BUCKED Box Set: A Bull Rider Western Romance (51 page)

“I trust you. I just don’t fucking trust
myself. I’ve never had a good relationship my entire life and I’m starting to
think that the shitty apple doesn’t fall far from the fucking tree.”

“Tyler,” I answered calmly, easily placing
a hand over top of his and squeezing it slightly, so that he couldn’t throw my
touch away so easily, “from what you have told me and from what I have observed
from you, I am the first person you have ever really tried to have a
relationship with, besides your mother.”

“And my father,” Tyler spat. “Who I
killed…” He scoffed at himself and shook his head before he demanded,
“Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with me?”

“There is nothing wrong with you!” I
answered passionately, trying to get him to understand that I was speaking from
my heart, not just trying to make him feel better. “Just because you are your
mother’s son doesn’t mean you are destined to be like her. You can learn from
her. You see what she is doing is wrong. Now, you just have to make a conscious
effort not to do the same types of things in your own life.”

He growled at me as he retorted, “How do
you know that’s going to work for me, Ashley? How do you know that I just won’t
pick up and leave you? There could be just you, or there could be kids
involved, who the fuck knows? I’m terrified that I am going to wake up and feel
like the walls are closing in on me, just like I heard my mother describe it
one time and not know any better but to flee.”

“I trust you. I am putting my faith in
you, Tyler. I could have the same problems. My father was a cheater too! He
might not have gone after everything that my mother was worth monetarily, but
he still cheated on her and he still intended to leave her before she got sick.
So what’s to say I won’t end up like him? Huh?”

At this, Tyler laughed, but his voice was
far more sinister than it was anything else. “Because the writing isn’t
plastered literally over every fucking wall of every house you have ever lived
in…because you’re not like that. I am. I have felt that way before, every time
I have ever even considered settling down and having a future with anyone.” He
shook his head. “I’m just so damn scared that I am going to do the same thing
to you that my mother and your father did the people they loved, as well as everyone
else they have ever come in contact with romantically.”

With that, he turned over and exclaimed,
“I’m going to fucking bed. To hell with this shit.” He turned out the light.

I wasn’t sure what to think about the
whole thing, because I couldn’t manage to contemplate much of anything other
than the fact that he might have just told me, in so many words, that he loved
me.

Chapter
50

Tyler

The next morning, I woke up with a sore
jaw and a headache that wouldn’t fucking let me sleep a minute past the moment
the sun passed through the thin shades of the hotel room.

I groaned and pulled the pillow over my
head, before I felt Ashley move in the bed next to me.

“Shit…” I muttered, still not completely
used to having anyone sleep in the bed next to me. Not wanting to wake Ashley
up, I carefully peeled the sheets away from my body and slid myself out of the
bed, the best that I could.

It was still early, but the summer sun was
already blaring.

Today
will be a good beach day,
I thought as I looked outside,
before scribbling down on a notepad that I was going for a run.

Once I was in my running clothes, I made
my way easily out of the hotel room and began to jog down the stairs. I figured
I would run over to the gym, which was now just a few blocks away and work out
some of my frustrations there.

It wasn’t really that I had any interest
whatsoever in actually thinking about what had spewed out of me the night
before, but I hoped that a good workout would help to relieve the pressure that
it had caused to build up inside of me.

I ran, I swam and I focused on enjoying
every bit of the amenities that this gym had to offer. Since I had no idea
where the road was going to take Ashley and me next, I figured that I should
take what I could get, whenever I could get it.

About an hour into my workout, I saw a
familiar face making their way into the gym. At first, I almost ducked and went
into another portion of the gym, since I was still slightly embarrassed about
what had happened last night. But I figured that would be even worse if I was
caught trying to escape from her view.

I continued what I was doing as I watched
Ashley make her way over toward me.

“Good morning, handsome,” she said,
smiling at me in a strangely familiar way.

“Morning,” I answered, continuing my
repetitions. “How did you find me?”

She laughed. “Honestly, I wasn’t trying to
find you. I thought that it might be a good idea for me to work out here, since
you went for a run.” Her smile wasn’t exactly that of an accusation, but it was
something.

“Yeah,” I said defensively, raising an
eyebrow so that she knew I was kidding with her. “I ran fucking here.”

At this, she chuckled and shook her head
before she put her headphones on and began her own workout routine.

We continued to hang around one another,
but didn’t talk and I was happy. I didn’t want to have a public discussion
about anything and I genuinely respected that she wasn’t about to bring
anything up.

Even though we really didn’t talk very
much, we still had a good time together and I truly felt that I needed time
together in that way, especially because of what I was going to say to her when
we returned to the hotel.

Last night, I was all geared up to talk
about her father, specifically, but then the conversation moved in a completely
different direction and I quit before I was able to get it back. I wasn’t too
happy that I had done that, but this morning, I decided that maybe it was for
the best.

However, I knew that I couldn’t put it off
anymore. I wasn’t sure what she was going to say and I hoped she wasn’t going
to feel like I was trying to pressure her into anything, but I did feel as
though it was her right to know.

So, when we got back to the hotel, we
washed up and I made sure that I was all ready for her when she came out.

“Hey, I wanted to talk to you for a
second…” I smiled at her, before I slapped the bed next to me, which prompted
her to take a seat.

“Uh-oh,” she said to me in a slightly
kidding way while she made hard eye contact with me. “What did I do now?”

I chuckled. “You didn’t do anything. I
just have to tell you something.” I paused, just to ensure that my breath would
not give out on me, since I was feeling uncharacteristically nervous. But I did
not waste another moment that would allow her to give any of her own input.
“Remember last night when I told you I saw your father?”

She nodded.

“Well, he told me that he was sorry and
that all he wanted to do was talk to you. I was going to tell you last night,
but then everything got all fucked up…which, I am fine and would rather not
talk about again, but in any case, I screwed up and didn’t tell you.”

“Why do you feel like you need to tell
me?” she demanded, her eyes piercing into me.

“Hey, don’t be giving me shit! I’m just
the messenger,” I replied, matching her irate tone. “And I’m only telling you
because I think you deserve a choice. I don’t give a shit whether you want to,
or whether you choose to take him up on the offer, but I did want you to know
that he hasn’t written you off and that you are his main concern right now.”

“Yeah, because he has nobody else. I’m his
last ditch effort and I’m sick of it,” she spat coldly. I was surprised that
she was reacting this way, but it wasn’t like I could blame her. I understood
how she felt.

I shrugged. “Like I said, I’m just letting
you know that he would really like to talk to you. Maybe failed marriage number
two has put some shit in perspective…”

“Screw his perspective. My father’s
perspective comes from whatever ass he has to kiss in order to get what he
wants. It has nothing to do with wanting to be a good father.”

I couldn’t argue with her, since I never
cared enough to find out, but in taking that stance, I also realized I had no
idea how to comfort her either. So, I just shrugged. “I’m just fucking relaying
the message.”

“Let’s just go to the beach,” she replied
after a moment of silence, before she got up and moved toward the door.

Fuck,
I thought, very seriously considering that I had just screwed myself over for
an asshole who wasn’t even going to give a shit.

As she slammed the door, leaving me
behind, I wondered if that was part of the bastard’s plan all along.

Chapter
51

Ashley

The next night, I moved over to Tyler
while he was sitting at the desk, researching different strong man competitions
and I tapped him on the shoulder, sheepishly. Even though I had put a lot of
time into this decision, now that it came time to make it official, I realized
that I still wasn’t quite sure how I was going to approach this conversation,
or if I should even try to rectify the situation he had presented me with.

After my fairly awkward tap, he turned his
head slowly, stared up at me and blinked pointedly, before he said, “Yes?”

“I thought about what you said,” I told
him flatly.

“About your father?”

I nodded. “You’re right.”

“What about?”

“If he wants to talk to me, I should at
least give him that, right?”

Tyler nodded and gave me the most straightforward
answer I believe I had ever gotten out of him. “All I can tell you, Ashley, is
I don’t care how much of a dick my father was to me, I would give anything to
be able to have just one more conversation with him.” He shrugged. “Even my
mother for that matter. If she woke up and started to actually care, I would
want to give her the benefit of the doubt…I would hear her out, at least. And
you know how I fucking feel about her.”

Straightforward, in his own way, of
course.

I nodded. “I know and after what happened
with my mother, I’m pretty sure that no matter what, if I never saw him again,
knowing that he wanted to talk, I would feel pretty badly if he suddenly died.”

Tyler nodded. “Then there’s your answer.”

“Will you come with me?” I asked him,
hoping that he would be able to bury the hatchet and not want to kill him, at
least not before he heard him out as well. Then again, he had already spoken to
my father, so maybe he wasn’t who I should be worried about.

Tyler smiled. “If you want, of course I’m going
to be there with you.” He gave me a wry look before he added, “Besides, I
really should be there in case I need to kick his ass.”

“Hopefully that won’t be necessary.” I
smiled and nudged his shoulder, “And thanks. You helped me a lot.”

“Well, I wasn’t trying to…” He responded
in a tone that I knew was complete and total, probably very stupidly honest. “I
was just…”

“Yeah, yeah, I know. Relaying the fucking
message…” I laughed at my own impersonation of him before I walked off, calling
behind me, “I’m going to call my dad and try to get this over with.”

“Good luck!” he called right before I
closed the hotel door.

I called thank you, but didn’t risk
chickening out by prolonging my conversation with Tyler, so I just dialed the
number. I took a deep breath as the phone started to ring and I tried to push
all of the negative thoughts out of my head.

I
want this to go well,
I told myself.
If I didn’t, I wouldn’t be calling. You have said your piece, now give
him a chance to make amends.

However, when my father answered, I almost
lost my nerve. Yet, I stayed strong and managed to breathe the words, “Hi
Dad…It’s me, Ashley.”

“Oh! Ashley! Thank you for calling me. Did
Tyler tell you that I wanted to talk to you?” He sounded more excited than I
had heard him in a very long time.

“Yes. He did. I would like to talk to
you.” I then did exactly what I didn’t want to do. I suddenly felt tears
welling up in my eyes, while a lump formed in my throat. “I am willing to try
to make things right between us,” I said, trying to swallow the lump of emotion
as effectively as I could muster.

“Me too, sweetheart. I want to start by
saying I’m sorry for everything. I was…stupid,” he replied carefully, and his
apology, the apology that I took to mean everything, for the last five years of
my life, caused it to be even harder for me to speak again.

I pulled the phone away from my face so
that I could sniffle without him hearing and after another hard swallow I said,
“There’s a lot of healing that needs to be done, Dad, but I think we can do
it.” I managed a smile and I hoped that he could hear me through the phone.

I could tell that it was my father who was
tearing up as he answered, “I think we can too!”