping with great satisfaction. He finished the entire bowl in one gulp, and only then did he lift his head and wipe the grease from his lips and the sweat from his brow. Hearing his loyal minions all still swallowing eagerly, he promised them, "In the future, when I have money, I'll treat you to bowls of house-special noodles every day."

The fourteen loyal minions stared at Baldy Li's bowls intently, watching as he drank down every last drop of broth. Eventually, he stood up and said emotionally to his minions, "With heaven above me, the earth below, and all of you in between, I, Baldy Li, swear to heaven, earth, and to all of you: I have decided to return and continue being your Factory Director Li!"

The fourteen loyal minions stared in surprise. The four blind men were the first to respond, and began to applaud. The two cripples immediately joined them, followed by the five deaf men, although they actually had no idea what Baldy Li had just said. The three idiots, still drooling everywhere, were the last to join in. The applause continued for a full five minutes, during which time Baldy Li stood there with his
head raised and his chest out, smiling happily. Then, surrounded by his loyal minions, he left the restaurant and headed straight for Tao Qing's Civil Affairs Bureau. Retaining the configuration they had when they had set off, they marched through the streets of Liu. Baldy Li rubbed his belly and burped loudly, walking contentedly next to the crippled factory director. The cripple heard Baldy Li's burp and asked with a laugh, "This time it wasn't an empty burp?"

"Not at all!" Baldy Li replied emphatically, and his tongue curled in his mouth, tasting his most recent burp. He told the crippled factory director, "It is flavored—a three-flavored, house-special burp."

Baldy Li burped the entire way there. When they were about to arrive, the taste of the burps in Baldy Li's mouth began to change. Curling up his tongue several times, he told the cripple disappointedly, "Damn it—the house-special noodles that I ate first have now disappeared."

"So soon?" the cripple asked in surprise. He turned around and looked at Baldy Li. "Are you still burping?"

"Now they are plain burps!" Baldy wiped his mouth and added, "I am beginning to digest the plain noodles I ate last."

At that point Tao Qing was in the process of chairing a meeting and was reading an official document aloud, like a monk intoning scriptures. When he heard the commotion outside, he looked out the window and saw the courtyard packed with handicapped workers from the Good Works Factory. Tao put down the document he was holding and, frowning, walked out of the conference room and toward the grinning Baldy Li. Baldy Li burped up some more plain noodles and then warmly grasped Tao Qing's hand, announcing, "Bureau Director Tao, I have returned!"

Tao Qing looked at Baldy Li's swollen face and perfunctorily shook his braised-pork-like hand, asking solemnly, "Who has returned?"

"I have." Baldy Li pointed to himself. "I have returned to be factory director!"

As soon as Baldy Li said this, the four blind men started applauding, followed by the three idiots and then the five deaf men. Only the two cripples didn't applaud; they had lifted their hands to applaud as well, but when they noticed Tao Qing's expression, they put them down and didn't dare continue.

With a stern face, Tao ordered, "Don't applaud."

The four blind men's applause immediately died down, but the
three idiots were enjoying themselves so much that they didn't notice what Tao Qing had said. Seeing the blind men suddenly hesitate, two of the deaf men stopped applauding while the other three continued. Sensing that all was not well, Baldy Li turned around and raised and lowered his arms as if he were conducting a symphony, and immediately the applause stopped. Pleased, he turned to Tao Qing and said, "They have stopped applauding."

Tao Qing nodded solemnly and told Baldy Li that it had been very wrong of him to walk away from his position, and as a result the Civil Affairs Bureau had fired him. Therefore, it was not possible for him to return to his job at the factory. Looking at the fourteen handicapped factory workers all standing in an orderly fashion in the courtyard, he added, "Although the Good Works Factory is a—"

Tao Qing stopped himself and didn't utter the word
handicapped.
Instead he merely said, "The Good Works Factory is a government work unit and is not your home. It is not up to you to decide when you want to come and go."

"Well put," said Baldy Li, nodding. He then added, "The Good Works Factory is a government work unit and is not my home. However, I regard the factory as my home, and that is why I have returned!"

"That won't be possible," Tao Qing retorted. "You have not shown respect for our organizations or leaders—"

Tao hadn't yet finished speaking when one of the blind men laughed and said, "Director Li left without saying anything—that showed a lack of respect for leaders. However, Bureau Director Tao s inability to understand our needs demonstrates a lack of respect for the masses."

Baldy Li chuckled when he heard this, but noticing that Tao Qing was furious, he stopped. Tao was about to start cursing but swallowed his anger when he looked at the handicapped workers. He wanted the cripples to take everyone away, but they were hiding at the back of the crowd. Tao Qing realized he couldn't count on them, so instead he told Baldy Li, "Take everyone away."

Baldy Li immediately instructed the handicapped workers, "Let's go!"

He and his fourteen loyal minions left the courtyard of the Civil Affairs Bureau as Baldy Li explained that it was not yet the end of the workday and therefore everyone should go back to the factory. Seeing his loyal minions obediently walking away, he suddenly felt bad. He consoled them by proclaiming loudly, "My words are like flowing water
and, once out, cannot be gathered back. You can be assured that I will definitely return to serve as your factory director."

When the four blind men heard Baldy Li's promise, they stopped, held their canes between their legs, and started applauding. The two cripples, three idiots, and five deaf men stopped and applauded as well. Baldy Li watched them turn around as if they were about to walk back toward him once again and thought,
These folks are even more sentimental than Song Gang.
He quickly waved at them and strode away without looking back.

Over the next several days, Baldy Li paid visits to the county's party secretary, the director of the county's Organization Bureau, as well as various other county officials—fifteen people in all—and earnestly declared his determination to return as director of the Good Works Factory. The party secretary and the county Organization Bureau director had him thrown out without even giving him a chance to finish. Then Baldy Li adopted a different tack: He latched on to the thirteen other officials and pathetically went on and on. When they heard him, they all immediately doused his hopes with an abrupt "No way," saying that the nation has its own structure, and once people leave, they can't be permitted to return.
What fucking structure?
Baldy Li asked himself.
These bastards from the county government all drink congratulatory drinks but refuse to drink forfeit shots.
He grew increasingly angry and vowed to make them all drink forfeit shots; therefore, he decided to stage a sit-in. Each morning Baldy Li planted himself in the entranceway to the county government building and remained there until everyone got off work at the end of the day, whereupon he would walk home with the county government officials.

While Baldy Li was sitting cross-legged in the middle of the entranceway, he had the expression of a solitary guard heroically trying to prevent thousands of enemies from getting through. At first none of the townspeople could figure out what he was up to, so he explained, "I am staging a sit-in."

Everyone laughed and said that he, sitting there impressively, didn't look as if he were staging a sit-in but, rather, as if he were a knight-errant in a martial arts movie, trying to avenge some wrong. Some of the townspeople suggested that he should look pitiful for his sit-in, so it would be better if he were to break an arm or a leg. If he were able to secure the sympathy of both party and people, he would surely be permitted to resume his position as the Good Works Factory director.
When Baldy Li heard their suggestions, he shook his head and said, "It wouldn't be of any use."

He gestured at the county government building behind him and said that he had already whipped out his most pathos-ridden speech for the fifteen—one more than the fourteen handicapped workers at the Good Works Factory, mind you—bastards working inside those offices. He had scraped and begged, he had flattered and repented, and in the end it didn't count for squat. So there was nothing left for him to do but to hold his sit-down strike, and he would continue sitting here until the end of time if that was what it took. When the crowds heard his bold proclamation, they shouted their support and asked him what it would take for him to end his sit-in. He held up two fingers and said that there were only two options: "One, that I be allowed to return as the director of the Good Works Factory, or two, I die sitting here."