Bug Man Suspense 3-in-1 Bundle (123 page)

“I'd love to see the state fair,” Alena said. “I'd love to see that snake-woman. I wish I had a snake right now.”

“There's something else,” Nick said. “The tobacco hornworms and the cordyceps were hidden in a shipment of marijuana that originated in Colombia.”

“Are you serious? An Asian fungus on a North American insect sent from South America? That's just too weird. Any idea how it happened?”

“I do have a theory,” Nick said, “and I'd like to run it by you.”

Alena groaned. “If you boys can spare me, I think I'm going to mingle.”

An hour later the two men were still locked in conversation, and Alena stood glaring at them from across the room. Her arches were killing her from the stupid shoes, and her groin muscles were exhausted from squeezing her thighs together to keep the dress from riding up.
What's the big idea, asking me to a cocktail party and then ignoring me all evening? Am I really that boring? What does it take to get through to this guy? Maybe if I was covered in fungus. Or maggots maybe—there you go. What was I thinking, trying to get Nick's attention by dressing up? What I really need to do is decompose.

“Feeling a little left out?”

Alena turned. A baby-faced man in a white dinner jacket was grinning at her. “Beat it,” she said. “My dog can raise his leg higher than you.”

“Now, don't be like that. Here, I brought you this—I thought you might be thirsty.” He held out a glass of punch.

Alena took it and tossed it back in one gulp, then handed back the empty glass. “What's his problem, anyway?”

“Who, Dr. Polchak? How much time do you have?”

“I'm supposed to be his date, and all he wants to do is spend the evening talking about fungus.
Fungus
—am I missing something?”

“It's unforgivable behavior,” Pettigrew said. “And I'd say he's the one who's missing something. I don't believe we've met—I'm Dr. Sherman Pettigrew.”

“I've had it with these things,” she grumbled. Alena twisted off her heels and began to massage her aching arches.

“Those are lovely shoes,” Pettigrew said.

“You like them?” She shoved them against his chest. “They're yours. Strap them on tight, Sherm—it's like walking on Jell-O.”

“It's Sherman.”

She looked at his face. “Funny, you look like a ‘Sherm' to me. What's with the outfit? Are you a waiter?”

Pettigrew chuckled. “This is a dinner jacket—a white dinner jacket is an old Southern tradition.”

“So is slavery. Who designs shoes, anyway?”

“You ask the most delightful questions.”

She looked across the room at Nick. “They're supposed to make your legs look great. I don't think he's looked at my legs once all evening.”

“Dr. Polchak? I'm afraid you'll find he has a very narrow field of vision.”

“You know him?”

“We're colleagues in the entomology department.”

“You're a bug man too?”

Pettigrew smiled. “That unfortunate moniker has clung to Dr. Polchak due to his rather bizarre specialty. I, on the other hand, specialize in Applied Insect Ecology and Pest Control. It's a fascinating field of study, really—”

“You're an exterminator?”

He laughed out loud. “You really are delightful.”

Alena glared at Nick. “If he thinks I'm just going to stand around here all evening while he chats with Fungus Boy, he's mistaken.”

“He's taking you for granted,” Pettigrew said.

“What?”

“A woman like you deserves better than that. I'm afraid you'll find it very difficult to gain Dr. Polchak's attention. His whole world, it seems, is limited to a few species of insects. He even thinks of himself as an insect—can you imagine? I, on the other hand, would be more than happy to give you my rapt attention.”

She squinted at him. “Do you always talk like that?”

“A beautiful woman brings out the poet in me.”

“Does it get you anywhere?”

“That depends on the woman. It's a bit loud in here—perhaps we could go somewhere for a quiet drink.”

“You want me to leave with you?”

“Why not? I'm sure Dr. Polchak won't even know you're gone.”

She looked at Nick. “Oh, yes he will.”

She walked over and tapped Nick on the shoulder. “Hey.”

Nick turned.

“I'm leaving.”

“What?”

“Just thought I'd let you know. That nice man over there asked me out for a drink.”

“What nice man?”

Alena pointed.

“Him? You've gotta be kidding.”

“Sorry I wasn't more interesting than fungus—he thinks I am.”

“Wait a minute—”

But before Nick could say anything else, Alena turned and walked back to Dr. Pettigrew. She slipped her arm through his. “Ready?”

“Always.”

“Is he watching?”

“Who? Dr. Polchak?”

“Who else?”

Pettigrew checked. “He's staring like a deer into headlights.”

“Good. Let's go.”

When the front door closed behind them Pettigrew said, “I know a couple of lovely spots, but they get so crowded this time of the evening. My place isn't far from here. Why don't we—”

“No thanks. I'm heading home.”

“But—what about our drink?”

“Be serious, Sherm. I don't want to go out with you—I just wanted Nick to think I did.”

“You used me.”

“And what did you have in mind? ‘My place isn't far from here'—you sleazeball.”

“This is inexcusable,” Pettigrew said. “You led me on—I left a delightful party to be with you. I can't go back in there now—how would it look?”

“Your reputation will survive—if you've got one.” Alena started to walk away and Pettigrew put a hand on her arm.

“I should have known,” he said. “A woman who would accept an invitation from Polchak would have no more dignity than he does.”

Alena turned and faced him. “You know, you're the second person who's told me I have no dignity.” She raised her right hand and snapped her fingers once. Seconds later a massive black dog was standing by her side.

Pettigrew took a step back. “What is that creature?”

“This is my pepper spray. Relax, Sherm, he won't hurt you—he's just a big puppy at heart. Would you like to see a trick I taught him?”

Pettigrew didn't answer.

Alena snapped her fingers, then made a quick jabbing motion with her index finger. Phlegethon lunged forward and jammed his snout into Pettigrew's groin.

Pettigrew stumbled back and covered himself with both hands. “You call that a trick?”

“No, that was just instinct. The trick was teaching him to keep his jaws shut.”

26

K
athryn heard the squeak of the screen-door hinge and the clacking sound of the front door unlatching. She sat up in bed and listened; a moment later Alena stormed into the bedroom and threw the black party dress on Kathryn's bed.

“Thanks,” she said, and turned to leave again.

“Wait a minute,” Kathryn called after her. “What happened tonight?”

“Nothing happened, that's what.”

Kathryn patted the covers. Alena hesitated, then reluctantly sat down on the end of the bed and folded her legs under her.

“You're home so early—I didn't expect you back for hours.”

“Yeah, well, I expected a lot of things that didn't happen tonight.”

“Tell me about it.”

“What is it with men, anyway? When you don't want them to look, they slobber over you like you are a platter of nachos. When you
do
want them to look, you could be in flames and they wouldn't bother to roll you in the dirt.”

“That's so true.”

Alena picked at a spot on the bedspread. “I thought I looked pretty good tonight.”

“Are you kidding? You were a knockout. Didn't Nick notice?”

“Sure, he noticed—he looked me over and then he said, ‘Where's your dog?' Like the dog was some fashion accessory I forgot.”

“No way.”

“Then he gets to talking to some little nerdy guy about fungus. Can you believe it? I mean, bugs are bad enough, but
fungus
. That's what happened to me tonight—I got passed over for
fungus
.”

“Unbelievable. What was he thinking?”

“He wasn't thinking—not about me, anyway. Then this other guy started hitting on me.”

“Really? Who?”

“I don't know—some pudgy-faced guy who talked like Colonel Sanders. He asked me to go to his place for a drink.”

“What did you do?”

“I went.”

“You went to his place?”

“No, of course not—I just left the party with him to make Nick mad.”

“Did Nick see you leave with him?”

“You bet he did—I made sure of it.”

Kathryn broke into a grin. “Then your evening wasn't a waste at all.”

“It wasn't?”

“Are you kidding? Let me tell you what's going through Nick's mind right now: He's thinking, ‘What did I do? What was I thinking? I had this gorgeous woman right in front of me and I let her get away—I let her walk out with another man!'”

“You think so?”

“Absolutely. Right about now he's realizing that he can't treat you that way—that a beautiful woman always has options, and if he's not quick enough or smart enough, then some other man is ready and waiting to take his place. Right now Nick Polchak is kicking himself—I guarantee it.”

How could an Asian fungus infect a North American insect?
Nick wondered.
It can't be a natural occurrence—somebody purposely identified a species of cordyceps that would attack the tobacco hornworm, then shipped the infected hornworms from South America. But why would anybody do that?

Nick was driving well below the speed limit, almost unaware of the road in front of him. Frustrated drivers kept nosing up to his bumper, flashing their brights, then roaring off past him while they laid on their horns. Nick never heard a sound; he was focused on a problem and nothing else entered in.

It makes no sense. If you wanted to destroy a tomato crop, why would you bother with the cordyceps? The hornworms do all the damage; the fungus destroys the hornworms. It's self-defeating. Wouldn't you want healthy hornworms? The ones I reared died in their third instar—before they were even old enough to do any real damage to the fields. Why kill off your insects before they do what you sent them to do? That's like blowing up a missile while it's still in flight.